Marcus was your average teenager, going to school, working part-time and that stuff. After a string of unfortunate events he has died and was chosen by a goddess as one of the 10 who will journey to another world and entertain her.
Before, he had to live with what the world gave him. Now, he will force the world to give him what he wants (with a little gift from a certain goddess)
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to begin there are a few things that would help the story.
First is some over arching goal of either the main character or the group as a whole after 25 chapters and almost 200 pages I have no idea what they are doing. While the early chapter said he would fight off vampires I have seen nothing to that regard. So drop some hints say it out right. “I want to do something.”
second you need to flesh out the main characters a bit while you had a short “childhood” we still don’t know what he is like, back story or much of anything.
lastly I like what you have set up you have a lot of potential to do a lot of thing with just a few tweaks you could do really well.
if you need anything explained just pm me and I will be happy to go into detail
So at this time I have read till ch9 and I have to say the idea behind the story is pretty cool, starting off the review like this but I love the fact that john doe didn't immediatly have the MC just focus on martial arts and have magic as that useless background thingy that most authors in this situation do (I am a magic fanatic so deal with it lol). Now as for the actually meat of the review there a couple points that are bit of an issue to believe or just kinda jar the reader out of reading the series.
first being when he has his elements tested by his parents early on and instead of having the four that he originally chose he instead has five. This is not a big deal but since the mc has already gone through the char creation processes it would of made more sense to just have the goddess toss it at him in the beginning as either the starting package or the goddess could say this should be fun to give this to the mc rather than having it pop up out of no where which makes it seem more like it was just something he didn't earn but was instead something that he got due to the power of mc plot luck.
Second area of issue is during the arena when the mc went up for his first fight he was immediatly placed up against the champion of the areana. For this situation it would seem highly unlikely that the people in charge of the match would set a champion up against a noob because they would just lose money like that from the bets in a normal situation and have a fairly boring match watching the champion waste a begininer into noob paste. Or alternatively have the mc still go up against him but have to put a bit more effort into the fight than the almost lethargic beat down that the mc did or even have the mc lose the fight to kind of have as a bit of a motivater after all the mc's only 4 and the other guy is a veterain fighter who is the champion. Doing it in the way that it was done makes it seem more like the rest of the people around are all kind of more then a little weak and this is still when the mc hasn't even gone through much training since he only really knows like 3 or 4 spells to fight with.
A third issue which just only really needs a bit of additional information is the testing that the mc was going through to get into the school such as why did the mc have to participate in the battle competition but lilly did not?
Other than the things that I mentioned this series is pretty cool and I plan on reading more of it when the next chapter is out, love the idea's that you have going with magic so far although I do have to ask as far as the magic goes since people start out with X amount of magic types how exactly do they get more magic types? Is there a limit to how many types someone can have? AND PLEASE SAY THAT RAVEN IS GOING TO GET MORE TYPES????!!!!!!
I should start off by saying that I like this story.
The main character is cool and has some pretty interesting powers, BUT his personality has not been fully defined nor explored.
The creativity and the descriptions of magic are quite interesting, BUT we don’t know the history of the magic or even it’s limits.
The world has all sorts of races within it and many powerful kingdoms with unique cultures and people, but we haven’t heard of them.
There are many, many more positives about this story if you look, but there is also unused potential everywhere.
My personal advice to the author is to take a moment and expand the world and make the characters alive with all the quirks and likes and dislikes that we would have, what’s the MC’s favorite food? His favorite magic? Does he prefer to be around people or does he like his privacy? Have fun with the story and don’t be afraid to talk about the little things.
So this is a pretty imaginative story. Almost fairly well written, and the characters have individual personalities. Its worth reading for a while. I stopped at some point because the author wasn't taking constructive criticism from readers well, and there are a number of dialogue instance which has unclear, or mislabelled character speach.