The third millennia, a time of change and evolution. An era, where people, through countless generations, have evolved strange powers and abilities.
Through several centuries of selective breeding, these beings, known as mages, have become part of the very foundations of society. However, some refused to change or adapt. They believed in purity and refused to interbreed with magikind. Known as the manush, they were a rarity among society.
Now, in the fifth millennia, the manush are thought extinct. With magikind ruling the world, a three-way war grips society. In these uncertain times, a manush called Gin, will herald a new era for all Magikind.
A story of how man could realistically evolve while still pushing boundaries.
Disclaimer: Chapters will be edited once the first volume is done. Bear the beginning for the time being, and hopefully you can see my writing improving over time (I've learnt a lot on how to write because of this (though I'm still not perfect :P))
Proud Member of Writers to the End, WriTE
PS. If you find the 'notes' too boring or too info-dumpy, feel free to skip them and just read the main chapters. They're there for the reader to understand Gin's world (written in the perspective of Gin). But later on, we can see some interactions between the main characters and the occasional references to his past in the notes, so it has its purpose.
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I've come across your story through the forum and I must admit that it's much better than I had expected after reading through what you've posted so far.
For starters, I really like your theme of Science vs Magic, though I don't know if that's your intention. People are always dazzled by magic in fantasies, but in truth there are many things in science that are awesome too, which you've brought out expertly in your main protagonist Gin. I assume you're Science student too in University, given that you've paid close attention to the accuracy of scientific concepts e.g. concept of evolution. Not many fantasy authors are able to ground their work effectively in realism such that the fantasy is still believeable, often relying on plot devices or overly nonsensical magical abilities so kudos to you!
If I had to write about a flaw, then I think it would be the pace of the story.
No, I'm not referring to your delayed start to the war between the AAA and Squadron W. For this, I think your pace is fine. What I felt was a little rushed is Gin's sudden rise to become a Battalion Commander in just a few chapters into the story. Perhaps the flow of time wasn't properly communicated, or you wanted to show how fast ranks can change in Squadron W, but I felt that you need to provide greater explanation to explain why Maria and Adler thought so highly of Gin.
Another noteworthy point is your interspersing of Gin's notes with the main storyline. I thoroughly enjoy the content of Gin's notes, but I feel that it could be a little disruptive to the flow of the reader. Gin's notes are extremely crucial in my opinion to gain a better understanding of your fictional universe, and fantasy stories with multiple characters and aspects often have databases, including mine. Thus, my suggestion is to create a separate page/link for all of Gin's notes, where you provide the link to Gin's notes at the start of every chapter. Good examples of possible means to do this include Wordpress or if you're a dinosaur like me, then google drive is also decent for sharing as well. With a separate page, readers would be able to read through your story more smoothly without compromising on the essential background information provided by your notes.
In any case, I await your future releases with great anticipation!
A well thought through story with lots of information and a different approach to the genre.
While I personaly don't like info drops they work in this piece and help us understand what seems to be a complex world. The characters are well done and other than the occasional hick up when it comes to grammar the story is well made.
I will update this as I read throught the remaining chapters.
This f-fiction deals with a lot of real life but with m-magic. The mages are great and the world-building is su-superb. Please don't hiatus this and continue writing. It is really that great! I like your world a lot!
I have read till chapter 6 and this is my review till that point. If its TL;DR, go to the bottom.
First, it need some getting use to your exaggeration of certain descriptions. From the height, age, description of places etc. From the way you descibe your world, I think it is set in the real world some time in future. But then again, evolution sure has done it job well, albeit in a thousand years or so.
The pacing was done well.
Division of chapters. Perhaps you could divide it into more chapters rather than one long read. I read chapter 6 and it could be made into parts, Part 1 for the meeting and Part 2 for Gin and his equips. Just a suggestion. You are good with cliffhanger and such, so keep it up.
When I first read your story, it was all over the place. It was hard for me to understand your world at first. How it works, the history and the current events. You pushed too many things for us and the randomness between one plot vs the other plot was kind of confusing at first. It was still confusing even though you tried to tie it up, later.
(Gin's notes was a little too late to be of any use by that time.)
Perhaps you could do with explaining how the world ended like that. Or perhaps you could introduce it slower and spread out throughout the chapter. Or perhaps you could create 'a class for the newbie recurits' about the world or such.
Don't worry about the info-dump. Or exposition. What you need to do is to actually time where you want to let the details run free and when not to. You had done well at the later chapters, which showed that you had improved alot.
The story by itself is interesting. A breath of fresh air compared to all the drug eating, god slaying, haremic disaster waiting to happen, OP-ed MC who had nothing to do but destroy mumbo-jumbos. Not that I don't like those, but your story is on another level of goodness.
Magic + Science. A good premise if you can pull it off. You are doing just fine. Perhaps a suggestion, if you might. The Chapter 6, some of it can be hinted at earlier chapters to ease the reader's understanding. I'll leave it to you which part you think is necessary.
I skipped about and read some of the Gin's notes. Honestly, I was hoping for more. As Gin who I think was a smart, clever and resourceful person, surely he could make note better than that, right. It was written in a way that just... let say it like how a boring history teacher would often teaches it's student.
I don't go for the usual prose hunting, grammar scrutinizing review. Yours are readable though there were some mispelled word that could be taken care of easily. If you use Grammarly, then it would help you more. All in all, the grammar is good. Don't let small mistakes here and there ruin your content creations.
Is it me or I would prefer Wo Pim. In just 1-2 chapters, he had more personalities than the MC, Gin. Gin for me strike as bipolar character with weird personalities ranging from a throwing tantrum brat to a genius in warfare kind of guy.
Honestly, your supporting characters have better personalities than Gin. I don't know why, perhaps that's just Gin. And you know what, supporting characters are often neglected by most of the author. You had done very well in making your supporting characters likeable and memorable. For that, you have my respect. Kudos.
Better than most of the stories here that uses cliche storyline, cliche MC, cliche world, cliche everything else. You have done a great job and please continue to do so. I'm happy that there are authors like you who decided to write what he wanted to write without resorting to cheap tricks and misleading title. The reason why I don't give a 5/5 was because of the confusing start and Gin's notes read like a text book. That's all.
Your doing great keep up the great work! The story idea is brilliant, where you are the few of for "kind" left in existence. You rely on wits when most use strength and power is judged by just how powerful it is, instead of how it can be used. Crammer is good. The character has it's perks as well. Your style, the way you write is fine, but you could arrange the story more and add a details here & there to get more of an impact. This is is just my opinion & I hope you continue the story, it' s going to build up to something great!
The grammar is basically perfect. The story is logical, but interesting due to lots of twists and turns. It's an interesting take on world-building. I also really enjoyed how he/she employs the use of imagery to enthrall the reader. (the dialogue is pretty good too)
Good start to the series but please do upload more. The story is interesting although I feel that the grammar lets the story down. Furthermore, there needs to be more character development but I do expect great things from this series if these problems are rectified.
PS: Change that cover picture. It looks like a five year old drew it. Choose a more professional image.
Cracking read, enjoyed it thoroughly! Please upload more.
Interesting, need to expand, needing some extra stuff - though ur fiction's fantastic!!!!