A Gentleman's Curse
Living a normal, content blue-collar life in the States, MC hadn't expected his situation to change for a long time. When his soul is stripped of his body, however, his plans were thrown out the window. Thrown into a new world with regrets and the memories of a life that is no longer his, he can either embrace this new environment of magic and monsters, striving to make a new life here using his old knowledge, or suffocate under his past.
Hey! Author here. Chapters post every other week and are anywhere from 3.5-6.5k words apiece. This'll be the first story I've ever written but I have a plot in mind and a plan in place. Just let me know if there's anything you'd like to see or if something about the grammar is bugging you. Thank you for reading!
Please keep in mind there will be some minor adjustments made to the earlier chapters as the book progresses. I'm building a story chapter by chapter, so I may/will need to go back and touch up some things.
If you like the story, please consider supporting me on Patreon!
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This is a subjective review and I am pretty sure I have an unpopular opinion
everything as of arc-2-chapter-6 has been okay, nothing amazing but nothing horrible, I loved the relationship development between Damien and his new parents and the fairy stuff. I liked the way Damien uses his magic. I understand that Damien was a billy badass in his past life and he wants to move away from that lifestyle but I don't think that being the kind of kind guy that comforts your attempted murderer is a sound alternative. as for Alexa, she is what I hate the most about this story, first of all, she is either a psychopath or a terrible person. pretend you are a celestial 6-year-old girl, you are visiting your aunt and her friends and their kid, the kid (I think he was like 2 at this point) walks up and touches your wings, you are embarrassed. do you
(A) ask him to stop
(B) push him away
(C) punch his fucking jaw out
(D) try to kill the 2-year-old child with fucking magic
I think that only two of those options are acceptable. but this is not the end of her violent escapades oh no no no because after this business of her trying to kill an infant she starts to live with him, and unless I read it wrong she continues to beat the shit out of him on the daily, no sane person acts like this, also she is a bully and a coward, no qualms with fucking up a 2-year-old but as soon as danger is afoot the powerful magic girl balls her eyes out because she is scared. but besides Alexa, this book is pretty good so far definitely worth a read.
I tried reading this due to Ruffwriter's mention.
The writing style isn't the worst, but it suffers from trying to use anime/manga like expresions in text. Things like *BOOOOM* *KRRRAGFCHH*. Signs of beginner writers that try to express a wacky zaney feeling through text rather than express it through words.
In the same respect, the logic of characters is sometimes 'silly anime' like at times with characters acting unrealistically or how you'd expect them to act in a comedy manga. Even worse is the massive jumps in reasoning the characters take in order to get where the author wants them, which is very visible early on when he's younger.
Another thing: The author tries to make the character young early on to show how skilled he is by being able to train at 2 years old, but it's obvious the author has literally no idea how children and toddlers act or are treated. A recommendation for any author, if you haven't had a kid, had a relative with a kid you've seen frequently enough, or at least researched developmental stages of kids, then PLEASE LEAVE THIS OUT. It's so jarrying to read stories with things so blatantly wrong. It's obvious the author isn't even that comfortable with topic considering how much effort he put into mentioning the MC wasn't breast feeding.
Finally, the author ended up defining a bunch of world plot points early on like the empire and different institutions, but then went on to have no interaction with them. It didn't really serve to teach the reader anything important, but it did limit what the story could do in future chapters. This is something a lot of low quality isekai manga do because they're in such a rush to show the reader how their story is different from the basic "rpg fantasy world isekai" mold.
Overall the story suffers from lack of understanding on subjects and poor character interaction. But I think the author has some good potential.
My recommendations would be to
- Write about topics after researching them. Don't use age as a way to discern skill expertise unless you actually go learn how people act at those ages normally. Babies say their first words around 9 months old and start talking 12-18 months old...
- If you find yourself using *these* to describe sounds or actions, instead try to describe the scene. If you find yourself writing "?!?!?!?!" instead try to convey that in writing and words. Using those shows poor writing skills and everyone interupts them differently. Personally I almost dropped the story immediately when I first saw those.
