Original HIATUS Action Fantasy LitRPG Male Lead Strong Lead

 

 

Luck Lockyer was the type of man to smirk in the dark, the expression not for anyone but himself. One of perpetual amusement. The bright side of things were hard to find in the shade yet his amber eyes were always searching. The smirk was his default, he knew it, his friends knew it, his family knew it. It was his most natural state.

But the death of everyone close to you can affect a downwards curve on the mouths of even the most stoic people.

Without purpose, without anyone to do the job for, Luck Lockyer found himself inside an empty forgotten church. The perpetual smirk on his face had slipped to a thin line, his scar more noticeable now than ever before. His amber eyes, the windows to his soul, dull and lifeless. To anyone who knew him, it was the clothing that gave away his mental state, denim pants and a plain black t-shirt. If that wasn't enough, the tears running down his face certainly would, the echoing sobs of a broken man rang across the rundown church.

It was on a whim, but Luck Lockyer prayed, he prayed for many things, for death, revenge, friends, but the one prayer dominating his thoughts, a second chance for his family.

That was all he wanted. Simple.

It was then, on the outskirts of a polluted city, in an abondoned lot, in a forgotten church that Luck Lockyer, the Devil of the Cards, the Bloodless Hand, the Amber Demon, the Broken, was answered by a being from another world and one from his.

*found the picture online

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MageOfSacks

MageOfSacks

Honored Mage

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Duexis
  • Overall Score

Luck Lokyer? More like Mary Sue, the Return.

I quite enjoyed this series so far, especiallly the prologue and the first chapter. They are what really hooked me. I'm no professional editor, but I've read allot of novels on this website, and your writing style is definitely top percentile. But not perfect, but that means you have space to improve. I will try to keep this review short, as you've only just begun, and I'm honestly just here to clear the air.

So I'll start with the good stuff. Warning, I'm much better at criticising than complimenting (hey! I'm being honest!), and anyway, I'm sure you have plenty of readers who write inane things like "First!" or "Thanks for the chapter!" or call you the epitome of writing, the king of light novels, the arch duke of world building, and so on and so forth, all while frantically mashing their eager, sweaty faces against the 5 star rating button. More than enough to boost your ego to space and beyond, so I'll just say this: I enjoy your writing style, your story, and especially the way in which powers were parcelled out in the first chapter. The whole card game really had my engines revving up for this novel. There. Now onto the good part.

I think a large issue so far is the way you write social interactions between between characters, especially between Luck and Ace. Their talks don't always feel very natural, and Ace seems to fill in the role of a butler rather than a friend. I wouldn't mind if he was one, but Luck apparently wants him as a friend, so let us be consistent. Ace's character could use some fleshing out, as it is currently much harder to connect with him or sense his motivations for doing things compared to Luck. So far he seems just to be Luck's puppet, if a quiet and deadly one.

Now the main reason I decided to write this review was when I reached the end of chapter 11, it hit me. Luck Lockyer had effectively become a god.

Ever since he picked up his magical tarrot cards, like many other novels on RR, he went from 0 to hero in basically 2 chapters. He's just become too powerful, too fast. Any adversity he faces won't feel real to me, just small pebbles to be booted aside as he swaddles along on his path. Let us count his abilities so far.

MASSIVE SPOILERS AHEAD!

Spoiler: Spoiler

Now, give a main character one of these powers, and I'd say he's off to a strong start.

Give him two, and I'd say you're pushing it a bit, now he's kind of over powered and hit nat 20's on his rebirth re-rolls.

But you thought, nonononono that won't do. You had all these cool abilities and ideas bouncing around in your head, and instead of parcelling them out between different characters, maybe keep some for another MC in another novel, you decide to just pour your whole dump truck of abilities on this one guy. Now he's an amalgamation of different abilities, and monstrosity of disturbing proportions. I've counted 11, but who knows, by the time you're reading this, he'll probably have doubled that number the way this is going. He'll have an extra pair of arms; a hat that tells him when people lie and what they had for brunch 3 years and 6 days ago; a mount that can phase through walls and farts lighting; the ability to teleport at will as long as he's crossing his eyes and thinking indecent thoughts; a cloak that let's him go invisible, complete with magical death defying forehead scar and a mysterious stone that does backflips when you're not looking. Oh and perhaps a magical sniper, so he can 360 no scope the baddies into the next dimension.

