NeoRealm - Staring back into the Future

by akhier the dragon hearted

Original ONGOING Action Adventure Fantasy Sci-fi LitRPG Magic Male Lead Martial Arts Reincarnation Strong Lead Supernatural Virtual Reality

The only places I have posted the story and allow it to exist are on RoyalRoad, Scribblehub, and my Patreon.

Jason has just turned 18 and will be finally be able to play The biggest VR game out there, NeoRealm. Using a bit of knowledge from his past (life) he wants to start his adult life with a bang. Taking the road less traveled will sound quiant compare to where he wants to go.

~NeoRealm~ the most realistic VR game to date. A Fantasy world which even after years of exploration is still mostly unknown. Want to experience the mysteries of the Arcane? Become one of the many types of Magic Users and work to improve your ranking till you can move mountains, or just flatten them if you prefer. Do you just desire to wield sheer physical power? Then train your melee skills beyond all others and decimate towns with a single swing. Or maybe you just want to know what its like to be a cat person. We have those too. Come on in and join us at 5x the speed of boring old reality (you heard us right, not your average everyday 4x time compression!). *WARNING - limited to those age 18 and up, we are not responsible for any minor losing their grasp on reality, sanity, or species

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akhier the dragon hearted

akhier the dragon hearted

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Word Count (13)
Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
Prologue - Wherein we get the whole reincarnation thing over with ago
Chapter 1 - 18 going on 36 ago
Chapter 2 - Completing the Tutorial ago
Chapter 3 - Punching and Kicking ago
Chapter 4 - Starter Town Choices ago
Chapter 5 - Into Town ago
Chapter 6 - The Request ago
Chapter 7 - Energetic Tortoise ago
Chapter 8 - Heartcore I Guess ago
Chapter 9 - Forming the Cycle ago
Chapter 10 - Adventure? ago
Chapter 11 - Goblins Goblins Goblins ago
Chapter 12 - Warg Fighting ago
Chapter 13 - Downside of Purity ago
Chapter 14 - Teaming Up? ago
Chapter 15 - Skill Talk ago
Chapter 16 - Movement Training ago
Chapter 17 - Skills Get ago
Chapter 18 - Out on the town for some Pots ago
Chapter 19 - Furry Distractions ago
Chapter 20 - Horned Rabbits ago
Chapter 21 - Boss Fight ago
Chapter 22 - Another View ago
Chapter 23 - Finally the Quest reward ago
Chapter 24 - Why Would We? ago
Chapter 25 - Meeting the Captain ago
Chapter 26 - To the Docks? ago
Chapter 27 - An angel and some chatter ago
Chapter 28 - Wasting Time on Paperwork ago
Chapter 29 - Pigs and Squirrels ago
Chapter 30 - Forest Knock Out ago
Chapter 31 - Let's Just Hide ago
Chapter 32 - Waiting and Paperwork ago
Chapter 33 - Physically Carried to Court ago
Chapter 34 - Shut Up Wolfkin ago
Chapter 35 - Lawyer Wolfkin Jumps Ship ago
Chapter 36 - Parting Ways ago
Chapter 37 - Penny's Magical Map ago
Chapter 38 - Finalizing the Travel Plans ago
Chapter 39 - Jogging All Day ago
Chapter 40 - An Enemy Appears ago
Chapter 41 - Warped Panther Fight ago
Chapter 42 - Nubbed, Fledgling, and Spiky ago
Chapter 43 - Punching and Rabbits ago
Chapter 44 - Long Legs and Insectoids ago
Chapter 45 - Variant Skill ago
Chapter 46 - Truth of the Body ago
Chapter 47 - Only Death or Rebirth ago
Chapter 48 - Taking Stock and Renaming ago
Chapter 49 - Picking on Birds ago
Chapter 50 - Fluffy Bird in Charge ago
Chapter 51 - Honorable End ago
Chapter 52 - Thinking about Stats ago
Chapter 53 - Impossible Creatures ago
Chapter 54 - Wolves but Different ago
Chapter 55 - New Skill Get ago
Chapter 56 - Not Going in There ago
Chapter 57 - Hypocrites' Cookies ago
Chapter 58 - More Animal Headed Goblins ago
Chapter 59 - Not a Quest ago
