Alviona (undergoing Rewrite).

by Aggregator

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Sexual Content
  • Traumatising content

This fiction is going to undergo severe Editing and a Rewrite over next few months. Here is what it hopes to accomplish:

1) Fix the glaring issues from Style in every chapter 1-31 (Dialogues, POV switches and Head-hopping too much)

2) Add some new chapters in and justify the development between Sofia and Anita

3) Remove the info dumps and make it more organic

4) Finalize the genres that this fiction belongs to

5) Create warning in the synopsis relating to the contents of the fiction.

6) Overhaul and show what Mira's view on Alviona is (slowly)

7) Introduce new characters

8) Show chapters the way they were intended, as clues apparently were not visible at all!

9) Make Alviona a bit more serious.

10) Make me (Author) enjoy reading my own work more (yes! :))

 

Hi. I have been gone for quite a long while. With heart surgery and such that has happened two months ago, I had not had a chance to log on RR due to being hospitalized. I had some other issues that the admins were kind enough to deal with on this fiction. It's good to see everything in one piece.

The synopsis has been removed. Chapter 1 should be coming out sometimes before christmas. A lot has changed. I hope for the better. Instead of edits, I have re-read every single chapter and found it to be unsatisfying. A lot did not make sense and unless you have previously speculated what Alviona is, many things she does won't fall into pieces. Well then, time to address all of this.

 

Ladies and gentlelmen, this fiction is undergoing a full scale re-write. While the characters and developments stay the same, it's being done differently. So much that the world should feel darker as it should have been.

For those who have stuck around and know the story: Awesome. I worked hard  on this, and hope that you will like my re-write.

For thos that are new: Welcome. Give me some time, as I am super sluggish. I don't know much time is some time, but I gurantee chapter 1 will be up before Christmas.

This said, again, thank you and know that I am back. And that this fiction will be completed. AT ANY COST. I will update synopsis after I post chapter 1.

I might post Alviona (revised, as this current one is far too.... simplified, watered down, and dissapointing version of it) seperately. Those that want this, here. But I don't want to add chapter 40. It won't make sense without the backup and world-building of re-write. It will piss myself off.

Now then, let's write hm?

 

 

 

 

 

*This beautiful piece of art is provided by Charee from DeviantArt*

https://www.deviantart.com/chalii

 

 

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Aggregator

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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
Chapter 0 - Prologue; When old dies, something new is always born ago
Chapter 1 - A pure-blood named Alviona ago
Chapter 2 - Complications ago
Chapter 3 - Haven denied ago
Chapter 4 - A well-deserved rest ago
Chapter 5 - An unusual meeting ago
Chapter 6 - A condition for haven ago
Chapter 7 - Not an ordinary child, part 1. Sheltered - at last ago
Chapter 8 - Not an ordinary child, part 2 - Let's go out a bit ago
Chapter 9 - Not an ordinary child; part 3 - Let's play with water ago
Chapter 10 - Solomon's death ago
Chapter 11 - Out of sync ago
Chapter 12 - Awakening ago
Chapter 13 - <Subjugation> ago
Chapter 14 - Rise of the Cursed Man ago
Chapter 15 - Let me protect you ago
Chapter 16 - It takes time to sink in ago
Chapter 17 - Mira's awakening ago
Chapter 18 - Solution ago
Chapter 19 - A talk between two mothers, and Alviona's departure ago
Chapter 20 - Arrival to mainland and declaration of pursuit in magic ago
Chapter 21 - Criminal ago
Chapter 22 - An interesting turn of events ago
Chapter 23 - It’s just business ago
Chapter 24 -Death and Ascension ago
Chapter 25 - Gearing up and setting out for adventure ago
Chapter 26 - What is your limit? ago
Mistake and an update ago
Chapter 27 - Mana is a form of energy ago
Chapter 28 - Have some problems with a magical dungeon? No worries! Let a newbie join you ago
Chapter 29 - Alviona teams up with Ironmight ago
Chapter 30 - Raiding the dungeon?! Next time, be sure to be polite and knock! ago
Chapter 31 - Raiding Tratmul, learning of Stats, and obtaining Shinies! ago
Chapter 32 - A dwarf with an ambition to pursue magic! ago
Chapter 33 - The cost of Power ago
Chapter 34 - Enrollment ago
Interlude - Zar'Hakal ago
Chapter 35 - A Meeting between Alvionas and the Core ago
Chapter 36 - You, me, and duel! ago
Chapter 37 - Alviona's trickery ago
Chapter 38 - Alviona's first day of school turned out to be queer ago
Chapter 39 - Emotions Stirred ago
Not a chapter, but a Q&A. Everyone is welcome! ago

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Kamilla
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A fiction that captivated me and stole my soul.

Hello ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to my review of this fiction.

Oh my, where do I even begin?

So, without repeating what the three other reviewers said about this, I will attempt to give my insight on what this fiction is about for those that are trying to read if for the first time, or got confused by everything depicted in the latest chapter.

*Note: The interlude chapter was awkward if you have not read the fiction thus far. Not the best chapter for you to decide if you want to start it or not because it will give you a bad overview of what is going on, why it is going on and etc. So please, if you read the interlude and did not understand it and found the 3rd part of it disturbing, please read "Awakening and Rise of the Cursed Man" chapters.

Let me start by saying what I think this story is about. An insight on what Alviona is. If you follow this review and go into reading the fiction with those points in mind, you might find it more enjoyable. I know that I did, because I dropped it several times. And now, look at me. I am desperately craving to read the next update because of how much quality is on display here.

