Arduous New World

by Floating Elephants

Original HIATUS Adventure Fantasy LitRPG Magic Male Lead

Alright, so I'm using this as a whetstone to practice my fiction writing. I have dyslexia, so bear with me if I have any mistakes, if you point them out I'll try and correct them. 

The story is LitRPG, I'll try and avoid some of the tropes, see FAQ. 
What happens is that the world turns out to be a simulation coming to an end, and beginning on its new simulation, in this process the system of the universe declares that the new simulation will be rpg-based. The protagonist however is thrust into an empty space before the simulation comes to an end, he escapes and finds that the world as he knew it is gone.

Chapters will come sporadically as I'm quite busy IRL. 

FAQ
1: There will be no Harem. 
2: If any sexual content, it will be be below the screen, example sentence [they made love - or - they had sex]
3: I'll try to keep character motivations steady instead of having characters who says and does one thing in one chapter, only to change their mind in the next one. 
3: Villains or "bad guys" won't be charicatures. Of course, as in real life, you can meet these people, but as far as big bads or antagonists goes, they will have some modicum of intelligence. 
4: The MC does not have an encyclopedia of random knowledge. 
5: OP'ness won't happen overnight, and it is something that I'm wary of in terms of adding it, of course eventually the MC will grow more powerful, but there won't be any cheats, except hard work; and the luck factor will be more or less similar to the rest of the population. 
6: He won't be opposing the universe, no matter how powerful he grows, he is too insignificant
7: he won't become friends with god/the ghost in the shell etc, no matter how powerful he grows, he is too insignificant, and an ancient simulation ai has no interest anyway, why would it ? 
Okay that's that for now. 

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Floating Elephants

Floating Elephants

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pendevin
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Since the author doesn't provide a good summary, I'll try to do that here.

Edra Walker finds out that the world is just a simulation at the same time that the simulation comes to an end. Due to a bug in the conversion to an RPG world, Edra doesn't get transferred over until countless years have passed.

Follow along, as Edra attempts to survive in a dangerous world with strange rules. He'll commune with a dragon, row a boat in a desert, and learn to hold his alcohol (maybe?).

 

 

The grammar is fine, other than sentence structure problems.

It sometimes feels like Edra is being swept along by the story with no agency. He's not overpowered and wandering through life with nothing to do, but events around him sometimes happen very conveniently for the author's agenda, rather than logic or worldbuilding.

Overall, this is a good start, and I would recommend giving this a read.

Not_A_Hat
  • Overall Score

Rough, but entertaining.

If you like moderately convoluted plots, and are alright with big walls of text and taking fairly long breaks from the MC, this story is pretty good.

On the upside, there are interesting plot twists and convolutions; the author isn't afraid to throw in some drastic stuff, and that's great. The MC is a decent guy; maybe a bit on the 'overly heroic' side, but I prefer that to pointlessly villainous.

On the downside, there are long stretches where this focuses entirely on side characters; that wouldn't really bother me, except that the side characters rarely stick around longer than the arc. This makes it hard to feel like what they're doing is really meaningful; some of it impacts the MC, so it's not all bad, but there's no real over-arching plot that ties it all together. As such, I'm sometimes like 'just get this over with already'.

Also, walls of text. The author doesn't always put in paragraph breaks properly, but more than that, usually doesn't break up big descriptive paragraphs and the like. Granted, I like my paragraphs pretty short, but this is a bit over-the-top even considering that.

The grammar is decent, although the puntuation is a bit random, and some persistent word-choice errors stuck out to me. (hearts quenching instead of clenching, etc.)

Overall it's fun? Just a bit boring and annoying at times.