The only thing now that will make me feel the slightest modicum of fear for Luck is if he faces off against:

Spoiler: Spoiler

Then, and only then, will Luck know the true meaning of pant wetting fear. But I wouldn't be surprised if someone writes a novel on RR with exactly this nemesis as the main character.

Anywho, keep up the good work, give your future characters a bit more space to grow, and for the love of all that is holy, don't create a patreon before having written at least 100 chapters.

Beyogi
  • Overall Score

Mobster Lucky Luke becomes saintly explorer

Honestly, I'm not quite sure what to think about this. The main character is a mobster Lucky Luke alike that gets transmigrated into another world after his family gets assassinated in a mob conflict.

He makes the decision that his new life is to be spent helping people. But before the transmigration really commences he plays some sort of chose your own adventure power lottery with the God of Reincarnation, cheating his way into super powers.

At that point I was about to quit the story, but it does get better. He actually follows up on his conviction to help people, solves problems and doesn't actually want particularly epic rewards for it.

In a lot of ways this reads more like a Travel story of old, where the heroic explorer learns more about strange cultures and on occassion helps the primitives with their problems or ends some vile robbers.

For all that it sounds rather paternalistic, it makes for an appealing story imho.

The characters could have done with a few less powers to make the challenges they face actual challenges. Right now they feel a bit like tourists drifting through a world that is below their level. It's probably not a problem if you focus on the travel journal aspects and explore the alien cultures of the fantasy world, but it's somewhat detrimental for the tension curve.

Renaissanced
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Great LitRPG, maturing and becoming even better.

Exceptional work.

This story struck a nerve with me, I'd this were a book I would've finished it already, this is the kind of story that is hard to put down. 

Eloquent author, good character building, good world building- even though I feel there should and will be a lot more coming - fantastic setting. 

I very much enjoy the length of the chapters and found the prologue intriguing. I personally believe that the tags, the reviews, the rating and the synopsis should give you an idea where that story is heading. In this case the prologue was like a prequel movie, getting you into the mood and hungry for so much more. 

Thank you for the story so far!

BlueCoat
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Flawless? No. Extremely good? Yes.

Luck Lockyer. The first time you read the title, you might have told yourself: "This is a joke." or "How stupid of a title is that?", and, although it is indeed a peculiar title, this work of literature is not a joke or a satire. Indeed, this work stands at the pinnacle of the "Sent to another world" genre here on RoyalRoadl.

 

Story

The story itself does not diverge too far from the common tropes of the genre. However, you will find here an attention to detail and an exposition so well-done that it feels fresh and new. The world is alive. It breathes through the characters and the descriptions. Most of the time, the author uses the art of showing instead of telling masterfully. The main character does seem to gain a lot of power in a short amount of time so far, but, considering the setting, this might be necessary.

 

Style

The text is written with a third-person view, with a narrator who has access to both the main character's thoughts and a view of his surroundings. Luck's own impressions and thoughts on what is going on around him make for most of the descriptions. Combat is crisp and not overly complicated, but it still has sufficient details to not feel lacking. The "blue boxes" tables, while not plentiful, are sprinkled here and there to remind both the characters and the readers of this world's peculiarity. "Special" interactions are italicized to be easily recognizable. Overall a consistent and perfectly valid style of writing.

 

Grammar

Few to no mistakes. There is not much to say here. If the author does not have a dedicated proofreader, then the quality is surprising. 

 

Characters

A few important characters have been presented so far, and, considering how little text some of them have been given, the author has done a good job with their presentation. They each feel distinct, and their personalities are not bland or stereotyped. I look forward to seeing new characters or having the ones we already know given new opportunities to expose their personality. 

 

Miscellaneous

By RoyalRoadl standards, each chapter can be considered long. However, this is balanced by the narrator's slow upload rate. Please give this story a chance. It really deserves to be read. In ten chapters, this author has been able to get out of me an excitement that few others have made me feel. Thank you.Thanks for the story MageofSacks!

Ego_alone
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A truly inspiring journey of great depth

This novel is a very recommendable on for a few things, I will not extend myself much but mainly I will say:

The characters of the story are what gives it its meaning and richness.

