Oblivion Online (complete)

by Mighty Moushie

Original HIATUS Action Adventure Fantasy LitRPG Male Lead Virtual Reality
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity

Thanks for permission to use the cover by WanderingInPixels over on Deviant Art.

As of 12-15-18, the story is finished.  I am planning to edit and will release the books as I finish in one big go, but there isn't a timeline on any of that.

 

Marty had a fairly easy life as a cook for Arctic Storm Entertainment headquarters when he gets an offer from the company to try out a new playstyle for their biggest VRMMORPG, Oblivion Online.  Follow him as he makes his way through the game as one of the monster races trying to survive against the forces of light.  

 

Author's note: I will update every Monday and Friday for sure, with the possibilities of bonus chapters through the week if I get extra writing done.  I also did a disservice to several of my characters early on.  I'm slowly working through a re-write, but it will be a while as I want to make sure I get it right this time around.

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  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score
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Author
Mighty Moushie

Mighty Moushie

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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
Chapter 1 ago
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Chapter 29 ago
Chapter 30 ago
Chapter 31 ago
Chapter 32 ago
Chapter 33 ago
Chapter 34 ago
Chapter 35 ago
Chapter 36 ago
Chapter 37 ago
Chapter 38 ago
Chapter 39 ago
Chapter 40 ago
Chapter 41 ago
Not a chapter, some news ago
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Chapter 43 ago
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Chapter 45 ago
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Chapter 53 ago
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Chapter 56 ago
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Chapter 58 ago
Chapter 59 ago
Book 1 epilogue ago
Not a chapter, my working notes ago
Book 2 Prologue ago
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Book 2 Epilogue ago
Not a chapter, just a summary of some things ago
Book 3 Prologue ago
Not a chapter, ideas ago
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Book 3 Chapter 11 ago
Not a chapter, Dungeon trap discussion ago
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Book 3 Chapter 52 ago
Book 3 Chapter 53 ago
Book 3 Epilogue ago
Book 3 Epilogue reworked ago
New story out! ago

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HJekyll
  • Overall Score

Good premise, Good Story, Bad Protag.

The Good: The premise is solid, the plot is interesting and makes sense, it's funny without trying too hard.

The Bad: The protagonist. Let's map it out:

-Everyone loves him, except his direct competitors, who grudgingly respect him

-He doesn't seem to have any actual character traits

-He lurches back and forth between brilliance and stupidity, from making (simple) traps that "no one has ever seen before" (rocks fall, everyone dies) to trying to stop a charging monster with a tripwire.

-He's smarter than the grandmaster alchemists, who don't understand the most basic of chemical principles, apparently

Overall, falls more into the traditional "Power Fantasy" litrpg than the more recent underdog stuff.

some_total_kretin
  • Overall Score

Fun light episodic reading

You know when you sometimes read books/watch movies/listen to music that are objectively not that good but otherwise struck a chord with you and you enjoy it?

 

I think we all can agree that this is not the greatest of stories ever written for the obvious unbalance of the characters. Otherwise it's like the 80s/90s cop TV shows or an A team. I'm extremely sensitive to OPness of the characters (there needs to be something to balance it). In this case the obvious OPness is offset by the light tone of the whole book. It's not trying to establish a dark fantasy world with underlying epic plot, if it did it would be a flop. Instead it's like the aformentioned TV shows - EPISODIC and LIGHT. I don't know about conversations, as they did not struck me too odd to complain about. 

 

EDIT: Changed to two stars because at the end it gets to the exact tropes I was glad it did not have. Trying to establish an underlying evil plot and stopped being episodic and light.

Aihnman
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

Style: Writing style is mostly fine, until it's time for dialogue. The dialogue feel like someone put together a montage of an actual conversation, giving the conclusions with none of the details or emotions. There's actually very little dialogue, which is by itself a product of the poor story, but does help to support the style score.

Grammar: Can't say anything about it's grammar, which means I never noticed any issues. If I don't notice, I can't complain.

Story: What story? "Bland character splattering noobs" is the best I can come up with. With broken mechanics. Oh, god, the mechanics. The author clearly has no undersanding of MMOs. There's so much wrong with the "game" mechanics I don't know where to begin. Am I honestly expected to believe nobody has ever thought to use pocket sand, and it's okay for it to be comparaable with an ability others can't use until level 35? A level 0 trash mob is allowed to make an undetectable trap that can literally splatter an entire party? Basic rocks can, with no crafting abilities, can be made in to grenades capable of wiping entire parites?

