Down the Deep Blue Hole
- Traumatising content
Greetings. I would be in those situations called "reincarnated into a dungeon" sort of thing popular in novels. I mean, who would have thought that those wasps could kill. Also, what is with this tiny cave? What is with this....pool? Lake? Either way, somehow I need to find a way to survive, which should be easy right? There's nothing around anyway, what could go wrong?
Oh wait, I remember now. If memory serves this strange formation was called, in my previous life,..... a Blue Hole.
First time trying to write at all, unless you count school essays. Help me out and rate my writeup I wish to improve my writing skills
This has been inspired by way too many fictions to list, I have no life.
(Starter concept: Interactive dungeon, Evolution mechanic: The Bound Dungeon and Scale dungeon, Dungeon resource: Lazy Dungeon Master, Magic Mechanic: original, Creatures: original, Dungeon abilities: The Bound Dungeon, Lazy Dungeon Master, The Demon Lord's Urban Development, Dungeon companion: The Slime Dungeon) and many more
P.S.:please read said novels as well they are pretty good.(plz pester the writers and translator to do it faster). cover image courtesy of Google Images
Beware the Depths of the Deep Blue Hole
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So far (CH14) there has been nothing in the story that has anything to do with a 'Blue Hole'. Despite that, this story is definately worth taking the time to read.
The author has created a world where (so far) all the dungeons are quite small and fairly common. This leads to an environment where interaction and conflict between the dungeons often occurs. I am really liking this as it allows for a much more natural way to introduce character growth than a weak plot device like a loyal dungeon fairy suddenly appearing.
I found the grammar to be pretty good. There have been some typos, but only minor ones and they tend to be few and far between. The story flows well, and the author is keeping the pace fast.
Character: Despite having not much depth, simple happy go character of his makes story easier to read and merges with the flow nicely, not perfect but pretty good
Grammar: Seems fine to me, english is not native for myself, so there is nothing that really disrupted the story grammar-wise
Style: There was that one time when there were too much info and few paragraphs so it almost made me stop, in other places it was fine
Overall I do not know how much this dungeon thing has room for growth, what about outside world? No idea, we know too few to pinpoint in that aspect
Overall it's good and worth to read, insect squadron names sometimes mingle and it's hard to differentiate unless you read it properly and remember it, blue screens could be more formal, it feels like MC was telling things from blue screens himself, though the feeling was miniscule it was apparent in first chapters
Keep up the good work, story is interesting so far
( I am inexperienced in making such reviews so sorry if it's not an expertly written, but these are what I felt while reading it)
I like it so far the story has a pleasant pace about it an a bit of uniqueness to it over all enjoyable I just don't know what it has to do with blue holes witch as far as I know are very deep holes in the middle of relativly shallow bodies of water anyway I like it
I don't know about later on, but the first 4-5 chapters at least REALLY need to be combined into one. I don't think anyone would mind slightly slower updates if each update actually had enough content to constitute a chapter.
This review was written when 25 chapters were uploaded. This review will contain spoilers.
This story started out decent enough, but then it started falling apart and kept falling apart.
Dungeon vs dungeon combat instead of having to deal with adventures almost instantly was a nice change of pace. However the author screwed up big time with how he dealt with the Ant Queen.
Seriously 'strenght of will?' it looks like the author realised whilst writing the chapter that there was no way the MC could realistically win and added some last minute OP ability that enabled the MC to mindrape the Ant Queen. You need to foreshadow such an ability, otherwise it's just a cheap deus ex machina dropping from nowhere and even with foreshadowing it's OP.
I could led that one slide, but then the author adds a yandere 'ally' dungeon. I really hate that dungeon and she killed 90% of the enjoyment in the story for me.
The dungeon is a 'female' dungeon specializing in bees and wants to trade with the MC dungeon because he managed to create a rare flower her bees can use to make honey and other products from. All he asks in return is 'friendship.' Leaving aside the dumb move that she wanted to offer more trade items that he refused, because he just wanted friendship. This bee dungeon instantly becomes romantically interested in him. Next chapter she has already developed a stalker complexity.
When the MC dungeon wants a companion she insists it shoud be a female companion, because 'she can have a talk with her' and proceeds to theaten the female dungeon fairy on the first meeting. There is zero logic in her reasoning. Shouldn't she rather want him having a male companion instead of a female? Why would it even matter? The MC can't have sex with a fairy or other creature either way.
The MC finds the bee dungeon annoying, but he just seems to bend to her will. No assertiveness, just a spineless wimp to put it crudely when it comes to his 'allied' dungeon. Honestly I would have preferred him just using her for some info and either banning her from his dungeon and maintaining a purely professional relationship for trade or just killing her off after getting all the info he needs.
As for the fairy...too little info at the moment to really comment a lot on, but considering how well the author has done with secondary characters before my hopes are not high at all. She seems to have the standard shitty childhood upted to eleven so to speak.
Honestly had the author focused on dungeon building, exploration, battling other dungeons and not making a yandere the MC's main ally this stoy would be pretty good. One could call the Larva dungeon OP, because why would somebody even pick the insect dungeon to begin with? The larva one can do everything the insect one can and more apparently.
However you could let that one slide because of other things the story does good. I am not a big fan of all the monologing the MC does, but that can also be forgiven. However the moment the bee dungeon shows up this story started sinking badly.