It That Laments

by Bukiyou

Original HIATUS Action Drama Fantasy Magic Male Lead Strong Lead

The time waits for no man, so is the case for Selv, who had lost everything. In the stagnant world where everything is standing still, a change occurred.

Everything begins when she haunted him. She, who has that face, came to him together with the memories he locked away. The train to the past blew its horn while everything is moving toward the inevitable end.

What will he, who was at the center of everything, do when it pushed him from the back line to the center again?

 

  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score
  • Total Views :
  • 8,100
  • Average Views :
  • 261
  • Followers :
  • 9
  • Favorites :
  • 1
  • Ratings :
  • 4
  • Pages :
  • 335
Advertisement
Remove
Go to Table of Contents
Rate it
Fiction breaking rules? Report
Advertisement
Remove
Author
Bukiyou

Bukiyou

Achievements
I Am Ascending (V)
4th Anniversary
Good Commenter (II)
Fledgling Reviewer (I)
Good Review (II)
Word Smith (V)
Group Leader (III)
Advertisement
Remove
Reviews

Leave a review

WhoCares
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

Part of WC's Mutual Reviews. The opinions presented here are completely impartial. Read up to chapter 3.

Overall: I liked the clear plot and storyline, it knew where it was going and even when it detoured, it would come back. The characters so far have been well developed and distinct, and the prologue is just confusing enough to leave me asking questions and wanting to read more to find out what's happening. The Death characters that have been suggested so far, are very intriguing, and Selv's own actions and past are also full of mystery and leave room for suspense.

Style: The style of the story improved incredibly in the latter chapters, so I can only assume the author will get even better as time goes on. The shifting perspectives might need to be demarcated more clearly, but other than that, I liked the use of dialogue to progress the plot and skip exposition. Some people might claim there's a lack of description, but there isn't. Description of important things is present, unrelated things do not need to be described. However, the tense errors that I had to put in the grammar section did break the flow of the story for me and it'd be nice if the author fixed that up. Also, you really don't need to use stuff like 'fufun,' if you're going for a serious story.

Story: Intriguing. It has elements of dystopian fantasy, some classic humanity's last stand kinda setting like attack on titan etc. The main character has a hidden past, which is great, gives us something to think about while reading. The other characters have a past and motivation too, which is also awesome. So yeah, story's great!

Grammar: This department needs a little work. There were typos, mistakes with dialogue tags, and a lot of incorrect tenses. Tense disagreements seemed to be the author's biggest mistake, but i feel a little PR work with another person or through an online service should fix most of it up. However, it's still readable for anyone who is used to RRl so if you can read most of the stories on this site, you'll be fine with this one too!

Character: These were well crafted, although it's only been a few chapters (but they're long so it's fine) The main character has a personality, a secret motivation, a public motivation, and a ton of other stuff. The girl who seems to be preparing to be his sidekick is also being developed well, with good characterization and a setup of motivation and goals that may or may not conflict with the main character's motives, depending on how the story develops.

Conclusion: A fine story with a gripping plot and good characters, that could use a little PR. Read this if you want a nice dose of somewhat OP mc with a good story, likeable characters, and an actual plot where you can sense an end goal of sorts.

Venom 1309
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

Great but there's always room for improvement!

To be honest with you... the pacing of your story is really slow. Like there's nothing happening until chapter 3 and that where things pick up. 
Your writing style is simple and easy to follow, i wasn't confused on what's happening each scene.
As for the characters, they need some more personality in my opinion ( Although Elyn is pretty lovely).
Although Your writing style is simple and easy to follow but the narrative is quite confusing like i don't know what it tries to achieve ( But that just me)
But about the slow pace of your story don't let it worry you, readers will usually give you some time to pick up the pace.
Overall I like the premise though and with a few more chapters, it probably changes my opinion!