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“I can’t believe we’re doing this…” the Werewolf standing to my side takes a deep breath while I reload my enchanted Field Pistol.

“You agreed to this, and now it's way too late to back out," I answer with a dismissive voice while loading new shells into my Shockwave before slinging the weapon on my back.

My furry friend cracks his neck and sighs, “I know, but this seems too extreme-“

“Are we seriously having this conversation right now? Those fucking lizards tried to kill me three times, and they are at war with your Family. Don’t tell me you’re having regrets?”

He shakes his head, “No, of course not. The abomination they summoned was the last straw, and I’m still amazed that you somehow killed it. But this kind of plan isn’t something I thought you would come up with, I feel like you changed a lot since you discovered the Hidden World…”

“Well, whose fault do you think that is?!” I snarl and check my Shield Glove while doing my best to ignore the memories flashing in front of my eyes.

How many times have I died in those last few weeks? How many years have I wasted by constantly Rewinding time to fight impossible battles?

Dealing with the mental scarring isn’t going to be fun, especially since I can no longer drown my sorrows in alcohol.

“I know you have disagreements with my mother, but-”

I interrupt him, “Come on Riley, even you admit that she let the Scalebound do as they please.”

“John isn’t wrong; this situation could’ve been avoided if she did her job.” Riley’s brother, who was leaning against a wall, chimes in.

“See? Even Steve agrees with me.”

Riley raises his hands, “All right… But you know the Council will not like what we’re about to do.”

I click my tongue, “You really think I care about what the Council wants?! I killed a giant demonic mutant alone, so they won’t dare to do anything if they ever hear about our plan…”

A wild grin creeps on my face and I pat my armored chest, “And if any of those bastard try to do anything against us, then let’s just say that there will be one less Enforcer Family after I’m done.”

Riley eyes the shotgun on my back, “I don’t doubt that… I don’t know if there’s anything on this planet that can withstand that thing. You said you discovered the way to make those shells on an unclaimed planet?” I nod and he smiles, “That planet you explored seems interesting… You must bring me with you during your next World-Hopping!”

“And me too!” Steve adds.

“Of course, I think I owe you that much!” I answer while raising my thumb.

I grab my Portal Gun and aim at the ground, “Now, are you two ready?” The two Werewolves nod in unison, so I pull the trigger and sink into the blue portal.

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Onch

Bio: I do the things. Discord Link: https://discordapp.com/invite/uaASQkZ

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Lliono @Lliono ago

It's a good prologue

Elkon @Elkon ago

Seens like John can get more out of apps and programs than just rewinds.

BoredNerdBooks
Premium

BoredNerdBooks @BoredNerdBooks ago

Thanks for the chap!

i do however, think this would be confusing to read without having read the rest of the story so far, but that might just be me.

    Onch
    Author

    Onch @Onch ago

    You think so? I thougth that doing the prologue that way was the best way to immerse the readers and make them want to know more about the world.

      BoredNerdBooks
      Premium

      BoredNerdBooks @BoredNerdBooks ago

      Well some of the problem(at least for me) is that it seems to be set a few weeks after chapter 1. You reference several things that would be unknown to a reader who just started reading it. I think it would be confusing to read, instead of geting a mystery vibe(as you would have to read upto about chapter 4 or 5 to really get an inkling of whats going on in the prolog.)

      But again, this might just be me. And, after all, I have read the rest of the story so far, so I can't really be said to be the best judge of the prolog.

      Btw, will we get another chapter this week or is this it until next week?

      Thanks for writing!

      Onch
      Author

      Onch @Onch ago

      Fair point, I may change the prologue depending on reader feedback.

      And I'll release chapter 16 as per the normal schedule, so it will get published on Friday.

    Pixelblade @Pixelblade ago

    I just started this novel and I think it's fine as is. I like discovering what these things are about as I read on. It might have been revealing a bit too much though.

Vze3vdnp @Vze3vdnp ago

Okay. After reading your entire story I can see what the issue is with chapter three that you were trying to fix with this prologue but I don't think that the prologue will solve it.

Your main characters phone app is like Zhao Feng's god eye in King Of Gods, the AI assistant in the magic world of Warlock Of The Magus World, or Lin Ming's magic box in Martial World, it's supposed to be a bit of overpowered good luck that helps your mc and will grow with him throughout the story.

