Starless night hung over the quaint city, its skyscrapers inching against the clouds, shimmering in faint light. Warm wind blew through the streets filled with people, causing chatter and noise to quieten somewhat, and people to wear their thick jackets over their hands as they walked.

On one of the corners near the city’s center, a small, rather obscure restaurant stood amidst the city’s bustle. Within, atmosphere was rather calm and music being played was slow and somber jazz. In one of the corners, under the dim light of the bulbs strapped at the nearby walls, four figures were currently eating, with four glasses of wine shimmering in deep crimson.

“I still can’t believe you chose to get married in that pig farm.” Tyson said, smirking.

“Your house is a pig farm!” Emma rebuked immediately. “What do you mean pig farm?! The three of us used to play all the time when we were kids!”

“Jared, be honest, how many ‘bedtime fantasies’ did she promise you for agreeing to her crazy idea?” Tyson asked the muscular man who had a helpless expression strapped on his face.

“… seven…” Jared hummed in low voice.

“… wow, I didn’t know you were a cheap bastard!” Tyson exclaimed. “Good thing you never became a gigolo. By the time you’d have enough money to buy a loaf of bread, you’d have screwed half the city’s cougars.”

“What are you talking about?” Emma said, smiling lightly. “All those cougars would be racing to adopt him as their pet.”

“Aii, look at those crazy eyes,” Tyson said, shuddering. “I swear she’s actually willing to sell her husband-to-be to those scorned women.”

“Why do they have to be scorned, though?” Aya asked casually.

“… nope, not going into those waters,” Tyson said. “I know this muscle-head won’t help me, so it’ll just be me against you two.”

“What? When were you scared of engaging in a playful, casual banter against two lovely ladies?” Aya asked, smirking.

“Lovely?” Tyson cast her an odd glance. “Yesterday, Mr. and Mrs. Weyson brought me a 500$ bottle of wine and asked me to apologize to you in their name. What the hell did you do, woman?”

“Te he.” Aya chuckled mysteriously before taking the glass of wine and drinking some.

“Te he? What are you? Fifteen-year-old girl crushing on Indiana Jones?”

“Bleh, which girl didn’t crush on him?” Aya said. “If you could do half-no, quarter of things with a whip he could, I would never leave the apartment.”

“… right, whip is fine but a ladle is out of the question,” Tyson rolled his eyes, drinking some wine. “You really have peculiar taste.”

“I already told you: let me spank you a few times with a ladle, and we can do it.”

“You really can’t stand that I have a better butt than you, huh?” Tyson smirked. “Is that why you’re so hell-bent on destroying it?”

“Cough, cough, you two,” Emma suddenly coughed awkwardly, seeing that the two of them have engaged in their usual routine. “I know we’re friends and all, but, uhm, I’d rather not hear those details.”

“Oh shut up,” Aya said. “Who was it that spoke of anal the very day we met?”

“… cough, cough…” Emma looked away, appearing to be inspecting the bulb above their heads.

“Ah, let them be,” Tyson said, sighing lightly. “They’re gonna be a married couple soon. These promiscuous ways of ours are beneath them now.”

“Ah, indeed,” Aya echoed his expression and the sigh. “After all, they’ll soar into the highs of society, leaving behind leeches like us. This is probably a farewell party to us.”

“Ah, how can we fight against it?” Tyson said. “It’s the natural order of things… ah, I wonder if we’ll even get a chance to see them anymore…”

“Don’t speak of it, I already feel like crying…” Aya added.

“Seriously, you two should start a two-man theater play,” Jared said. “Even I nearly believed you.”

Even I? Yeah, because you really have a keen eye for acting.” Emma said, rolling her eyes. “Anyway, since of the two, Aya is at least responsible, she’ll be my safeguard. Since Tyson is a dog scum, he probably has links to some shady places, so find a stripper for Jared’s farewell party. At least you can do that much.”

“… oi, when did I become the guy who’s acquainted with strippers?!” Tyson barked. “Ai, Aya, don’t look at me like that! Fuck, you’re the one who actually showed me that place! Aii, fine, fine, I’ve been there three-four times before… alright, it was more like ten…”

“… why do you always keep talking when I just stare at you?” Aya asked.

“I’m an honest and upright person, of course I’d say the truth!” Tyson said, puffing his chest out. “Anyway, I can’t believe we’re discussing the bachelor party involving a stripper with bride-to-be. Isn’t this a little too different than what I imagined? Weren’t Jared and I supposed to be super sneaky about this stuff?”