- Don't define things in great detail if it isn't needed for the story. Things should be left open ended unless they aren't supposed to be. There was no point in going into so much detail on the adventurer's guild or whatever, but I already explained why I think you felt the need to.
- As I mentioned in the title, I came here from Ruff's recommendation. I suggest you reread his early chapters (if you read them) and see how he builds the world. Look at what he explicity says, implies, and more importantly what he leaves out. If you're up to date with his story, you'll be able to see just how little he needed to spell out in the first 15-25 chapters to start building his world. And the things he does spell out are almosts spelled out with uncertainty (the chapter narrator isn't 100% sure and it shows)
"A gentleman's curse" - a typical RRL story tinged with nostalgia.
While the premise of the story is nothing to write home about, a fairly generic reincarnated into another world with a cheat that's not really a cheat, it invoked in me a sense of nostalgia. The beginning really reminds me of Mushoku Tensei. It invoked in me the same kind of feeling as Mushoku Tensei did when i still did not know what a japanese light novel was.
There are only 11 chapters released, the latest being "Pain is weakness leaving the body" so i can't really say anything substantial about the plot. It seems like there are a few things in play already, but in my eyes they seem a bit forced. What i mean by forced is they are too generic and are set up artificially for the main character to overcome. It's not bad by any means, but it's nothing anything special either.
The grammar is spectacular by RRL standards.
Now, what really makes this story shine in my eyes, the characters. All of the characters, except the father, that have been introduced by this point feel alive. The female characters and main character are written very well. The father feels lacking in comparison. I noticed that you tried to let the main character and the father experience a "moment" and try to get them closer, but it felt lacking. Like, something you want to quickly get over it to get to something else which you find more interesting. The father isn't "dead" by any means, but compared to let's say the three female characters he's somewhat lacking.
Overall, in my humble opinion, i think that the story is well written. Even more so, since this is your first attempt at writing. It has potential.
PS: i'm giving you all 5 stars, cause fuck that garbage person who gave you 0.5 stars. The real rating is: style 4 stars, story 4 stars, grammar 5 stars, character 4.5 stars. Do please keep in mind that i'm a harsh judge, but for your first story you really did impress me.
Keep up the good work and good luck!
Its amazing! Reading about boys getting hit by flustered/angry girls is so much fun! I love all of it, in every chapter! I even stopped to follow the story, just waiting how and which one of girls gonna smack unsuspecting male in this particular scene! It even has full chapter of girl beating the shit out of MC because he didn't let her kiss him!
This is a review from a passionate story enthusiast. To be quite honest author, I am a bit dissapointed with how this story has been written so far. The story has barely lived up to the tags that are in the bio of this story. So far it has played out like a third rate soap opera that has constant conflicts in order to distract the readers from the flaws that are hiding in it.
For starters. The worldbuilding. Considered to be one of the most important aspects of a story in order to get the audience to imagine the world the MC is in. So far, you have little to no time put in this aspect. We started this story out with the picture of the MC flying towards a new planet with huge continents that are full of mystery. With 63 chapters in, and 1,048 pages, we have gotten nowhere in this aspect as we have spent all this time on the emotional aspect of what every single character feels. What is the point of writing in the amazing scene of a huge unexplored planet if we have to wait our whole lives to even get there. With how slowly the chapters are being put out, it is not unexpected if we have to wait 3 more years to even reach that level with how slowly time seems to pass in the story. Also, why would you tell us about a system in his orignal world if he won't ever bring it up in the future? Is it for the novelty of being original?
Another problem that has been plaiging me this whole time is the way you just change some of the concepts for we preceive from characters on a whim by adding them in conveniently. Like the age of the MC. When we are introduced to the MC, he is at least above 18 years of age when he enters the body of the baby, and I can accept him being treated like a child and acting like a child even though he has the mind of an adult, but why did this particular family have to have warped sense of value when it comes to decency. We are introduced to the kiss. Alexa kisses Damien on the mouth and he doesn't tell her about why the opposite genders should not be kissing unless they love each other not in family way, he just accepts the mouth kissing as something normal. Although he has the body of a kid and I can understand that, he knows better than to let this continue on the the point where they are BATHING NAKED and he knows about the differences between sexes. This is also just plain weird as the parents don't do anything to stop this even though they know they are too old to be doing this. They continue to do this and sleep together even in underwear till they went off to school and are considered adults, this is just plain weird. You have forced the romance in this story to the point that it has warped the minds of the characters in it. The same thing happens with the discrimination in marrying a human. We are given information that this is not okay as in alexa's species must not mate with humans and this is considered a big deal, but when we get the school arc, suddenly 'poof' we get a whole lot of people that think this is ok and accept it happening.
