Between War and Magic

by Jokerx7

Original HIATUS Action Adventure Fantasy Grimdark Magic
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Traumatising content

In this world of magic and war, death is common place, the only ones who can safely survive are those who command and understand magic. Rayen is an orphan kid of humble origins whose goal is to become a great mage. To achieve this he must adventure around the mysterious world and meet a lot of interesting people and places. But unprecedented changes are about to occur. Changes that will shake the world and bring dangers by which not even the best mages will be safe anymore. And he will be in the center of it all. Will he be able to survive? Will he become a great mage?

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  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
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Jokerx7

Jokerx7

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Wilberforce
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I like grandma's schizophrenia

At chapter 9

Style

I give four here because your story is easy to read, and your dialogues are good.

The reason I can't give five is because of certain specific scenes, like the fight scenes. For me it felt stereotypic. But I still enjoyed them. 

Story ; plot, power levels and world development 

Lemme be clear with one thing, I'm not one of those reviewers that give 5/5 for the leave-home-join-a-sect-and-become-the-strongest-there plot. I'm tired of it from both CD and issth. And your plot started like that, but fortunately it took an interesting turn.

The power levels are so far well set. 

The world is not. Because up to this point (Ch 8), I can't picture the world clearly in my head. 

Character 

You did well here, except sometimes you forget to tell us about the important physical features of some of the important characters (especially in the earlier chapters).

Also about grandma; even though I like psychiatry classes a lot in medical school, but I still can't diagnose the exact type of schizophrenia she has. For she has Delusions, Illusions and even Hallucinations. Maybe you can shed more light. 

Grammar 

This is good and readable, only that you missed some words sometimes. And I don't if it's just me, but I seem to realize you using a lot of 'On' instead of 'In'. 

Example; "It was on a temple." Coz I remember him finding the badge inside the temple, not on it. (Well I don't know, not a native English speaker)

NB: I'll follow the story and I may edit the review based on how the plot turns.