Spirit Immortal

Hello writer, aka Linodo

The first time I read ur story (this Story), is in the Other site. I hope U know what I mean.

But since i found Royalroad, around 2 months, I like read it in here.

In general I am not good bout grammar, so I can't score it in ur story. 

But overall story from the begining till book4, I like it. The first time i read it in my head I got a Question, Isn't it a fanfiction of the trylogy of DD?? But it isn't.

It a whole diferent story, but take the same power level.

Thats a good drama in there, Self conflict. The way U showed the protagonist is good. How u tell the perspective of a child, a lonely orphan child or of a children to try bounding they life as a family In other family, even the lazy way a child can became.

I like it, ever really love it, the story. I think u have a great prospect to be a profrssional writer, but its just my thought.

Oh, and I hope for the next story or the next book, u can tell Us the next level system after lv100, what in the story called Immortal.

Hope u read it.

Thank u

-Its my 1st review, so IDK the way i wrote it is right or not, so if any mistake u see in here, pls bear with it

--I know, My grmmar is Sh##, an once again I am Sorry.

Personally, it is my current favorite novel 

Its sloooooooooooooooow.

The author has addressed it themselves but it is a slow burn type of novel. For people who can't take things being super slow, you may not enjoy this novel. However, i'm a huge fan of slow burn esque novels(the only time slow burn does not pay off, imo, is when there is no payoff/climax). What's great about this novel is that while in general climaxes are huge events that come from conflicts, instead the climaxes come as "Lessons Learned" or show growth in mindset. I've been reading too many action novels and i've forgotten that climaxes come in other forms. Anyways, good worldbuilding, characters are not too shallow(pls avoid what Douluo dalu does or any CN novel for that matter and keep characters "alive"), interactions are great and background plot is nice to have. If you have read Ze Tian Ji or Way of Choices, then this one is a must read for you(minus the "profound" feeling but imo, the author hasn't had little chance to do something like that).

I thought it was good until the end of book 4. I hate how it went from being a healer to becoming just another MUST GET MORE POWER novel.

abando69's comment at Chapter 45 describe perfectly how I feel about this novel.

I feel you are bringing the story to where many others have been, and in not a good way. It's beyond stup1d, the last 5 chapters are mindblowingly dumb, the second elder thinking capacity is that of a 2 year old and there is faulty logic constantly in this going out plot. First, if the first elder is monitoring the second elder and his entourage, then why is Bates able to move freely if he is clearly a subordinate of 2nd elder. Second, if the second elder wants the kid killed, he doesn't send Frie clan ppl, because when it is investigated it will surely be found out, logs about whereabouts, asking people...he should contact third party assassins. Third, you are concentrating so much in bringing in people from the clan to light that you are forgetting about the world, so right now we don't know a single bit, we haven't been informed of any other players in the game so right now, it's not really a story with different threads and people with different interests it's just a clan that works pretty bad and their dumb hundreds of years old cultivators.

4. It has been mentioned before, but, instructor actions are dumb beyond conscience, he could just hit both guys on the back of the head to knock them out and be done with them, then bring them back for questioning.

5. The whole second elder plot feels forced and without much thought where you should be developing towards a whole clan fighting against the world, a united front formed from family bonds and mutual trust fighting vs adversity and vying for power and resources, showing us the outside world in all its fantastical glory and trying to develop your characters in real situations with really thought out actions on their parts that match their character, and progressing along, learning their lessons, etc you are just showing off their powers in mindless situations and without much thought with what is happening in the situation. I understand you are devoting a lot of your brain power to imagining the concepts, battles, powers, etc but, and a big BUT here, it's more important to have a worked out situation with real plot and story progression than a lot of imagination used then in stupd fights or stupid situations. I feel any person that reads this rationally will feel bad after reading those chapters because the story loses consistency and its logic.

Hundreds of years old spirit wielders with the experience that means, playing the game and living life like kids on steroids and with twitsted morals and justifications for their actions that make no sense within context isn't consistent with who they are and their age.