Spoilers apart, as in every other story this is about a journey, a learning process and a self-discovery for the hero or MC. And the author seems to now and show very well the process

The MC is ahead of the others but the author has shown skills to improve on to the others on due time.

The connection with his family, his values and the new discoveries is good balanced and very inspiring.

Regarding style, grammar and the trope I will leave to others with more knowledge. The meassege, meaning and philosophical quality is what I can appreciate here.

Barnmaddo
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Heavy Handed, but good

The main character is a stylish gangster with a good heart. The story pays special attention to detail and ambience. With much of the story giving of a fairly consistent vibe of relaxed, cool, and competent. The action scenes are well written. The main character travels with competent allies, and it doesn't look like he'll be leaving them behind because they are too weak. I'm pretty oblivious when it comes to what makes a good character, but these seem to behave consistent with their established personalities, and are interesting. The pacing is good with a mix of fast and slow.

My biggest complaint is the story feels heavy handed. The author uses lots of detail, but for me it's lacking subtly or internal consistency and synergy or something. I think part of it is the MC's character is annoying to me, he's ALWAYS posturing and trying to act cool. Other parts of the story are over the top as well, like the larger than life world setting. Stuff like the cities supposedly all months of travel apart from each other, but the MC does it all in a couple days by blindly stumbling through an unending series of fortunate encounters. This does get a bit better around chapter twelve though, where I think the author started to settle into the story.

The grammar isn't too bad, there's the occasional misused word and typo. More annoyingly, the sentence structure can be pretty bad at times, and I'll have to re-read the section. The author seems to like using description to set the mood of a scene and sometimes it ends up being extraneous and interfering with the flow of the story. I think the story, and probably the writer as well, could improve quite a bit from some professional editing.

SagaDuWyrm
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Luck Lockyer is an incredible book!!!

This is one of the best, no probably the best fiction I have found on Royal Road.

The story begins with a sort of introduction to Luck Lockyer, eldest child and "problem-get-rid-of-er" of the most powerful crime family in the city, who are really the people who most wish to get out of the criminal life style but can't for fear of their many enemies.  The first chapter starts off with a typical day for Luck, near murder, actual murder, shaking off a few tails, and teaching a particularly stubborn fellow the error of his ways. Soon though, the real action starts, when Luck's entire family is killed, leaving the Amber Demon broken and aimless.

Next thing Luck knows, he's crying in an abandoned church, praying for death for his family's killers, for himself, but more than either of those two things, he prays for a second chance for his family, where they can have a good life and do good things without being restrained by the web of secrets, wealth, death, and lies called the Underground.

Our dear MC is given a chance to win that second opportunity when a goddess from another world shows up, hoping that by bringing extraordinary individuals like the Lockyers to her world she might be able to stall the tidal wave of chaos that will soon drown her home.

The story only gets better from there.

Luck along with his friend, Ace, are excellent characters, who, although capable of killing viciously and without mercy when provoked, also often provide aid and salvation without any thoughts of rewards.

The only real problem with the story is that the grammar is occasionally confusing, but that can usually be smoothed over by just keeping reading.

Warning: Although not OP, Luck is given several powerful "tools" by the God of the Rebirth in order to deal with the greater dangers of this new world. I don't feel that this is a problem as Luck's sharp mind and incredible skills affect the outcome of situations just as much as his tools, but someone else might find them irritating.

Clausious
  • Overall Score

Not a fan of Justice stories but still pretty good

The authors writing is extremely good but the reality of situations is that nobody can change just like that. You don’t go from cold blooded assassin to seething with rage over dissrespect and slavery. Personally the whole superhero justice thing doesn’t float my boat however it’s a well written story with a try for any who like this style of writing

Helixical
  • Overall Score

The dialogue is awkward. People just don't speak to each other the way that they do in this novel. 

Luck's eyes sparkle more than Dumbledores, and you'll never be in danger of forgetting what color they are. 

Luck is entirely too competent, too kind, and has a dark backstory that resembles an action B movie. He also has too many different powers. 



All that being said, I'm still gonna read it. It's fun enough. The author's newest story is looking much better than this one as well, so go check it out. 

InsaneChemist
  • Overall Score

There are not many chapters, but they are long ones. I'm enjoying the story a great deal.

Main character is likable, follows the Gentleman Rogue trope a great deal.

The only real downside is that there isn't more of it. Author, write faster!