Second to last is the way you put useless filler chapters into the story. We have had many chapters of the character just going to class to learn something that you don't even elaborate on. "Today we will learn basic spells, ok read this and make a spell" is all we read then *poof* the character doesn't talk about it anymore, and it becomes irrelevent as the MC silent casts and can manipulate the elements manually. I have wasted my time reading all those filler chapters that contribue ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to the story in terms of relevency. It would be better if when he learns something, you tell us about the world such as: A.How does mana work, B.How are spells manipulated, C.How does mana interact with the elements. All of those things are better than just "ohh well, I guess I learned about crafting spells even though I don't need it". I don't want to know what is happened every day to the MC for the next ten years, I want to plot to progress and the world to expand. This is not "Madoka Box" where everything that happens, happens in school.
The last two main problems I have with this story is character introduction, and the need to have many different view points. On a single chapter, we are introduced to multiple characters without any background info and suddenly are expected to remember them all. Im tired of reading a chapter about some random dude that has an evil plot that feels like it has nothing to do with the current plot, only to have it suddenly become important out of the blue. It feels like everyone around the MC has some evil plot of their own that somehow interconnects to one another. If the character suddenly reincarnated, how come it feels like soo many people knows this happened and made plans for it? This it too convenient for plots sake. The other part is to have too many view points in 1 chapter. I read one line about the MC and suddenly I have to re-read the next line because it changed prospectives to someone else entirely. Please stick to one view point a chapter as it's less confusing and only add multiple if it is absolutely necessary. Also add a drama tag to this story since this is all it has been so far, boring drama over the simplest things. I don't think it deserves an adventure tag, anti-hero, and action tag if we only have 1 scene in the whole novel so far where this has happened.
I don't like giving harsh reviews on stories but since this is your first one, it has to be this way for you to learn about pacing yourself. Don't write down everything that comes to you out of the top of your head. Think about it first "Does this sentence advance the plot/imagery/sound/etc.. of the story." "Is this chapter relevent to the bigger picture?"
Look at novels like "Luck Lockyer" "The Forgotten Conquerer" and "The Arcane Emperor". With all of them having low amounts of pages plus chapters, while still being able to make their audience feels like they have come a long way through a journey on multiple worlds. With the amount of pages your story has, it makes me feel like the characters moves from 1 room to another, and never really experience the world as they are tied down by the most random evil plots and the most random events that can ever be conceived.
I hope you read this and consider what I have said. If you like the current way you are writing this story, please put a disclaimer at the bottom as I came for something exciting and a thrilling new adventure but left with a tired soul and a headache from all the chatter of the charcters in the book. I really hope this story improves the next time I decide to re-visit it cause it came with me asking for something but leaving empty handed.
To be fair, the story itself deserves a ~4 star rating, but i can't help but be disappointed when it segues into harem territory at ch 23 or so. Please please tag your stories properly... its one of those things that's polarizing enough that it ruins the story for some. I seriously regret not control+f'ing all the reviews before losing hours of my time.
Especially when I had my hopes up with the quality of the emotional aspect of the story...uhg I can suspend disbelief for a lot of things but not this so much.
- Likable characters
- Good grammar
- Nice writing style
- Keep it up author
- Wish there was more chapters
- Looking forward to where this is going
I have read many stories on here through the years, and from the many many stories I have read, only a few have been given 5 stars by me. These include such stories as Don't Fear the Reaper, Re: Write, Change: New World, The Legend of Randidly Ghosthound, Everybody Loves Large Chests, Godslayer, and a few more. This story has the potential to get one as well.
