Fantasy Royale

by SinWirk

Original HIATUS Action Adventure Comedy Fantasy Anti-Hero Lead LitRPG Magic Non-Human lead Strategy Virtual Reality
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Profanity

Gregory Asbjørnsen is an avid player of a dying game. As his life went downhill, he shut himself away from everything. When the one game he could truly call home is being shut down, he finds himself at a loss.

What will he do about his life?

When his bullies finally push him over the edge, he lashes out. Losing his job and whatever is left of his sanity, Gregory is consumed by his lust for vengeance. Driven by rage, he gambles everything he owns to get revenge. Will he succumb to his own fury, or will he find peace in the virtual reality he has once called home?

Five hundred and forty players enter. Only one can win.

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  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score
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SinWirk

SinWirk

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The Feedback Troupe
Overall
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Story
Grammar
Character

Enjoyable, well built, and a solid litrpg

As of Chapter 21
1.Summary:
Enjoying the last day of Yggdrasil Online, once the most popular VRMMO, Gregory Asbjørnsen has no idea what he’ll do with his life. Too poor to afford a FIVR gaming system, he is forced to work as a coffee boy to the rich and powerful.

One day, bullied more than he could handle, Gregory finally loses it and fights back. The outburst costs him his job, yet is also the reason for him to be selected as one of the 540 participants in the upcoming Fantasy Royale. From that point on it’s up to him: give in to vengeance and get payback from his bullies or lead his virtual race until he’s the last one standing.


2.Review:
Short Score: 4
The Novel is an example of a solid litRPG with fantasy references (mostly Tolkien) and a rich atmosphere split between events in the game world and real world.

The world building is light, but detailed enough to create a full feeling of the world and keep the reader’s focus on the characters. The writing is good, with the occasional grammatical hiccup. The pacing is steady, even if at instances too much time is spent on character reflections.


Long Review
Style Score: 4.5
Grammar Score: 4
The story is in present tense, though consistent.
The writing is pretty much spot on with occasional mistakes, though they don’t detract from the experience. The largest confusing issue is the splitting of dialogue (by the same character) in multiple paragraphs.

Story Score: 4

The Novel presents the classic tournament type story through prism of personal revenge, set in a Virtual Reality Game setting.

The prologue provides a hint the what is to come, teasing with a potential twist or unexpected development yet to happen (as of the writing of this review). However, it might be more suitable to think of it as a first chapter, especially considering the following two.

Having two plot lines (Gregory’s personal development on the one hand and the game developers on the other) works well as they build on one another moving the story forward. Furthermore, having the all VRMMO events referred to storylines for the in-story audience to experience, allows for a greater immersion despite the light world building.

There are a number of minor hooks that seem not fully explored as of the writing of this review, though are likely to be resolved as the story progresses. That in itself adds details and character to the world, though are unlikely to be answered in the immediate future.

Well written and intriguing, the story does well what it out to do, leaving readers wanting more.


Character Score: 4
Characters in the story are divided in two broad categories: real and virtual, with only Gregory Asbjørnsen and game designer Logan Andrews being considered as both. On the whole the major characters are well written, with their driving motivation clear, and presented as the expected archetypes of fiction: the determined vengeful hero, the spoilt rich kid, the wise (but eccentric) advisor, the loyal bodyguard, etc.

Minor and episodic characters are less developed, akin to guest stars in a tv series, yet somehow fail to shine to their potential. Often they appear with, bringing certain expectation only to vanish later on. Again, this might be due to the Novel not being finished, but as of this review there’s a feeling that more could have been done with them.

The main protagonists (I consider Logan Andrews the protagonist of the real world plot line) are iconic and with their very different personalities, and just the right amount of background details that make them feel familiar, but keeping a sense of mystery. Their personal development, as well as that of the other major characters, might be a bit slow, but well suited for a story of such length (based on game estimates, it’s conceivable that there are up to five time more chapters remaining until the Novel is finished).

On the whole, the only minor flaw are the minor characters, yet as mentioned there’s still plenty of time for them to shine as well.

Fillask
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

- Reviewing having read up to and including: Chapter 11 -

General:
In writing Fantasy Royale, SinWirk is showing that he is well capable of setting up the beginnings of a promising story. His description of the mechanics of the game that the MC will be playing in are, insofar as I can determine, well thought through and complex, but not to the extent of being overly convoluted. The author also chose for the one variation of the whole playing an actual game (not being stuck in one or transported, etc.) LitRPG, in my opinion, that can actually result in an interesting story of struggle for survival through 'realistic' (it's still fantasy) strategy and tactics. One of my main gripes with the 'playing an actual game' subgenre is that the struggle for survival element is often irrelevant due to respawns (e.g. Ascend Online) or because you know the MC won't die (e.g. Sword Art Online). The author has combined said variation of the subgenre with some ingame mechanics that suggest that there's no real need for the MC to not die for there to be an interesting story. So, insofar as I'm concerned, the format from the get go gets my firm approval. A final general note that I'm happy about: the chapters thus far average out on 19 pages per chapter, which is very laudable.

Style and Grammar:
The story doesn't appear to have a (dedicated) proofreader nor a large following (yet) to nitpick at every language issue. Even without either of those, however, the writing is solid and better than what one can expect from such a new story on RRL. Yes, there are some minor typos, but they don't impede comprehension nor reading pleasure. No, the writing is not as eloquent as that of a practiced native speaker, but it serves its purpose and it does so well. The pacing is neither particularly slow, nor overly quick. More importantly, it appears to be steady; there are no inconsistent jumps in pace and the story thus far is coherent and flows organically. This does not mean that it is dull, as plenty of things happen to catch and keep a reader's interest. There are some relatively minor things such as word choice and sentence structure that can be improved upon, though. Much like with the typos and eloquence, however, it will improve as the author gets more used to writing and more feedback from readers.

