- Traumatising content
Volume 2: Dawn of the New Beginning.
[A High Fantasy + Non OP MC + Worldbuilding + Harem Novel]
[This story is written in a Light Novel style]
Heroic Chronicles tells the tale of a 17-years old protagonist, Claude Leonheart, a lowly Initiate of the Brotherhood of the Sun whose whole world became one of many trials, and challenges after saving the Kingdom's only princess. As he becomes a hero, a new world now awaits him.
Follow his adventures of epic proportions (maybe not) as he encounters various adventures upon adventures and meeting new people during his journey as his life would then be shaped by these encounters for better or for worse. Take the journey with him as he learns his power and responsibilities that comes with it.
Becoming a hero is not just about saving girls and slaying monsters.
The cover is commisioned and done by: Artist: FatCatInTheBox
Before you lot bashes me up with my English etc., consider this:
1. This is my first novel. First conceptualized and written some 23 years ago. Only until last year that I did some improvisations and improvements to what I had kept in the dusty corner of my room all these while. This story sees the light of the day because I challenged myself, that's all.
2. English is the 6th language that I speak.And in RRL, I'm using British English mostly to write my story.
3. Easier said than done. Rather than subjecting me to subjective comments/reviews about the language, point it out and suggest an alternative. One or two would do just fine. It goes a long way.
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Okay, to be honest, this story is several knotches above most and in many ways, very impressive. It was an enjoyable read for me, to be sure. It was entertaining, intriguing, suspenseful, and funny as well. Hasty One's journey, although fairly simple, is a really strong one, and his struggles and flaws are easy to relate too. Yet despite this, you do have several flaws that did hinder my reading process.
As Volos already pointed out, you'll need to work on purple prose. You have no idea how much too much description is a problem for me in my own writing, so this is in no way an accusation, only a suggestion. I'd work on simplifying your paragraphs and choosing your words a little more carefully- instead of using more words, use more powerful ones.
I don't judge writers on their grammar, and although I know it looks unprofessional, I try to look right past the grammar and into the story. I would suggest, like iluvbloodandcookies did, to focus in on those errors, because I noticed both of them. I use both Grammarly and ProWritingAid, a Google Docs add on that I cannot stress how much every writer needs.
I think this story has a lot of potential, and a lot of strength to it. I know Volos' comments sounded blunter than I know he meant them to be, remember he was saying them to help. I think he had a lot of good points, he just said them a little strongly.
I also have to say how much I admire you following your dreams like this. The story in your bio is a really touching one, and really amazing. I think that with a little polish, this story could do wonders.
It's one of the novel that i truly love even outside of RRL.
One of the most memorable thing about this is the main character. He's shameless and rascally but throughout the novel you can see the deep and gentle side of him.
Another thing is the character, all of the character has their own memorable moments, even those old men from the brotherhood has their charm.
Harem is also quite outstanding, the way the harem aspect is handled is really satisfying, there's a character here that is sent on a mission to spy Claude and you can clearly see the guilt, destroyed, dark emotion that comes out of the character and you feel sorry for them, but if you see it from the main character's prespective...there's that aspect of "okay, there's nothing wrong with this character" but as i said earlier...there's the dark and guitly spy feeling that can clearly be felt from the said character's prespective.
The writing style is unique...I'm serious! It can be a bit confusing since this is the first time i've seen this kind of writing where the main character talks in Italic and not using "insert words".
Story...I love it, it's a breath of fresh air. There's mysteries and things to be discovered throughout the story...I can't really explain it but please do read it!
I am a big fan of the author now, can't wait for future updates! It's also one of the two author that i'm contemplating to donate to, the other one being Markious.
(Also i've read through GOD_IS_GOOD review and checked the your bio and all i have to say is that you have another admirers)
Loving this already! Heroic Chronicles is about a hero - not just becoming an OP person overnight. It takes us from knowing how *cough* is the protagonist, to watch him struck with ordeals time to time, and learned to be strong in his adventure.
The harem (okay, though he could says he loves every girl with boobie he bumped into lol), is very well-written and does not overbearing. And each character in the story aside the MC contained their very own personality and back story. So it is not just about some characters came into the setting, and boom! We'd totally forgot about them, nope. Which is why to my liking. Those old men despite only cameos, have their own scenes too. Bravo!
So, if you're looking for a sudden OP hero overnight, this MC may not to your taste. This is not your normal Shounen-Jump hero that goes OP after absorbing transcending power in a night. It is about a Hero's growth after ordeals and ordeals.