And the dungeon thing? Hooooooly shit the dungeon thing. The entire fucking idea that new monster players should be trapped for a week as glorified canon fodder, not allowed to explore, progress, or grow? That monsters need to be weaker than light races. NPCs need to be weaker than players, yes, because players are expected to win. But now the monsters are players. The monster players need to have fun, too (without cheating or abusing exploits, like the protagonist does).

The way races and classes are picked, and expected to be stuck with forever works only when all the options are available at the start. Not only are they not, making them unlock based on actions and having various raritys and power levels is such horrible game design I can't fathom how the idea manged to make it in to a chapter. I imagine people will be getting intimately familiar with all the low level aspects of the game as they remake character after character, trying to get one they're happy with.

Character: There's no main character. I mean, there's a... "person" we follow. But he has no character. There's not a single emotion to be felt anywhere from, no development. He's simply a vessel through which he explore just how broken this "game" can be. Between the other monster players and the GM, it seemed like there might have been hope for salvation. That salvation never came.

CrimsonEclipse18
  • Overall Score

Review Time!

Let’s start with the negatives first since I want to end on a high note. My first problem with this novel is how OP the characters are. However, my complaint with it is not because he obtains OP skills, to be honest in the beginning his skills are quite alright. The problem is, everything just goes his way. For example, his skill ‘Mana Excavation’ only states that he is able to dig through earth using his mana tipped claws. Then how was he able to create a usable hammer that was even considered an item by the system? It was very convenient and honestly a bit of a stretch, especially when thinking of this as a virtual reality game and not an actual fantasy world.

Another example of this is the fact that he was able to essentially fill rocks with mana in order to make improvised, and of course OP, bombs. I mean, how did he even think of this? Is this a normal thing, and if so, why doesn’t more players use it since it seems too convenient? And yes, later chapters nerfed it, but these mana bombs essentially slingshotted him to higher levels.

The OPness and convenience of it had led me to side with Steele. By all rights, Angus was essentially cheating by utilizing loopholes in the, then unknown, OP bug and the fact that the programmers had actively helped him. Imagine if Angus had not been allowed to excavate the floor and ceiling. He would have a much harder time dealing with the adventurers and would have been forced to be more creative. And I understand that the perma ban on Steele was due to breaking the NDA on revealing strategies of Angus, but in all honesty, Angus was borderline cheating. The reason it isn’t exactly cheating is because he has the programmers on his back.

These however just lead to the bigger problem on this novel. Due to the big, and I still stand by this, unfair advantage and rewards Angus had reaped, he basically breezed through everything else he was going to face. Sure, there were a few that could threaten him such as that massive worm, lightning frog, and albino shrimp, but they were immediately overwhelmed and farmed by Angus due to his skills, which becomes even more op as he fought stronger enemies, and his overpowered traps, which allowed him to defeat monstrous foes with more ease. I loved the traps though, so it’s not a pure negative.

The potions, however, were a bunch of bullshit, please forgive my rude language. The potion making aspect was the parts I didn’t like the most. Using the most basic of ingredients, he was able to make strong potions and elixirs. Due to this, the dealings with the Alchemist Guild became a breeze and in turn made him even more OP than he already was. I mean, come on man.

And lastly, every other player other than Angus are dumb. Well, in the initial chapters at least. The other beta testers were practically helpless before he came. I could understand the troll, especially since he fights in an enclosed cave with no allies and a particularly glaring weakness. The gnoll is a bit understandable still since the biting thing wouldn’t occur to someone who spends most of their time as a human. But the goblin is just downright dumb. I mean, had it never occured to him to attack the hamstrings which are basically eye level to him. The other light race players were no better. They are just downright dumb, except for that warrior lady who actually seemed to have played a game before.

And my biggest grievance is that his levelling is absolutely ridiculous. Like, come on, he hasn’t been in the game for a year and, this is in your own words author, that hos stats can rival the top ranked players. Unless the game just started months prior, this makes absolutely no sense. There’s also the fact that, not even months after undergoing evolution, he is now on the cusp of his next evolution. I mean, come on, did the top ranked players do nothing but sit on the pile of loot their guild collects? It’s absolute bullshit how strong he is. 

To sum it all up, everything was practically going his way with no downside at all. Heck, even the death of the Kobold Innkeeper just gave him an even better motivation to become stronger.

