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- Traumatising content
A girl diagnose with schizophrenia was admitted to the hospital for treatment, until someone notice an oddity with her disease. They exploited her for their own greed until she couldn't handle the pressure anymore. She gave into the enticement, following the lead of the voices one stormy night.
The girl woke up in a new body, in a new world, with a new start. Join Tempest Arashi Kataigida as she explored this new world, make friends, and become the greatest menace the world has ever seen.
2 chapters a week every Tuesday and Thursday. Extra = Friday
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There are ideas I like and some elements of potential. But.
Your character is all over the place. I dont know what I'm supposed to think. I can't really even begin to untangle this knot. You need a firmer grasp of the MC- experiences, motivations, and personality. She's all over the place- for awhile the careful planner, the next the naive opportunistic merchant, the next a calculated (typical wuxia) cold-blooded schemer. Just blaming it all on 'lol crazy' is a lazy cop-out to fleshing out your character. As-is, she's whatever the plot demands her to be. Does Tempest have any agency? She goes from one situation to another as the plot demands and stuff just...occurs. It seems the longer things go on, the less smart she is. Its mentioned she was 22ish years old but acts as if she is a child. Despite having a way to get information and a previously-indicated desire to learn before acting.
I'm not touching the karma stuff. Just...if you info dump some kind of element like that, do it once or work it into the story organically. Don't constantly 'surprising revelation/subversion' every-other chapter.
The story starts out interesting but it become very hard to read very quickly.
The scenes in the story seem to take place out of order, like a captain yelling at the crew that they are leaving for a mission and afterwards introducing themselves to the protagonist and attempting to add them to the crew. This was clearly supposed to happen the other way around.
The grammar makes the story hard to read and at chapter 14 I had to stop as it was bothering me too much. Maybe give a re-read to the story before publishing or get an editor, it would elevate the story.
Story is interesting and while the character seems a bit OP it is an intersting premise for them to roam about in.
Speaking of the character she seems very weird and quite possibly insane, but I am not sure if I simply get that because of the grammar and the out of order sequences.
Honestly once it is edited I would actually recommand the story, as it seems interesting and quite fun, until then not really as it would just annoy you.
Sorry about my grammar, but alas I am not a writer.
While the setting is pretty interesting and has potential, you'l need to have a stong stomach to swallow all the nausiating 'bla bla bla' that plagues typical xiaxia.
Theres to much random information being given instaid of story and plot, while the scenery disciptions can be waved off as world building, the excessive background story of every random person cannot. tell a story don't list a ledger.
Theres quite a few grammar/spelling mistakes aswell, they need editting.
othe then the points above its actually quite decent so far, hence my generous score.
I like the premise of the story. I tried to endure. But after reading 18 Chapters its the end for me here.
Characters dont feel too good. Even the main character feels shallow up to this point at least.
And all of that i could live with in a story on Royalroad.
But the poor Grammar breaks the story for me.
Instead of getting better it seem that there are more and more mistakes the further on I read.
Now, english is not my native language either, but finding errors every second sentence is just too much.
Get a proofreader, take more time with each chapter, or something.
As it is I can not recommend this story to anybody.
The first part of the story is a bit hard to read and jumpy, but if you can hang on till the chapters in the 80-90 range it starts to smooth out and find it's groove. I am interested in seeing how this will go. There is still room for improvement such as scene transition, but there is good progress from where it was during the early chapters.
There are some people disparaging the character, she does need some smoothing out and more explaining/adding in details/smoothing out with the earlier chapters. There needs to be a bit more of mesh between the personalities shifting. She IS a greedy merchant, who is a bit cold blooded, and careful planner.
I cannot judge the story, since I did not make it very far into it.
The plot seems interesting (as do most reincaranation stories).
The huge downside is the bad writing. The first two sentences of chapter one already contain at least 5 grammar errors, 2 spelling mistakes and the punctuation is pretty much non existent.
This story COULD be really good, if it gets edited and proof read.
@Author: Please do not take my review too badly. At least you took the time to write, which is more than most people do. :)
- Great core character
- Great core progression
- Bogged down by extensive exposition/info dumps
It's quite sad as I don't believe the info dumps were even necessary.
I can't recall a single one that felt plot related.
I would gladly come back and read it once it has been edited.
My only problem with the story is the characters really, I don’t really mind anything else
I really want the author to put more thought in tempest character because they seem to be unsure of how her personality should be that it’s making the story a bit messy
anyway like the story and I hope the hiatus will end soon can’t wait for more chapters 😁😁