New Player Confirmed

New Player Confirmed

by Thurr

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore

On a humble planet named Earth, lived a boy once called Flow. Taken from his ordinary life he must now fight for survival on an foreign planet. Gaining new skills and stats is a challenge for any ordinary high school boy when a new game system is introduced named Cognition. However Flow is helped along the way as he meets other players and gains friends to complete daring adventures.

''Author Note''
Going to do a chapter every 2 days, schedule may change over time. Depends how invested I get into the story.

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Thurr

Thurr

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Mighty Moushie
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Story
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So, I read through chapter 13. There's some good and bad points, I hope this doesn't come off as too negative of a review.

The good: 

Author has a system for gaining stats and sticks with it. It's easy to follow. The MC isn't overpowered, and doesn't seem to have absurdly powerful plot armor. 

The acceptable:

Grammar. There are a handful of spelling errors and mis used words, but it isn't rampant. No more than three per chapter, so it won't break immersion. The premise isn't absolutely original, but that's not really an issue. This story has several unique parts, more than enough to set it apart from other stories.

The bad:

Pacing. It's super fast. Slow down and develop some things, like the world and characters. There are some POV changes that could really use something to let the audience know what character we are following. A simple "new name's POV" would be incredibly helpful. 

Overall, it could use a bit of polish. Still a decent read.