A love so divine!

by stella

Original HIATUS Action Adventure Comedy Drama Fantasy Romance
Hitoshi Kurosawa a delinquent unblessed since birth with the face of a villain. After death he gets reborn as....a Demon General. Now in a dungeon, guarding the room leading to tthe final boss, the Demon King, the heroes come. Among them is a high priestess that spikes our MC's love interest, but will his love ever be returned?

Watch him and his """"elite"""" entourage as he embarks on a love journey full of mishaps and misunderstandings.....

RPG elements after volume II.

Inspired by the LN ''Yuusha Party no Kawaii ko ga ita no de, Kokuhaku Shite Mita'' no copy right infringment intended.

WARNING
Rating is Mature: Vulgar vocabulary, sexual innuendos and explicit sexual scenes. Read at your own discretion, aka only if you are of legal age in your country and have humour! Must have humour!
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stella

stella

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Ailouro
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supercalifragilisticexpialidocious

Alrighty, thankfully to the horrible review on your fiction, "A love so Divine".  This'll make things a bit longer as I completely see that review as an inept and wasteful. If you've paid heed to it, well here's why you shouldn't, along with your review! 

2 birds killed with 1 stone. 

 

QUICK WARNING: I will be pretty rude to "Rota" seeing as how rude he was towards you. 

 

As Rota has so wonderfully said, "reader interactive does NOT mean being the readers b***h." I think he fails to understand what "reader interactive" is here. Reader interactive is the reader deducing the meaning behind the writer's words. I can see that you have removed it but I strongly advise you to bring it back.

 As to you changing the deaths, that's perfectly acceptable in the case that you actually put a poll or vote for your story line to go towards that ending A or ending B. It doesn't mean you're being the reader's "b***h* rather your story more relies on the reader's opinions or comments.

        However. there is a thin line between following the readers every whim and actually writing your OWN story. The moment you write something you like and prefer and change it because of some readers complaining, you start to lose your OWN story. Remember that. It is YOUR story not theirs, if so- they can write it up themselves. Have confidence.

 

Finally we start with the actual review:

Your story IS good! How so? Rota fails to even explain there but just states it good. Let me explain to dear Author why your story, in my opinion, is a great read not just to pass the time but something that'll make a majority of the people who read it want more.

 

Firstly, your style of writing is 100% suitable, in terms of humour and comedy, which is a rather large aspect of your entire story. It doesn't feel forced rather the interaction between characters seem normal and is comfortable. It feels as if you, as the author, experience it daily making it that much easier in text.

  I like that sense of comfortableness because it helps make the character's personalties fit in the story rather than coming off as forced- forced humour, forced dialogue. 

Yes, why it does start off with a similar plot to another Light Novel. What does that mean? It's not original?  wrong. The plot the author writes diverts from the other LN making it his own, and original. It isn't a copy or you could comment that a majority of fictions on this site have similar plots to SAO, LMS, Ark, CD and so forth so that was just a useless comment and inconsistent in actually providing an explaining for your thought like everything else in your review.

Ironic, your title is Inconsistent ...

What the heck do you mean delaying the 'reincarnation event'? He's already reincarnated you idiot. Or what? He magically got transferred to the world? You say there's only some build up and development towards his character but that consistency of character development is shown throughout his entire god damn story. What through? Dialogue. He utilises dialogue immensely to portray what kind of people our characters are.

           That's another thing. Mr Author, you use a substantial amount of dialogue and that's perfectly fine! However try adding in more thoughts and feelings or describe the actions because it's dull compared to your dialogue. Like he passes the rag to him > he passes the dirty rag towards him and he flinches at the smell.

 

"the grammar is what we have come to expect with the site. there are many instances of incorrect spellings or word usage, even occasional sentences which don’t make much sense when read. using the right software when writing the chapters can help point out and correct many of the mistakes that one would normally have to rely on a PR to assess, my forum signature has a decent free app for chrome users that can also plug into Microsoft word (only paid version for this I think) and it’s much better than a basic spell checker."                 < What the hell is this? Right. right, so you came here to point out there's a decent free app for his grammar? Could you even be bothered to include where exactly where the grammar mistakes are? Or an example at the very least? 

