Undineson

Undineson

by Lava

In the sea country of Calder a child is born, prophesied to usurp the current throne. Fearful the royal family disposes of the child in the dead of night. Just days after his birth. Thrown into the raging sea and spotted by an unknown entity. Is this child lucky? Or perhaps something else entirely...

Blessed by the goddess Undine, a child is delivered to the most unlikely of places for a child touched by the goddess of waters.
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  • Ratings :
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  • Pages :
  • 103
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Author
Lava

Lava

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drakan_glasses BE NICE! Fair critique is fair, but be respectful & follow the review rules. There will be no mercy.
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Aheael
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Immersive. If I were to be asked to describe this work in one word, Immersive more or less perfectly suits it.

An early review, from reading up to chapter 5. I can already predict the growth of this author, in terms of his response to constructive criticism from his readers, to be a great one.

The story conveys the idea of an already well thought-out plan, which is not a necessity but helps improve the quality of an author's work immensely. The cliff-hangers and mysteries will surely increase with due time along with the empowering persuasive effect drawing the readers in to continue reading. 

  For this to be the author's first fanfic, it obviously shows great potential, for both the author and their story.

The grammar like most generally good-amazing fanfics have no discernible problems but i do suggest that changing the 'complexity' of your language at times where you tend to focus on one moment or character will help with imagery and emphasize the personality of the character- or the mood of the atmosphere. 

 The style, seriously- It's immersive,  I can't help but let the thoughts of what happened in the chapters to linger on in my mind and wonder what will happen next. This is, for me, what makes a fanfic good for the reader- to be actually interested. The varying sentence structure and use of imagery wonderfully helps portray thoughts and feelings and subtly provoke the reader into being immersed.

Well lastly, the character more or less ties in with the story because in a majority of stories, a bad character with bad character development equals a bad story and the style and grammar work in coalition to produce a good character. This skill you clearly demonstrate.

 

To sum it up, "Kya! HE’S SO CUTE!”
 

d3rrial
Overall

Temporary 4.5 stars. The story has some potential, how much isn't yet revealed because not much has been written yet. The author can express himself pretty well, so grammar or spelling are not a big issue. This'll stay on my reading list for a while.