The problem you're having (And this isn't really a problem. Maybe more like an opportunity in disguise. ) is that your character's time travel powers are intrinsically more interesting than the OP abilities that usually show up. So much so that unlike the abilities in the stories I mentioned above, you could write an entire novel based on this character just trying to thrive using his time traveling skills with nothing of the Hidden World and magic at all.

You could have small things happen, like he goes to a club and tries to use his time traveling powers to get with a girl like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day only to discover that when he finally romances the girl and convinces her to go home with him he gets murdered by someone. He investigates only to find that it's the girls ex boyfriend who happens to be an enchanter. So he offs the boyfriend, steals his equipment and starts studying enchanting. Or you could have larger things happen, like some criminal organization, corporation, or a government department that looks for anomalies like a regular person suddenly gaining millions that might hint at an exploitable ability, a sign of terrorist activity, or theft.

In any case the fact that the people where expecting a different story than what they got at chapter isn't fixed by this prologue. This prologue was GUNS, MAGIC WEREWOLVES TECHNOLOGY WOOHOOO! Too much too soon. You have a good chapter one that holds the reader and you do a good job of introducing the werewolves and the Hidden world in chapter 3. Solve your chapter three by having more chapters before you introduce the hidden world where he's just dealing with his time powers. Or you could simply intersperse more of that throughout the story. Also his power ramp up at the end is a little too extreme. Check out Martial Word or Warlock of the Magus World for good examples of how to ramp up someone's powers in a way that keeps the dramatic tension in your story high because if your character gets so strong that nothing can harm him he becomes less interesting to watch.

    BarriaKarl @BarriaKarl ago

    This prologue was GUNS, MAGIC WEREWOLVES TECHNOLOGY WOOHOOO! Too much too soon.

    Gotta second this. I am a little put off by all this prologue is promising, too much indeed.

    Demintika @Demintika ago

    I don't want to argue about another novel here, but WotMW's AI is pretty much replace the MC in its entirely. Simply speaking, he doesn't have anything unique to him. Here, Rewind is more like a powerful passive ability while the main active, iconic ones are his Gun and Shield, and that's its quirk. "Oh, a gun that explodes people and a shield that recharges itself, it must be John Thomson!"

    ...your character's time travel powers are intrinsically more interesting than the OP abilities that usually show up...

    I have seen "MC with Time Power" novels with power as simple as Speed up or Slow down, or as powerful as shattering the spacetime as he sees fit. This novel is only somewhere inbetween.

    ...you could write an entire novel based on this character just trying to thrive using his time traveling skills with nothing of the Hidden World and magic at all...

    You are basically telling the author to castrate the novel.

    Check out Martial Word or Warlock of the Magus World for good examples of how to ramp up someone's powers in a way that keeps the dramatic tension in your story high because if your character gets so strong that nothing can harm him he becomes less interesting to watch.

    It's just your taste. I find those novels boring, long, uncreative and repetive; with the same thing happens over and over on bigger scale with bigger numbers. That's not "ramp up", that's copy-paste.

Bloom @Bloom ago

I'm confused. Why has the prologue only been uploaded six days ago when the rest was up a month ago?

    Onch
    Author

    Onch @Onch ago

    The story originally began on chapter 1, but some people found certain twists at the beginning to be too sudden. So I wrote the prologue to adress this particular issue.

MADAO is life @MADAO is life ago

now i know he is going to kill a giant mutant and have two werewolf friends named riley and steve. if you wanted my interest you could start with him in a fight that i dont know the end of, the chapter could end with him about to be killed and thinking something along the lines of "how did i end up doing this / the past couples of weeks flashing though his mind" then start the next chapter with a

70 years in the future but in xxx dimension or something to start the sequence of events that lead tto this moment.

khonsu @khonsu ago

A portal gun, huh? so many possibilities... and Adult Swim still did not announce the date of the 4th season of "Rick and Morthy" ;(.

Killashard
Premium

Killashard @Killashard ago

Thanks for the chapter!

Wise old penguin @Wise old penguin ago

Well, I guess this is how you write Prolouges... now we just need a few Zergs, Mario, an old Sandal, Zorro, Fnamicle and Pepe

NoobWriter @NoobWriter ago

Just a suggestion.

When you say "Don't tell me you are having regrets?"

You could say "Don't tell me you are having second thoughts?"

It just sounds a little weird to me.