The Genesis System
Genesis. It is the end of countless stories. The end of thousands of universes, billions of planets, and trillions of lives. But what is taken may also be given, as shown in the story of Cael King. A young man of Earth, knowing only a life of study and work in the relentless and endless pursuit of satisfaction. This is the origin of his story.
Inspired by the system used in The Legend of Randid.ly Ghosthound. The system is an homage but the characters, world, and story are unique. I will post as often as I can and, given that I am not starting work until July, that should be pretty frequently. If you have any suggestions or comments please feel free to leave them as this is my first story and I'd love to improve both it and my writing style.
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The stories premise at the dungeon world is really interesting. Plus with the 'Primus' title and it should pick the story up, but it all fall flat when he get back to earth and all those plot choice that the author pick. It still good but maybe the execution is a bit weak. Still a better story than other in RR
Although there are some similarities between the system of attributes, skills, and ways (paths) in this story and the obscurely complex system of the well-known Randidly Ghosthound, the current protagonist has a very different personality (and, frankly, a much more likeable one). This gives the present story a sufficiently original flavour.
I also like the way in which increasing an attribute in this story has immediately perceptible effects whereas in RG the effects are frustratingly diffuse.
Confession: I began this story with misgivings and yet by chapter 5 was addicted. The author has the rare gift of storytelling.
This brings us to style. The author uses the sustained first person present tense. Generally speaking, the sustained use of present tense is a disaster, usually perpetrated by over-ambitious undergraduates to the despair of their teachers, who may find it difficult to grade their essays without sips of a malted strengthening agent. However, the present author manages to avoid the awkwardnesses that bedevil the present-tense style, a remarkable feat for which he deserves congratulations even as we quirk our eyebrows at his choice.
Finally, I love the author’s intelligent use of epigraphs. The 20th century’s greatest writer of English prose, Jack Vance, was a master of the epigraph — to such an extent that Baron Bodissey, a character known only via quotations from his Encyclopedia, became for many readers a favourite. I shall look forward to the clever world-building of the epigraphs.
I've been Randidled Gashoop for the last time.
Since I have read the bare minimum of required chapters to review this story (78) I feel that I can finally talk about it. Following this paragraph I will be breaking down my thoughts on each subject that RoyalRoad has for reviews. I hope you enjoy.
The style of the story is uninteresting. It isn't something that draws in the reader, or just catches the attention in general. Safe is what I would call it, but you need to add even a little bit of salt so it's not bland.
1.5 Quivering stars
There's honestly not much to say about the grammar. For the most part it's good, but a proofreader would be appreciated. Grammar mistakes are in every chapter, however, the grammar is fine for the most part.
2.5 Solid stars
Story is another lacking aspect in this novel. This is the same LitRPG story I've seen tens of times before, however, I am a LitRPG fanboy so that's ok with me. But that doesn't mean it's ok to lack a spark of author originality. As it currently stands this story feels like any other LitRPG, and it isn't even exploring tropes in the genre.
The excerpts at the beginning of the chapters are also a problem, as they are a lazy way for the author to tell you about the world without integrating into the story. I realize that many authors build these massive universes that they want to talk about and share, but just taking this information and inserting them as excerpts is not the way to go.
However, I do see aspects of a good story if there ever is a rewrite.
2 Unbalanced stars
This is the main drawback of the whole affair. All of the characters are flat, their changes don't feel deserved as there is almost nothing shown in the story as to why they would change. The Helldarvin arc is a great example of this as there is almost no struggle shown, and this makes the changes of the MC not seem natural.
Another problem is the panic attack he has early on. Why even have those when they get tossed aside incredibly quickly? Mental illness isn’t something that should be mentioned and then just thrown aside like it’s nothing.
I fully recognize that struggle isn't only physical, but not even mental struggle is shown. Another problem with the story is the lack of any real political discourse going on. There is no mention as to what the plans are for rebuilding the city, rooting out damaging parts like the criminals, or even how the citizens feel. The fact that the author tells us the citizens are dissatisfied means nothing when we can't see it for ourselves.
A lot of problems in this story just stem from the fact that most of the conflict isn’t shown, and only the aftermath is what the reader gets to see. I would’ve liked to see him really struggle on Helldarvin. Show him really trying to survive for at least a few days, and how hard it is only for then Berserker man shows up.
I honestly can't give the characters much.
1 Cracked star
The final result is is a story with a current value of 2 unbalanced stars. I hope this doesn't deter you from writing, but I had to give my honest review.
Now this i a good story all thing's considered,heck i was loving it all the way up to when he returned to earth, then his commons sense dropped a few points, he wears his emotions on his sleeves like no man's business crying and raging for all the sadness and injustice of the world, then there is the repetitive beating his head in for every "hard" decision he has to make, when we all know that in the end he's just going to do it anyway, he just keeps having the same internal dialogue over and over again till we wait for him to come to his grand epiphany "cael understood what he had to do now,it all made sense as he was one with the world and the world was one with him blah blah blah" ,then he proceeds to make the" hard " choice and starts shedding tears in the midst of the battle so that everyone can know how difficult and emotional all this has been for him and that's he's not really a monster but the bleeding heart saviour that carries the world on his shoulders😑 ...nobody said you shouldn't cry mate but save it for when your in polite company or preferably alone and not in semi hostile territory.
World building is nice , heck even the characters are okay but it's just not the story for everyone.so give it a shot, you may just like it.
Great start. There is a clear start and a clear end-goal. An "A" and a "Z". Spent too much time grinding on "A". Which was great, don't get me wrong. Now that the MC gets to interact with people, you find he's... kind of one dimensional. What personality he does show isn't very appetizing.
This is a story that hits all the right notes in a system apocalypse novel. It's also well written! If not for some rookie mistakes, it would be one of the best on the site.
The (in my opinion) Mistakes: (Spoilers ahead.)
1) Very early in the story the author includes a lot of long, introspective passages on the nature of the system. We get entire chapters which are just a hypothetical dialogue on morality and the system. The character is trying to survive, that should not be his priority.
2) The main character acts within the system with an understanding that is, frankly, unearned. He gets the equivalent of "Mana for dummies" and decides to take multiple weeks to "refine his concept of a higher energy". How is that a reasonable response to the situation? A guy, trying to survive and get back to his home, sitting in a tree for weeks meditating on higher concepts. What? Also, we don't know enough about the system, or care enough about the character yet that those long passages are interesting.
However, I would reccomend reading this story, and hope the author keeps up their good work.
I always like this kind of story when MC is resourcefull and smart.
I honestly loved it. The story was well thought out and executed. Some things felt a bit forced but at least an explanation was given out.
* The way his mentor JUST happened to explain his plans because he was excited.
Still it's worth read.
Read is simplistic. MC thrown into another world, gets mana, gets op, lots of time skips to get more op, beats bosses, like they're nothing because they are nothing compared to op MC.
We learn nothing of the MC and im 25 chapters in. Suddenly he has to get back home and for that he'll kill everyone. okay..
Story. Nothing new. Edgy mentor, Ragey OP MC, grindgrind levels.
Grammar. I can say is good.
Much better than most of post-apocalyptic/litrpg fiction so far, its sad to see it on hiatus, hopes continue