Rebirth Online II

by ldyrdy

Twenty years after Rebirth Online, the first VRMMORPG server suddenly shutted down, the sequel of the game finally launched... Most of the people waited in anticipation because Rebirth Online server closed wihout any prior notice, and no game have surpassed it since then... But, after the annauncement of the sequel, no info about the gameplay is released... Join the story of a young boy unravel the new world because it is clearly the best VRMMORPG ever..

Warning:this story may have some spoiler for Rebirth Online...
Here's the link for the original novel. http://www.royalroadl.com/fiction/1409

On hiatus/on holiday because the writer is immersed in ecchi story..
I currently writes a new series called summoned hero. Here's the link http://www.royalroadl.com/fiction/1618
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  • Pages :
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Author
ldyrdy

ldyrdy

Unimportant Ecchi Master Existence

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350 Comments
750,000 Views
750 Followers
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Word Count (13)
Top List #2000
6th Anniversary
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drakan_glasses BE NICE! Fair critique is fair, but be respectful & follow the review rules. There will be no mercy.
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GiantSlug
Overall

I will give you some advices

1. Try to make the mc do the action do not speak for the action.Example: He was a noob that acted like a pro.You should let that get understood by the reader.Don’t use the author voice because that sucks.

2..It is better if you make your mc more op than weak and stupid.

3.Add tables https://www.royalroad.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=5897