Anyways I know you have a lot more written right now than this and I write this here instead of on a rating because I don't feel the need to bump your fiction down, and it may've improved in later chapters but still wanted to get this to you.

I pray you not commit the same mistakes xianxia commonly comits, and you stay away from fatal cliches and shallow characters.

ex: killing from own clan plot,..

Furthermore exposition of your abilities in front of your ennemies. How dumb can you get...

Realistic and likeable characters.

It represents what could happen in a clan of war survivors: grudges are difficult to  forget, even when the other side is composed by kids who are thankful.

I'm totally gonna keep binge-reading.

This is my first review so please forgive me if there is some mistake.

What i like in this story is not a blind fighting from the begining and un natural and un realistic main charactor.

Main chractor has a realistc personality and there is a solid story.

One thing i hope that story will not end when main chractor asend to Imortal Ralm. 

 No out of the blue, insanely op mc nor paper thin characters! This is a really good, slow pace story. Head and shoulders above the average on rrl.

There is a lot to like in this story. I'm looking forward to seeing more. Almost every chapter leaves me with that 'yay, theres more to read' feeling.

I've currently read through the first book, and had to force myself to pause and give a review.  The 46 chapters of the first book took me about four hours to read, thats a pretty good chunk of writing. There are currently 190+ chapters so another 12 or so hours of reading before I'm cought up... thats fairly awesome in my opinion.

Admin edit: Translation. Original Below

I do not have the experience to review or evaluate your work as much as you want, this is to clarify my opinion only.
First: I see that you based writing your imagination on the novel Douluo Dalu, and this is a wonderful idea, I do not know why it was not done before.
Second: I see that you put clear social relationships, which allows for a realistic feel of the characters and their conversations, including all kinds of relatives, the grandfather, the eldest brother, the siblings, the lover and the rival. I liked the idea of being an orphan, resulting in ambiguity regarding background and abilities. I smell the romance in the novel.

Making the protagonist charismatic, while in truth the main character is lazy, silly and unreliable was not something I liked. But, it appears you made that to serve a purpose, so I won’t comment about it.
Regarding grammatical errors, English is not my mother tongue so I will not be commenting about it, but from my experience reading foreign novels, it is excellent and I did not feel any shock from reading.
Lastly, I would like to say that this is one of the best works I’ve ever read, the author has a style that can attract the reader.

Original :
ليس لدي الخبرة اللازمة لمراجعة أو تقييم عملك بقدر ما تريد هو توضيح رأيي أولاً فقط: أرى أنك استندت على كتابة خيالك على رواية دولو دالو وهذه فكرة رائعة لا أفعلها أعرف لماذا لم يجربه أحد من قبل. ثانيًا: أرى أنك تضع العلاقات الاجتماعية في عملك بشكل واضح مما يجعلك تشعر بالواقعية في شخصياتهم وأسلوبهم في المحادثة ، بما في ذلك جميع أنواع الأقارب ، والجد ، والأخ الأكبر ، والأخوة ، والأخوة ، والحبيب والمنافس. أعجبتني فكرة كونك يتيمًا ، مما أدى إلى الغموض من حيث الخلفية والقدرات. أشم رائحة الرومانسية في الرواية. جعل بطل الرواية يمتلك شخصية ولكن بالنسبة لحقيقة أن الشخصية الرئيسية هي كسول ، سخيفة وغير موثوق بها ، لم يعجبني ذلك ، ولكن يبدو أنك قد جعلت ذلك لسبب ما. لن أعلق على هذا الجزء. بالنسبة للقواعد النحوية ، اللغة الإنجليزية ليست اللغة الأم. لن أعلق عليها ولكن من تجربتي في قراءة الروايات الأجنبية. إنه ممتاز لأنني لم أشعر بأي ارتداد في القراءة. أخيرا ، أود أن أقول إن هذا هو أحد أفضل الأعمال التي قرأتها. له أسلوب يجذب القارئ بقوة.