Instant fave. +
Reads just like a JP Novel, but theres no revenge plot like those chinese novels and so far into the story, he has no-one in his harem. It's entertaining and a quick read, but I'm hoping for less talking about breasts and more development into the plot. Overall, the first volume is rather good and can't wait till you start pumping these chapters out. Just don't make it into a generic story about revenge or just adding pointless girls to his harem because he is so 'OP'.
Ps: try a chapter a day XD
-6,000 words AP
Im gonna be a bias coz i love your other work i give big reviews, and as i see the other reviews their only problem was your grammar. You see ppl here are all sensitive to grammar you use (i hate this kind of people) as fellow man who have same problem as urs i kinda relate and pity(coz being proficient to english is a must as a writer here) and im just a reader. You could hire some proof reader if ya want and their suggestion also possible. For ppl who says their eyes bleed and bash ppl with their grammatical errors try go mtl websites you'll understand whats way worse to the point reading became cryptic one
I enjoyed the premise of what I've read so far and think it will probably get better. So far I'm likeing Hasty One and the other characters I've met. I wish I had the time to read front to back quickly but alas, my day is limited.
My main concern is that a good portion of sentences sound awkward, in that kind of way you often seen from someone who isn't a native English speaker. The sentences still make sense, and it's legible. It just jolts you out of the story a little bit.
I believe with a little more editing your story would need up that much better. I've enjoyed it and will read even more of it when I am able.
P.S. I'm doing this from my phone. So sorry if my review isn't the absolute best.
I've been 'fiction-hopping' through various websites looking for any fantasy adventure genre stories that constitutes a good read. I try to avoid cliche storyline, like reincarnation, summon a hero to another world or dimension, OP heroes after reincarnated, harem with no-personalities female characters pop out of nowhere but most important of all, I'm looking for a well-structured story that flows smoothly with a bit of cliffhanger that makes us readers engaged right off.
And Heroic Chronicles just fit the criteria that I've been searching for all these while.
It was an enjoyable read to me. Here's my review overall, so here goes nothing.
STYLE: Trust me, best-seller novels tend to have purple prosing. Purple prosing is a good way for readers like us to imagine something along the read; an object, a person with this or that behavioral pattern which simple words just can't make out of it, an intense situation like a battle between life and death, an environment and so much more. Purple prosing, detail or not, is a way to let us readers be part of the author's world. It is never a mundane thing, in fact - that is HOW the author let us into his/her world. To be able to feel his/her characters, settings, background and more. Don't worry about people complaining about your purple prosing. Continue it. Many best-seller fantasy genre novels out there contain high and super purple prosing.
GRAMMAR: I've seen worst writing given high rating score for grammar. Your story contains simple language and grammar. Easy to grasp. Nothing to worry about. I've read worst, yet it is still enjoyable. Most important thing is the development of your story. Maybe some small typo here and there in the beginning, but it is not something so serious that determine the story's rating. I'm not a fickle reader that nitpick every plural, past, present tenses.
STORY: Engaging, funny, some surprise factors here and there, love the arrangement of the story. Started off with good pace, and slowly led me in with more thrilling and badass scenes like the battle with the pitfiend.
This story has great quality compared to most I've browsed and read here. So keep writing. You have a lot of potentials to grow as a successful novel author. I'll be following close to your updates from now on! :D
The story has a lot of potential to it. The story overall was nice, and I love the comedy type feel you put into it. I don't know if it is just me but I got lost a few times in all the sentences, I guess I enjoy a more paragraphed format. You explain your details and your characters to a point. I wish you would describe their hair color and all instead of just their body features. Yes, its good to know they have big boobs but knowing the hair and eye colors might help the readers imagine the characters more. Now the worst part that threw me off is all the misspelled words and grammar, which I usually don't care that much about grammar errors that much. I would suggest running the story through Grammarly, it'll help with most of the mistakes. Anyways overall I liked it and it has potential, so keep up the good work.
/ l / l
(๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧ Hope this helped <3
I’m not really one to right reviews but I felt like I needed to for this story. I love the way it’s developing, mind you I’m only like on chapter 7 or 8, but there are so many grammatical errors that I physically cannot read the story. The character development and style are really good as you don’t see a lot of non overpowered main characters. In these kinds of story’s. I like the backstory a lot as it gives you a perspective on the world even though we(I) haven’t seen much of it yet. The only real problem is your grammar. For the most part it is fine,but there are just so many consistent errors that I am just unable to read this story. I am not saying it’s a bad story, I am just suggesting either get a proofreader to double check your work or just reread your chapters a couple times to make sure they sound right. Heck I would even proofread for you.