The Crown of Sorrow

The Crown of Sorrow

by mrfuzzyguy

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Traumatising content

     The air itself burned. All was ash and dust. The remains of his home, his friends, his loved ones, his comrades, his enemies, mixed and intermingled. One spec of ash indistinguishable from the next. He had fallen to his knees, among the aftermath of the ruin of his own making. He no longer knew how long it had been since he'd fallen, how long he remained beyond everything else he ever knew. The ashes of his life coated his body, making him appear as a gray uneven statue, a monument to his own sorrow. 


Ages pass,
Life returns to the barren world,
but how will the sins of the past affect its future?


Saora of Valskaar begins another routine patrol of Valkaars borders. Accompanying rising a star of the Long-Riders, Captain Luke, as his Shield Maiden, unaware of the spiraling events that will change her life, and possibly end it. 


(This is my first novel, though the idea for it has been in the back of my mind for years, This is my attempt to put it to paper. Looking forward to any constructive criticism, however, i already have in mind, the entire plot and tone of the story, any revisions based on feedback will likely only be considered upon completion. As of now starting out, i haven't really settled on a timeline for regular updates But I aiming for at least two chapters a week at about 2000 words each. I will promise at least one chapter of that size at least once a week, until completion. I'm rather determined to put this story on paper ( or web page i guess). 

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  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score
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Alexis Keane

Well written and immersive

As of chapter 9

An extremely well written and refined fiction. The update times seem erratic, but hopefully that will change going forwards.

So... where to begin...

The characters each have well developed voices and seem to have a lives and motives of their own beyond those of the MC. This gives them an extraordinary degree of depth which is only aided by natural sounding dialogue. My one complaint is that characterization sometimes falls into caricature, however, it is not worth docking a quarter of a star for, much less half of one, given the otherwise excellent crafting of the author's characters. Character Score: 4.9/5

The story is still in its nascent stages, as of the time of writing this. Despite this, it seems to be progressing at a reasonable and engaging pace. Minor arcs are skillfully woven into the story so far, helping to maintain the pace, although some are generic... however, as stated, it is early days and not much further comment can be given beyond that. Story Score: 4.8/5

The style is good, crisp, clean and professional. It helps drive the narrative well and assists in the progression of the story. In my opinion, the style is exceeding well refined and on par with published literature. I can find little to fault it by except in matters of personal preference. Style Score: 5/5

Finally, the grammar, spelling and sentence/paragraph structure. The former two are pretty much impossible to complain about. Author has a solid grasp on the English language and wields it formidably with minimal but inevitable and excusable errors. Sentences are generally well laid out and there are only minor-to-non-existent issues with word order. Paragraph length is probably my biggest bugbear with this fic. Some paragraphs run on like a hyperactive squirrel's wedding speech and would benefit from a linebreak to help balance them out and prevent skimreading. As it is, I am only really mentioning this as I am particularly adverse to giving five star scores for everything, as it can often seem to come across as insincere. Grammar Score: 4.7/5 (N.B. no real issues with grammar or spelling, just some long paragraphs)