There is one constistent typo, though: offencive and defencive --> offensive and defensive. Easily fixed, however :)

Story:
I mentioned my opinion on the starting format of the story already, so I shan't do so again. What I will mention again, however, is that what has been shown thus far really does have a lot of promise. The author took his time in setting up the story and it shows: I personally see what has been written thus far as a very solid foundation for a story that can still go into any direction. There are some quirky moments that can make you consider how you would've gone about it differently, they did for me at least, but they can be ascribed to the rather odd nature of one of the characters who designed the game.

Character(s):
This is the point that I'm currently most wary about. The story is still extremely 'young' and thus the characters therein have yet to properly develop, but the MC has shown some inconsistencies with regard to the image I've gotten of him up and some of the choices he makes. Because the story/characters have yet to develop properly, I don't feel like I can give too low a score for it. Doing so would feel to me akin to judging someone you only know superficially based on their political affiliation.. It's just simply inaccurate and probably untrue. At any rate, there's a high likelihood that when all characters have finally settled in that my gripes about their seemingly inconsistent behaviour will disappear because the characters and their motivations and reasons have consolidated.

- End of review -

I don't generally do (long) reviews, because they take a long-ass time to do right and I dislike doing things improperly. I made an exception this time because of the story's lack of reviews and ratings (need to get the hype train going! :o). I did put in effort in the sense that this review is at least thought through properly and does not contain any inaccuracies insofar as I'm aware, but I didn't re-read anything (and it's been at least a week since I read chapter 1), so I may have missed something. I may have also gotten a bit long-winded, for which I can only apologise.

At any rate, keep up the good work and, so long as you don't make some thoroughly odd story choices, I think it's fair to say that I'll be reading as long as you'll be posting :)

Good luck!

Fathis
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Great Flow, Witty, Interesting and Fun

Great fiction, had to bookmark it - MC is believable, story flows well and it's also humourous.

Would love to see more in and out of game interactions with the players - maybe even have a certain log out time when they all get to meet once a month or something, would be cool to see them going at each others' throats.

 

Keep up the good work!

CamChow
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Good addition to settlement litRPGs

Story.  The story is pretty classic.  A pro gamer plays new game and dominates, however the way in which the game progresses and the macrogameplay adds to the novelty of the story.  The Character progresses at a normal, not OP, pace and suffers setbacks like any new gamer would.  

Style.  The story suffers from the author's style of writing.  The segmenting of paragraphs is decent. there are however too many inner monologues spread over multiple paragraphs/one liners.  Author should try and figure out how to let the story flow without using elipses or one liners

Grammar.  decent, good if proofread.  will not have trouble reading in terms of grammar

Characters.  Author has personalities for each character but fails to bring them out fluidly.  Shoudl try to smooth it out because I see "hiccups of personality".  Characters falter because of style of writing.  

Overall.  I enjoy it.  I'd still rate it 4.5 even with these partial scores because I like it when it comes together.  4.5/5 compared to other stories on the site, and partial scores for the author to improve on. a must read for settlement litRPG fans

rocket501
Overall

Common themes done well!

Great story! It's a great take on a common premise. If you like stories about being in a video game, LitRPG, or Battle Royal this story is for you. It's well written. 

matt
Overall

I Cant Get Enough

I love this so much, so many litrpgs are about a well...rpg. And while this is, its also about a battle royale!! The only one ive seen like it and its so well done. I love this story and wish he could write faster. Goblins Rule!

Kavi34
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Great world building story

Good read so far. Little bit slow on the settlement building but enjoyable. Character personality seems a little inconsistent because he is suppose to be great gamer but he keeps making mistakes but that could be what the author going for to emphasize his emotional instability.

nuu
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Reviewing as of chapter 12. 

So far, the story is amazing. It's written well, paced well, and the characters are fleshed out and feel human. 

The game system in the story is an amazing mix of various types of video games, all coming together to form a game mode that is really fucking cool to read about. 

The one half star is deducted from style because I personally dislike when a side character obsesses over and idolizes the main character (in this case, Logan) but it's at least pulled off well, so I can't complain too much.

Aside from that, you've done an amazing job so far. Keep it up, and you'll be in the top 20 in no time. 

Chillingbear
Overall

Great Concept, Annoying MC

The concept is simple and fun. All out battle royal with base building and tons of different races. 

Our MC starts out as a bullied guy who has the emotional maturity of a 16 year old. He handles his emotions with fits of rage and screaming followed by mentally berating himself for making the same mistake repeatedly! 

I am finding it hard to become attached to the story from how annoying the MC is. The idea of an adult of age 26 acting like this guy does would qualify him for a psych test (1 little thing goes wrong -> MC starts screaming and raging, repeat over and over). He gambled away all this money on a long shot, didn't read up on any information and makes emotional choices too often. 

I mean if this was a 14 year old kid I would get it, but this guy is 26 years old. 

 

Naysegreat
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Wishing there would be more Chapters

Reviewed at Chapter 12

 

So far i truly enjoyed to read this one, from the Concept of the Story to the Characters we´ve met so far (hopefully there will be more). 

The Only bad fact is that there are to few Chapters, but i guess that will remedy itself over Time i just hope u will bring this Story to an End not like so many Stories here on RR.

 

Keep it up u got an avid Reader in me.