Chapter 60 - Trimming Buds ago
Chapter 61 - Buds the Morning After ago
Chapter 62 - Venom Made Him Flesh Again ago
Chapter 63 - Almost Fights ago
Chapter 64 - Considering the Future ago
Chapter 65 - Moving Further ago
Chapter 66 - Traveling Far and Vine ago
Chapter 67 - Electric Tricycle ago
Chapter 68 - Tired Jackalope ago
Chapter 69 - Forgotten Bonuses ago
Chapter 70 - A Kit ago
Chapter 71 - Totally a Normal Rabbit ago
Chapter 72 - A Serf ago
Chapter 73 - Scratchy Pinecone ago
Chapter 74 - She was here first ago
Chapter 75 - Jarr, Twig, or Nameless ago
Chapter 76 - Letters ago
Chapter 77 - Plants Unlimited ago
Chapter 78 - Judgy Nole ago
Chapter 79 - Volcanic Rose Creeper ago
Chapter 80 - A Log and Blood ago
Chapter 81 - The Spies Left Already ago
Chapter 82 - Rosha's Letter ago
Chapter 83 - James' Letter ago
Chapter 84 - Bunny Talk ago
Chapter 85 - Too Easy? ago
Chapter 86 - Not Many are Around ago
Chapter 87 - Follow Up Letter ago
Chapter 88 - Binding ago
Chapter 89 - Leather ago
Chapter 90 - Cool Scanner ago
Chapter 91 - Lily Hides ago
Chapter 92 - Squirrel? ago
Chapter 93 - A letter to Andrew ago
Chapter 94 - Leather Harness ago
Chapter 95 - Kids like Him ago
Chapter 96 - Ork without a Name ago
Chapter 97 - Forgotten Tab ago
Chapter 98 - Brambles ago
Chapter 99 - So Close ago
Chapter 100 - The Nine is Repeating ago
Chapter 101 - Not Going to Lie, No Fighting This Chapter ago
Chapter 102 - Fighting Jarr ago
Chapter 103 - Lily Wins ago
Chapter 104 - Just Messages ago
Chapter 105 - About Money ago
Chapter 106 - Small and Loud ago
Chapter 107 - A Little Rusty ago
Chapter 108 - New Backpack ago
Chapter 109 - The Wagons ago
Chapter 110 - Andrew Out on The Town ago
Chapter 111 - Andrew Gets Ranted At ago
Chapter 112 - James and Rosha Meet Some Bandits ago
Chapter 113 - Who Actually is Rosha? ago
Chapter 114 - Fern and a Tree ago
Chapter 115 - John's Journal ago
Chapter 116 - You're Forgiven* ago
Chapter 117 - Golf Cart Ride ago
Chapter 118 - Grain by Grain ago
Chapter 119 - Who's Your Daddy ago
Chapter 120 - Lets Go Thataway ago
Chapter 121 - Talk of Kitsune and Spells ago
Chapter 122 - Graded Daggers ago
Chapter 123 - Courtney Explains ago
Chapter 124 - Boopable Snoot ago
Chapter 125 - Setting the Split ago
Chapter 126 - Road Quality ago
Chapter 127 - Ritual in the Dirt ago
Chapter 128 - Mantis in the Trees ago
Chapter 129 - Lily's Problem ago
Chapter 130 - Folk on the Edge ago
Chapter 131 - No Actual Rams Involved ago
Chapter 132 - Violet Mass ago
Chapter 133 - Monkey on Its Back ago
Chapter 134 - He Forgot about It ago
Chapter 135 - Cutting Hundreds of Skills ago
Chapter 136 - The Six Skills ago
Chapter 137 - Stoic Trainer ago
Chapter 138 - Testing it in the Real ago
Chapter 139 - Impressing Teacher ago
Chapter 140 - Everyone's Different ago
Chapter 141 - Three Runes ago

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There's quite a bit here to go over.

I'll start with the style. The story is written in the third-person present tense. As a rule, the present tense often makes for a poor medium of composition unless the writer is aiming for an extremely emotional and personal feel, which this story does not intend. It also locks the reader into the stream of consciousness of the perspective character and the elements of their immediate surroundings, which severely limits one's ability to get a feel for the wider world. This creates particularly acute problems in a fictitious world, as the reader is utterly dependent on the story for an explanation of how things work. Neorealm manages to overcome these complications, but at a huge cost. A great deal of the main character's mental real-estate is consumed explaining the world and its mechanics, leaving little room for introspection, emotional reflection, or internal character development.

