Endless Expanse Online

by BloodneverLies

Original HIATUS Adventure Sci-fi LitRPG Virtual Reality
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity

Wolfgang "The Wolf" Mariconn finally retired so he can spend time with his family and enjoy his twilight years annoying his kids and spoiling his grandchildren. He had everything planned out until something didn't go as planned. Cancer..and the only way he might save himself is by doing something he promised his kids he would never do again. 

Now Wolfgang has an offer from the owners of Endless Expanse Online to help him with his health problems if he decided to play the game again. 






****I do not own the Pic, I did not create it. All credit of the PIC/Art goes to the original creator****

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  • Ratings :
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  • Pages :
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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
Glossary ago
Chapter 1- Propositions ago
Chapter 2- Diving in ago
Chapter 3-Legacy ago
Chapter 4- Orders and Departures ago
Chapter 5-Abraxxus and Beyond ago
Chapter 5- Caldear and Eyes in the Dark ago
Chapter 6- UNK521 and Ruins of the Past ago
Chapter 7- Echoes of War ago
Chapter 7 Cont-UNK322 and Cost of War ago
Chapter 8- Riptide rolls again ago
Chapter 9-UNK425 Suprise ago
Chapter Intermission ago
Chapter Intermission Cont.. ago
Chapter 10- UNK427 and Troubles with Authority ago
Chapter 11- Costs of Rebellion ago
Chapter 12- Embers and Sparks ago
Chapter 13- Choices ago
Chapter 14- Friends in the Dark ago
Chapter 15- Deals and the Road to War ago
Chapter 16- Remnant of the Past, Hope of the Future ago
Intermission Part 2 ago
Chapter 17- Plans for War ago
Chapter 18- New Recruits ago
Chapter 19- War Games ago
Chapter 20- Shadow Games ago
Chapter 21- the Dam Breaks ago
Chapter 22-Plans for a Shadow War ago
Chapter 23- Viral Warfare ago
Chapter 24- The Evil of Man ago
Chapter 25-Diplomacy ago
Chapter 26- The Dominos Fall ago
Chapter 27- Wheels within Wheels ago
Chapter 28-Calm before the Storm ago
Chapter 29-Rally the Troops ago
Chapter 30- Battle of Thorin System ago
Chapter 31- Chain of Command ago
Reviews

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Razinal
  • Overall Score

Sci-fi VRMMORPG stories are rare. and this one is one of higher quality ones. Read it, you won't be dissapointed.

👍👍👍

Yami Seeker
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Comment on Ch 8 - Extremely good story

Well, damn. Took me around 3-4 hours of constant reading to finish. The story is extremely well developed and I have to say it is amazing. Even so, in keeping the interest of the reader that aren't sci-fi fans. The last 2-3 chapters were really a drag to read. In the end, it was still enjoyable as the story was greatly developed.

Although there might be a few grammar mistakes such as in a chapter you typed "Mocro" instead of "Micro" fissures. This won't harm the story though. Even so, just keep an eye out for this tiny mistakes and even if you don't it won't matter. The characters still need a bit more of developing but since it just started and the chapters themselves aren't too long to wear a person down its understandable.

The story also does in a way keep the readers interest through the background story but I have to admit. The info dumps of the events and discoveries can wear people down if they read constantly. Which will deter the new readers but the older ones will enjoy it. You also did a really good job in creating the setting as well. I was quite impressed by the small details your added but didn't go so in-depth to the point that one would barf them out.

We also managed to get character insight of John but not so much on the others. John still needs some developing though, but it can be done one step at a time. Or this could also be you leaving room for the readers imagination but his feelings could also slightly help. Such as irritation, fear, calmness (already being used so good job), excited, etc.

Overall, the story is really good and I would give it 4.5/5* for it. Just attempt to keep the readers attention through this kinds of events.

As for base building, I will wait for it but I will not be able to constantly read and comment since I have school to take care off. Even so, I did take off some time to do this comment and read through the whole story in 1 sitting. Which shows my interest. I can write this as a review but kinda lazy. Just commenting is enough for my life.

