by Onch

Original ONGOING Action Adventure Fantasy Grimdark Magic Male Lead Urban Fantasy
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Profanity

John Thomson is a regular college student, the kind of average person you cross on the street every day.

Or at least that’s what most people assume, because he’s far from what’s considered “normal”.

After all, a normal person isn’t regularly dragged into life-threatening tribulations involving fantastic creatures, otherworldly beings and people with logic-defying superpowers. Not to mention that he seems to have a knack for sticking his nose into the nefarious plans of secret societies and ancient cults.

But John’s life wasn’t always such a mess: Everything began when he accidentally invented a way to rewind time…


Weekly Schedule: At least a ~3.5k words chapter every Wednesday and Sunday.

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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
Chapter 0: Prologue ago
Chapter 1: The Man With The Phone ago
Chapter 2: Cheating ago
Chapter 3: Serious Matters ago
Chapter 4: A Fishy Situation ago
Chapter 5: Hiding In Plain Sight ago
Chapter 6: A Brand New World ago
Chapter 7: Acquiring Currency ago
Chapter 8: Taking Care Of Business [Revised] ago
Chapter 9: Following Leads ago
Chapter 10: Tracking ago
Chapter 11: Avoiding A Tragedy ago
Chapter 12: Fighting Back ago
Chapter 13: Navigation Error ago
Chapter 14: The Trial ago
Chapter 15: A Fight To Remember ago
Chapter 16: Upgrades ago
Chapter 17: First Wave ago
Chapter 18: Reverse Assasination ago
Chapter 19: A Great Beam Of Light ago
Chapter 20: More Upgrades ago
Chapter 21: Floor -1 ago
Chapter 22: Down Under ago
Chapter 23: A Devilish Proposition ago
Chapter 24: Club Members ago
Chapter 25: Disruption ago
Chapter 26: Exploration ago
Chapter 27: New Horizons ago
Chapter 28: A Fated Encounter ago
Chapter 29: The Assassin's Return ago
Chapter 30: The Elder's Request ago
Chapter 31: Into The Abyss ago
Chapter 32: The Eve Of War ago
Chapter 33: The Depths ago
Chapter 34: A Soul's Struggle ago
Chapter 35: An Unexpected Victory ago
Chapter 36: No Rest For The Wicked ago
An Announcement ago
Chapter 37: A Slight Problem ago
Chapter 38: A New Approach ago
Chapter 39: Bringing A Bomb To A Spell Fight ago
Chapter 40: Second Wave ago
Chapter 41: A Blast From The Past ago
Chapter 42: John VS Beelzebub ago
Chapter 43: John VS Beelzebub II ago
Chapter 44: The End Of An Era ago
Chapter 45: Aftermath ago
Chapter 46: The Order of The First Flame ago
Chapter 47: New Objectives ago
Chapter 48: New Faces ago
Chapter 49: Back On Track ago
Chapter 50: Meeting New People ago
Chapter 51: Siege Tactics ago
Chapter 52: Around The World ago
Chapter 53: Mountaineering ago
Chapter 54: Knowledge ago
Chapter 55: Planning ago
Chapter 56: Acting Tough ago
Chapter 57: Moving Around ago
Chapter 58: Cleaning Up ago
Chapter 59: The Tunnels ago
Chapter 60: Digging Things Up ago
Chapter 61: Contention ago
Chapter 62: First Strike ago
Chapter 63: Isolation ago
Chapter 64: New Discoveries ago
Chapter 65: Troubles ago
Chapter 66: Defense ago
Chapter 67: Change ago
Chapter 68: Rosewoods ago
Chapter 69: Pacification ago
Chapter 70: Progress ago
Chapter 71: Shard ago
Chapter 72: A Robbery Gone Wrong ago
Chapter 73: A Brother's War ago
Chapter 74: A Brother's War II ago
Chapter 75: Technological Advancement ago
Chapter 76: The Seeds Of Conflict ago
Chapter 77: Unforseen Consequences ago
Chapter 78: Challenges ago
Chapter 79: Avoidance ago
Chapter 80: Unexpected Addition ago
Chapter 81: Sewers ago
Chapter 82: Collecting Information ago
Chapter 83: Gunboat Diplomacy ago
Chapter 84: Political Maneuvering ago
Chapter 85: First Salvo ago
Chapter 86: Business As Usual ago
Chapter 87: Making A Deal ago
Chapter 88: Uninvited Guests ago
Chapter 89: Making A Mess ago
Chapter 90: Towering Might ago
Chapter 91: Towering Might II ago
Chapter 92: Going Up ago
Chapter 93: Reaching For The Top ago
Chapter 94: The Climb To The End ago
Announcement ago
Chapter 95: The End Of The Tower ago
Chapter 96: Wurk's Wrath ago
Chapter 97: The Destroyer ago
Chapter 98: The Destroyer II ago
Chapter 99: Against All Odds ago
Chapter 100: A New Enemy ago
Chapter 101: Oracle ago
Chapter 102: The Wrath Of Prometheus ago
Chapter 103: Pushing The Deadline ago
Chapter 104: An Old Friend ago
Chapter 105: Making Waves ago
Chapter 106: Moving Pawns ago
Chapter 107: United Hatred ago
Chapter 108: Refueling ago

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Let me start off this review by saying that despite eveything, this has become an interesting and somewhat out of the box concept after three chapters in. Warning of slight spoilers for the story ahead.

