Heir of Wilberforce

by Wilberforce

Original HIATUS Adventure Fantasy Mystery LitRPG Magic Male Lead Secret Identity Strong Lead

A prisoner of war escapes. To find him, the creators of the world turns the six lower worlds into a labyrinthine ticking bomb. They didn’t hide it, and yet, none of the five million mages living on the lower worlds noticed. Armad has to find the escaper to save his mom. But just as he sets out to look for him, his soul is accidentally broken, and a part is sent out of the labyrinth. 

***

Disclaimer: cover picture is not mine. My target is a daily release one chapter up to the end of the first book.

  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score
  • Total Views :
  • 23,928
  • Average Views :
  • 406
  • Followers :
  • 205
  • Favorites :
  • 45
  • Ratings :
  • 32
  • Pages :
  • 280
Advertisement
Remove
Go to Table of Contents
Rate it
Fiction breaking rules? Report
Advertisement
Remove
Author
Wilberforce

Wilberforce

Achievements
200 Comments
10,000 Views
400 Followers
Top List #2000
40 Reviews Upvotes
3rd Anniversary
Word Count (12)
Good Reviewer (V)
Advertisement
Remove
Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
Prologue: Book-sword ago
Chapter 1: Armad Djinn or Armad Wilberforce ago
Chapter 2: Triple-factor ago
Chapter 3: Dance of Uncertainty ago
Chapter 4: Interworld Dungeon ago
Chapter 5: Nostalgia Nára (1) ago
Chapter 6: Nostalgia Nára (2) ago
Chapter 7: Nostalgia Nára (3) ago
Chapter 8: Nostalgia Nára (4) ago
Chapter 9: The Secret ago
Chapter 10: Which Year is This? ago
Chapter 11: Tyren O. Bayajidda ago
Chapter 12: Aish (1) ago
Chapter 13: Aish (2) ago
Chapter 14: Aish (3) ago
Chapter 15: Aish (4) ago
Chapter 16: A New Member? ago
Chapter 17: Daikirin Protector ago
Chapter 18: Problems ago
Chapter 19: Alchemic Prowess ago
Chapter 20: The First Writers' Spell ago
Chapter 21: A Banquet ago
Chapter 22: A Dispute Between Brothers ago
Chapter 23: Soul (1) ago
Chapter 24: A Soul (2) ago
Chapter 25: A Soul (3) ago
Chapter 26: Jinzidal ago
Chapter 27: As The Heroes Arrived ago
Chapter 28 : Important Guests ago
Chapter 29: Leaders of the Next Generation ago
Chapter 30: Alkadar ago
Chapter 31: Enigmas ago
Chapter 32: The Unity ago
Chapter 33: Bolt for a Spear ago
Chapter 34: Leafy Green ago
Chapter 35: He Was There, I am Sure of it. ago
Chapter 36: Pharaoh ago
Chapter 37: A Challenge or a Trap? ago
Chapter 38: The Nail Prison ago
Chapter 39: King Steps ago
Chapter 40: Armad versus Tyren ago
Chapter 41: Armad versus Tyren (2) ago
Chapter 42: Yellow Dance ago
Chapter 43: The Winner ago
Chapter 44: Hidaya Wilberforce ago
Chapter 45: Ending the Match ago
Chapter 46: Aish and the Admiral ago
Chapter 47: Ji-daime (1) ago
Chapter 48: Ji-daime (2) ago
Chapter 49: A Singing Dordor ago
Chapter 50: Aish' Fate ago
Chapter 51: I. Q. R. A ago
Chapter 52: A New Sunlight ago
Chapter 53: Initiation ago
Chapter 54: Before the Descent ago
Chapter 55: His Former Owner ago
Chapter 56: The Cure ago
Chapter 57: Alba ago
Chapter 58: Barbara ago

Leave a review

Reviews
Sort by:
Winterwisp
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

Good potential, but needs more consistency

Reviewed at: Chapter 44: Hidaya Wilberforce

This review is based on the story so far, up to chapter 44.