This story is only getting better. The character development is there. There is plot, and behind the scenes detail. The characters are fleshed out, and the world itself isn't ignored. There are many secrets yet to be discovered by the readers, and this is a story that contains an MC that will be overpowered soon, but it isn't as if everything is thrown to him.
I LOVE stories with main characters that are overpowered. I wish there was more to read out there. One of the bad things people do with these types of stories is just give them too much power way too soon in the story, making the rest all bland and meaningless. Just filler for the reader to waste their time on. This story eggs you on as you read everyone wondering just how powerful a human learning magic at the age of 2 will be when the previous record was 8. This is without them even knowing that knowledge is power, and he has a lot of it as I'll explain in a bit.
This story will not be a waste of your time whatsoever. The absolute only reason this story has a 4.5/5 right now for me is purely because I want to see it fleshed out a bit more. I don't want to rate it 5 stars only for the author to go somewhere bad with the story. I value my 5 star ratings extremely, and this story is definitely going to be worthy of it once some more time passes.
The idea that knowledge is power that comes up again and again makes the story unique. It isn't some inborn talent. No, it is the knowledge the MC had as an electrician. He is going to eventually be the only one to commune with lightning by getting struck by lightning because he KNOWS things. He knows that filling himself up with negative charge like every other lightning mage out there does will only result in death, and he has a leg up on others. His rise to power is nearing, and we haven't even gotten to the school arc yet!
Please just read the story. You won't regret it. It is far too amazing and detailed to pass up. There are only so very few like it on this site.
-I am also dying to know if the MC is going to get wings like the story picture shows, or if that is a Celestial from the story. Having it be the MC somehow would probably be amazing.
I'm dropping this because of the pact. What's with redrawal when you are some distance to each other? They don't even have deep romantic feelings for each other yet. The Handprints for pact completion aren't even pretty.
I have decided that the the pact and this arrange marriage in the plot is enough to make me drop this in favor of seing the MC being baddass in the Academy.
And sometimes the narration is a mess. Not grammatically or anything. I can read it but can't properly visualize the action and needed to re-read.
P.s. it has Harem to it even if only lightly and the author deny it vehemently.
now, i was enjoying it but ..... SPOILER AHEAD........................ first of all this novel would be reallyy good if there wasn't alexa..... her actitude is kinda of disgusting, violence for no reason, or stupid reasons... like beating up a child who is 2 years old?? because he doesn't like to be kissed in the mouth.... those reason kinda of make things kinda of unrealistic.... beside making her a disgusting fuck..ing character...then we have inconsistency.... does a child that acts like that seems mature???? the protagonist said "I forget that you're closer to an adult mentally than you look" if an adult acted like the little b.tch i'd call the cops.... then there is the fact that the protagonist put up with all her bulls.hit..... might as well go all fours and let her do as she wish....... beside that now there is the kind off "marriage" between him the fae and the lil pshycho , i don't mind harem ... but really the lil pshycho is really a turn off, and with her in the way even one of the most cool ship is kinda of ruined, mc x vanessa, now the chances of that happening are reallyyy low....and i have to admit that with the latest "episodes" have been a coupe of grace, since basically it's a been confirmed that she will act (marry him , i'm talking about vanessa) only if alexa drops him. basically i can't even hope for the lil phsycho to die since there is the bound.... bah.... .
P.s: now i admit the last part was a bit of personal preference, so keep no count of it. but the first part was about a truly actitude about two characters who acted like two idiots and vary incosistencies(there are others that i didn't mention , but i'm to lazy i focused on the most importating ones to me) . beside that it's not all bad.... i have found this world setting more "original" than that of for example "forgotten conqueror" , which made it kinda of a pity that the mc at times act like an idiot or a bullied boy (or a pedophile e_e).
oh i forgot to mention , that the cliche of the "Best friends turn into a couple" is overused and it increased my hatred for psycho.sorry for my bluntness(author) but in all of this i have been quit fair about the score, despite everything and the fact that i had to push myself to read further, in future years , when we get to a later arc , i will pick up where i left and hope for the best.maybe something good will happen and i will enjoy the new future arc ;).