I'm a 70 years old mage not a little girl

by Hakase

  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score
  • Total Views :
  • 98,973
  • Average Views :
  • 2,911
  • Followers :
  • 218
  • Favorites :
  • 29
  • Ratings :
  • 32
  • Pages :
  • 112
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Author
Hakase

Hakase

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drakan_glasses BE NICE! Fair critique is fair, but be respectful & follow the review rules. There will be no mercy.
Reviews
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Liamrodhudson331
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Style : I think you need to improve this. The story seems to have potential, but all that is destroyed due to your writing style, which seems awefully similar to a Fb status. And let's be honest, nobody uses FB anymore.

Story : The story seems okay, it has potential. It's not really an overused plot, but it is not something new either.

Grammar : I don't really focus on grammar when reading a story, probably because I've read many badly translated novels before, but as far as I'm concerned, this is good enough.

Characters : I feel like your charactera need to be flushed out. They have potential, but then again, all characters have potential at first, until the author ruins them. I hope this won't happen to your story. For the moment, I feel like your story really lacks characters development, and I also think you're rushing too much.

Conclusion : Although I give you a bad review, But don't be discouraged! Every author is like this at first, you just need time to improve. I suggest you go to some of the better stories on this sites to learn, but please, don't completely copy their styles, you're not them and you won't be able to write like they do. It's much better for you to find your own, unique style of writing.

 

Augustus
Overall

Not great but getting better

As the title says it is not the best but there has been definite improvement as you continue writing, such as better descriptions, that make the story more immersive and over all improve it. For example ther first chapter looks sort of like script for a play, which is not the most entertaining to read.

TinkCalris
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

The story begins in the first few chapters with very clunky descriptions, and awkward phrasing.  The start of the second chapter, the author admits s/he is not a native English speaker; so the bulk of these issues are forgiven.

 

there isn't a firm basis of what the main character truely looks like until nearly the tenth chapter, even though there are plenty of opportunities to give a firm description beforehand.  Progress is slow, but is rather expected.  

 

This is a story that you should definitely read until the tenth chapter before deciding as to wether or not you wish to continue reading.

EvilGremlin
Overall

As of now (4 ch) it looks like a horrible Twitter account. Just a bunch of non-descriptive statements about every action.

General idea is OK, but literally everything else is missing.