Characters are first:

A wide cast, each with their own unique personalities. Even the meaningles and minor ones get treatment where you are shown and reminded that this world works independent of Alviona. It is not unlike most stories, where Main Protagonist meets new people only to be forgotten the next moment. Nor are those characters ever irrelevant and just to move the plot. They are geuninely their own thing, living and breathing inside the wacky world that the gods created for them.

Be it Emma, Sofia, Anita, Piu, Jemin whose name is forgotten soon but the hated noble still floats in your mind and makes you wonder if Sofia will get her revenge, Solomon (I love this man!), Mira, Janine and what have you. All of these characters had their lives before the protagonist is introduced and operate independent from her. Sure, some are going on adventure because an adventure story and a war one would be boring if it consisted of only MC, but it is done in such way that we genuinely care for all of them.

For example, there are currently three users (myself included) rooting for the Mc's relationship with one of them.

This brings me to my next character, The protagonist

Alviona, the superstar and the epicenter of this entire novel. The one that will "Become the Crimson Queen" as the title says.

We know so little about her. She is somewhat mysterious because you see, anything this girl does is bound to be not ordinary. Not only is this protagonist the definition of "Too overpowered," she is also done in such way that, believe it or not, her OP nature is her very downfall.

What do I mean with this?

Well, let me see. How about crushing a goblin, inside a world that uses MMORPG model where damage and stats exist, with stone cage that minces it like inside a meat grinder? Or how about casting a simple pebble that is shaped like a needle that throws supports into panic and does Critical damage because it was so small that they did not notice it. Furthermore, the said projectile heats up to 6000 degree celsius (Ouch, hot!). Or, how about breathing a flame from her mouth only to blind the goblin and toss a fireball at it that makes metal so soft, that it allows her to stab the goblin and oneshot it? And what about her loyal "Pet?" What about him? Solomon, who is absolutely head over heels for this girl because of what she did for him, is an absolute monster! He has a secret and he is cursed. His features are interesting, his concept is great. And he is trying to figure out if it is really him, a man that used to care less, that is now caring for one girl and is willing to toss away his life?

With a girl that is so OP, how can she possibly die? How can we be ever worried about her?

Well, that is a good question and here is how. Alviona is inside a mortal body. Do not forget that the real thing exists inside her. Her appearance is part of her, yes. Her body is technically immortal in its right, yes. But it does not mean she is invincible. When I kept reading it, I could not help but remember a game that I played when I was a child: Prince of Persia, the two thrones back on ps2. I messaged the author if he had taken the concept and god was I satisfied when he actually replied and said: "yes, it is." What do I mean? Well in the last boss fight the prince tells the Vizie after he asks:

"Why do you even try to harm me? I am immortal"

"Immortal, perhaps. But not invincible!"

So just like that, Alviona is her own worst enemy. Every spell she casts, everything she does hurts her. Her health is ticking backwards. And I think this is why her clock is ticking backwards as well (as introduced later in the chapter. I won't spoil it because I think readers must reach that chapter themselves and figure out and speculate what they think of that concept because I was mind-blown when I read it).

Now we have an MC that is op, but if she misuses her power, she will end up killing her body and she herself says: "If I do this, I will never forgive myself because this is the greatest gift given to me by my creators."

Next, we have a girl to whom life is a new concept. She has no recollection or idea of how societies work. What the rules are, etc. She knows only how Upper deities like her father and mother work. That is about it. Emotions are new to her, and I like the fact that the new cover page of this fiction SAYS THAT. Thank you Author for this.

 

Story is next because it is straightforward:

There is not much of a story except getting from Point A to point B. It is not your generic: EVIL IS HERE! DEFEAT IT. Or: MC gets reborn and is given a new chance to live.

No. It is much, much simpler.

A girl is trying to live a normal life inside of a world that is screwed up. Very screwed up, as of Interlude. It is slice of life story about someone who does not belong. I think the title page explains it well enough now, so I do not need to add much more.

If you read this fiction with a mindset that it is Slice of Life first, and everything else afterwards, you will notice how the Tags start to make sense. Because in this slice of life, there is adventure, drama, action, love, some strategy, etc. The girl like title page says will become some form of evil that everyone will hate and want to destroy. We are not told how or why, but we have a good guess of it. As you read more, you will understand because characters are so damn good, that they are picking up with the pace. They will reveal to you what you want to know. And even if those things happen, the question still remains: What then? How will she deal with it? Or will she give up?

Grammar:

Hiccups here and there, but mostly get fixed by author. Much better than most other fictions. Can not get better than this, unless you have a paid proofreader, which I doubht the author has. Readable, enjoyable, and enough said. 4 stars for this.

Style:

Bias here, but I like the fact that we get to see indepth POV from thirdperson where we get to see what every character thinks. Not everything is shown, but when it is, it gives people their life. It shows that they have this and that going on in mind. I prefer it over first POV. Sometimes the narrative switches to more Historical and I personally don't mind it. I love Pendragon books so... like I said, Bias but I hope this gives you an overview.

 

So, why am I rating this fiction so highly? Well, to be honest, I am not rating it because it is Perfect. There exist no such thing as something being perfect.

The fact that this fiction understand that it is not perfect is what earns 5 stars.

The fact that the author is active and willing to change mistakes when he makes them after feedback.

The fact that his writing quality is good and that he is actively trying to improve it day after day.

The fact that characters are written so damn well.

The fact that it makes me feel like the world is alive. The fact that I can not skim through a damn chapter, because I might miss out on an important piece of a puzzle.

The fact that foreshadowing, when there, is done so subtly.

The fact that some keypoints get mentioned midldy in almost every chapter if you forget it.

The fact that every chapter up to interlude is built on top of each other.

The fact that the world is learning about magic and that it is a young one.

The fact that morales are questioned.