 

Now, onto the things I liked about this novel.

To be honest, there is no specific thing I liked about the novel. I’m going to be honest, the novel’s premise is generic, the concept of being a different race is overrated, the OPness and overallconvenience is a load of bullshit (again sorry for the foul language), the characters are a bit flat at times, the dialogues can be stiff and unnatural, the pace is both slow and really fast (slowin terms of actual plot line but fast in terms of powering up), and everyone seems to have no thought of their own unless Angus suggests it. 

However, and I’m getting to the positive part, I just can’t stop reading it. I laugh at the jokes, feel the tension during fights, find the more mundane parts relatable, and even felt sad during that one death. For all it’s faults, the story is an entertaining enough read. It could use a lot more polishing, maybe give the MC actual challenge?, but it definitely won’t be a waste of time to give this one a read.

 

(Update) After re-reading the novel, I’ll have to lower the overall rating by a star. The reason is because of the Kobold’s starting area. It’s far too advanced and is partially the reason why Angus reache a game breaking level of strength, which was made even more evident when paired with his race, class, and early power boost from the dungeon.

The goblins get a tribe, gnolls have roaming packs, and trolls basically have no society at all, but the Kobolds have a city with a proper leadership in the form of a king, has a blacksmith that can make whatever Angus needs him to, an Alchemist that was the reason Angus was able to create those potions and cheat his way into raising his rank by creating those unfair alternative formulas, and a church to the god of death that made him even more powerful. 

Heck, the only other monster race we know that has this level of civilization is the Drows, and even then there’s the drawback that there’s nobody you can trust since their society is built on lies and treachery. It’s insanely stupid and unfair how the Kobold society is so advanced while the other monsters are little better than beasts.

Par0xysm
  • Overall Score

Could've been great, but is flawed.

So after reading this story up till book 2 chapter 10 (and most of chp 11), i think i'm capable of writing a review, well as capable as any would be.

The story is written with love and imagination, and i have to give 1 star for effort, but the story is too filled with errors and holes for me to get any enjoyment from it anymore. There's so many brainfarts in the storyline that i have a hard time not making this review too excessively negative. *:WARNING: This review contains spoilers*

TL:DR: This is a huge review, and if you don't like reading this much, then i'm surprised you're even reading stories here on RRL.

First of all, the early chapters were really interesting, i liked the dungeon tutorial, and enjoyed seeing what new traps angus would make. But....

Side Characters and npcs:

Then came the side characters... *sigh* None of the characters in the story besides angus has held any interest for me. The 3 'friends' we keep hearing about in the cafe scenes are uninteresting, and imo completely unneeded. None of those 'scenes' has captured me at all, and i honestly don't see any reason for them having so much 'screen time' in the story. They're all lacking any exciting qualities, and their personalities come off as flat, and uninspired. I've found myself skipping almost all their backstories/cafe scenes (i've skimmed a little, but quickly lost any interest i had).

Khaliss is another character i simply don't like or understand; in the beginning he was a complete scrub npc that basically didn't have any skills or personality to relate to. And now he's suddenly mr. miyagi with spear skills, shadow manipulation, and knows everything and anything the mc needs to learn to be 'better'. He is never satisfied with anything the mc does, because he's the ultimate grandmaster-sensei-know-it-all. The same goes for almost any other 'teacher' npc.

Only the smith actually interests me, and the alchemy guildmaster; since they are the only ones with an realistic personality and could've had an exciting backstory to learn about. (if it wasn't for them being npc's in a game....)

 

Huge world building problems/plot holes: I'm aware that this story is all happening in an artificially constructed virtual reality world, and the fact that i know this, completely removes any tension the author tries to bring to the story. Simply knowing that no matter how grueling, death defying, traumatic and incredible/fantastical anything we read about is, the fact that none of it has ANY profound consequences in any way, simply removes any excitement i personally would've had for any developments that happen.

A thing that makes no sense to me at all: The mc can completely obliterate, decapitate, maim, liquify and use other types of extreme violence on sapient beings (artificial or not, if it's virtual reality it's supposed to be exactly like reality). WITHOUT having even the slightest bit of remorse, or adverse effect on his mental health?

He just goes to a 'cafe' and eats cake, plays with children and jokes around with his 'friends' after slaughtering and doing things that would leave basically anyone who isn't a complete psychopath/serial killer, mentally scared for life? The things he's done so far, would leave even the most battle hardened real life soldier mentally unstable for the rest of their life. And it literally breaks all conventions of realism or suspension of disbelief.

