The Dungeon Pact

by Alexis Keane

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Traumatising content

They must live, and so, a god must die.

Luneil, a unique dungeon, awakens in the wilderness. He must learn to adapt, or face oblivion.

Bas, a member of a lost race of humans, arrives on the magical world of Era. He must adjust to a new way of life using only his wits and an old physics book.

Era is in flux. Harmony is shattered and a tyrannical goddess begins to muster her full might in a crusade against anyone who will not bow.

They cannot weather the coming storm alone. A deal must be struck.

Luneil was born a monster. Can Bas become one?

No matter what, Era will never be the same.

This is the story of how a deathtrap becomes a haven, and how a good man becomes a killer. 

 

 

This story is eventually intended for publishing via Amazon, however, you have my word it will be left up for at least five weeks from the time it is completed (at which point I might be posting the second installment on here), so you don't need to worry about it disappearing overnight. Also, bear in mind that this is all a first draft before any significant edits. There will likely be spelling, grammar and continuity errors, I will address them as soon as I spot them or you point them out. I read every comment (and reply, time permitting). Please feel free to criticize (I suspect I have a somewhat longwinded writing style, shouting really does help :) ), and above all enjoy.

 

 

  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score
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Alexis Keane

Alexis Keane

Your Majesty

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Reviews
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Story
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Style: The style is well controlled and sofisticated. The author makes small variation of style to fit the situations creating a seemlessly blended stream of narrative. Author uses a good range of word choice.

Grammar: authors spelling and grammar is spot on. A handful of errors in chapters over 5000 words long. And only at the start. When spoted author fixes them immediately and credits the person who found them in the authors notes. Very polished sentenses author obviously puts in a lot of work.

Story: unoriginal concept, but author makes it his own in a way that is completely unique. Narrative is already well develloped and word building is exellent and imaginative. Story is filled with unseen threat and hiden tension. Briliant and engaging. Intresting magic system I've never seen before.

Character: charaters are believable and not OP, despite this, obvious that they are inteligent and with potential to grow in power. Each character is well thought out and planned. Seems to be no chance of this becomming harem novel with undrdeveloped characters. I can tell whose speaking just by listening to dialogue.

EverShadow
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Cool Idea, could be better

I think the idea put out here is absolutely fascinating and the setup for the story is masterfully done. I was entralled from the very first chapter. Unfortunately, while the rest of the story is still enjoyable, it loses momentum and slows down quite a bit. The character development and plot movement is slow, and while that can work in some cases, the author doesn't release chapters fast enough to keep the reader's interest. It's still a fun story, but it could be better. I still look forward to new chapters. Thanks for writing!

 

Short Version: One of the most interesting starts, but doesn't keep the momentum going later in the story.

ASmallFish
Overall

Not your average Dungeon Reincarnation story

The characters are well laid out, the chapters are a good length and the premise, while not unique, has been well executed so far.

I look forward to more of the story and hope the author continues writing.

Update: Interesting developments all around, the "villains" seem to be complex, rather than the 2D cardboard cutouts that you see so much these days.

The dungeon itself is intriguing and the place it is set in is fantastic

Viergacht
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Best Living Dungeon story I've read so far

The story takes the basic tropes of the inexplicably popular Divine Dungeon series and does them RIGHT - characters that are consistent, with depth and believable growth, a developed world that isn't just focused on dungeon-delving, and far better written in terms of grammar and other basic mechanics. The banter between characters is actually funny and flows the way people actually talk instead of being clunky and painfully tin-eared, and the dungeon's grwoth from near-mindlessness to a slowly advancing and eerily inhuman intelligence is both fascinating and chilling. The dungeon character's discoveries and innovations actually are clever, and it will be interesting to see how he clashes with two developing enemies he sin't even aware of yet. Although it does get info-dumpy at time, that's kind of the nature of the genre, and it's done in third person omniscient rather than using a character as Captain Exposition with a couple of "uh-huhs" to break up the dialog.  

All in all an excellent story that I would happily pay money to get on Kindle. 

supercan
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Good story with a weird twist

A good dungeon/transmigration story.

Believable characters and motives. 

Interesting magic system that reminds me of Rank 3 in WMW.

Excelent word building, the map is great.

Great setting, full of background tension and many undercurrents. 

Overall, Zeph was cuter when she was dumb.

Also it's a shame the author does not seem to have the commitment anymore to finish the story. At the time I am writing this the hiatus has been 5 months long since chapter 17. Who knows what happened.

mrfuzzyguy
Overall

Interesting dungeon story and the first I've seen without the annoying blue screens. Great charectors so far. Can't wait to see where the plot goes from here.

Creationism0
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Overview

So for those not interested in long review, the TL;DR is that this story is far and above better than the usual fare, excellent spelling and grammar with very few mistakes, all of them extremely minor and easy to miss, and most importantly, the characters feel really good and solid. Each is not just unique, but realistically react to their situations, making them feel far more "human" than many characters in even professionally written novels. Its a must read!

 

Now for the nitty gritty review for everyone else

Style

The style of the sotry itself is not yet overly unique, but the author expertly weaves the story through what I would otherwise call cliches, making each situation feel fresh and unique. When the author breaks from her style, its only to enhance the situations that the characters are in, making the reading both more enoyable and exciting!

Story

The story itself is phenomenally written, and it shows that the author has experience. Although the concept is a path well tread on RRL, she manages to breath life into it, making each experience unique and fresh. From the way the characters are written to the way she portrays the goings on of the world around the characters, everything feels very real and believeable.

The grammar of Dungeon Pact is extremely strong. I can find very few mistakes in each chapter, and most are so minor that it's hard for me to recall as I write this what they were. For those of us who know the importance of grammar, you won't have to worry about that with this novel.

Characters

The characters in Dungeon Pact are extremely well written. They are both unique from each other and also extremely believeable. Thhe experiences that each character has gone through before the story shows through with each interaction that the characters have, as well as their general view of the world. The only minor complaint I have and the reason that I docked half a star is that it feels as if the main character has had much less development that many of the side characters, and I would like to see more from him!

 

YoloRRLreader
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Usual concept,but expertly carried out

Usual idea for a dungeon story, but a new and exciting way to go about it. The author makes a style all their own and has little to no errors in grammar, definitely of enough to disrupt the flow. Characters so far are well thought out and have been fleshed out well. Slow output of chapters, but lots in each chapter, I even find myself enjoying the evolution of a blade of grass.

Media in Sanity
Overall

I'm on Chapter 8 right now and I think it is safe to jump to the unanimous conclusion from those who have been reading until this point: this is amazing.

Quality colourful cast of characters (each one with their own distinct voice) and an unique approach to the 'Dungeon' genre that convinced me, a non-fan of the genre, to read.

Matthew T. Gilley
Overall

This is amazing. everythingi thought was written. i want to be friends with the author, thats how good it is.