The fact that MC is oblivious kid that is trying to understand what is life at a speed that is superhuman.

The fact that overall, this fiction has made me stay inside of it and have me bite my fingernails over and over in anticipation when the next chapter will come out.

The fact that I am genuinely concerned about the MC and her friends, her relationship, her future.

The fact that I like the idea that she is going to become evil but not because she wants to, but because others will brand her as such.

The fact that she is not as kind and caring as everyone thinks.

The fact that she has a twisted world inside of her head.

The fact that she is scared, confused, and yet curious.

The fact that she loves her mothers.

The fact that she loves her creators.

The fact that she does not even know what kissing means.

The fact that she is figuring out what are emotions.

Too many facts!

This story, out of all I have read on this webpage before I even registered and gave scores to ones I really loved after I did, has so far been the only one that got me like this.

Now, a warning to those that are overly sensetive to some explicit content.

There is rape mentioned in this fiction. But the way it is done, I do not think it is a bad thing. It is a grimdark world that the author is trying to build. One where while Fantasy, it can be just as cruel as real world. But do not let these words discoruage you. It is never a mindless thing. In fact, only two instances exist where such thing is even mentioned! One is where a Criminal is depicted and he is going to get cross a wrong person. Second one is inside of an interlude. And if you have only read interlude, you are in for a bad treat. However, if you endure and keep reading even this part, you will understand why it was done. The characters explain it themselves. It was not necessary, but they "felt bad" because  they are not humane and do not know what it means to really do such atrocity. They thought that it would be a good gift for people before their death and such. Anyways, moving onwards.

 

This story caught my attention, and I dropped it after prologue. I found it to be wanky. Then I got an odd feeling to read it again! I did, with different mindset and point of view. I told myself that I would not treat the MC as a generic OP character. That there had to be something more to it than your typical story about how someone is reborn and such. I kept reading. Then I was hit with how strong the girl was. Ok, I tolerated it. And after over 100 k words, before I could even turn, I began crying. I genuinely felt bad. I would have never thought that someone would, inside of a fiction, cause me to cry. I sincerely, cried.

The MC is lovable. The MC is strong but weaker than anyone can even think of. Her romantic options are interesting. While Yuri (Lesbian) romance is the theme of this story, it is too god damn justified. After all, she can not even reproduce! And that is the killer here that makes me so much more sad. There is no way, according to author in pm, to bypass this. She can not breed. He hinted that there is a chance of doing something but it would be different and that it would not carry any DNA because Alviona has none.

With this said, I can fully comprehend why she can and will become an anti-hero. So can you if you read the chaptares and analyze it.

Warning: This is not a straightforward fiction. A lot of things are said and done in a way that you must use your brain and connect the dots. Don't expect to cruise control through it. Be prepared to write down some mental notes.

My biggest advice, don't skim through chapters. If you  have, re-read them. You will understand what is going on better.

With this said, I hope this review helps you. It is biased, I know. But I had to write this. I have not read something like this in a decade at least. May be two.

And to Author: Please keep up the good work. Do not let sometimes lower scores discourage you. I noticed the drops at times and then it rises again, then it drops again because someone gives it 0.5 star or something that you mentioned in your update. Just keep doing what you are doing.

I love your characters. I love your world. I like the way you present every chapter. I love the potential it has.

I am not a fan of early reviews, but, this story... god damn it! It deserves it. For a newbie, you are hanging in there great. Looking forward to Academy ark!

Also, as Leftarion said, I hope Janine x Alviona ship sails.

Also, I see a new candidate but I am not 100% sure on that.

Uhm, also. Please let Alviona bite Piu's tail.

David Cullman
Overall
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Story
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A hidden gem that is easy to miss

How do I describe a fiction that has entranced me?

 Dear readers, both new and existing, I welcome you to my review of The Saga of Alviona. A girl who would be known as the crimson queen.

It is best to review this fiction from top to bottom, starting with the story.

The prologue was very odd to read through on my first attempt. It forced me to drop the fiction until picking it up again due to frequent updates. Once I grinded through the odd grammar and understood that the story was about a life of a girl that is created by two deities in the realm above the gods, it became much easier to go through the rest. If anyone has ever played the original Elder Scrolls (Arena) the experience for me was somewhat similar.

Now, originally, I have read up to chapter seven. Grammar was all right, not great or horrible. The author has put a ten-month hiatus without any warning after this. I thought that the story was dropped. I shrugged it off as another fantasy fiction that had a small potential of being different and got guttered yet again. It is familiar; it happens. Life moves on.

Admittedly, I was taken by surprise when the story was resurrected, and Hiatus was lifted. Chapter eight was released. It had a unique take on it because it did not start off like any other chapters previously. No. Instead, for the first time in this fiction, we were given a broader perspective of what was going on. A new character was also introduced who was not as detailed as Anita. However, she had a unique thing to add to the plot: The war that broke out, one that forced Sofia (the mother of the protagonist) to take her to the forest where she met a kind-hearted elf (more on this later).

What interested me was the fact that the guard's words from chapter 3 were incorrect. It had taken the opposing forces three months to get to the city that was the original destination after Chp 2. To add to my interest, the scenario at the beginning of C7 is taking place during the same period when Alviona (Protagonist) fell unconscious due to exhaustion from playing (She is adorable, by the way).

It is very rare to see authors in their fiction to deviate from words that are said. Normally they create rules and follow it to maintain sense and quality in the story.

