Shovels In Spades



Book 3 Chapter 33: Pala's Determination and Hamson The Spade


A note from Lone

First guaranteed chapter of the week.

"System, what item would you recommend I get with this token?" Daz asked as he held the SS-ranked Item Token in between his fingers.


Confirmed. The best item for the host at this point in time from the system's point of view would be the [SS-ranked (Higher tier) Pala's Spade (Replica)].


"Pala? Isn't that the God of Shovels? Why the hell does he have a spade, and why is there a replica version of it?" Daz asked rhetorically. Regardless, the system tried to gather the relevant information for him.


Denied. The requested information can only be viewed by the gods.


Daz sighed. "The system can understand you, Maddy, but it can't understand sarcasm or when I'm just talking to myself, huh?"

Madison scrunched up her face and held her chin in thought. "I, suppose?"

"Haha, anyway... Hmm, my instincts are telling me to get this too. In fact, alarm bells are going off when I consider getting something else." Daz let Hamson out of its brand and held the blood-red shovel loosely. "I guess it's your turn to get an upgrade now, huh, Hamson?"

Reika and Madison didn't find it odd that he was talking to his weapon; Reika since she was used to it by now, and Madison because she didn't find anything that Daz did to be particularly out of the ordinary, at least as far as her standards were concerned.

"System, I'll use this token on Pala's Spade then," Daz said.

Meanwhile, going back to a day prior, in the realm of the lesser gods in a certain bits-and-bobs shop, the God of Information - Informazione, looked at Pala with one of his mechanical eyebrows raised. "You. Trust. His. Luck. That. Much?"

Pala put a hand on his neck and sighed. "Honestly? No. What I do trust is that incredibly strong internal power of his."

The trenchcoat-wearing god got up and paced around the room slowly. "Look, Informazione, Daz is powerful. The system favours him, which is great. It's a bit of a double-edged sword, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. The problem lies with the fact that Earth is going to be targeted a lot the second it leaves its trial phase. You know that too, right?"

Informazione nodded. "Yes. Internal. Power. Too. Strong. Desire. To. Harvest. Strong. With. The. Established. Mortals."

"Exactly! Even if he can get to the top of his planet on his own - which I fully believe he can at this point, by the way - I don't have as much confidence when things become intergalactic. The system's trials only get less and less fair as they go on," Pala explained with another heavy sigh, this one far heavier than the first.

"And. Your. Plan. Is?" Informazione questioned.

Pala laughed in a self-depreciative manner. "Hopeful at best."

Informazione's robotic face frowned. "Not. Funny. How. Do. You. Plan. To. Help. Him. Without. Angering. The. System?"

"That's exactly it! The system! I don't know what plans it has for my champion, but we can't exactly leave the fate of the lesser gods to such a whimsical creature, now can we? That's why I made a deal," Pala said as he sat down again.

"What. Kind. Of. Deal?" Informazione asked with his worry clear in his tone.

"The kind that'll help us. All that matters is that if his instinctual power works the way that I think it does, we should be fine... hopefully. I need a favour from your champion though," Pala said, deflecting from the topic.

Informazione crossed his arms over his chest. "You. Aren't. In. Danger. Are. you?"

"Pfft, like hell I am. Even if I was, who cares? You know better than anyone that I'd give up anything to end this de facto-caste system between us and the higher gods. So long as we don't end up like the middle gods, I'm happy sacrificing even my soul if I have to," Pala claimed with a clearly audible passion burning wildly within his tone.

"Who. Cares?" Informazione stood up and placed a hand on Pala's shoulder. "I. do."

Pala immediately felt awkward at the cyborg's raw honesty. He scratched his cheek and laughed a bit nervously. "Anyway, about that favour?"

Informazione shook his head lightly and returned to his chair. "What. Kind. Of. Favour?"

"I need you to get her to bring up the trial rooms in the Grand System Auction if Daz doesn't take an interest on his own. If he asks without being prompted, perfect. Make sure he goes to the Overall Power Competition. He needs to go there for this to work. That's all I need from your champion, I promise," Pala said in an almost begging tone.

Informazione nodded very slowly. "Expensive. To. Be. So. Specific. She. Is. Smart. I. Can. Manage. Somehow."

"Perfect! You're a real life-saver, Informazione," Pala explained as he smiled from ear-to-ear.

The next day, the two lesser gods gathered at Informazione's store once again. They sat in silence as they observed the happenings of their respective champions during the course of the auction.

Suddenly, Pala stood up and clenched his fists. "Yes! He did it! And the system followed through! I knew it never lied and all of that rubbish, but I was really starting to worry for a minute there!"

Informazione's eyes blinked rapidly several times. "The. Token?"

"Yes! The token!" Pala calmed himself down and took a deep breath. "Now it's all on him. I really hope his internal power doesn't screw us over..."

The two returned to watching and waiting.

Pala was practically biting his fingers to the bone as his nerves were getting the better of him when he saw Daz use his Skill Upgrade Tokens. Once he was about to use his item token, well, then the god nearly crushed his own teeth from grinding them too hard.

The second Daz had chosen to get Pala's Spade, a smile bigger than any other that Informazione had ever seen lit up Pala's weathered and aged face. "With this... With this... there's so much less standing in... our way..."

