Lust+system=lust system

Lust+system=lust system

by Opman

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Profanity

One day a boy dies and gets a second chance at life with a system mostly about lust. JOIN ME ON SOMETHING WITH.....OK I FORGET...BUT UMM READ IT CUZ IT'S GREAT..yea

  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score
  • Total Views :
  • 10,526
  • Average Views :
  • 2,105
  • Followers :
  • 31
  • Favorites :
  • 7
  • Ratings :
  • 11
  • Pages :
  • 8
Advertisement
Remove
Go to Table of Contents
Rate it
Fiction breaking rules? Report
Advertisement
Remove
Author
Opman

Opman

Achievements
35 Comments
Word Wielder (I)
Group Leader (III)
4th Anniversary
10,000 Views
Advertisement
Remove

Leave a review

drakan_glasses BE NICE! Fair critique is fair, but be respectful & follow the review rules. There will be no mercy.
Reviews
Sort by:
KingZues
Overall

Not great but has potential

This has potential to be a great series just improve on the Storytelling and The dialog and I think you will have a wonderful story. Try to make the dialog like a real convo not unnatural and over the top like a cop wouldn't say maggot for example.