Moving on. Between chapter 8-14 the protagonist began developing. Granted, she was shown to have a high level of intelligence from the getgo. However, in those chapters, we are shown how absurd her level of power is. A one-year-old kid can lift an entire lake into the air, transform it into a water golem and move it. The characters that react to her is even more so surprising. They are confused, and it is justified. Then we find out more about the war and how it is fought. Best part, in my opinion, is again the fact that all of this is going on simultaneously with the protagonist. The time stops exactly when Alviona falls. I hate convenient coincidences in the stories, and I was excited when I found out that this happened on its own. The question I asked myself was: If this scenario did not happen, what would the outcome be? The answer I found was that not much would change. Alviona would still be what she is, because of he condition she finds herself in during further chapters, are initially her own fault.

I will only say this much about Solomon: A cruel man who died in a gruesome and deserving way, who received a chance. One that, if you dig deep enough, lost his humanity and self-recognition in return for not dying. A character who you will love because of his loyalty to the goddess. One whose change I adored.

Chapter 15 was a boat of its own. The scene described in it was exact, romantic to a degree, and cute. A lot of mixed emotions were shown, not told. The author has stated that this couple will not disappear and that we will come back to them. I was happy about this.

It is important to mention right now, that despite this fiction being as carefree and as cute as possible, it is an R18+. Just how descriptive C15 was, the author does not shy away from showing or hinting about certain things that are going on with the characters. I think it is evident from the Sexual Content that the fiction is labeled with.

And now, for the main course. Chapter 16-35. World-building, character development, adventures, action, politics, and plot, all of this begins here. Every single episode is built on top of each other. Just to name a few, in Chapter 16-17 we are told what caused the war. At first glance, it appears to be a filler. However, once interlude is reached the story ends up connecting. 

Chapter 35 is where my most excitement currently comes from. It depicts the girl's mind internally. Despite this being slightly shown in  C33, the new C35 completely blows it out of the water and gives it its own thing. It has too much potential.

Overall, the story so far is decent. It is very slowly coming together, but it is there.

Characters are lovable, detailed and have a life to them. You can always root for someone, even if it is not the MC.

Romance is there, and I love it. The author likes teasing the readers a lot, and it is done in a very subtle manner. I did not get annoyed by it and this is in theme with the story and character development.

The style is great, although this is personal. I find a mixture of 3rd person narrator and first person POV thoughts to be quite intriguing. It fleshes out characters.

Grammar was all right in the beginning. Now there are minor hiccups here and there. They get corrected by the author almost instantly, and I like it..

Overall, this is a quality story that is slowly coming together. A gem that is hidden and waits for interested readers to come and pick it up. Quantity and Quality are both present.

 

I hope this helps you readers to get a new insight about this novel. Prologue was overhauled word wise and I believe it is much better than what it used to be.

 

To author: Congratulations on your first anniversary. I am glad that this chapter was brought back from hiatus, and that you followers have increased. Also, good job on making it to the Trending top 50 fictions. Keep it up!

 

Forgael
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

More than what I thought

I will try to keep this review as neat and clean as possible. I know that this review will be very long, but those that read it will hopefully find if this novel is worth their time or not.

Allow me to start by stating that I am an avid reader. When I see a story with a potential I hold my breath and read it, irrelevant of whether or not it is too good, too bad, or in-between. Most reviewers that I notice do reviews, be it on Wattpad or Goodreads, often leave criticism that is related to them wanting to blindly bash on fictions that get popular for one reason or the other, instead of pointing out what the baseline of the problem is.

It is rare to find novels that are written with the sole purpose of self-fulfillment and pleasure. Most are made to appease a reader-base, while simultaneously writing because one wants to get published and retain their original flavor to the actual work. 

It interesting to see that your novel falls under the former; instead of the latter. However, it is also frustrating to have a nagging feeling that you, as readers, are having enough impact on the author that things are twisted and changed from the original flow. More on this in a few minutes.

First, let me go over why I am rating this fiction with five stars (a near perfect state that should not be the case with 90% of what one reads) instead of a four-star. If I were to describe it in one word it would be the Protagonist. I rarely seem to find novels that are not related to dungeons, straight up erotic content, or a fantasy where the Main Character is so overpowered that it becomes laughable.

What is so special about your character then? Why did she catch my eye so much that I am willing to give this flawed novel such a high score?

Well, it is the concept behind Alviona -a girl that is, by all means, overpowered-and yet has a massive internal conflict going on in her head. From creation to birth, to the very recent chapter, I can see that she is being depicted as an Alien of sorts. Not only is she inside of a world that she does not belong in but she also has a comical, stupid, and dangerous amount of strength. I can see how much research is being done in order to make her as believable as possible when talking about her Supernatural abilities.

Spoiler: Spoiler

 This creates an interesting take (for me at least, but reader POV will vary) on the story. Since I mentioned it, allow me to explain what the story even is. I've been keeping track of all comments posted on this fiction but have never once, except today, commented on it because I just created an account as I could not take it anymore. I am mindblown, so I am sorry. 

What is the story of this fiction? Is it about some grand conflict that occurs which a summoned hero must stop? Is it an rpg story where the protagonist must survive because it is a monster? Or is it about a girl finding out who she really is?

I will answer the question as to what this story is by first pointing out what it is not: Summoned Protagonist (Isekai), Rebirthed Protagonist, Kind-hearted Mary Sue, Pure Fantasy or Litrpg, Pure Romance, and finally, Action. 

Now, as the synopsis of the fiction states, it is a story of a girl who found herself in a world that works differently from what she has multiple records of.

Like I said previously, Alviona does not seem to be portrayed as a human character from the getgo. Yes, she is developing a humanity and it is a big theme of the story. But there is also another concept, theme, and story that should not be forgotten. The actual fiction mocks and questions it through side characters and even the MC: what is this world and what is Alviona?

