Original HIATUS Action Adventure Fantasy LitRPG Magic
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Profanity

I never thought I'd be killed by butterflies. But here I am...

Edmon Valli was a smuggler, before a freak storm threw him off course and stranded him on a desert island smack in the middle of an uncharted monster zone. Trying his best to survive, or possibly even escape, he stumbles across the find of a lifetime: an unclaimed dungeon crystal.

This is a dungeon-ish story, but without reincarnation or transmigration. I started it as a whim for NaNoWriMo so I may drop it any time after that... or I might not. My current plan is to write until I can reach some sort of conclusion and call it 'volume one'. I hope someone enjoys reading it for now!

All comments, corrections, and criticism welcome.

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Author
Not_A_Hat

Not_A_Hat

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drakan_glasses BE NICE! Fair critique is fair, but be respectful & follow the review rules. There will be no mercy.
Reviews
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Viergacht
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Offbeat Dungeon story with tons of charm

Robinson Crusoe meets Living Dungeon genre - what a great concept! This story is firing on all cylinders for me, with a fantastic tropical setting that stands out from the usual Middle-Earthy fare, a roguish, world-weary main character, tons of cleverness and a dry sardonic sense of humor. I truly hope the author finishes this up, because it is publication quality and deserves a lot more love!

sev085
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

A well written story with good character and world building. You can read it as the author uses real English unlike some stories on this site. I hope the author choses to continue to build on this great start.

britael
Overall

Really good story. A wonderfull break from the clichê dungeon story. Can't really find anything wrong to complain about.

 

You can stop looking and start reading it now.

Cheers!

Mirrored
Overall

Fairly unique well flushed out world and an interesting main character. Only real complaint is the character interactions come off a little shallow and similiar. 

Hales
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

A truly excellent start!

An original, intriguing world with great promise. Lively and interesting characters with enormous potential for depth... and Growth.

You may have started this story just for NaNoWriMo, but I sincerely hope you can continue it to a satisfying end, wherever that may be. 

rapidReader
Overall

Seriously, I don't give out many 5 star reviews. But this story has earned one from me. Excellent writing, excellent story.

hye
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

This is an interesting story. It's not often you see things like the system used here. Most story's with Gamer elements are focused on hard numbers and skills, but this subverts that by using descriptions instead of numbers, which makes everything seem more real. 

Story wise, it's pretty fun, albeit maybe a tad slow. But I just think of it as a slow burn, giving me more to read.

Grammar: there are few grammatical errors, nothing that ruins the story.

Character: I like our MC, he seems human in his actions and reaction. Very relatable

 

Overall, I think this is great and I can't wait to read more of it

supercan
Overall

Not really a dungeon story per say

I have to say this is basically a kingdom builder, with a dungeon core in the middle. I would have personally preferred if the focus stayed on the island instead of branching out into the crossroads so he could have this cool island dungeon/nation. 

Also, I do love the wordy skill system, it's a great change of pace.

Overall, it's less dungeon and more action. 

if help yw
Overall

The story that made the magic system natuana and unforced so far. Really incredible.

bukvyrm
Overall

Pirates of the Carribean Dungeon Captain

I'm looking forward to how this turns out.  Looks like the author hadn't intended to get this far but so far it's a gem of unique setting (see title) and interesting character development (not really that Sparrow-ish but enough).