The Afterlife isn't always what you think…
The loving father of three children, Alfred lived a life of few regrets. He served his country far from home. He outlived his soulmate. He died alone.
However, Albert's intentions about a peaceful eternity, reunited with his wife, are thrown out the window when a meddling god digs his fingers into Albert’s afterlife.
The positive? He has a chance to make things right—to live the life that was so cruelly taken from him the first time. Reincarnating into a world full of magical evolutions, monstrous deer, and sassy ten-year-old elves, Albert worries he doesn't have a chance of surviving the three-hundred-years the god promised it would take to reunite him with his beloved.
But if life has taught Albert anything it’s this: If something is worth having, it's worth fighting for. And he intends to fight.
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So I've only read 15 chapters or so, but it feels awfully typical. Just a monster reincarnation that grows stronger by evolving. The power system is very standard, nothing new.
The story is kinda meh, he wants to meet his wife, but other than that all he seems to do is eat and eat. There really is no thought, strategy, thrilling action or anything like that really. Although, when you get to his wife it may be a bit more interesting. Also like the way the worlds work and such, thats pretty interesting.
The style and grammer are pretty good, havent noticed any grammer mistakes really. The style is decent, the use of green is annoying on the dark background that i had to change to white theme. It is heavily dialogue based story which less descriptions and everything which is fine by me i guess.
The characters don't really feel like anything, he seems rather unconsistent, at first he kills humanoid beings and said he doesn't feel anything by eating them, but later one (like a few days later) he tries to avoid eating them? Why? the MC seems to also lack personality, like all i know he is a person that likes to eat with a typical reincarnation personality.
There is only one thing I can complain about: Please don't stop writing, I started having expectations :D
The idea is new, unique and has a lot of potential ( 300 years is a lot of potential :D )
Your story-telling flows smoothly and there's no grammar mistakes that distracts one from it
So keep up the good work, I'll be waiting for more
So tot start I did enjoy the story, I bought your first book, and for 3.50 it was an enjoyable read, and I also read your second book of this series and my feelings are mixed about them.
The first is that I want to warn you with how you are writing now.
I assume you are making a kind of rewrite of your second book, which is fine. but how you are going at it is defenitly in wrong.
The example I want to give you is with the lattest arc as it is all over the place... I understand you want to show that there is a lot of confusion going on, butthe only thing you are doing is confusing the reader, it feels like there are 2 scenes mixing togheter which kind of crashes the picture a reader tries to make with their imagination.
Also, with Ayla being his adoptive daughter. While I like the dinamic behind it. It, like much that happens in this story comes out of nowhere, we have no build up for this, it just... happens.
So at the end, what do I think of this story?
It was enjoyable, it wasn't bad if I just stopped my brain and liked what I liked, and don't think about what I didn't like.
It fulfilled what what is was supposed to do for me and that is making me able to read something when I couldn't find anything, but I wouldn't really recommed it to people because of it.
the big think I THINK the author should focus on is character develpment and the relationship between those characters, and keeping those characters consistent.
If he did this I think he would have a leap in qualtiy.
Just a sidenote I would like to add, the flow is good in the 1st story, but in the 2nd it isn't, I think this is because the Author doesn't really know what to do yet with the story (I'm talking about the rewrite)
Also, I don't know if this is asking too much, but I would like it if the Author would send a message back If my review helped in anyway because I did enjoy the story what it worth and only hope the best for you and you creations.
Afterall, if I didn't... Then what's the point of writing this review.
TL;DR: Amidst the constant *sigh*s and monologuing, there seems to be a resemblance of a decent premise. I would reccomend it for a quick read, but not if you're looking for something great.
I have only read up to chapter 9, which was a major turn off for me. I doubt I would continue to read, unless the dialogue and *actions* improve in later chapters.
The story flows pretty fluidly. I'm guessing this is a combination of the formatting, with separate sentences rather than chunky paragraphs. While this might be a good thing for some, this makes the story seem to progress very fast.
I detest the way the character constanly monologues and talks to the reader. The author does not provide reason for the main character to do so, by putting them in a narrator position, or a storyteller position. It's an awkward attempt to break the 4th wall. The story makes the main character out to be completely senile, with him talking out loud constantly, most likely so the druid child can conveniently overhear him.
The author also uses *double asterisk* to indicate motion like some emo kid from 2009. "...*sigh* You know what? It isn't worth the trouble it would bring if I attacked them." Would the MC pronounce this 'asterisk sigh asterisk'? Try actually indicating the action taken, such as 'I sighed. "You know what? It isn't worth the trouble it would bring if I attacked them."
The grammar is pretty good. Here and there there are a few mistakes, such as at the start of chapter 5, "Not being about to see or hear anything for an entire day, would have driven me crazy, otherwise." thhe about was probably meant to be be "able", but there isn't a very big problem.
The premise is cool. Although the monster evolution story has been done before, it seems from reviews that the MC sticks to be one, which is an interesting choice. The time frame and 'reaching 300 years old' is another fresh concept. I do not care much for the god meddling and wife searching as much, but that would probably affect him in later chapters, as well as his evolutionary path.
Is the MC really an old man? His personality is more like your typical, light novel, power trip mc rather than an elder. If the 'god' stripped everything from his personality, it would make more sense to be like a baby or a gluttonous snake.
Another thing that bothers me is when he ate the wood elves in chapter 6. "I didn't feel any guilt about eating them, after all, they were just food." Is there a need to justify that if he 'didn't feel any guilt"? It feels forced to add that into there.
