Shovels In Spades



Book 3 Chapter 36: Unfortunate Andre and The Second Lot


A note from Lone

Second and final guaranteed chapter of the week.

A/N: The previously fictional states have been removed. Waterford and Middletown are still fictional, but Waterford is in California while Middletown is in Arizona. Prior chapters that mentioned the fictional states have been edited to reflect this.

Daz appeared on the stage with his gems and Rimmy near him. This shocked many people.

For a start, why the hell was Daz, one of the three 'second classers' - as Pheldopapod had called them, fighting for a Class Reset Token? Secondly, what were those gems peacefully floating around Daz's body?

Only about forty-percent of the champions were previously aware of the existence of these peculiar gems hovering around the young reaper, but even they didn't know what the massive jewels were, why they were there, or what they even did.

"No... no... no, no, no, no, no! This isn't fair!" Daz's opponent screamed upon seeing who he was charged with facing.

Tears streamed down the young boy's face as his entire body trembled. The person in question was a spindly young boy who couldn't have been any older than fifteen. Held in his hand was what seemed to be some sort of phallic object.

'Why on Earth is he holding a dildo? That can't be his weapon, can it?' Daz wondered as he watched the boy take off his glasses and wipe away his tears. 'I suppose, if that really is his weapon, then yeah, he definitely needs this token more than I'd like it. Master Identification.'

Following his command, his skill showed him the boy's status dutifully.


Andre Choiniere's Status
Basic Information
Name: Andre Choiniere Species: Human (Beginning stages of evolving)
Age: 14 Sex: Male
Class: Bludgeon King Affinity: Good

A young farm boy from the small town of Crest, Andre has always dreamt of bigger things ever since he first watched a documentary on worldwide culture.

Unfortunately, he was unlucky enough to find his mother's favourite sex toy upon Earth's induction to the system, resulting in it becoming tied to his class' God-rank skill. As a result of this, his greatest dream has been overshadowed by his desire to change his class and rid himself of this embarrassment.

Look, I know what I said about being in a foul mood, but come on! Ahahahaha! What a sorry excuse for a champion! Ahahahaha! I really wanna go check in on the God of Bludgeoning now!

Lifeforce: 3,000/3,000 Stamina: 1,500/1,500
Strength: 30(36) | Item Boost: +1235. Constitution: 50(60)
Endurance: 20(24)  
The host has 7 unused stat slots.


Daz felt his face cramping up ever so slightly. 'How... unlucky. Well, I'm not gonna just give him the token because he drew a very, very, very short straw. Secret Override.'


Randomly selected [Andre Choiniere] secret: He is actually quite interested in his weapon, but his shame won't allow him to pursue this interest.


'Okay, System. That was useless. It really is random, huh? Like I needed to know he's interested in his mom's dildo,' Daz complained as he waited for Pheldorapod to start their battle.

"Ahem. Please, good testees of Earth, I'd appreciate it if you stifled your laughter for a moment as I introduced our hosts here," Pheldorapod asked very humbly with a bow of his squishy head.

The young French boy - Andre, well, he was more than humiliated to learn that everyone was laughing at him in the privacy of their suites.

He bit his lower lip as tears streamed out of his eyes. "This isn't fair... All I want is to change my weapon... I didn't choose this... If only I didn't have this stupid skill or this stupid weapon... I want to die..."

His thoughts kept spiralling downwards as Pheldorapod introduced Daz. Luckily, he didn't descend into hopelessness. 'He offered that other American man a deal, didn't he? Maybe I can do the same thing here?'

Andre patiently waited until the aquatic alien was finished detailing how he had no achievements and then started their fight before he tried to put on his friendliest smile.

"Um, Daz? Do you wanna trade?" Andre wasn't a master of words, but seeing as how Daz wasn't reacting or trying to kill him, his confidence rose slightly. "Em, well, I kinda really need that token."

"So?" the reaper replied emotionlessly.

Some of Andre's rising courage shattered a little bit at that. 'Does he want me to give him an offer or something? Urg. I really should have followed Big Sis when she went to market... At least then I'd know how to barter...'

"Um, well, if you let me win, I'll return the merit points to you however I can. I swear." Seeing Daz's unimpressed face, Andre quickly added, "And, em, well, I-I'll work for you? I don't have much to offer. I worked really hard to earn the ticket to get this token. I don't really have anything else, but my God-rank skill is really strong!"

Daz slowly shook his head. "No."

With that denial, Andre wanted to cry again. "Is... is there any way that I can change your mind? I-I'll do anything for that token!"

"You should have bid on the other ones, if you didn't have enough points, you should have used your ticket then." Daz frowned upon seeing the boy's face shift so drastically. 'His weapon is a joke, but his class certainly isn't. I guess I should toss him a bone.'

Naturally, Daz had identified all of the young French boy's items as well as his skills. Nothing was impressive save for his God-rank skill, as he had truthfully claimed. He had an interesting bracelet, but it wasn't anything to ride home about.

"I don't plan to use the token myself. You'll have your chance to get it. I'll even give you some leeway in consideration of your... unique circumstances. I wasn't happy with my weapon at first too, though a shovel is certainly far less extreme than a sex toy," Daz casually said.

Andre smiled wryly as his heart was clouded over with shame. 'I guess it was too much to expect anything...'

His immaturity was blinding him from seeing that Daz was being incredibly considerate of him right now.

It would be ludicrous for one of the arguably strongest people on Earth to accept a deal where he would lose an item he wanted just to gain a promise not enforced by the system from a clearly desperate child.

