The Dungeon of Evolution

The Dungeon of Evolution

by MaxOsnes

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Traumatising content

The greatest mage and researcher in the universe, Ian Irwin, known to only his closest friends died at far too young an age. For their own goals and to give the mage another chance at life, the Gods and Goddesses reincarnated him into a dungeon. Most would shudder at the thought, in fact Ian did, but not for the same reasons. The plants, animals, fungi, and monsters that inhabited dungeons fascinated Ian in a way nothing besides his wife had. Ian had studied everything he could about dungeons and now he could be one.

Traumatising Content: Besides the purpose of dungeons, the presenting of evil morals as a positive is not present in this novel. Evil morals themselves, however, are present. Combined with the gore tag, there will be imagery present that could be considered traumatising. The absence of the sexual content tag means there will be no scenes of that nature. I, the author, apologize to any previous readers that, due to my previous clarification, read the story with the belief that scenes of disturbing imagery would not be present.

 

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MaxOsnes

MaxOsnes

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mad-ness
Overall

Decent stat to a dungeon core book

The writing is fine, the world building is interesting and the main character will be interesting in the long run.

 

I never thought I would say this but the detail is just too dense.  Not the blue screens, which are well done, but the musings of the main character about the nature of dungeons and magic.  I actually found myself tempted to skim through the exposition at several points which is rare for me, especially when the actual quality of the writing is good enough.

I love the massive detail and world description, especially in a dungeon core or kingdom building story, but I feel like that information needs to be delivered in a better fashion in order for the story to reach its clearly high potential.

PrimalShadow
Overall

The story will EVENTUALLY start moving, right?

So far (as of Chapter 14), the story has been exceedingly slow. It gives us chapter after chapter of exposition, with no conflict and negligible character interaction. Basically, it feels like 200 pages of prologue, with the actual story not yet in sight. I can only hope that things will improve somewhat when adventurers finally get introduced.

EDIT: The first adventurers are introduced. So at least something has started happening now! The adventurers enter the dungeon, they start interacting with it and reacting to it... and then our author begins to describe their trip through every room on the G- floor, one at a time. Does every little thing, including the ones that aren't remotely important, really need to be described in detail? 

HamsterDesTodes
Overall

This is a dungeon core story with a good premise, meticulous world building and interesting characters but weakened by severe flaws.

Said flaws being that it's incredibly long-winded and lacks pacing. A bunch of unimportant stat pages and far too detailed room descriptions made me skim-read a lot of the building part of the story. Unfortunately, it doesn't get better in the exploration-part. Here, the author made the mistake (not uncommon in the dungeon core subgenre for some unexplainable reason) of using a high-level exploration group to present the human PoV. This makes this second PoV incredible boring to read. The principle of show-not-tell is made impossible if even the showing devolves into telling because the explorers out level the dungeon floor they're on by so much, there's not much going on but a list of annihilated creatures that can't put up a fight, much less a decent challenge.
This lack of tensions overshadows the fact that this skip in PoV from core to explorer begins a year in the future, without any kind of explanation or even mention of the time-skip. If you don't follow the comments, you're left wondering where the year of preparation went, and once the PoV skips back to the dungeon core - and back in the present - you'll be very confused about where the adventurers vanished to.

Yes, I know, this is RRL and the story I read is only a draft. That's why I still gave 3 stars, despite all my complaints. If this story is ever going to be published, I fear an extensive rewrite is in order. Still, the premise is good and the attention to detail is obviously there - if sometimes misdirected - so I see no reason why the author shouldn't succeed. Write on!

mio
Overall

so sloooooow! too much explaining, but good idea

really slow story. it's a god story, and well-written, but the explanations are often so expansive that following the story becomes difficult. 

that and every floor is made without logic, seemingly random, somthing i only know because of your drawings, since you explanation of your floors is so lengthy that it is impossible to follow.

i only understood why after seeing your drawing. your explanations for the rooms make no sense. maybe introduce some logic in your rooms, then instead of having to use 2000 words for an impossible to understand explanation of your map, you could say something like; "a spiral with rooms south, west, north, east, and a bossroom in the middle"

look 14 words, and i can imagine it instantly!

other than that, your idea is great, grammar is good, and evolution of species is fun. but please work on your explanations, because understanding them gives me a headache, and i have to skip half your chapters since they make no sense to me...

i'm pretty sure i'm not the only one.

danielsmith217
Overall

Ithas an interesting premise, but the longer the story goes on the less I care. Between nothing ever really happening and the book not really going with the premise, it just becomes boring to read.

Knogleknuser
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Slow, Detailed, Product of Love, Enjoyable.

*Made at chapter 29*

I am not going to use the setup Royalroad wants in this review, instead I will focus on the parts I find important.

Common Webnovel Pitfalls

This novel is a reincarnation story, and follows the cliché meeting with some god that then sends our MC on his way to the next life because he was “chosen” for reasons.
However, unlike other novels where our MC is some completely random nobody with nothing remarkable about him, our MC actually have loads of qualities that makes it so that it makes sense for him to be chosen and reincarnated the way he was.

Our MC is also OP. Which is again supported with good reason, and even more important, purpose. Not only does he have power, but he also have a purpose and ambition, neither which are bland or general but instead they are very specific.

MC is a good guy. By good guy I mean the MC in most novels is some kind of angel among humans for seemingly no reason, and while our MC is definitely good, he isn’t even close to an angel or a spineless goody two shoe.