Also i get that he has skills that give him the ability to do stuff in game, but the way it's happening/written makes it seem like he's a veteran of thousands of wars and skirmishes. Almost like a true blue ultra marine from warhammer 40k. And now he's suddenly getting 'training' out of nowhere to improve his skills, which wasn't a necessity for most of the story untill now?

Also if all these skills get imprinted into his mind, and body, wouldn't that mean that basically any physical feat he learns/trains or masters in the 'game' would transfer over to his human body upon being disconnected from the capsule? or does his memory, muscle memory or otherwise get deleted ? 

And all this poison training is another thing which makes absolutely no sense, and hasn't been explained properly AT ALL. How is he able to 'see' inside himself, and 'zoom' in on specific cells/membranes, and see how they work and all that? Even going so far as being able to mount a 'defense' (?) against an invading poison, as if he can control his own antibodies/white blood cells with the power of his mind? Yeah he uses his mana for it, but that makes even less sense, since that kind of fine manipulation would be impossible without a grossly expanded mental faculty/improvement to his basic mental capacities. Even if he can manipulate mana, how the H**l can he split his focus onto millions, upon billions of cells/bacteria? It's utter nonsense. It's almost like the story has gone over to xian xia with inner ki vision/spiritual sight or did i miss something?

Even the virtual reality capsule he uses to experience these things, seems incredibly unrealistically though of. This level of science would be impossible in the author's own frame of world building, since the mc worked in basically a modern day kitchen with no incredible sci-fi machines or anything you would expect from this type of setting.

What is the point of the story?:

I have still not found out what the point of the story is, it's about a person who does fantasy stuff in an virtual reality mmorpg. And then? There is no end goal, no point(s) of no return, no big mission to complete, no larger than life dream to be fufilled, no nothing. It's basically like playing an rpg without any point to anything that happens, you just play for the sake of playing, without having a goal.

I'm sorry this came off as such a negative review, but i honestly hope the author can use my critisism in a positive way to improve his writing. Some huge twists to progress the world/story as we know it (Something on the scale of the matrix). And i could see this story going places. But as it is now, none of what happens matters much.

 

xxaavv
  • Overall Score

The story is alright, but it feels too game-like (I know it's a game but still...) The dark races act no different than humans. The dialogue feels really stiff and artificial. The main character has a rather idiotic name. All in all I couldn't feel immersed into this story, and ultimately thats all that really matters to me.

Bracchus
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

Fails to live up to its potential

So much potential, sadly it falls flat.

I found nothing wrong with the writing bar some spelling errors. Where this story fails is the fact it doesnt Use the whole monster angle. The city he lives in feels more like the shire than a kobold city.The innkeeper even calls him sir.. 

Bland fantasy litrpg that does nothing to stand out from the rest even with the monster twist.

mad-ness
  • Overall Score

Fun VRMMO litrpg adventure

Fun, steady VRMMO/litrpg adventure.

This story seems to do everything that it attempts pretty well but what sets it apart is that it seems to avoid all of the pitfalls that similar stories fall into.

There is no sinister, ridiculous real world conspiracy that dominates the story. There are hints of game balance and even corporate espionage issues but the out of game conent all seems to either be a positive addition to the story or a neutral addition and it never detracts from the story.

The other typical problems with similar stories (an overly angsty character falling into darkness, totally absurd evil guilds that operate more like clans in xianxia stories, etc.) are also avoided.

If you enjoy smooth, well-done VRMMO/litrpg stories then this is for you.

Aline2251
  • Overall Score

So far this is a great start to your story and I'm looking forward to reading more of it

CamChow
  • Overall Score
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Good/decent grammmar though paragraph spacing requires work.  Sometimes you have these huge chunks of 400 words without a break

Good Storyline.  imo an unoriginal backstory, but interesting premise to the "tutorial".  

Style is weak.  The dialogue is robotic and almost completely unnecessary.  should have conversations with people IRL and see how unrealistic this sounds. Character can only do right.  He can't fuck up.  everyone in the world is dumb af, and exists to make the MC appear smarter.  

Character.  what MC? I don't remember anything about the guy because we're never told anything about him.  he's not thought out at all.  When you write a story you need to make your characters as well, not just think of the storyline .  Give your characters motivations and backstories.  This story lacks it