              If we're talking about grammar, which is punctuation NOT spelling- another thing Rota fails to understand. You're doing a very good job as like I spoke about before in the previous paragraph, everything is suitable including your use of grammar because It's shown to portray the dilemma within a chapter like the *cough* *chuckle* sex part w/ Harry that little pork. Now that was hilarious.

 

"story plot and content – while the story WAS good, i can only say that as far as 17A, this is because suddenly the content and rules are different in 17B than in 17A, the same again happens with the prologue for 2nd volume compared to 17B"

RIiiiiiight, so there are rules and the content changes? What exactly are the rules and what is within that content Mr Sherlock Holmes. Oh that's sarcasm if you didn't realize.

You're story is the main aspect in which that persuades the reader for more. It's even better if they read the other LN because the contrast between the two makes it that much better. Seeing as how your story has moments of hilariousness, tragedy in terms of a character's past, and moments of seriousness- it's a really great variety played through out at suitable times. 

"overall the story will need quite a bit of consideration and refining done to filter out all the garbage that has gathered due to insufficient planning." Yeah why don't you go call it garbage Mr So good Writer.

 

Right so you're basically ranting on the fact you dislike the author's choice of abiding to the reader's choice? Why don't YOU comment that on his chapter that he changed it because as a review, yours is GARBAGE and ~inconsistent~.


Overall, you have a great sense of using humour and comedy and understand the suitable times to placing the moments of seriousness to show variety but remember to try and add more descriptive language, thoughts/feelings and describe the actions.

 

You good sir, have a great story. That is why we must ride our unicorns and slay the traps! AWAY!

 

xGriNchX
  • Overall Score

To begin with I am neither hating or loving this story.Although this story is my cup of tea,but it is lacking at some points.This is a small synopsis

Lets start from the good points. 

-Although the idea was indeed stolen from the WN,still your story is entirely different from the original series,in a good way.

-Your idea ading your home language as the demonic one is indeed a really smart move.Also you may use it for cliffhangers or to make the history more mestetious tho the most of the people.But I recomend holding a balance because this can backfire in a negative way.

-This story is really humorous. It can make the reader really amused. in a lot and different ways ;)

There arent any other good points that come to my mind. Just let's say the whole story I like it as it is.

BUT there are also the faults as such:

-You should watch out your story details,because there are times that you change them.

In the beggining you said that the mc has red eyes,but at the lasts chapters where you mentioned them  you refered at them as beep blue.

-Sometimes the acts of some characters are clearly forced. You need to fix that.

-Even though you said that you left some loopholes on purpose,but they are too big.

-I think you should fix your writing style,because its somehow making the story monotonous and boring.

-The R-18 scenes.Although they are good,I believe that they still lack somehow.Some more details would be really nice though.

That's all.This is my personal opinion about your story. The loopholes are making me hold back.When there will changes in this story,then I am gonna update my opinion. Well nice story,you have lots of space to improve and waiting currently for the loopholes to be filled.

stella
  • Overall Score

Thanks for reviewing!

Thank you for the reviews you left. I hope you are enjoying reading it as much as I am, writting it. Only the idea was taken from the LN and many were thinking from reading the story’s  description that I might just copy it. Thankfully, I think that after most people read it,  they saw that this is not a rip off at all.

The chapters were short at first because I wanted them to be just like those of  a WN, that is , short and frequently updated. Yet, after seeing the readers’ reactions I decided to try tand make them longer, which is not so easy to me as: a) I am not a native english speaker and b)I dont like to write long chapters.

Some loopholes in the story were deliberately placed. Rest assured that they will be covered. Some of them were covered on the latest chapters of my story others you will see in the future if you continue reading. Thanks again for supporting this fanfiction which is also my first attempt into creative writting. 