As for me personally, I can only say that I'm no scout fan but a fighter fan. I like action and although this has its own kind of action its not best towards my taste. Even so, don't let my opinion changes how you write. The story is just really well made that I still manage to enjoy it. I hope you have a bit of plot planned out but if you are going with the flow then that is fine also.

(This is a comment on chapter 8 of the story and had a bit of free time and I told myself. "Hey, review it. Its not like its gonna kill you." After debating I agreed since it is a good story and it deserves the review.)

sa1880612m
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Unreadable Text Walls (Ch. 1)

Learn to space your text out. As it is now it's basically unreadable. Especially regarding dialouge. 

 

I couldn't even be bothered to finish the first chapter when I saw an entire conversation taking place in what is more of a wall of text than a paragraph. 

 

There could very well be an amazing story under that but I'm not even going to try and find it.

 

Don't take the threes to heart. Just needed to be there for review to submit. If you edit it into something readable, PM me and I'll take another look and edit this, or ignore me entirely. Up to you.

A T
  • Overall Score

I almost forgot it was a VRMMO.

 Really, its soo good that I nearly forgot all about it, skills and classes dont get heavy handed in the story, its all about the captain and his choices, he did not disappointed me and I hope he wont dissapoint you as well. 

Thank you for your hard work Mr. BloodneverLies.

Larry
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Good sci-fi game story

Story idea is good.

Does go into lots of world building inbetween action sequences.

Was going to mention to have the MC go on more missions, but this last chapter has him doing just that. Would like to see more of him in the action.

Only a couple misspellings or added words per chapter.

Overall well worth the read.

Jknott
  • Overall Score

Love the concept of  this book. Sadly i feel your book lacks an emotional connection. Your characters are 2d. 

Kuronekko
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Excellent story, needs some love first.

   Hey, I got through the first chapter and while I love the premise, and I think you've got a good thing going here, I belive (and looking through the reviews I think some people agree) that you really need to take a look at either proofreading it yourself, or, if English is not your first language, maybe getting a first language English speaker to do that for you.

   I also feel like you could improve this novel by maybe going over it a quick second time, maybe when you've gotten the novel to a reasonable time to pause, and then doing some minor revision on the 'flow' of the novel. To start that, space the text out a bit more; for example in chapter 1 when Wolfgang goes to get his boys and his ex, to let them know his situation after meeting the executive. That whole paragraph doesn't read very well. It's all a single block, and there's no sense of a pause, so instead a somewhat grave or important moment is made to feel rushed, less impactful and a bit dull.

 And starting a new line for a different speaker (you can always use a 'chorus' ie chorus of agreement/dissent, exclamations or expletives etc, as a single line) is in my mind always a good way to make dialogue feel less cramped, and more fluid.

 

    On that note, I personally feel that the way of speaking in a lot of novels on RoyalRoad is a bit dry, so I'd like to point out that this complaint isn't specifically at you. A lot of characters I see talking do so in the exact same way as everybody else, ie the same structure, the same phrases and colloquialisms and so on. If you can come up with a style, even if it's not too different, then you inject a certain sense of personality into the text that the reader can now relate to and create a better mental projection of the character in question.

 An example would be that some characters might tend to be short sentenced, straight to the point and sometimes not even speak if they don't see a need to, while others may have a slight accent, shortening and connecting specific words differently to others, or drawing others out, while another may be extremely prim, insisting on using full words with the correct mannerisms at all times.

 Describing these is also always handy, for example, '"..." he/she spoke in their soft drawl' for a bit of a bumpkin character, or a '"..." his/her sharp voice called out', as a few ideas.

 

   I don't believe I need to comment on the story, it's a little bit tropey but you seem to have a good idea of where you want to send this, and I look forward to coming back to this novel and seeing it along its way, so for now I shall simply say -Good job!

 

If you follow through on some of this advice and edit it, I am more than happy to read through it and ammend my review based on what you've done, just send me a mesage. Also if you do so and need a proofreader, feel free to PM me and I will set some of my time aside for you and provide you with contact details.

 

   So to cap it all off I would like to commend you on putting in the time and effort to write this story and share it with us, and I do hope that you can take some of my criticisms and use them constructively to improve what seems to be a story with great potential, peace.