The world described in the novel is GameLit and LitRpg based domain where inhabitants fight naturally spawning monsters, perform dungeon raids, obtain loot and have High Fantasy rules constraining them. Why High Fantasy? Because the world as Mira (a character) depicts it, works off certain Schools of Magic. There are restrictions such as not being able to obtain God level artifacts, weapons, and armor. Levels also appear to be scarce but provide significant power based on what the inhabitants do. A question that game developers often ask themselves when trying to create a believable world What do they eat? is applicable here. As seen from Chapter 10 and even 20, there are merchants, farmhouses, gold mines and so forth that play important role in the well-being of a society. So we can treat this world as Fantasy setting environment with LitRpg elements, or GameLit in other words. 

We, as readers, can see and understand this concept. But what about Alviona? She can not do so and is often seen asking what does this and that mean. I like this detail, because it shows the character that she is oblivious to a lot of things (I will touch on all of this towards the end under spoilers), and yet is intelligent enough that she even forces her own mother and Mira (Anita's mother whom again, I will touch towards the end) to take her outside and allow her to explore world and learn magic.

The protagonist, from my point of view and from all the evidence gathered by reading this fiction at least ten times from beginning to the newest chapter, is not one thing but a combination of multiple concepts and ideas.

First is the obvious one. As I said before, Alviona is an Alien (genderless one too as depicted from her ability to pick a form of her mother or father. And heck, even prologue says that the Beam of Energy resembled a humanoid and one could say it was Him and Her. This is a very subtle detail and a sort of a mock. Because if taking such a concept into consideration, a beam of energy is a beam of energy. It can not have a gender). An offspring of two deities that did not reproduce but rather created a natural Big Bang phenomenon with a special twist. This girl is teleported into a world where her "Physical Body" is supposedly located. Now, this triggered a lot of red flags for me but upon reading it thoroughly and seeing how the character works in future chapters, I could not hold my grin back. The novel does a good job at pointing out Supernatural and Fantasy Tag because, at its core, it is both.

The second concept of Alviona that is developed upon first one is that It is a Girl that the readers, myself included, come to love. A carefree, oblivious, overpowered, and somewhat of a badass girl. Before you state that I countered my own logic, let me clarify. She might be a girl, but I would treat her more of a Cyborg, or a mech sort of thing. As the prologue states The physical body is a mere vessel. Chapter 27, 33, and 35 confirm this. Better yet, the most recent chapter (will touch on it in a spoiler) is a perfect showcase of just how different this novel is.

The third concept of Alviona is what I will discuss in detail inside of the spoiler. However, I will say that it is a symbol of the conflict between the two ideas. Science and Supernatural (abstract) blend versus the High Fantasy, Litrpg mechanics in a gamelit blend.

 

Before I touch on this, I would like to mention that the story has a lot of foreshadowing going on in practically every chapter. A lot!

I will only point out the Chapter 36 and 37. Everything else figure out yourself and see what you come up with. Kamilla's review is very adequate and on point when telling readers not to skim and to re-read chapters. I found it to be very helpful in my case. 

Spoiler: Spoiler

Now, let me talk about characters a little and I will wrap up. 

To give a quick summary, I disagree with what Sdeligar said about characters and agree with what other reviewers (except the Russian person?) stated. Characters are truly being built and they feel like genuine people who happened to be dragged inside a supernatural to them a phenomenon. If I was to say anything about them, it is the fact the world of this novel and its characters are the main heroes, not Alviona. The Mc is just a passerby. The emotions and confusion shown by the side characters though? It is baffling.

For example, Mira being in a state that she would recover from hopefully but is rescued earlier because Alviona happens to merge with her in a dreamland and getting to talk to her and explain what happened. It was, in my opinion, phenomenal. Just through the dialogue alone, you can learn so much. And it feels like it is a generic dialogue at best and some info dump is given whatnot. But when you read further chapters you start to understand just how the girl is feeling. What is going on in her head and whether or not she was in the same state when she talked to this elf. 

What about her mother? We were shown how much she loves her because even in chapter 36, she thinks about her. 

The story, I do not think it is fast-paced at all or that characters are not getting development. Contrary. If you take timetable and read from chapter 0 to now, you will realize that only one month passed between chapter 6 and chapter 36. 30 chapters worth of time is only one month. I have rarely seen this being done. 

Characters are also developing slowly but surely. Even the 36, in its state, shows that characters could respond like that. 

 

Style: is all right. Not too good, not too bad.

Story: I just wrote what I feel like is a conspiracy theory so won't comment more.

Grammar: Is not bad. Much better than some other fics that I have seen actually. But, do not take this as a victory. There are a lot of pebbles scattered around that need cleaning. My advice: Re-read your own chapters and change sentence structures in some. Oxford Dictionary is highly advised, especially since I can tell that you are not English speaker. Also, try out "Glamour of Grammar." It is a bit pricy but worth it. You can listen to it on audible so there is that.

 

In conclusion to my long review, this fiction, as you might have guessed by my dedication (lol), is very satisfying to read. However, it is not and can not be for everyone. Readers looking for a quick read with a story that makes sense without taking into consideration what I mentioned will find this a good read on average. A 2.5/5 a 3/5 or maybe a 4/5.

If you are serious about reading this novel and are doing so from mobile, this fiction will screw you and will force you to drop interest almost immediately. If you are not viewing this novel as anything more than your typical adventure and do not care for characters talking and questioning things, you will not enjoy it as much. If you are not content with seeing violent themes such as rape being addressed at times, you will dislike this fiction. 

Actually, I do not know what to say. You may like it, or you may not. It depends.  If you are looking for something to quickly binge read and relate to quickly and like cuteness, this might work, but I do not think it would be what the author intended. You will find cuteness. You will find drama if you want that. You will find action and an OP MC if that is what you are here for. But I think you will miss out on the premise and theme of the story that is not all about a cute girl being in a silly world. Also if you get too attached to the MC in her current state, you will be in trouble and dislike the future developments that again are foreshadowed as early as chapter 1!

