Transcendence?

Seen quite a few people write 1 popular story, only to try their hand at another and realize they only ever had the capability for a single story.

Thankfully, you have not only avoided being like these people, you did so without having to strain yourself into an impossible situation as an author.

With Until Death? you created a setting for both the chimeraen world, and the multiverse as a whole. Working on that premise you chose to tell the story of something that happened prior to your last, utilizing a concept that you are already thoroughly versed in and have all the ability to continue building on. Looking forward to future installments.

Andur has a weird habit of ruining his own stories after the first 10 chapters by introducing a mary sue bitch with a sassy attitude in every single one of his stories.Does that sound ridiculous to you? Because it is.

Andur has a talent for creating worlds with fascinating culture and side characters which are always shown in the first 10 chapters.Our main character also has a strong personality and is pursuing some grand ambition of his.The story is at its best when our mc is alone exploring the world meeting new people and doing his own thing.But all that comes crumbling down once mary sue bitch enters the story as a love interest and takes over our mc's life.Afterwards our mc becomes a passive beta cuck who can never say no to the mary sue bitch and gets used and abused by her.From there on our mc becomes the sidekick of the mary sue bitch who basically dictates what happens next.I thought Stella from beyond was bad,but Celestial takes it to another whole level.

Andur is either a beta cuck and his fictions are some degenerate fantasies he has about being toyed around by some bitch or Andur is a girl and this is basically her female power fantasy and our real mc is Celestial in this series and Stella in Beyond.Which makes sense if I think about it now.

The story is good as always but celestial role and action in this make me can't smile.

I can only say she is too "S" for my liking. If you compare her with celes, she just act violent without the reason and sometime out of the line for me to accept. Celes still have the reason of the quarel she have with Anthoron for many years to act violent agaisnt him and in the later half she did not act that violent anymores.
I just wish everytime celestial will change or go out the picture when I read this.

First of all Thank you for the 'Until Death'. It look like Im going to enjoy this too, 5 star nuff said.

I give this a hesitant 3 stars.

 Disclaimer

I only managed to read up to chapter 20 before I had to stop and put it down. I couldn't take another moment of that cringe-inducing romance. 

Grammar 

Never really been one to comment on grammar. As far as I am concerned, as long as it is not written in text slang, I am happy. 

No complaints from me on this subject.

Story

As for the story itself, interesting premise. Hardly unique or original but written well,  flows easily and manages to keep you engaged throughout the chapters.

Love it.

Characters 

When Celestial (female main character) comes onto the stage around chapter 10 the story takes a MASSIVE, irrevocable nose dive in quality.

What was a decent reincarnation tale, suddenly becomes a truly cringeworthy rom-com about two immortals. 

Too quickly are they portrayed as teenage brats constantly bickering with each other as they struggle over who has the power in the relationship. I'm assuming the author deliberately intended this in an attempt to give a feeling of  'romantic tension'. However, while I am not opposed to romance in novels the author fails to realise that they went overboard.

Romance needs to be down to earth and realistic in their portrayal. As it helps connect to the characters on a deeper level.

These are two immortals. Don't you think that they could have some modicum of composure, maturity or at least apathy for each other? rather than resorting to childish pranks or drugging? why would they allow to take such treatment from each other in the first place?

It makes no sense and detracts from the overall plot & story flow. 

Ultimately, the story devolves into chapters devoting themselves to discussing how pleased Celestial is about being a gold-digger and how she is going to manipulate the male MC next  - drugging, blackmail etc. 

Ascathon on the other hand, although irritated by her, choses to maintain an aloof nature towards her antics.

Despite previously being portrayed as a character too old and bitter to take crap from anyone.

Like the majority of non-committal male protagonists these days, he soon becomes incompetent and 'pussywiped' for lack of a better term. Unable to retaliate against the superiority & manipulations of the female MC (because all hail the feminist collective). Despite her being the sole antagonistic persona in the first place. She shows no reflection or remorse.