Our story revolves around John, your seemingly average student who discovers that his once benign phone app actually has the power to rewind the time stream itself. Using this power, he at first does a number of things for his own benefit, before discovering that his good friend is not as human as he intitally seemed.

Let me start off by saying that this story suffers from a somewhat shaky start. It's not bad per say, but I don't think it lends to the intent of the story that becomes clear after three chapters in. As just a heads up to any prospective readers, it begins as a science fiction story that turns into something much more fantasy and magic-influenced.

Overall, the main character John develops from a slightly boring everyman to a more interesting and introspective character the more he learns about the so-called Hidden World. The idea of the setting is nice; it allows for lots of magic and creatures to appear freely.

My only real cristiscms lie in the genre change and some perspective issues. I feel the story changes too quickly in the early chapters, somewhat coming out of left field in the process. The 1st person perspective is far from my favorite, but bias aside it's more confusing when it changes between characters and it can be hard to tell who is speaking.

Overall though, I think this is a promising premise with a lot of room to grow, so I will be following for the foreseeable future.

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Time.Travel() pulls you in with its premise. The idea of a time-travelling phone app is an exciting sci-fi narrative, and mixing it with fantasy fiction elements calls to mind the patterns of fantasy fiction popularized in the seventies and eighties, particularly those of Anne McCaffrey and Weis and Hickman, when the genre was still finding its footing in the contemporary literary world and elements of science fiction regularly found their way in.

Regrettably, the noble start suffers from a variety of compositional difficulties, the combination of which results in a tale that is difficult to read and hard to invest in. The tale is told in the first-person present tense, which immediately presents a challenge with regard to perspective and character development, as the reader is locked into the main character's stream of consciousness, a stream made all the more difficult to navigate by the constant shifting of active and passive voice, oddly timed expositional segues, and fourth wall breaks addressed directly to the reader.

While not specifically resultant from the perspective choice, the narrative and the characters lack depth. Too much time is spent recounting and explaing what is going on, and too little time is spent revealing the characters' thoughts, feelings, and emotional reactions to the events that surround them, leaving the reader feeling dragged through the story rather than pulled into it. The pace at which the story develops and unfolds is good, but the rocky presentation makes it difficult to feel excited about what's coming next.

Ironically, Time.Travel() needs to slow down. The reader needs to be given time to get to know the characters early on, become acclimated to the fictional elements with which the author is working, and ease into the story and its mythos.

All that said, the premise is sound, and the prospects are genuinely intriguing. With a bit of work Time.Travel() would be a great story.

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Better read japanese ln,less dissapointment

Have you ever asked yourself how would it be if you could rewind time with a phone app, but the only limit is that you can only go back 24 hours?

Yes? then come and read about the most everyday life John that somehow created this app unintentionally, but never uses it..outside of being forced by the author for some cool action plot or moneymaking. Forget about any other possible use you could think of, when you could simply do nothing and accept everything as if you never had the app.

Join the ride with me to see if the ride will break the next chapter in:

Time Travel, but every rewind makes you dumber, The Story.

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Pretty awesome story. I mean, magic and timetravel? You can't you get more awesome then that.

Also the grammer/spelling is pretty good. And the characters are interesting.  Chapters are a good leangth too.

I am really looking foreward to more being written.

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A common misconception I find is that a story has to have flowery language or a convoluted plot to be a great read, but that's just not true. 

Time Travel, though minimal in expose is a fun read. It's not something that'll be read in philosophy, but it's a story many many people will like reading. 

Quite similiar to the Eastern style of writing, Onch crafts a promising premise and focuses the story around that particular point (in this case being time travel).

There are grammar mistakes, but not bad enough to put off reading.

The story is fun; it's light; it's enjoyable. It''s fast paced, but that only adds to the style of writing, which is to-the-point

I gave it a five-star in style, because it seemingly follows the eastern novel template, which is a style in and of its own. 

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Keep Cracking Out Those And I'll Keep Reading

It's tough to create a character whose powers aren't so OP that it's fun to watch them fight, complex enough that you're interested in seeing how their powers grow, yet strong enough that it's an excellent trump card. Onch has done something exceptional here in that the characters powers are interesting enough that he could probably write a whole book based on the main character trying to get by in the real world with no other supernatural elements whatsoever. 

Add that to the clearly written fight scenes, the parts where the character uses his powers to study enchanting and finds clever ways to beat his opponents, and this is a story that's worth spending some time with. You keep cranking out those pages and I'll keep reading. 

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Holy crap this is AMAZING. I was wondering how you can make time travel not OP as all hell.... well this is a good example. Because they're so much stronger than him, the MC has to constantly die again and again to get ANYWHERE against his opponets. He has to use his brain to the max and cheat using time travel to create tools. I love all the creative ways he's using his power to get ahead.

