Isekai, fantasy, with the core themes of Identity and Fate. Story contains a, mostly, lesbian cast.
Just when she was about to confess to the man of her dreams, Eve is taken by a light to another world. Swallowing her up, against her will, eroding her, it demands a life so contrary to her previous one. In a new world with the title of “Zeroth” forced upon her, she must rely on her newfound “friends” to stay sane and navigate her responsibilities.
But bit by bit, the world loses sight of the girl inside; seeing only “Zero,” the person she did not desire to be, but the hero that the world needed.
Will Eve let the title she bears consume her, or will she become the hero in both body and mind? This is the tale of her struggles, and a star-crossed love destined by Fate to never converge. This is the tale of Zero.
This story is a slow-burn, meant to be a few hundred pages or more in length, so the plot isn't the fastest to move. It also has lesbian-themed relationships for the majority of its cast. This story partially falls under, "harem" with the main character being female and gaining the affection of other females, against (at first) the main character's (Eve) will.
This first arc will be more focused on the mentality and emotions of the cast with battles spaced intermittently. The second arc will involve a lot more fighting.
Arc two will be out in a reasonable timeframe.
I have another story up, a short story drama with light yuri and supernatural themes: https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/27010/escape-the-knight
I am will continue updating older chapters to make them flow better, and to just be more structurally sound.
Follow me at: https://twitter.com/ozefen0
Share the story if you think it's good. And please rate some stars and leave reviews guys. It will help encourage other people to take a chance with the story and get to know this wonderful journey with us. Also, a friend has made a Discord for the "Zeroth Universe" if anyone wants to join and hang out to talk about the stories, theories, or just general fun chats with us!
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This story has interesting ideas in it and I am curious about what happens and what everything that happens means but a lot of the time I'm not really sure what's going on.
From what I'm seeing the author had lots of really cool ideas they wanted to write about but didn't spend enough time planning those ideas.
I have currently read up to chapter 6 before my hunger cramps got noticeable and as of chapter 6 I notice lots of really interesting ideas that are unfortunately a bit messily done.
Also the Main Character is... I don't really know.
She just acts very strangely for a teenage girl. She was very accepting of death, didn't seem concerned by how she just appeared in this random place and just acts kind of... off.
Also she has what I'm coining as
"Sheeple Syndrome" where she kind of just accepts everything that happens.
But again there are points in this book that are very interesting and the combat is quite nicely done and I would reccomend that you give this a shot since there is definitely a large audience for this one.
The only reccomendations I could give to The Authy Author is to simplify some of the paragraphs, sice all the metaphors and precise descriptions on meanial things can make things quite a chore to read through at times.
Keep up the good work and enthusiasm though author and u will do well.
I rate this novel currently at a 6.9 out of 10
- From Lord
P.S sorry for grammar errors writing reviews on a phone is a massive pain in the ass
Now, where do I need to begin? Review up till Chapter 7
Style Score: 3.5/5
The first person style enables us to get a good review of the world based on the MC's feelings, actions, behaviours etc. And that's also the problem that I had come across your story.
Your MC is confused most of the times. She let everything goes by her without actually doing anything. 5 Chapters in and she just haven't ask the big question typical of Isekai (summoned hero) - "Why the heck am I here?"
And through her that we readers will enjoy the world and story. But so far, it is hardly enjoyable, not because the world and the supporting cast is poorly done, but because the first person narrative of the MC does not show anything other than 'Oh... is that so' moment.
Part of what makes the isekai world being a nice story can be divided into 3 sections:
1. The MC's knowledge of his previous world and the current world he is in and trying to adjust and readjust.
2. MC's acceptance to the current world. Love? Hate? Strong feelings or weak feelings?
3. What the MC will do next? Live in that world? Return home?
Your MC showed nothing of the above. And because of her style that is currently making me hard to connect and to read.
I don't know how to put it in proper words but I feel that the story lack that certain oomph. It was like when I'm drinking a tea and got something else totally different. And I can't pin-point what it is. Honestly, I don't know how far you had plan ahead for your story, or if you plan at all, but somehow, everything is messy and confusing. And the MC does not help either.
You describe everything except for one thing and which is the major flaw in your story; your MC's stand on things. Reading other reviews and checking it on my own, it seems that your choice of first person story telling with confused MC would make it less enjoyable.
You have interesting take and world and I can see that you are trying to make it happen. But so far, your MC's POV has been limited and confusing at best and it's making it hard for readers to immerse in the story and world.
Little mistakes here and there than sometimes make the story's flow a little jarring and out of place. It's readable though. Perhaps if I could suggest, instead of using present tense, use past tense in your story.
The highest I can give. I had read many stories in RRL but I haven't met an MC who is plain boring and confusing. I had been using the word 'confused' alot because that's what I felt reading yours. If it's grammar, then it would be forgivable. But if it's because of your characters, then you need to do something about it.