Now to author, as I am not forgetting to say what I was referring to.

I feel like you are actively deviating and prolonging the inevitable. I do not know how soon that "Rage" chapter you mentioned will happen. However, from what you described, it is the blast pit of the girl's transformation into an antagonist both mentally and physically. 

I feel like readers are somehow influencing you to delay that as much as is possible and it is evident. So much foreshadowing is done and yet you avidly avoid facing the situation: Alviona is not a Hero. She is an antagonist that according to your synopsis is going to be hated by many and respected by some. I can tell that you are writing this fiction for yourself first and I wish you to continue doing that. Some readers will leave, yes. But most that have been interested in it for what it is will still keep reading. I do not think you should be scared to change the MC. 

I am no advocate and I do reviews based on if I liked the story as a whole or if it has great potential. I point out flaws when I see them and provide constructive feedback. Your grammar is not perfect, as I mentioned. But your fiction has so much potential of being anything because of what I discussed in my spoilers. Well, hope this helps you!

 

**Update: My train of thought has been confirmed! Ty!

OsxOsiris
Overall
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Character

How do I explain this?

Warning: I post no spoiler warnings. It is my belief that when reading a fiction, even if an important set piece is spoiled for you, you will still want to read it if you are interested because it is the motives that interest you.

Example: When I read Murder on the Orient express by Agatha Christie, my father had a gull to tell me that every person was a murderer. But he did teach me an important lesson: You know the story spoiler now. But do you know the reason Why they did it?

 

Style:

Descriptive. Early chapters are All right. Significant imrpovements past chapter 20 and when you reach chapter 30 and onwards, it becomes even more obvious how much this fiction is improving.

Constant changes between a Narrative and PoV(s) to give better insight of what is going on (Telling a story when needed) or creating emotional bridges between characters, and overall describe how they react to things said or done (Showing when needed). For example:

Chapter 20 extract (wanted to do 15, but it is too unfair):

"The syrupy taste from apples, the sweet and savory flavor of cinnamon, crunchy and mildly salted crust, all mixed together for an otherworldly taste for Alviona. It was her first time eating something like this and experiencing this new sensation, tears of happiness dripped down her cheeks." (An example of Show).

Chapter 10 extract:

"Nine days had passed. Looking around, the encircled soldiers of Vaalmer kingdom realized just how far away they were from the original battlefield. The scenery was vastly different. The forest which was located three weeks away from the battlegrounds was now only a few hours away. They attempted to shift the direction of their movement towards the fallen fortress. However, this did not come to pass, as the cavalry of Damas quickly caught up and once again encircled them." (An Example of Tell)

 

Why did I point this out? Because often times readers are mislead into this concept of "Show, don't tell." It is more correct to say: Tell the story, but show the emotions.

In C10 example, we are Told the historic side of the battlefield. It is narrated for the most part. However, it does not mean you can not have show in Tell. The said Chapter 10, has both elements and I love it.

Chapter 15 - Dialogues can feel like out of place, but it actually again is done in a Tell and Show perspective. The mother of Alviona is getting a major background development in this story to keep her relevant as the author in future chapters has stated on multiple occasions that they are relevant when the Crimson Empire is created (the Mc's empire).

Readers might find some bits of information to be an info dump of sorts, but in reality it is done to give a Background and Life to characters and break the trend that Characters are dumb and orbit around the MC. Two months pass since Alviona is in a forest? No problems, the mother and Anita fall in love even if off-screen. This is a quality writing even if many might disagree or find it bland or boring.

 

The author is not perfect and has a lot to learn. However, it is evident that he reads every single comment and review that readers post (Even if not as a detailed review like this), as he is often seen replying to comments and engaging with the readers. He does listen to them, and even if the story or couple relationsh might not end up as we quite think, he has a plot outlined and ready. Chapter 35-37 depict this, as they directly tie to every single event going on so far!

The style is also more sophisticated as the chapters move forward, indicating that the author's dedication is there. For this, 4.5 stars and no god damn less from me!

 

Grammar - Is decent! Much more decent than some other novels on NovelUpdates. Some sentence structure problems and minor pebbles here and there but those get corrected almost immidiately. 4.5 stars for this. I can understand the fiction, I can read it without having too much pet peeves. I can read the flow of the conversation and get the general idea. Is it as good as professional writer's - NOPE! Is it better than an average Joe? - Yep. Do I think I would give you this score if you published on amazon? - HECK NO, 3.5 max. But seeing that this is your only fiction and you are new and ARE ACTIVELY improving, deserves 4.5 in its current form imo.

 

Story - thanks to the odd style, very different to read through and sometimes- understand. However, once you understand that this is a Saga - meaning a long, involved story, account, or series of incidents (from google), it makes sense.

Every chapter is carefully crafted on top of each other, and I love it! LOVE IT! Chapter 37 was incredible. So much detail and First person PoV made it oh so much more enjoyable once you tie it back to chapter 11-14. 

It is like every chapter is a small explanation and foreshadow (As Forgael mentioned), of events that are to unfold and solidify the future chapters. I never expected that golem to be THAT, and yet it makes sense now.

A note: The author's style of writing is very different from your traditional web novels that this website hosts. It is a little bit more... not so natural flowing let's say. In other words, there is a lot of going back and forth. One chapter might say something that was irrelevant and overlooked, while 10 chapters down the line will come back and mention it being BEYOND RELEVANT. I love this. It creates tension for me, makes me think and re-read chapters. It is clear why it is done and I like the fact that it is delbierate. This fiction is not for everyone.

