Adamantine Dragon in the Crystal World
After entering the New World our protagonist found his body being disintegrated and most of his magical powers useless...
AN: Hey guys, this is my own first fiction. This is completely different from what I previously had in mind. I had even extended plans made for that one, but I'm still working on it. This one can be considered as a spin-off from the original series haha, please join our Demon Emperor in his journey! If you see any mistakes please point them out so I can fix them, thank you very much! I will use Japanese honorifics because they are cute haha.
Without further ado, welcome to the prologue of the Arc 1: THERE IS NO REST FOR THE WEARY!
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Just to counter the confusing complaint review, (half star just for that, really?) it’s not. It’s just a more complex story than your standard “hero, reincarnation, YAY!”. I quite like the naming sense and how the story is going, it’s got a brilliant mix of future tech and fantasy flare. Wish I could give a more thorough review but that’s beyond me haha. Just keep up the good work!
The story is original, it's world is interesting and the characterization is, up untill now, fantastic...with a ton of room to improve.
The characters are well done, and altough not much has been done to explain their backgrounds(which are very well hinted with pieces of information throught the series), each one of them has their own personality which never makes a single character "bland" or anything of the sort, they all act and react to situation accordingly, making the history feel very organic.
The world has it's own technology, and "laws", which is a great plus for it's originality and since everything is quite well explained, i was never felt any of it to be half-assed work.
Now what i would like to happen would be to know more about the world itself, the nations, how they interact with each other, albeit the whole recent *spoiler* war between the aliance and the empire was nice, it was more for characterization and it seemed realy bland (don't mistake, thanks to war the character of the Wolf Princess made me truly happy as her personality truly blossomed in that period), tough i know the hear of this fic lies with its characters, and thank god it does as it's them that made this history truly worthwile, i would like you to also implement the world as a whole, and nations interacting with each other, natural events and etc, and make it so the world feel more "alive" per se.
Please keep up with this fantastic work of art and if you ever make another fic with the same passion as you did this one, believe that we will all be ther to enjoy it. Thank you for your time in reading this.
Hello there, I just wanted to inform the author and any potential readers that this is probably on of the BEST books i have read, (it fits right into everything i like)
The protag has the perfect personality for his situation, and i actually made an account just to rate this lol
This story has really well thought personalities of characters, be it MC, or background characters.
Harem building is also really high lvl too, it's not like most of the stories which are ruined because MC just goes around picking up girls and they somehow make it because of the POWER OF LOVE! No, this story has emotions, not some hollow characters.
Although there is no major plot in the story or some major goal for MC, it's still far from being boring, and i'm sure author is leading us to that part slowly building up MC's strength in process.
The story is great and the author actively posts quality updates. Thank you author (and proofreader/s)
Don't be afraid to develop your own unique writing style.
Some grammatical errors here and there and some trouble recognizing nouns;
eg. "red-head" -> "the red-head"
If you keep this up I have no doubt you will reach the top ranking in no time!
Ok first off I have to say the plot and the concept of this story is really good. However it suffers from bad grammar and a confusing style at times.
Like I said the style of this is quite confusing at times due to the fact that it jumps around a lot with regards to time and place. I recommend to cut down on these time and locations jumps at the beginning of your story because they are quite confusing. Secondly you should also try and introduce a character fully when you introduce them in the story, otherwise, we the readers, just end up wondering who this character is and if they are important. Also once you introduce a character you should try and use their name instead of describing them. And finally when you are writing dialogue you should not make it italics, most people use italics for thoughts. I found this story really confusing for the first few chapters because I thought everybody was just in his head. I don't mind the way you show how he is talking or thinking I think that is a perfectly ok way of doing it however I believe you should probably stop using italics.
The plot now this is really where your story shines. The concept behind your story is really unique and really good. I really like the use of sub-species and this futuristic setting you have made. I think the way he gathers a harem is also quite unique and is quite funny but this could also be a little challenging for so be mindful that you don't create too many characters otherwise it will get really confusing.
Now grammar... Ok well I am not sure if English is your native language or not but dude you need a proof reader. True it's not as bad as some I have seen on this site, and I might just be nit picking here, but to me grammar is really important if the grammar is bad I end up focusing on that. The biggest issue I had was the amount of missing "the" in your story.
A coarse voice whispered a name of a boy that was like a little brother to her.
It should be: A coarse voice whispered the name of a that was like a little brother to her.
This is first in history. We have to keep this confidential, after all that we need to treat that girl with care. As she matures she will become one of the strongest, Kollos Alliance needs her. Crimson Empire is preparing for the war...
It should be: This is a first in history. We have to keep this confidential, after all that we need to treat her with care. As she matures she will become one of our strongest (fighters/warriors/weapons).....
Now character the only reason why it is not a 5 is because of the way you introduce your characters. It is really hard to get a good image of your characters. And like I said previously if you introduce a character then you should introduce them fully in that chapter instead of leaving for the next.
Ok now I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but I think it will help you improve. Your story is really good hopefully this helps you take it to the next level. Also sorry for the length, my fingers got carried away...
Just my 2 cents worth.
This is simple a very great FF
AND I recommend it to everyone read
Current arc-chapter: 1-13
I like your fiction! so much that make me reread it.. so awesome!!
You make you own style, many people aren’t accustomed to it so it make them confused..?
Like the way dialogue is written, how you refers people from their race, thinking, sfx, how you put BIU, etc
I also a little confused at first but after reread them I began to understand..
If you want to go with your style, just hope you remain consistent..
I dont really care as long as it is remain consistent and entertaining..
I focused more on the feels/relationship and your fiction hv them!
Just be careful not to make the story too slow/fast..
I’m not really trained in this area, not really an english native but I can read them just fine like every literature out there.
AH, so Liger is an abbreviation.. sometimes it is written with lowercase, why is that.. -0.5 :p
I like MC (Marc as Vorst) and the girls (2/7 valkyries + Mer-chan + …) so much..!
The surprise chapter is awesome.. WTF WTF..
Don’t go overboard with many POVs.. focused more on characters that have ‘role’ in the story.
I also agree you should put character lists.. just their nickname/fullname/role, I usually forgot..
Awsome Awsome Awsome
Character Score (10/5) :D
THANK YOU for such an incredible story, I need to stay awake till 2:30 AM to read your work completely, and I am really enjoying it. Once again, Thank You!
I don't understand why this FF only at #40 in the Best Rated? This should have go to the top!