Everyone is incongruent. Summoned MC not acting like summoned MC, supporting characters interested in sexual advances rather than matter at hands, and others just have more personalities than the actual MC. One paragraph about a supporting character gave away more about personalities than 6 chapters of First-Person POV of MC.
"Nina… Oh, Nina. Gentle, compassionate Nina. The woman who took not one, but two blows for me. For a stranger. All because she didn't want senseless violence. And this senseless violence will be the death of her."
Like other reviewers said, you have an interesting world and concept. But your MC lack that oompph to be an MC and since you are using First Person POV, it made it even more confusing, plain and just boring. It's not about whether the MC is growing or not. The premise that she will grow into her character is a flawed one because a person's character changed for either better or worse based on the events and her surrounding. It's not based on time scale. Summoned to another world is a big event.
The fiery martial arts practitioner who was supposed to be the dojo's saviour now ended up as a confused being stricken with inability to act, decide and eventually make for a narrator rather than a MC.
You got a 4/5 for me because of your effort and I can see that talent in you. If you have a better MC or the same MC with a better personality, then perhaps you will on something great. Polish your MC more.
Style: I give this a 3.5 out of 5 because of stylistic choices the author made that either didn't seem to flow well or were jarring. (Keep in mind this is only my opinion) The main gripe I have with this category is the use of multiple speakers within the same paragraph. Although you can figure out who's talking by the context of the sentences, I found myself re-reading a lot of dialogue.
Grammar: 4/5- Nothing major, few things here and there. Nothing a quick edit wouldn't take care of. The author's choice of words is pretty solid. I'll admit to looking a few up on Google, so...fair enough.
Story: 3.5/5- The author is pretty upfront about this being an Isekai story with a lesbian cast. I think that's a good thing because it gives you an idea of what's coming before you hop in. So far I have read up to chapter 9 and it's pretty decent. There seem to be what may be a few continuity issues or instances where I wasn't able to pick up on hints dropped in earlier chapters, so some things seemed to come out of nowhere.
What I would have liked a little sooner would be a little more world building because 12 chapters in, you don't really know anything about the new world. That being said, I'm not too familiar with Isekai stories, so that might not be a detriment. That being said, the first 12 chapters take place in (in the new world) in the same 2 locations- barring a flashback.
Character: 4/5- This is where the author shines. Thus far, they've done a good job of establishing the main character and a slew of side characters that I would imagine play a larger role moving forward. There's a lot of sexual tension that seems (for the most part) built up in an organic way...no one's making advances for no reason.
Overall: 4/5- In the end, I am pretty interested in this story. It's still early on, but I'd say the author is off to a good start. I'm excited to keep on reading and see where this leads us. ozefen, keep writing.
Prepare to be frustrated. That is the first thing I have to say about the novel.
The premise of the book is interesting enough, Isekai, Magic, and a dense MC. Well, maybe dense is not the right term but that is okay as well. Prepare for the entire first book see the MC do… nothing at all. I mean, she does things, but also does not. For entirety of the book, Eve runs from the feelings, from her memories, from her impulses from those she’s attracted to and it’s utterly frustrating to see she stumbles from one place to another, while the other characters keep dropping cryptically sounding messages that makes no sense whatsoever until you read book two.
Amazing write i say. I got here from scribble hub coz I honestly skipped this novel on royal road. Sooooo anyways waiting for the next part like seriously.
Loved the ending. And the suspense is damn good. Keeps one waiting for the next part. But the story is bit vague. Can’t relate to it sometimes. But overall loved it.
I found what ive read so far to be good enough. I didnt come to this site expecting to find the next r.r. Martin or Tolkien, or king. But the premise is good, if in need of polishing. the characters seem to be growing, mostly, organically.
The main character could be flushed out a bit more, as others have pointed out. However, im not sure when they read versus when i've read. I'm also not very far into the story yet, but going by the a/n youve been taking criticisms well and have not been afraid to add in whole chapters to try and clarify some things.
The grammar seems good? I'm not wholly familiar with this site yet, but I would think from a fansite, the grammar ranges in the "good" category.
Your style is a bit odd, especially seeing as it's from a first-person perspective. however it has grown on me, at least some what, as I've read. I'm sure you've had your reasons for choosing that voice.
I'm only just now finishing up chapters 11 so I'm not the end. However I see good potential hear, and that's why i'm giving a five. But only because of the potential. I believe full potentials are not always met, but that proper acknowledgment of said potentials is important. Others have seemingly seen the potential too. And this being an amateur site means I won't be too hard on my judgments. Taht said, if nothing much has improved later on, as time passes, I reserve the right to be more critical and change my rating.
p.s. Sorry for my messy writing/ grammar. perhaps leaving a review for a story on my phone after a couple beers wasn't the best of ideas. But until then, cheers.