Original COMPLETED Action Mystery Sci-fi Short Story Cyberpunk Male Lead Secret Identity Strategy
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  • Profanity

A crew of 5 aboard a spaceship bound for home.
With 72 hours until earth, the crew receives their final message: "We are very sorry to hear about the death of your crewmate. Their name shall be recorded in our halls, rest assured, and they will get proper respect.”

Together, ALL 5 receive the message.

A lot can happen in 72 Hours...

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Hey guys, new author here. I plan to release 1-2 chapters a week, and I'd welcome any feedback you could give me! And sorry about the size of the first few chapters- my word length will try not to go below at least 2k after chapter 2!

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Author
JasonShyn

JasonShyn

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LiterallyALemon
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First, the Plot

The plot centers around a single protagonist who is trapped on board a spaceship with 4 other crew members. When one of them is announced dead, and all people seemingly alive, the crew starts to suspect each other. 

Characters

Overall, the characters are fairly faithful to their introduced personalities. However, our MC does undergo a bit of a change (for a valid reason), and in my opinion his new personality seems more like a way for the author to make him not as much of the bland person he was before. 

Grammar

Grammar is fairly consistent, quite high quality in comparison to other works on the site. 

 

The story does seem to be drawing to a close quite soon- So perhaps all those readers who want to read something ongoing for a long time might not want to start this. But if you're up for a fairly quick read, with a somewhat decent plot, then I can reccomend this

53andahalf
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An interesting plot, and great start

Reviewing as of chapter 2.

The premise is a little different to what I usually see her on royal road - and I'll be interested to see how the author takes it. Grammar is pretty good, and hopefully we will see some more development of the characters at a later stage. Good luck, I'll look forward to seeing more! 

kungfujasper3526
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interesting premise and suprises all around.

LightningShadow7
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This story is very good! Not a lot of writers go for the mystery type of story but this one really excecutes it in a great way. There's only minor issues with grammar and the story seems at a bit of a fast pace with Mason dying really early and a somewhat weird reaction from Oliver about his best friend he knew for forever's death. The somewhat fast pace is a bit of an issue but otherwise I really enjoyed this story, I can't wait for it to finish

Pal
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Very very good. I loved it. If you're interested enough by the synopsis to read this review, just read it. It'll be a 1-2 hours well spent. 

 

I love the way the characters are written. It's clear that everyone has access to only some information, and at no point do I think 'how did they know that?' We don't learn what characters think from monolog, though. It's all gleaned from their actions in a wonderful example of showing and not telling. This lets the reader speculate alongside the characters. I think I was suspicious of just about every character at one point and kept changing my guess until the meeting with Dan in the control room. The style is great, nothing like the clumsy sentences welded by many authors on this site. I could totally see this book published and sold. 

Now my complaints, really only two:

The author sometimes uses the wrong name or word somewhere. This breaks immersion, but can be figured out from context.

Some things seem conveniently done in a way that moves the story forwards or creates mystery in spite of the real world silliness of such choices. 

NeoMare
  • Overall Score

It is a really enjoyable story and I honestly love it. The only reason I don't give you 5 stars is the grammar, but it is still great!