Overall: There is potential here, and its worth a read. The basic premise is a wuxia style hero journey, with added RPG elements such as status, skills, a quest system, and dungeons. The world, its structure and the magical systems are interesting, but needs a more consistent ruleset. Most rules or precedents are applied post-hoc, which means they are often very convenient to the exact situation the MC is currently in - and in some cases the rules set like this contradict rules and precedents set out previously.

Style: Events are described in a classical wuxia style that makes experiences feel mysterious, combined with RPG elements that are more mechanical. That makes for a strange juxtaposition, which I kinda enjoy. I am, however, not a fan of short chapters. I can accept these as long as the length is kept consistent, but this is not always the case - chapters are sometimes extremely short. 

Story: A hero's journey is a good basis for building a story, and there are many unanswered questions that drive the plot forward. Unfortunately, there's a fine line between obscurity and convolusion, and I fear the story may be leaning to the convoluted side when it gets to the later chapters. 

Grammar: Spelling is excellent, while syntax needs improvement but is agreeable. Though there are few flaws, there's not much flow either. You often need to work hard as a reader to understand what the author wants to say, and that takes away from the immersive experience.

Character: Characters are distinct, and with recognizable features. However their interaction with one another is often hampered by the lack of flow I noted above. This takes away from their sense of life. A lot characters also have names spelled in a very foreign manner to English. This is fine, since its fantasy, but it also means its difficult to keep track when there are many characters in play at the same time.

mukkaar
  • Overall Score

Really well written story! Its quite unique piece in a good way. It has some irritaing bits, namely that mc seems to be dancing on palm of most characters. 

Looking forward to what happens next :)

Sigurd
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

Very entertaining, but improvable

Reviewed at: Chapter 7: Nostalgia Nára (3)

Style: 4

The paragraph and dialogue structures are overall good, with some minor mistakes here and there. Maybe the LitRPG tables could be actual tables, in order to make them stand out in the text and be a little easier to read. I liked the integration of wuxia elements into a more numeric role-play context. The length of the chapters varies a lot, whjch might be annoying for some.

Grammar: 3,5

In the first three paragraphs of this story, the word rider is used a total of 7 times. Repetition might be a good way to cement a concept into the mind of the reader, it's true, but overusing it can create the complete opposite effect. A general disattention to sentence structure and punctuation also confirms the need for a massive editing process. Tenses, on the other hand, are mostly fine.

Story: 4,5

Dark themes are filtered out by a simple storyline. Without spoiling anything, the narration moves on at a steady pace, it's dynamic and entertaining enough to keep the reader invested and doesn't look improvised. The action scenes become a bit excessive at times, but in this genre it's not necessarily a bad thing. Interesting magic system, nothing really unprecedented but it serves its purpose.

Characters: 4

I found no major issues with the characters other than sometimes they can be a bit too predictable. No matter how much the protagonist fights or suffers... I struggle to take him seriously or fear for his life, because I already know something will help him in the end. It's a bit of a shame, because the way he acts, reacts and moves around according to the magic system this world has in place is mostly believable. The side cast Arnad interacts with is creative and various, but has the tendency to fall into clichès. Still much better than the average characters here on RR, though.

Overall: 4

This is one of those stories which I can't possibly give a low rating. The grammar, however, might hold you back. Give it a chance and enjoy the action!

An uncertain yes, for me, but still a yes. If you are looking for entertainment, this is the read for you.

 

gaius maximus
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

 The plot is good. the story deals with the mc being a Wilberforce (once a ruler of vast territory and died) and his journey.

The story truly starts from chapter 2. The novel was well written and the world is also perfectly built. 

Carrarn
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

The story start's a bit weird but comes around quickly in chapter 1. Although there are some grammar issues, when the story starts to pick up it is easy to forgive them as far as I am concerned.

It has me wondering what will happen and for me, that is a good sign :) I would definitely give it a read if you're into Asian cultivating novels.

Basing my overall score on the story score as the rest isn't low enough for me to influence it.