Aside this, the story comes along very well. The pllot stays true to the nature of a Saga. Is it the best? No. Is it the worst? No. Is it average? Yes. Do I think it is five stars? YEP.

 

Characters:

What do I say without talking about Alviona first (The MC). Well, when I started reading from chapter 0, I was hooked by her concept. When I read further (And I cheated a little and read Forgael's review spoilers), I understood what was meant by most reviewers. Alviona is a boat of her own. A girl who deals with not just controlling CNS (Central Nervous System that is controlled by Human Brain subconsciously), but also has a world of her own in her head, I came to this conclusion: She really is an alien, like Forgael said, inside of a physical body. An abstract. This is god damn eldritch and supernatural and I love it.

Side characters are also great. They have their own development, background, stories, and ideas to share and tell while being tangled with this girl who is so oblivious and lovable.

*Note* - The dialogues between characters are not like what you get in other novels. They are slightly old fashioned, but I think it suits the theme of the story (we are not in modern times). The author also has a tendency to use a lot of Formal language as you will not see compressed words like Don't (instead it is often Do not and it kind of makes me cringe sometimes lol). I do not think it is as bad as MrXerios or sdeligar noted. Yes, there are pet peeves and if such things make you cringe, you will not like it.

How do I describe it differently. Well, let me give you an example of my friends who read novels and an example from chapter 15.

I am happy that this is not a Ruwby Rose story! I'd be gauging my eyes out if it was.

 

So some of my friends are like this when it comes to dialogue: "Dude, I want only the relevant parts to be shown to me. I do not want it to be too lenghty, out of context, or straight up a silly thing like Hello, how are you?"

Others are opposite and state: "I want dialogues to carry meaning behind it. Character's backstories, their emotions; etc."

 

Chapter 15 - 22 has this, and I believe it is where most of the negativity comes from (Forgael's review also mentions this but not like I did, I hope!).

In chapter 15, Sofia is shown to explain her background via a dialogue. It is three paragraphs long! If you are my friend A, then you will be pissed off. If you are B, then you will like it.

Personally, I think that it was all-right. It depends on the context from my point of view. In chapter 15 specifically, this is done as a flow of time is distroted inside the forest. The clock is not ticking rapidly, there is time so it makes sense for the two girls to talk like this. Sofia explains her point of view and what she feels like, while simultaniously giving her Background (I.e character development), and shows her state with her firing arrows. The amount of force she applies punctures all trees in 200 yards - indicating that she is beyond pissed off, hurt, and confused.

Anita is also in this situation as she is trying to figure out her own emotions. She feels bad for yelling at MC earlier. But like the author mentioned: We need to understand that the situation is so supernatural and so different for the inhabitants of the world that know magic (Thus it should not be this odd for them), that they do not know how else to respond. Both of them have developed some feelings towards each other, and the characters make sure to express this in their dialogue even if it feels like an info dump.

Remember what I said about Tell the story, show the emotions? This chapter did both. And for this, I disagree with the reviewers. Particularly, sdeligar! Especially for chapter 22 as I finished reading it an hour ago, and was more than surprised because I read reviews first even if they have some spoilers, and then read actual fic. That guy skimmed through the chapter and I hate when reviewers do that! Like hey, the next guy reading it will look at it the wrong way? I know I did? Thankfully, Forgael's review was awesome and cleared a lot of things up.

 

Now then, what the heck? I wrote such a lengthy review for this fiction while others are self-explanatory. God damn it! -_- I am too jumpy when it comes to fictions that really grab me. I dunno if this is because this entire Chapter 35-37 thing! IT WAS FAR TOO GOOD!

Also, 5 stars to this fiction just because it created one thing I did not expect and mislead me beyond reason: A fake chapter, one that does not depict reality. You can not imagine how little amount of authors risk it and do such a thing. Best part? It was not that horribly done and oh my god, did it go back to older chapters and mentioned their relevance, thus forcing some readers to awake the interest and go back to them for a re-read. This? Ha, this is really a good writing!

Cookie_Swirlingcupcakee
Overall
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Grammar
Character

Wanky, Odd, Questionable, and AWESOME!

This is too good. The MC is OP but beyond lovable. And she has a flaw that is preventing her from going all out wirh her powers. 

Feelings are getting developed and character building is excellent.  There is genuinely a reason to root root for her. Even if we know that she is OP,  she is still bound by flesh and says herself that she should be careful or will damage her body.

Romantic options are introduced and I think there will be more.

The grammar is decent!

The story is slowly brewing.

Prologue is still wanky but it makes sense now. 

To sum it up, once you start reading, it is not so easy to quit. I can see how slow pacing can affect the readers though. Because people want plot. Right now, it is best to treat this fiction as slice of life and adventures and romance first, than anything else. Although I am positive that plot will pick up starting chapter 35.

Officially,  we are on volume 1 ended, I think. And childhood Ark is gone. 

Also, the MC has a twisted reality in her mind. And the fact that she is discovering what love is as of c34, I think I am addicted.

Sorry. I think my review is biased.

leftarion
Overall

Quality, Quantity and Speed

I Think it  is a crime that this hasn´t got a review yet, this isn´t the best thing since sex but it has three fantastic words and strange ones to see with each othere, Quality, Quantity and Speed of Release (yea I know this aren´t 3 words but who cares)

So I love your characters and hope you will continue it until the very end (or I dunno somethings can happen — says mischievously)

LostSpirit
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I am not sure how to describe this. It's not perfect, and yet, it just urges you to flip the pages. Wish I could actually flip the pages on this. I've read quite a bit, and even talk to the author a lot on a regular basis. His ideas, they really do excite me.

