Candor: The Forgotten House

Candor: The Forgotten House

by SkitzoPhrenic

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore

*** Please read note below ***

As a 16-year-old mage from a powerful family, Jayce Candor had known from a young age what his future would hold. As the fourth son in his family the possibility of him becoming the heir to the household was very small. But, with his talent as a mage, his potential accomplishments in the military could lead to titles of nobility and political power.

However, on what would otherwise be an unremarkable night, everything he had ever known, the only people he ever cared for, and all of the plans for his future were destroyed. House Candor, one of the six great houses that helped build the Eldoran Empire had been erased from history.

By imperial decree, all those bearing the name Candor were hunted down and executed as traitors of the Empire. With no home, no family, and only death waiting for him, Jayce decided to escape north to the uncharted Northern Territories to begin a new life.

Forced into situations he was never prepared for and trying to cope with his past, Jayce tries to find safety in a place spoken about only in legends. There for the first time, he will make true friends and find people he will come to see as family. He will encounter strong enemies, build powerful alliances, and become a person his ancestors would be proud of.

But surrounded by creatures he thought only existed in tales and pressed by the Empire’s constant expansion, Jayce’s safety may be only an illusion. To survive a world fraught with danger Jayce will need to grow stronger with each new experience and rebuild his once forgotten house.

 

**********************************************************************

Note: The story starts slow. Although there is more action as the story progresses, there is a fair amount of introspection and character introduction in the first 30 chapters. Jayce is the main character, however, other characters play a large role and the story is seen through multiple POV's. This is a draft, it is not a finished work. This is not a story that focuses on an OP MC who beats up on weaklings. At times there can be a fair amount of internal monologue. Some of that may be edited out when I rewrite the story. I decided to keep it in the draft because I think it is better to have too much material rather than too little when I edit. Constructive criticism is appreciated as it helps in the editing and rewriting process. 

 

Check out my other story Shattered Mind here

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SkitzoPhrenic

SkitzoPhrenic

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TheAgeOfTheYak
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Slow-paced high fantasy with strong characters

A very solid start with above average potential.

The way the story is set up, it's fairly obvious that the author is taking it slow, but that's his decision, and who are we to question that? It's a matter of preference, and some stories and character relations need the time to be extrapolated.

Strong points:

  • Solid grammar and language in general with a few hiccoughs here and there, mostly smaller stuff that could easily be improved with a friendly editor sparing a glance.
  • Exceptional character building and development
  • Deep world building (though some aspects seem a bit generic)
  • Interesting, open-ended character relations
  • Fresh way of telling the story through several POVs

Weak points:

  • A bit heavy on fantasy stereotypes
  • At times, different POVs don't feel quite distinctive enough
  • Updates grinding to a halt. Especially frustrating as the story will require about 200 updates to come to a satisfying end.

 

I'm a bit reluctant with my score for now because it feels like the author might eventually face problems weaving it all together again. The first arc leads to a lot of departures and a lot of plotlines with many allusions being made; it will be quite a task to do them all justice. Even the story as it is now (Chapter16) feels like it needs at least 250k words to wrap up, and I seriously doubt this is it.

So while I'm a bit cautious in that regard, I don't believe it's fair for that to influence my review since it's possible that the author manages to deliver.

tl;dr: All in all, definitely worth a read if you don't mind a slow take on high fantasy with strong characters building spiced with a light dash of politics.

uictoriam4
Overall

Too many stories are like this.It is so sad.So don't bother reading.

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ZontineJa
Overall

I have enjoyed the story as of now, and I am excited to see Jayce developed as both a mage and person. I hope the author continues to work on this story. I also want to see Jayce explore more of the world.

I don't know how to create another post, but I wanted to say that I hope the author feels better and that I am reallying enjoying the story. I am excited when I see this story is updated, and I will wait until the author's health permits them to contine writing.

rusticsoldier
Overall

The auhor is good at what he is doing..

This is not the type of story i enjoy.

For me the cons are big.

Many characters. Very little time and progress with the main character the story line.

Second con.. wow we know every single thought a character has.. this was extremely annoying. 

I actually started skimming alot just to find the developments... i honestly wondered at one point is this author practicing for a word count competition. He seems to want to emulate the chinese authors who like to drag stuff out.

The third con. While it is only chapter 16. So this could change.. i see no future possibility of the mc actually making something of himself.. i like to see a mc build base military strength. Worldly progress and politics.

He just goes with the flow to much.. even when i was 16 i had plans.. this guy just a leaf in the wind... completly understandable with the mc current life. But there is not a single resolution. Im not saying he needs to stand up against the empire or anything.. but i dont want to read about a mage who does party tricks.

The pros.. this author has alot.

First while mc is over powered. It not the main part of the story. His is not one punch.

The universe does not actually revolve around the mc.. the mc is just reacting to the world.

The details to the world are amazing. I actual would want to live in this world if i could... but only if i find out there is healing magic. Please intorduce author lol.

The author is not afraid of politics.. politics shape a world. You dont see it inmost of those transmigration stories because there not realistic. This author does it and in a realistic way. 

Author not scared of shades of grey.

Also the villian does not look like the villian just very ambitious. I almost want to root for him.

Hyperion915
Overall

Way too many run-on sentences, bad use of Commas and periods, bad structure of sentences and word usage in general, way too much inner dialogue that you could easily show us through interactions with other characters instead, an overabundance of characters who are supposedly good but do bad shit because of orders or whatever, and an interesting story. Somewhat disappointed by the combination, but the story might become very enjoyable if you work on those flaws

 

Edit: when the inner monologueing goes on for so long that I don't know what the character in question is doing anymore there's a big problem. I don't care about every single thought that goes through these people's heads, get on with the story

Goldenfield
Overall

moderately tasty read, would recommend if you get tired of all the shit transportation novels.

wolf.shinigami
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Deciding to read this was based on a whim while bored because I was up to date with my other fictions. What started as a means to pass the time ended with me completely absorbed into a riveting story with our not quite a hero protagonist. The story of a reluctant adventurer of sorts does volumes to present us with a tragic character who does his best to escape the past while constantly doubting himself. Purely by luck I have discovered a new addition to my top 10 stories on this site. It definitely makes it into my Fantasy genre top 3. Well done, Sir! I wait with hungry eyes to devour your future offerings.