Not to mention the actual characters, wow. Every single one feels like a person with their own motivations. The villains have REASONS for being villains. Do you know how rare that is? Some of them not very good reasons, but still! The grammar is also good, I understood everything as I read it.

The story? Seems like it's actually planned out here. There's mystery, it's kind of funny, plenty of action, and even a bit of face slappin.

One thing that needs work is the character descriptions, I've read 18 chapters and I can't really get a good picture of the MC in my head. I'm not saying to pull any xianxia "jade like skin, silky black hair" bullshit, but some more references to how the characters look would be helpful.

All in all? READ THIS NOW.

Thomas Loud
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A Bit Jarring, But Enjoyable

Time.Travel is a joy to read, with a few noticeable flaws.

Starting with style, I find the FPV rather entertaining with how character thoughts are often bizarre and extremely enlightening. This is especially true for John, with his thoughts being not only a constant source of humor but also showing of his personality. A problem that comes from the author's style though, is that shifting who has the first person view can cause for a jarring and confusing few moments afterwards.

Grammar is quite well, with a few issues here and there.

The characters are definitely a make or break for readers. I find myself absolutely loving John and just how much of a selfish person he is. He has no real problem with abusing his power and it's extremely amusing. But this can also be a turn off for people so you've been warned. The side characters are pretty interesting as well, though I do find myself much more invested in John than any of the others.

Finally the story, I'm letting you know right now. This is not a very sci-fi tale, it's much more fantasy in nature and this is not really clear until the fourth chapter. You are quite literally struck out of the blue with the shift and this is another example of the jarringness in the story. Afterward, Time.Travel really sticks to its fantastic nature and it's for all the better. The story itself is still in its infancy but is nonetheless entertaining.

Time.Travel might have a few flaws that can really bother some, but  I feel they're outweighed enough by the interesting premise, funny characters, and entertaining style of writing


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Great mix between time travel and fantasy

Right off the bat I'll say that I'm an avid fan of time travel stories and because of that my opinion can be (and probably is) biased. Time physics is one of my favorite topics to discuss with my friends and Steins;Gate is undoubtedly my favorite anime ever. 

That being said... Time.Travel() is awesome! It blends fantasy and time travel in a strange but enjoyable way. What would've otherwise been typical urban fantasy story finds great addition and powerful plot device in the face of the so-called Rewinder that helps the main character go back in time. It also has some pretty good humorous scenes and vivid characters.

Style - It's a little rough and akin to the usual style that can be found in light novels or visual novels. However, it isn't bad, as the thoughts of the main characters are pretty hilarious and well-written and the dialogue is arguably enjoyable. In my opinion, it could be more descriptive in places as it would help the immersion factor. There are some sudden changes in POV that can be confusing the first time around, but I quickly got accustomed to them.

Grammar - I won't give 5/5 stars solely because I think that I'm not skilled enough in English to notice some mistakes and give maximum scores. The grammar itself is pretty stellar and there are no problems with the spelling whatsoever which makes the read nice and smooth.

Story - The prologue gave me a distinct urban fantasy feeling mixed with some Gantz vibes, for whatever reason. That is good (I like Gantz). Then the first two chapters gave me a strong Steins;Gate feeling (that reference was pure gold, though!). Then the things just got intertwined but in a good way. It's honestly hard to describe, but it's full of action and there's a classical urban fantasy 'secret world' present (although there is a twist to it). The novel doesn't delve into time physics and doesn't try to be realistic about the 'Rewinder', but it doesn't really need to as it's great even without it.

Characters - Most of them are vivid and quirky and can be relatively easily distinguished. The MC sticks out the most, as his sarcasm and inner monologue got a good laugh out of me. There's still room for character development and I'm looking towards it. 

Conclusion: Time.Travel() is a good and definitely creative novel, mixing genres and resulting in a unique blend. Its great use of time travel and intriguing plot make it a very good read and I'll follow its progress with interest. 

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An unexpected twist to the usual

The first two chapters I read immediately reminded me of Stein's gate, and the author even acknowledges it. However, it quickly takes its own unique turn and delves into urban fantasy territory.
The style is reminiscent of light novels/visual novels. The dialogue is decent for the most part but there are a few unrealistic conversations that do not reflect the age of the speakers (college age).
I feel like a bit more description would make for a more immersive experience. As things are now, it's hard to picture the settings for each scene, and there are also many tense inconsistencies.
The grammar is decent, slightly better than the average on this site but still far from perfect, especially the tense inconsistencies.
The opening chapters do well to establish the time travel element and the overall setting. The appearance of the supernatural/urban fantasy aspect is unexpected, completely defying the reader's expectations. I have high hopes for the plot.
The characters have not had enough chapters to be fleshed out yet, except the main character. I do enjoy reading about his thought processes, and I find him to be quite relateable, though some of the conclusions he jumps to seem to be a bit unrealistic.
Overall, a promising start that can really go anywhere. The author will only get better in time.