The Saga of the Undone One

The Saga of the Undone One

by MoonWatcher

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Sexual Content
  • Traumatising content

Among the vast expanse of the realm known as the Outer Fantasy exists a group of sorcerers by the name of Changelings. They steal the memories and the very essence of normal people in order to perform a strange ritual in which they extend their lives by hundreds or even thousands of years and change their bodies to the extreme. In this devilish process most of the people used die.

But a few survive. These unlucky men and women are just a hollow shells of their former selves. They are people with shattered minds and stolen memories. The brands of the ones that brought them to this miserable state are engraved in their skin and both their bodies and minds are damaged by the sorcerers. They’re pitied by some, hated by many and ignored by most. And worst of all – they’re doomed to live their remaining years in this crippled state, isolated by the rest of the world and without a way to heal their injuries, both mental and physical. But deep inside of them lies a spark of the power that the mages used to shatter their minds…

The name of these miserable beings is the Undone Ones and this is the story of one of them. His name is Ehrir and in the lowest point of his seemingly unending life as an Undone One he finds the power that can change his life for the better… or worse.

Release Schedule: Three chapters per week (posted on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday between 6 and 11 PM EEST). Average chapter length: ~2000 words

  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score
  • Total Views :
  • 62,387
  • Average Views :
  • 1,200
  • Followers :
  • 102
  • Favorites :
  • 23
  • Ratings :
  • 24
  • Pages :
  • 326
Advertisement
Remove
Go to Table of Contents
Fiction breaking rules? Report
Advertisement
Remove
Author
MoonWatcher

MoonWatcher

Achievements
15 Comments
20 Review Upvotes
Word Count (8)
100 Followers
Top List #1000
Fledgling Reviewer (IV)
4th Anniversary
Advertisement
Remove
Table of Contents
52 Chapters
Chapter Name Release Date
Prologue - First Breath ago
Chapter 1 - A Spark of Power ago
Chapter 2 - Awakened Might ago
Chapter 3 - The Good Side of Life ago
Chapter 4 - The Old Sorcerer ago
Chapter 5 - The Basics of Magic ago
Chapter 6 - Into the Storm ago
Chapter 7 - Wings, Purple Flames And Lightning ago
Chapter 8 - Remto, the First Mate ago
Chapter 9 - Change Of the Battlefield And Other Tactics ago
Chapter 10 - Fine Chance to Kill a Pirate ago
Chapter 11 - Towards the Archipelago of Claws ago
Chapter 12 - Port Nalevas ago
Chapter 13 - The Ashen Gaze ago
Chapter 14 - Clairvoyance ago
Chapter 15 - Memories of a Changeling ago
Chapter 16 - One Surprise After Another ago
Chapter 17 - A Gathering of Sorcerers ago
Chapter 18 - The Knowledge to Create Magical Blades ago
Chapter 19 - The Tome of Transmogrification ago
Chapter 20 - Flaming Swords and Ideas About Travelling ago
Chapter 21 - Southwards ago
Chapter 22 - Fog Above the Waves ago
Chapter 23 - The Lurking Ethereal ago
Character Art ago
Chapter 24 - The Might of Ostrias Haelum ago
Chapter 25 - Negotiations and Tales From the Past ago
Chapter 26 - Towards the Coasts ago
Interlude - The Hidden Paths ago
Chapter 27 - Southern Shores ago
Chapter 28 - Outlining of the Route ago
Chapter 29 - Fascinating Group of Weirdos ago
Chapter 30 - Through Hills and Forests ago
Interlude - Unexpected News ago
Chapter 31 - Things Lurking in the Snow ago
Chapter 32 - A Crypt ago
Chapter 33 - Beneath the Forests ago
Chapter 34 - Skills in Combat ago
Chapter 35 - A Remarkable Landmark ago
Chapter 36 - The Assassins of Tarha-Nan ago
Interlude - A Friendly Bit of Advice ago
Chapter 37 - The Path Ahead ago
Chapter 38 - Crystal Towers on the Horizon ago
Chapter 39 - The Palace and Its Secrets ago
Chapter 40 - Back to the Civilized World ago
Interlude - A Man of Great Importance ago
Chapter 41 - Ideas for Assassination ago
Chapter 42 - Against the Flow of Destiny ago
Chapter 43 - Hunting Down the Troublemakers ago
Chapter 44 - A Myriad of Bad News ago
Interlude - Old Allies, Old Friends ago
An Announcement ago

Leave a review

Reviews
Sort by:
Onch
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

This is a well-written an interesting story. The grammar is on point and the descriptions really help the reader to imagine a scene and get immersed into the story, and they aren't too verbose either. The story is a joy to read and it flows well without any interruption.

The characters are good and all have their distinct and realsitic personalities, and they are all interesting. The setting is also on the smae level of quality.

To conclude, I'll say it's a must read!

M. R. Aze
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Not a saga, but an epic tale!

The Saga of the Undone One is worth the reader's time. It truthfully is working for the Saga portion of its title.

MoonWatcher, creates a story that is captivating and at the same time filled with so much greatness. The world feels vast and epic and teems with unique and interesting characters, who are not just its inhabitants. No, they shape the world with their presence. The story is well paced and has a lot of action in it, however, it can feel a bit slow-paced at moments, before the next action set chapter rears its head to grasp your attention. It is well worth 4.5 stars.