The game-based elements are handled pretty well. The text boxes are large but they're well formatted, and the author does his best to avoid burying the reader in statistics. Early on in the story the action was cluttered with combat numbers, but the author made the wise decision a little later to remove them, and did so deftly without disrupting the story.

On the subject of the story: the foundation is solid. The author clearly has a huge world in mind, and the level of detail comes through both clearly and beautifully, although the mechanical explanations of certain plot elements can sometimes get a little dense. Sometimes an ounce of artistry is worth a pound of exposition. It's also worth notinng that the story suffers from the lack of a clear antagonist. The protagonit's short-run quest is original, creative, and does a reasonable job of maintaining the reader's interest, but without some kind of over-arching goal in mind, eventually the desire to keep reading wears thin. An earlier introduction to supporting characters might help correct this problem, as the story would be able to get some extra milage out of character development.

From a technical perspective, Neorealm does okay. There are some problems with poorly-handled fourth wall breaks and grammatical errors, but they're not terribly frequent and the text remains easy to read.

All in all, Neorealm is a reasonable read. The areas where the story and the composition fall short don't condemn it, but with a more directed plot and a little more focus on who the characters are, the story would graduate from an interesting diversion to a must read.

  • Overall Score

This story is like bread; bland. It's something to read while waiting for other spicy insides to update to make a reading sandwich. Best read/eaten with something else and if you like young adult adventure stories.

The Main Character is NOT overpowered at all. I mean, on chapter 137 he's pretty much at the point Weed on Royal Road was at the beginning.

Not saying it's bad, it's just a slower adventure. The pacing is like a slice-of-life.

I've continued to periodically check on this for over a year now, and was hesitant to say something, but here's the review!

  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
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I'm up to chapter 60 and am loving the story so far, however once problem i find with the story is that there isn't really an overarching goal for the MC to strive for; which make me root for him. Of course i understand that his short-term goal is to get stronger but what about after that? I believe the charcter's motivations and goals should be more fleshed out and explained.

I also wish that his backstory which was used as a throwaway to make him used to culivation and the like, to influence him a bit more in the choices he makes or at least has something to do with his personality as it is just used and thrown away.

Other than that I enjoy the charcters and the grammers fine too, I do especially like the level of detail you go into while describing the surroundings.

Nice job :)

  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
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  • Grammar Score
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Story: It's okay. Nothing groundbreaking, and the whole backstory for the MC, where he comes from a Xianxia style world and reincarnates is kind of pointless. He still acts like your average highschooler. I've read a few dozen chapters and I still can't quite make out where this story is headed. What are the implications of the game in the realworld and vice versa? What's his purpose, his goal? All in all it feels kind of slice-of-livey but doesn't really want to be. It also moves forward at a crawl. Things are happening, but it doesn't really feel like it. There's also lots and lots of monologuing.

Style: Most of what we learn about the world and the characters comes from monologues. It's kind of tiring to read. If there is a dialogue, there is no flow to it. It just feels unreal, like two people monologuing concurrently. There are also chapters where absolutely nothing is happening. Like when he jogs to where he wants to go. That's a whole chapter. Or when he plans where he's going before jogging there... also a whole chapter =\

Grammar: Ok. The occasional minor error here and there that could be fixed by proofreading. Nothing major.

Character: I honestly don't know *shrugs*. A few dozen chapters in I still feel like I know absolutely nothing about the MC aside from some superficial tidbits. I just don't know him, hence I'm not invested in him at all.


All in all a somewhat boring story. Enough to pass some time, but not really something I'm looking forward to.

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Solid potential and a great story, but it suffers from being way too SLOW.

Also the fact that you get info dumped way too much with stuff that you don't even need to know about.

The grammar is great and doesn't get in the way much, but sometimes it becomes a little annoying when you don't know what it meant because the grammar just sucked.

Characters work well with the story and are not two dimensional, but they do suffer from being erratic and unique in a bad way.

Main point is that the story is very slow and will stay in place for 3 chapters sometimes, it gets to the point where you can skip half a chapter or a whole chapter and still not miss a thing while also seemingly be in the same place.


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Have potential

Gramma nd vocabs errors are ignorable to ome extent but.... 

Spoiler: Spoiler

 Maybe recommend as time killer ?

I mean it is midly entertaining with such concep and all..