“You? Super sneaky?” Emma scoffed. “Right. Sure. Go ahead. Be super sneaky.”

“Oi, I’ll let you know that if I wanted to I could have become an international spy!” Tyson cried out.

“Well, you do have binoculars,” Aya said, playing with her glass. “What are you spying on with those?”

“Your perky ass in the shower.” Tyson replied without even a second of thought.

“Oh? I’m flattered.” Aya replied, smiling.

“Yeah, you really are flat---flatteringly beautiful!” Tyson said as he felt cold sweat pour down his back.

“Oh? I’m flat, huh?” Aya said, narrowing her eyes as she inched closer toward Tyson, placing her hand on his thigh. “Is there something wrong with that?”

“No, no, no, of course not,” Tyson said, pretending to be calm. “How can there be anything wrong with that?! Remember back on the bus, before we started dating? Ai, if I held your boobs for a second longer, I’d have immediately jumped you right then and there from how hot and amazing you are! Aii, woman, move that hand, it’s inappropriate!”

“Ah, you two are the same as ever,” Emma said, smiling lightly as she observed the two. “Sometimes I wonder whether the two of you are dating or trying to kill each other…”

“Both.” Aya and Tyson said in unison, glancing at each other and smiling.

“So, what were we discussing before the whole thing went to shitters?” Jared asked after short silence dawned on the four.

“Oh, right!” Aya exclaimed. “The most impressive nude scene in the movies!”

“Humph, anyone who claims it’s Last Tango in Paris has no right to even utter another sound in this discussion!” Tyson said.

“Oh, and someone who claims it’s 9 Songs has?! Please, it’s basically porn!” Aya said.

“That’s the point!!”

“Aii, you two, can you just… calm the fuck down for a moment…” Emma said, sighing. “Let’s move away from the nude scenes, otherwise I might end up dragging this hubby into a bathroom for a while.”

“… eww…” both Aya and Tyson stared at her for a moment and proclaimed in unison.

“Oh, screw you!” Jared joined in. “We never say anything when the two of you flirt to the tenth heaven!”

“Flirting and insinuating bathroom sex are two different things!” Tyson said.

“That’s right! You don’t insinuate, you just excuse yourself and do it!” Aya added.

“That’s right!” Tyson nodded. “Learn from the pros!”



“I think we just outed ourselves.” Aya said, lowering her head slightly. “Oops.”

“Te he.” Tyson chuckled as his cheeks flushed red, causing him to look sideways.

“… khm, aah, alright, let’s move onto something more… kid-friendly,” Emma said, sighing. “How about—“

“Nah, it’s enough,” Aya said, sighing. “Can you really think anything can be kept kid-friendly with this guy around?” she said, pointing at Tyson.

“Oi, what do you mean? I’m an extremely kid-friendly person!” Tyson said, immediately regretting. “Don’t… just, let me leap over this hole. Please?”

“… fine, but you have to make breakfast tomorrow.” Aya said, smiling.

“What do you mean, woman? I’ve been making it for weeks now!” Tyson said, rolling his eyes.

“I meant an actual breakfast, you bastard!” Aya exclaimed. “Not going out, buying bread and giving me a jar of jam and saying ‘Here you go sweetie’!”

“What the hell do you even consider a proper breakfast, then?! Huh?! Do you want me to get up at 4AM, go find a farm, kill a chick or two and bring them back and fry them for you?!”

“You? Kill a chick?! You’d be lucky not to have their beaks fuck your ass till you’re the one laying eggs!”

“… w-what does that even mean?” Tyson mumbled. “Are you saying hens fuck chicks with their beaks?! Aii, I really have to give you some sex-ed when we get back. He he.”

“Oh? He he, I’ll be looking forward to it…” Aya said, smiling bashfully.

“… yup, you two are certifiably insane.” Jared said, drinking some wine.

“Thank you very much, Uncle Jared!” Aya and Tyson exclaimed at the same time, as though they’ve been waiting to say it.

“… waiter, check please!”

“Ha ha ha…”

“Aii, will our wedding be okay with you two being the best man and the maid of honor?” Emma said, sighing

“Nope!” Aya and Tyson exclaimed, bursting into soft laughter.

“… aah, looks like I’ll have to have cops and doctors on speed-dial…”


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About the author


Bio: Bad writer, worse painter, terrible singer. Accumulation of all things gone wrong. Rather proud of it, actually.

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Ranger_X13 @Ranger_X13 ago

First. Thanks for the chapt!


Trionisis @Trionisis ago

Thanks for the chapter !