"Pala?" Informazione felt that something was clearly off with his friend's voice. It was far too quiet and it lacked the man's usual over-the-top emotions.

Pala chuckled. "Look's like... the system took... the payment. Making a replica... of my spade wasn't... cheap, you know?"

The God of Shovels slumped out of his chair and hit the floor like a sack of bricks. Informazione rushed to his side and his mechanical eyes opened wide in shock. "Your. Soul. And. Godly. Power. Are. So. Faint..."

"Haha... Getting the system... to make a copy... of my spade... as well as... give Daz an opportunity... to actually get it... That shit cost me more... than just my Divine Power... and crystals..." Pala stared up at the ceiling and closed his eyes. "I'm tired."

"How. Long. Before. You. Recover? Can. You. Even. Recover?" Despite his monotonous robotic voice, Informazione still conveyed his concern extremely well.

Pala breathed slowing for a few seconds in silence before he replied. "I don't know... I can probably walk... in about a week... if I get enough... offerings and prayers... Without? Maybe... a few centuries... maybe never..."

Informazione's eyes flickered several times. He picked up his friend and carried him into a back room. "Fool. What. Do. We. Do. About. Your. Divine. Crystal. Tax?"

"Muscoli and Giustizia... they both said that... they'd help with... that... Fortuna doesn't... trust us... so I never... bothered asking... Haha... Is it just... me, or are... my eyes... getting heavy?" Pala said in a joking tone.

"Sleep. Rest. I. Will. Help. As. Much. As. I. Can." Informazione made sure that Pala was comfortable before he left the room.

He checked his own divine crystal count and then frowned. "Maybe. I. Can. Afford. Another. Message? Not. To. My. Champion. But. Maybe... Damn. It. You. Idiot. Why. Didn't. You. Tell. Me. That. This. Would. Happen? I. Could. Have. Done. Something. To. Help. You..."

The God of Information found himself staring at the ceiling as he felt some oil leaking out of his ocular units. He sighed. "Damned. Malfunctioning. Body."

Ignorant of the events regarding his and Rose's patron gods, Daz watched as Hamson consumed the incredible-looking spade that had appeared.

It had a very ornate triangular handle and its purely metal shaft was encrusted with the symbol of an ordinary shovel. "Maybe Pala's shovel, or maybe his insignia? Do gods have insignias? It looks a lot like Cecil's shovel. I guess he's a devout believer or something."

It took Hamson upwards of twenty minutes to consume the spade. In the meantime, Daz had taken the opportunity to resummon Rimmy before he chose to cuddle and flirt with Madison. The girl in question was more than willing to enjoy his affection since they were in a private room.

She knew Rimmy and she didn't mind that he was watching them be so intimate. As for the gems encircling above herself and Daz, she didn't consider them to be living, and Mr Barrier was more of a pet to her than anything else, so her usual embarrassment was nowhere to be seen.

"Finally done?" Daz asked his weapon rhetorically as he gave Madison one more kiss before he got back up on his feet and gave Hamson a once over.

Reika floated around the shovel curiously. 'He got another skull! Hmm... I think he looks sharper too? It's hard to tell...'

Daz smiled and willed Hamson to float into his hand. "Master identification."


Hamson/Reika [SSS-Rank (Lower Tier)] [Up three entire ranks and one subrank!]

A regular shovel that has been given life by its owner, Daz. It has been selected by the host's sentient skill, The One Shovel To Rule Them All, and can now only be wielded by him.

If used offensively without the host's permission, any sentient being wielding it will be consumed in body and soul.

It has been sharpened and enchanted by a master blacksmith.

In a collaborative effort from the God of Shovels - Pala, and the system, this shovel had been granted power far beyond a trial world's standard limits.

... First the system's tripping over itself to help you, and now a god goes and ***** ** * **** ** *** **** **** ** **** ***? What? Even I'm being censored? Fair enough, I guess. Anyway, A godly spade fused into your shovel, huh? ... Yup, no matter how hard I try to respect it, I just can't. At least you can dig a hole properly now that you have both of the most standard gardening tools? ...I dunno, okay? Leave me alone. Check this description tomorrow or something. I need to sulk for a while. I can't remember the last time that I was censored.

Attack: 20,000 [+19,500] Defense: 4,000 [+3,700]
Sharpness: 6,000 [+5,800] Durability: [Up from a tangible number]
The One Shovel To Rule Them All
Earth Wall
Evil Cloak
[New!] Spade Mode
[New!] Direct Line To God


Daz raised a slightly concerned eyebrow at the peculiar footnote. He didn't dwell on it for long since he was very curious in regards to Hamson's two new skills - particularly the second one.


Spade Mode
Changes [Hamson] from a shovel frame and blade to a spade frame and blade. All skills remain the same, but the stats differ.


Daz quickly used the skill to check the mentioned changes and found that the Attack and the Sharpness Stat had their numerical values swapped while the Defense stat had been completely replaced by a new one - Force. This stat supposedly greatly increased the spade's blunt-based damage when being used to strike with the flat side of the rectangular blade.

With that confirmed, he returned Hamson to his shovel form and then identified the second skill, Direct Line To God.

A note from Lone

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  • The Scottish Slothy Sloth

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