OGAiluro
  • Overall Score

 This.. In the beginning, it has the same theme as another web novel but trust me, it isn't.

 

Original: Yes

Humorous: F--k yes!

Worth a read: 100% 

 

The only flaw I found are maybe the development of how the main character came to be as he is now in the period he was sent to the new world but it's not a bother. 

Chapters will probably get longer through time so no point whinging about that and the grammar doesn't have any obvious problems.

Rota
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  • Style Score
  • Story Score
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 first and foremost I want to get this out of the way

 

opinion:

reader interactive does NOT mean being the readers b***h.

 

review:

the story is good, it starts off with a similar plot as a known and referenced WN/LN, however the story doesn’t start with the MC already being reincarnated, there is actually a few chapters that first build up the identity of our MC and introduce us to his circumstances, which meant delaying the popular “reincarnation” event, but made for a better story as a whole.

the grammar is what we have come to expect with the site. there are many instances of incorrect spellings or word usage, even occasional sentences which don’t make much sense when read. using the right software when writing the chapters can help point out and correct many of the mistakes that one would normally have to rely on a PR to assess, my forum signature has a decent free app for chrome users that can also plug into Microsoft word (only paid version for this I think) and it’s much better than a basic spell checker.

the style of the story is severely lacking, not completely by fault of the author, but by the fact that the “reader interactive” tag has had it’s meaning warped to “reader dictatorship” with this story. a good example of reader interactivity would be forum polls posted with every (or every couple) chapter(s) that ask the readers what kind of direction they think the story should head in, or simply their impression. it can be reader interactive without the story needing to be decided by the readers (that’s the author’s job), not that polls are the only form of interactivity, comments and fan to author conversations also count, but the story as a whole shouldn't stray from what the author wants as long as no complications crop up that would make it unfeasible. 

story plot and content – while the story WAS good, i can only say that as far as 17A, this is because suddenly the content and rules are different in 17B than in 17A, the same again happens with the prologue for 2nd volume compared to 17B. comments have been posted that old chapters would gain edit’s and corrections due to making changes to the core structure in later chapters, however they have not be made and thus the older version of the story still exists as far as 17A (however there is still the chapter where it ends in greek, then next chapter starts where it left off but repeating the line in English instead. either change all the chapters for consistency or don’t make the change)

 

overall the story will need quite a bit of consideration and refining done to filter out all the garbage that has gathered due to insufficient planning. if the character was planned to die, then let them die, DONT CHANGE IT on reader comments. changes do happen, but often to make the story flow smoother or better, or aiming for a new final goal. the story cannot be a part of an author’s work if the content is not even true to his wishes. we used to know about the similarities between the general and demon king as he was told when he first entered and got settled but in the next chapter he acts like it was a massive shock and surprise –inconsistent –

markhtar
  • Overall Score

A pretty good read, five a try

I’ll give you a five, I don’t want to go in a detailled review, so I’ll sum it up :

The story is clearly inspired from a webnovel, but the author managed to make this his own original story pretty well. The characters and their interactions seems pretty good to me.

 

My poor english does not allow me to notice any major blunder with the english tong ! I don’t even remember finding grammar mishaps so it’s seems to be all good to me.

 

Keep feeding our brain with your wonderfull story Stella !

 

PS :The review title wasn't on purpose but I like it xD

Aseriahl
  • Overall Score

meh... story reccomended only if you are 12 or lower

Too many inconsistencies for my taste, add to that the numerous attempts at humor that fall flat on their face, and you end up with this story.

 

If you are 12 year old, read it, it's an awesome story, and totally super funny kawaii desuu!

wayfarer
  • Overall Score

Poor language major turn-off

Seems to me author can't express himself and the characters without a bunch of foul language. Yes I understand fuck is a very versatile word, but it shows a poor language capability when you use fuck in every conceivable situation

hajima
  • Overall Score

i wanna know if the MC is OP since i dont like weak MC :)

i still haven't read it so im the overall score is not true at all im will change it when i read the FF (if the MC is OP)