The problem of personality comes up again in chapter 7, 8, and 9. I have not heard anyone talk like any of the characters in this story. It is so unnatural and awkward. I had a very hard time getting through these chapters without cringing. The MC starts to call the druid a brat way too much, just to enforce that already strained 'elder' trope.
"It's possible they're right, but do you really care what they think?"
*Laugh* "Not even a little. I didn't survive as long as I have by being afraid of another's opinion."
"Smart lady." The other elves were watching us talk, though they appeared confused.
Who in the world talks like this? Especially when barely knowing each other? The MC seems like he knows everything about Torga, giving off that arrogant, disdainful attitude while we are expected to sympathise with him as he dismisses everyone else in the druid camp. He knows elves are tier 3 organisms, yet apparently doesn't even consider the danger. He somehow hurts Aurae despite, according to Ayla, could not hurt druids as a non magical beast. I'm not even sure how he is able to converse with anyone, if his mind truly was altered in the prologue to fit the form of snake.
The idea itself is amazing but I'm so lost now that I'm just gonna not read it. The story starts as something I enjoyed but you made a re write or some nonsense that continues from something I didn't read and now it's just too confusing for me to care. Cool idea but poorly executed in my opinion
This story isn't great. The characters interactions are cringy as hell, I can barely read a dialog without shaking my head.
The destination is given in the first chapter, there are no real surprises on the way: the latest chapter with the "gods" fighting it out is not entertaining, with rules made up as the author goes along.
The idea at the beginning of the story is nice, the concept could be very well used to write something entertenaing. This isn't it.
Now, I'm not one to give 5 star reviews, so 4.5 it is.
Into more details, the story itself is very solid, although not quite developed yet, but that's simply due to the lack of chapters out right now. That'll probably change.
Style is amazing. I really like the colored text for each character, it makes them feel unique.
Grammar's good, and as a grammar nazi, that's saying a lot.
The character is a little lacking in my opinion. Read: MY OWN OPINION. I personally don't like when characters really want to do something, in this case find his wife (not really spoiler cause it's even in the synopsis). However, everyone else would probably like it, and if I ignore that, the character is really good. Determined, sharp-minded and doesn't have a deus-ex-machima at his fingertips... or scales, I guess.
Overall: READ IT!!! You're not gonna regret it. I sure didn't, at least.
Without love, from the Cat-loving author. And snake-lover now, I guess. <3
For once, there is a non-human MC who doesn't turn into a human and live among them. He actually stays a monster and acts like one by eating humans and monsters alike.
Several people complained about this, however. Obviously, as he was previously a human, he should at least show some compassion for the humans and not become completely heartless, right? But the God from before clearly stated that he will lose much of his memories, besides knowing about his wife and his goal of finding her. This happened in order for the mind to adapt to his serpent body. The being never mentioned that he would still remember being a human.
Anyway, the only complaint I'd have to say is that the characters need more depth. So far, it doesn't seem like they have a personality, really, and it just seems sorta forced. But overall, it's pretty great!
I don't get why the other reviews are being so harsh by saying it's shitty. I never seen such critsicim. Just ignore those, alright, and check it out first! Then you'll know the answer yourself.
Have a nice read!
At first glance, this story is good for a RoyalRoad story, there is a plot, tables are well done for a litrpg and the progression of the main character is interesting.
The thing is, EVERYTHING feel awkward, forced, its like the author has never spoken to anyone and doesnt know how a conversation is like. The plot is subpar at best, taken directly from a soap opera, the motives of the "gods" revealed so far are dumb or even downright child-like and not representative of being of such power. The plot progression is also awkward, we get random pov change to the so called gods, the plot feels childish and everything feels like a mean for the mc to get stronger, now or in the future.
I mean, come on "Niabus, God of Fire and Destruction" relinquishing his power to the next dragon king ? While also killing what would be "lackeys" of "Generic evil goddess of life being evil just for the fun of it"
"Lackey's" wich should've been strong enough to restrain him to absorb his power ? Please, at least TRY to make it logical.
One good point is the world building, while it has been sided for more of those tasteless conversation, it is well done, the system is logical and intriguing the main character evolution lines are innovative and are keeping thing fresh wich is probably the only thing keeping me from dropping this.
The characters are one-sided and every single conversation so far (Chapter 19) are awkward. Not a single one feels genuine, you're using conversation to expend on your world building, exept you dont know how to do it and it ruins a lot of the charm of said world.
I could go on for a lot longer but i feel like i said what need to be said.
TL.DR: This fiction had a lot of potential, the world and the evolutionnary system are really well done, the rest is subpar or even downright bad.
At first this work have amazing potential. There were plot holes like you only need to eat to evolve but its something you could easily ignore.
But after a few chapters plot armour become so thick that its remind me of another shitty isekai novel. Mc skip in his evolution and whenever something happened a thick plot armour save him.
There is absolutely no character development and characters dont look alive.
And there is almost no plot. Dont misunderstand me Mc fighting and developing, meeting new people and … is a good plot. We dont have any other plot for action novels. But in here plot armour kill the story… there is no novelity in this work… you know mc wont have any hardship and surpass everything till he reach his love.
But I love how Mc is devout to his wife. Its something we dont see often those days.
In short its a good thing to read if you dont have anything else to read. But it dont deserve 4.5 stars. This work is not a masterpiece.