I did mention the characters. They are well built and grow before the reader's eyes. It is clear to understand their unique motivations and goals, which are further outlined by their individual struggles. A well earned 5 stars.

The grammar is good and unless you as a reader are intentionally looking for mistakes, you shouldn't worry at all. Guess what - 5 stars!

The style of the story is different and in a good way. True, sometimes the sentences can be a bit heavy at times, but they add to the atmosphere of the story. MoonWatcher offers a good mix of dialogue based explanation with the author's point of view exposition. It is well worth 4.75 stars.

In general, it is something you should really give a try.

J Pal
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Interest take on an old trope

The author writes a compelling story but is in sore need of an editor. The prologue and first half of chapter one does little to attract the reader's attention and then rushes into action in a desperate attempt to grab said attention. This cost him half a star.

That fellow readers is where my issues with Moonwatchers project ends. The style and grammar issues are minor and he needs a good editor behind his back to bring them up to scratch. What makes the project shines is the characters. Whether it be the Undone One and his companions or the young Rahel, one cannot help but feel a connection to them.

Good job, followed and looking forward to more.

 

Vze3vdnp
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

If you don't read this book you're a dumbass

A lot of times when you read a fantasy novel, it feels like people are just writing a very thin version of something else they read. Nothing seems original or well described. Every castle is a generic castle, every monster is something loosely described and borrowed from Lord of the Rings or some video game. From the moment Moonwatcher introduces the main character it feels like you're reading a writer that tried to develop something unique for the reader to check out. He's sympathetic, interesting to watch,  and when he comes into his powers after a near death experience you can't take your eyes off him. 

The only difference between this story and a professional piece of work is that this book maybe rushes towards the more action oriented parts when it could slow the story down a bit and this book is free.

wslwrites
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Great story.

This by far one of the better fictions that I have read here. The descriptions are immersive, the characters are believable, and the MC is sympathetic.

The prose is crisp, and the story flows. It just flows. It one where you can pick up and read it all in one sitting.

10/10 would recommend.

Thomas Loud
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

An Enthralling and Beautiful Read

The Saga of the Undone One is a beautifully written story that really knows how to capture its tone. 

I'll start with the author's word usage. The setting, people, actions, and etc. are always described to the point that they can be imagined without issue but not dragged out to the point that they're a waste. It's easy to be drawn into a scene and attention is maintained without problem. I believe this is definitely the best part of the story so far. Dialogue isn't as good, but it serves its purpose fairly well.

With grammar, I picked a few issues here and there but most are easy to miss if not purposely searched for.

Characters of notice are fairly interesting with there being an amnesiac with a renewed sense of life, a crippled alcoholic, her protective brother that can morph his arms into bird wings, their master who is very much your standard old mentor, and the master of this master who is not only much older than him but also much younger looking. These characters haven't really had enough time to solidify themselves yet, but are definitely promising.

The story itself has a great start that sets the tone for the rest of it and really helps give it a leg to stand on. The chapters that follow are wonderfully written and so engaging that it's hard to draw yourself away. Worldbuilding is wonderfully organic and there is never a moment when something is unclear or doesn't make sense. There are questions to be answered, but they really help to drive the story  forward and none will really distract you or subtract from the plot. The nature of magic is fairly interesting, with how it's said to work really capturing the attention. I really can appreciate the setup that goes into getting into the main plot, but it can be an issue for a few.

The Saga of the Undone One is a beautifully written and attention-grabbing story with a few issues that barely subtract from it. I feel it fair for it to be given a 4.5/5.

McQueenSerialFantasy
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

The Saga of the Undone One is a tale with two faces. On one side, it is a deep tale set in a rich world with plenty of color and flavor; on the other, a monologue that sometimes fails to draw the reader in. The result of the combination is a sturdy foundation, but the structure resting upon it somehow leaves the reader wishing for more. It is a story filled with potential written by an author clearly capable of creating an involving story; all that it lacks is a layer of polish and refinement. The content is good. The devil is in the delivery.

Imagery and emotion begin in the mind of the author and end in the mind of the reader. It's a time-honored maxim: show, don't tell. This is where The Saga of the Undone one falls short. Too often in the story the reader is informed of how things work and feel, resulting in an emotional distance between the heart of the reader and the soul of the text. Action scenes contain almost too much detail, coming across as a play-by-play rather than a pitched combat. It's almost like being given a plate overflowing with delicious food, but the goodness of what's been served is somehow overwhelmed by its volume.

That being said...

The foundations of the story are SOLID. The world feels real, broad, full, and internally consistent in its culture, society, and people. The main character possesses genuine motivations and ambitions and takes measured steps toward them at every stage of the story. It's interesting. Another reviewer commented that the story feels a bit like a revival of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein, but I found it to be much more reminiscent of the Count of Monte Cristo, in that it portrays a hero rising from poverty using his own wits and powers to ultimatly combat the people who cast him down. The echo of the old classic is powerful, and the personality of the lead carries it forward exceedingly well.

Grammatically, there are a few errors. The density isn't so bad that it pulls the reader out of the story, but they're frequent enough to merit a mention. Nothing to worry about. It's worth mentioning as well that the technical quality of the writing appeared to rise as the story went on. Practice makes perfect.

Overall, the story is a good read. It's developed and creative, and the stylistic flaws are compensated for by a world and a cast that is well portrayed and beautifully drawn.