 

LightRPG. Most stories that use this system of power/magic, usually does so because the author does not wish to step out of his comfort zone and invent/think about an internally cohesive magic system. In most cases, the users of magic and power in such stories are solely reliant on skills from the system and have no idea how anything actually work.

Not this story, honestly, it didn’t even need to be an LightRPG. It has a detailed and rich magic system that can work completely without the system. And most things only the system knows how to do, were probably something created by the greater god, and as such, the gods of the story’s universe also don’t understand it. The entire reason for the system will probably revealed at some point, and I bet it has something to do with the eccentric greater god.


In conclusion, while this novel does follow some clichés, but it does so with thought, world building and solid reasoning instead of blindly following a trend with no thought to internal coherence or logic. All in all, it firmly passes the pitfalls and made each common cliché its own unique thing.

Common Dungeon Novel Pitfalls

First and foremost, why do dungeons exist? This question is absolutely essential for a dungeon novel, as being unable to give a satisfying answer will bring the reader out of the story. This story answers with essentially some eccentric old god test/annoys the hell out of some lesser gods by playing games with them, using rules they don’t know before its too late. And they need to accept it, as their universe will fall apart without the greater god’s mana.

And while I initially found this answer unsatisfying, I’ve come to like, as it also makes it possible to explain why the dungeons have so many arbitrary restrictions. Keeping them somewhat in check.

 

The balance of power between people and dungeons are also very important. If dungeons are too weak, then humans should enslave them on sight, and essentially have a self-destruct button attached to the dungeon core, should it rebel.

If dungeons are too powerful, then they should rule the world, instead of sitting around doing jack shit.
And the whole reason for dungeons allowing humans into them and humans going into dungeons is also an absolutely essential question to ask.

This story has thought about this and come up with a good answer, another nice detail is that plenty of dungeons have deviated from the norm/ideal in the past, and the gods are still trying to find the perfect soul for dungeons.

All in all, this story also does not fall into any common dungeon story pitfalls.

Pace

This story is very slow going and the author clearly wishes to show us as much as possible of the world he has created, and I bet we still haven’t even seen 10 % of what he wants to show us.
I have no problem with the slow pace of the story, the detailed dungeon creation or the detailed magic use. Although, I were a bit scared we would have 2 chapters for every dungeon floor and that he would only open up the dungeon at like floor 100. However, such a thing did not happen thankfully.

Not only does this slow pace allow us to really understand what is happening, but also why. And we get an insight into more philosophical questions that our MC and the author has to ask themselves sometimes.
We know that everything that happens has been thought out in detail, even if we don’t get to see even half of it.

(An example is that despite each dungeon floor being very complex, the author still made actual sketches of all of them, not that the reader ever has to see them)

However, I do hope we will have some serious plot development before the next floor is created, as right now, there isn’t really any thought behind more floors except the dungeon needs higher level floors and more floors in general. We need some context for the new floors and what impact they will have on the world and characters around them, and if they are irrelevant in that regard, then we don’t need to know anything about them except like a 2 sentence mention. And only when they become relevant do they need to be probably thought out.

 

 

 

Characters, Politics and the World

While the characters are somewhat believable the world and its politics is much more lacking. The essential failure here is that the author is obviously a very kind person, which shows in the world and characters, as they are all nice, stable and rational people.

I recommend you, author, to read some interviews with criminals/soldiers and also with people behind massive atrocities. I also recommend reading up on some on psychology and the typical responses of different groups of people in certain situations.
I also recommend studying some cultures, especially ones that have similar circumstances to your story. (Like, medieval culture, amongst peasants, mercenaries and nobles)

The people in your story are all wayyy too nice, stable and rational.
Going through life or death situations will leave mental scars that will never fully heal, and in general, people with the level of technological and cultural development that is present in this story are all much more used to death. Whether that be butchering, childbirth or monsters/animals. Not to mention, people can be incredible stupid, not unknowing, but just straight up stupid.
And selfish, a lot of people are very, VERY selfish and some are also in addition to that short-sighted.

This is my only real gripe with the novel, and as soon as it is “fixed” I will change my rating to 5 stars.
We don’t really know much about most characters or the adventurers, so adding some more flaws to them should be easy.

Conclusion

This dungeon story is a slow but enjoyable read. The fact that it is well thought out is a nice change.
Another important factor to consider is the upload speed/schedule, which appears to be a good chunk once a week, nothing to complain about there. You’re doing a great job keeping the uploads steady.

 

However, the characters are all created with what comes off as a naive world view and are all generally too good, stable and rational.

Definitely one of the best, still active, dungeon stories, and I will probably follow it to the end.

Note: The story score does not matter, as I have not seen enough plot to be able rate the story

Waytocool
Overall

You just lost me at some point.

 

cry

Borok
Overall

First time leaving a review. I'm not a native English speaker so can't really comment on grammar and stuff but so far I have found it extremely easy to read with no issues. The Story seems well thought out and I love the long chapter length, the first 2 chapters is at least as long as 3 or 4 chapters on most other stories here. Would recommend to give it a try on what is out so far.

Luke Scheffe
Overall

An excellent book overall, with lots of interesting twists.

AvidReader9508
Overall

 Im loving it already and i look forward to more, plz plz plz dont drop. Im incredibly excited to see where this story heads to.