Verdict

It's ok.

. . .

Thats it.

Ok to waste time on a slow day, but don't take it seriously.

If you invest yourself in the characters or story you will only end up tearing your hair out, trying to avoid the cringe inducing sections. I.E. the 'romantic tension'.

I'll be honest, I had high hopes for this one. Not only does it have an immense amount of positive reviews, it also has a high rating. 

Too bad I'm very disappointed, I only read 5 chapters since that was all I could bear. It feels like this was written by a twelve year old. Okay yes, English might not be the author's native language, but it isn't mine either & I have read stories way better than this. 

Perhaps the story gets better, perhaps the writing gets better, but I'm here on Royal Road to read stories/books that are good from the get-go. 

There's not much left to say, just try reading a couple chapters and you'll see what I mean. 

Final note: seeing something of this quality having such high ratings and so many views, says a lot by the people who read fiction here. 

One of the best fictions on RRL, written by the best writer himself. Now let’s get to the point.

Style: I like the writer’s style of presentation, narration, etc etc more than any other on RRL. 5/5.

Story: Original and the best. 5/5.

Grammar: Not the best but definitely free of errors and mistakes. 4.5/5.

Characters: The best characters ever.. I genuinely mean it. I would infact overrate it if possible. 5/5.

Overall: A master piece, if anyone picks it up, I would not mind buying the manga lol.. 5/5.

To the writer: I worship you.

To the potential readers: Read at your own risk. You’ll end up ruining your day.. Yeah you’ll probably end up skipping on your work to continue reading this.

Pretty much every part of the story is greatly to my liking.

the sleightly strange MC and companion(s)

interesting story with a proper thought through world. Meaning you have really taken time to make something out of it.

great grammar.

style is fitting as well. Occasional humor fits in really well too. 

I honestly hope you'll keep writing this for quite some time. Would be awesome if you would even go as far as to go on after they died reincarnate since they're 'soulbound' to one another.

Prezado Autor,
Começarei a ler mais uma obra sua através do Google tradutor.
Estou encantado com suas obras literárias.
Muito obrigado por fazer uma nossa imaginação em um mundo criado por você.

________________________Portugues Brasil_______

Caro Autor

Points are :

1. Too many monolog. What are you a chuni? Why u always insert a lot of monolog? If monolog style like a descriptive or narrative then it is fine. But your style is like a junior kid writing his essay with chuni style.

2. Lame JOKES!  Why you use lame tones and expression like “wait-WHAT#?” ; “(normal dialog), FUCK!! WHY IM ALWAYS IMPATIENT! “. Something like that.

3. Too many badwords. FUCK!? Each chapter has 3-5 FCK WORD. Not count the other badword.

4. And each chapter. You deviated from previous one. For Exmple : “give me nuke, a small grin appear” then in next chapter u change The serious tone to Joking one. So the nuke didnt appear. It is simple example. You dont know how many complicated example that you’ve deviated.

5. Please. Even your Fiction for FUN. At least mix it with serious plot. 35-40% serious and the rest for fun. It is too monotone man.

6. Too many dialogs. Is that an OPERA?! Reduce the ammount of dialogs and add more narrative/descriptive inner thought or view or something. Even if it is for fun,if you keep your persistent style, your FF’s reader will be boring to the hell.

For comparison, if u’ve  watching commedy TV or movie. Every episode have too many jokes not even serious one. How do you feel? Take example of mister Bean, monolog,quiet,sad,angry,fun,serious. All mix in one. In the end. We all still loves it until.now.

Or you read a novel with too many lame jokes or too many serious plot. It will be boring.

Please. Consider it. And inspect your self,your writing style will be a mirror to your personality. Because it is a FF not heavy novel or smething. 84% authors of FF in royalroad are newbie, so their personality will be mixing with their writing style. Except for expert. Are an expert?

Thanks. And your welcome. Sorry for my rudeness.