I'll wait to see something, a small nugget that the author has revealed to me, before going into an advanced review. God knows this fiction deserves one, and is worthy of all the praise and a certain degree of hate it gets. I understand it.

I'm also not posting 5 stars on a whim; I truly believe that Royal Road is a place for continuous improvement, and the potential I see on this is off the charts. Even the author progressively gets better, aging his work well with time. 

I want to see this reach its end. I know the author has no intentions to publish this, but I really do wish he does. Or at least attempt it. With professional editing, and some guidance, this work could stand on a pantheon of its own.

Aggregator, I promise you. An advanced review is coming, and man will I try to be as detailed as I can be for it. Keep up the good work. Don't get down!

Readers, old and new, stick with this. It's going somewhere :)

Cheers!

UthiringSnake
Overall
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Grammar
Character

With the current amount of chapters, and everyone having talked about something elready, there is not much that I can write about!

I am sad!

I will try to say that this fiiction is really good. It moves rapidly in a sense that we are tossed into the action right from the getgo. The MC is born and we are arleady shown how bleak the world is. The war broek out, monsters are said to infest the world and awlays respawn (thus people have to fight it), thus making it grimdark. We are also show later how Gods are handling things (Dwarven catastrophe that is mentioned but not wholly yet), and Elven curse that prevents them from concealling a baby unless once every 2nd century. We also have Elves not being able to birth males often. So it is an interesting and a rather fucked up/grim--dark take overall.

Characters are great, but Sofia and Anita need real work in earlier chapters to have their romance deserved, even if we know that MC is taken away from them for their own safety.

Grammar so good.

Style is good and improving. Nothing else to say here.

Houhou no Mizu
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A story you do not want to miss

Alright, let's start with an other review of a novel you do no want to miss. I am far from the only one to talk about A saga of Alviona, a girl who would be known as Crimson Queen, but I hope to do my best to convey to you how great this story is. 

Story

The story is about a two deities fleeing from their fellow gods to create a new life in an alternate world. This new life is going to be our MC Alviona. Soon after her birth her mother Sofia, recently widowed, is forced to flee the village whers she lived and find refuge in a forest known to be inhabited by a powerful elf and guarded by a terrifiying golem. They are welcomed by Anita, the daughter of the aforementeioned elf, they live in relative safety and conforrt until a series of happenings that other reviewers already described way better than I ever could forces Alviona to go out adventuring and learn more about her powers. 

That's it for the brief summary so what does make it so interesting ? The flow, the attention to details, the blend of genres, from fantasy to gamelit and most importantly its potential to greatness!! Hum,hum I mean its incredible immersivity innocent. The world build in this story makes enough sense to be able to believe in it but also gives enough enigma to want us to know more about it, a bit like Alviona,who is a real cinnamon roll by the way.

All in all 5/5 for me

 

Characters

The characters are simply great and have depth in them, be it our very candid Alvionna, who under her wonderful and adorable exterior hides the perfect anti-hero, or Mira the OP druid or evne Solomon, the repented. All of those and even more imbue life into the story because they are complex and are real enough to identify easily to them.

Style

 The style of the story in itself is quite utilitarian, nothing much to dwell on it but it could be improved in the delivery of the dialogues who sometimes are handled in a very artificial way but the author already made a lot of effort to correct this flaw so props to him or her.

Grammar

The grammar can still be improved but is not jarring either and the author makes effort to reread themselves to make it better.

 

TL;DR Read A saga of Alviona, a girl who whould be known as Crimson Queen

You will not regret it!!!

Rotten Ivy
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Style: 3rd person omniscient. A rare POV nowadays, as everyone prefers 3rd person Limited for its ability to be close to one specific character. The execution of the style is rather good in later chapters but is somewhat jarring in earlier ones. However, don't assume anything. Read the fiction and reach chapter prior to re-write and you will see how much better style became. Overall, 5/5 for me.

Grammar: Sentences read fluidly, and few gramatical errors. Considering that this is just a first draft, 5/5.

Story: First half of the story flows flluidly, transfering the character from infancy to the adulthood. However, it is done in an odd way and I hope that the edits and a mild re-write willl fix the questions that jar the reader's minds. Second half of the story is a slice of life with minor plot moving it forward. A user named Sdeligar said that Story is constantly pushed forward. This is incorrect.

To whoever is reading this: If you don't understand what the MC is from prologue and perhaps how she interacts with the world by chapter 14, then you shoudl stop reading and leave but definetelly not bash the fiction because you yourself failedd to comprehend the stakes. The authors DO NOT have to chew everything out for you. Use your f*ing brain.

Be thankful that the story will get edit for style to match its later chapter counterparts.

Character: Alviona as an Mc is unique. The world interacts with her in an odd fashion. She herself is keeping her identity a secret (as chapter 35 discussed). Unlike stories like: Siphon, ELLC, Lilly Ex Machina, and etc. This fiction ensures that it is paced slowly to develop both the characters and the world. The author admitted that he made a mistake in letting the MC's mother live, but she is Alive. So edits and re-writes (adding new chapters) willl be taking place to fix that. And unlike the novels I just mentioned, the MC is finally flawed. Not only can she "Die," but her psychology is at stakes too. She constantly conflicts with herself not in an insecure way, but rather "If I damage my vessel I am direspecting my parents," or "if I create a black hole, I will destroy the world."

Also, author confirmed that Alviona is at least Eons old, meaning that those that paid attention to Mira's conversation, realised that the POV in that chapter was Biased Narrator.

 

Overall, 5/5 for me. A really well put piece that after edits that author planned (hopefully it is not going to take more than a month) will be a top 5 material due to its originality.