The fact that Daz had said that he would give him preferential treatment when it came to his plans for the token, well, that would leave many people jumping for joy.

Of course, it wasn't entirely Andre's fault. After all, Daz hadn't exactly established himself as a beacon of trust to believe without question, so it was fair to doubt his words.

His skills and stats made it easier to accept whatever he said, but unless Daz used his Legendary Gift of The Gab's Thought Seed ability, it would take time and effort for him to gain the faith of complete strangers.

Andre, with nothing but despair on his face, mumbled, "I surrender..." He was desperate, but he wasn't stupid.

Pheldorapod nodded gleefully. 'Not nearly as dramatic as his fight with that Aila girl or that Larry boy, but Daz still finds a way to add some spice. Truly delectable.'

The octopus cleared his throat falsely before announcing, "And there you have it, ladies, gentlemen, the genderless, and everything else in between! Our winner of this silver ticket challenge is the challenged, Daz!"

"Ah, Pheldorapod," Daz suddenly called, surprising the auction's host mildly.

Lowering his voice, the octopus replied, "Yes?"

"Do you mind if I say something to everyone? I'll only take a second," Daz asked as he tried to be as polite as he possibly could with his tone and with his body language. He didn't want to piss off Pheldorapod after what had happened with Larry.

The octopus in question stroked what would have been his chin were he to own one. "Very well. I don't see why not. Only a moment, though, okay? This is a special service for how much you've entertained me so far."

Daz smiled faintly. "Thanks. I really appreciate it."

Pheldorapod nodded as he adjusted a single monocle and his bowtie. "Ahem. Good testees of Earth, the winner of this challenge would like to say something to you all, so I would advise that you pay attention to his words."

'Oh? That was nice of him,' Daz commented internally as he strolled forwards to present himself more clearly.

He couldn't put power in his voice, but regardless, it wasn't difficult for him to be heard due to how the auction's broadcasting system worked, so he just spoke in a normal tone as he said, "I have no intention to use the Class Reset Token on myself. If you were unfortunate enough to not obtain one of the five Class Reset Tokens but still want or need one, then I'm willing to negotiate."

Daz slowly scanned the empty hall as his eyes glanced between the many black-tinted windows which hid the suite's occupants from view. "You all should know who I am and where I'm from, but in case you weren't listening to Pheldorapod's excellent recounting of my achievements, I'm situated in Waterford, California, U.S.A. If you're interested in the token, find a way to contact me. Taking the effort to see me in person will win you favourability, that's for sure."

'I don't know how many people will bite, but even if I only get three more people like Andre, that's three more champions that I can persuade to join me,' Daz thought as he bowed his head ever so slightly. "That's all I had to say."

He turned to Pheldorapod and gave him a look of appreciation. "Thank you again."

The alien bashfully waved a few of his tentacles. "Think nothing of it."

With that, he returned the young reaper to his suite.

Congratulations! You have won the challenge created by the silver ticket.

Your rewards: 4,780,000 merit points and a [Class Reset Token].


The total balance of the host is now: 83,085,395 [+4,780,000].


Daz pocketed the triangular token and noticed something odd in his suite.

"Were you crying, Crusher?" he asked as he returned to his sofa and glanced at the clown who's facepaint had been smeared all over her cheeks.

"Yup. Really hard. Tears of laughter, mind you," Crusher said with a light shrug as she snickered a bit. "I mean, poor fuckin' kid. A fuckin' dil- Ahahaha! I can't even say it! My sides hurt!"

Rose frowned. "I never should have woken you up... My ears hurt..."

'Ah. Andre's 'weapon'. I guess Crusher is the type to find that kinda thing funny," Daz thought.

He looked at Rose, Vanessa, Han, and Mu, of whom, all three of the girls seemed to be embarrassed to varying degrees. Rose seemed the least phased while Vanessa was clearly the most disturbed - which Daz found odd considering that she was the oldest of the trio.

'I guess she really is quite innocent, huh?' the young reaper thought as he watched one of the televisions that was displaying the next set of five items being carted onto the stage.

"Ladies! Gentlemen! The genderless, and everything else in between! I am very proud to present to you the second lot of items for the champion auction today!" the theatrical octopus said grandly as the velvet cloth covering the items was removed by an android.

Five small fruits were revealed. These fruits were about the size of a tennis ball, but they amazingly glowed as brightly as the sun and each one was radiating fifty different colours, some of which Daz didn't even recognise.

These colours didn't appear to be artificially invented, but actually natural. At least, that's what Daz's instincts told him.

'How the fuck's that possible?' he asked himself as he glanced at Rose.

The girl rolled her eyes. "I don't need to be a mind reader to know that you're being an idiot. Obviously, if they have colours that shouldn't exist, that means that they're from a place where the laws of physics are different enough to the point that these colours can exist. Duh."

"Of course. How stupid of me," Daz replied sarcastically. He didn't care enough to get an answer to his thoughts. If he did, he would have actually asked for one.

"Now, my good testees of Earth, what we have here is not just five very special items. No, what we have here is five very special opportunities." The alien gestured to the fruits and practically vibrated with ecstasy as he explained what they were. "I shan't dress them up any further. There's no need. If you can't see the value of these fruits after I tell you their name, then you don't deserve to even look at them."

A crooked smile formed in Pheldorapod's mind. "I present to you, Champions of Earth, Limitless Fruits of Evolution!"

A note from Lone

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