Colossus' Dream

by Danetello

Original COMPLETED Adventure Comedy Fantasy High Fantasy LitRPG Magic Non-Human lead Strong Lead

An ancient elemental is awoken in a time that is not his own. He sets off to finally complete the dream he has always had. Armed with the chance granted to him by the strange new system, he will set off on a journey throughout the ages.

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Author
Danetello

Danetello

Veteran of RRL

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Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
(0) Prologue. ago
(1) Awakening. ago
(2) Fate bound. ago
(3) First step. ago
(4) Cross Country. ago
(5) Landing. ago
(6) Greetings. ago
(7) Light. ago
Interlude Arc 1. ago
(8) Inadvertent legend. ago
(9) Roommates. ago
(10) Thoughts. ago
(11) Abode. ago
(12) Bonds. ago
(13) Truths. ago
(14) North. ago
(15) Change. ago
(16) Strange. ago
(17) Differences. ago
(18) Traveling. ago
(19) Ascent. ago
(20) Peak. ago
(21) Resolve. ago
Interlude Arc 2. ago
(22) Determination. ago
(23) Unexpected. ago
(24) Introductions. ago
(25) Strength. ago
(26) Commitment. ago
(27) To Return. ago
(28) Departure. ago
(29) Throw. ago
(30) Impact. ago
(31) Calm. ago
(32) Hopeless. ago
(33) Intervention. ago
(34) Enemy. ago
(35) Reforged. ago
(36) Convoy. ago
(37) Agreement. ago
Interlude Arc 3. ago
(38) Higher power. ago
(39) Imprisonment. ago
(40) Eye. ago
(41) Sleep. ago
(42) Take Off. ago
(43) Night. ago
(44) Mist. ago
(45) Mystery. ago
(46) Aia. ago
(47) Contrast. ago
(48) Ancient. ago
(49) Time. ago
(50) Split. ago
(51) Noticed. ago
(52) Will. ago
(53) Intrigue. ago
(54) Home. ago
(55) Broken Vow. ago
(56) Pain. ago
(57) Reveal. ago
(58) Epilogue. ago
Update. ago

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duhbigotaku
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The lovely author has kindly asked me to update my review. I have kept the old review at the bottom of this for posterity's sake for any who wish to read it. I have re-read the entire story in one sitting, and am happy to say that the author has improved by quite a large margin.

My favorite parts of this story are still the prologue, and now the new poem in the interlude between chapters 21 and 22. They bring a sense of majesty and granduer to the story that is befitting to it's topic, the Colossus! But, chapters 1-10 I still think are the weakest part of this story. That is understandable though, as they are the beginning, and thus the author was still learning. They flip-flop between POV's too often, and are lacking the detail needed to really understand the world and its inhabitants. Luckily, chapters 11-22 greatly improve on this, with chapter 22 being his best work so far.

I think the style of your writing, your voice, has greatly improved. It feels like you have a handle on how to write your story the way you like it and want it now. Zhon has a character now, Col has a character now. Your descriptions of the massive events that happen around the characters is wonderful, and even your descriptions of the environment really draw me in. But there are a few things that I think could be improved. I'm glad that you've really cut down on your POV shifting, but I still feel like some POV's are just too short. I think each one needs to be a minimum of 5 paragraphs. Not only will this help us learn about each character more, but since we get to see so many things from different perspectives it can give you a chance to make their relationships more complex. The other thing I think could use a little bit of work is pace. It is drastically slowed down in these most recent chapters, but I still think this was a bit too fast. The journey to the volcano in the center of the continent should have been more grand. It felt like less of the first journey between Col and his eternal companion Zhon to the center of the continent to climb and conquer a massive volcano, and more like a short jaunt before Col took a nap. The more time we can spend with them individually, the better. As excited as I am to see how Col evolves, I don't care as much about him and Zhon as I feel I should, simply because I haven't had the chance or time to see their characters come forward and their interactions grow their relationship.

This brings me to characters in general. I think this has been greatly improved. You dropped the bunch of tiny elemental side characters that would never have a chance of proper development just due to their insignifigance, and have stuck with a nice small cast that you can really work on developing, with a few mysterious individuals to spice it up. Col has a personality now, and isn't just a walking force of nature. It's great. But, again, a few things that should be worked on. Like I stated above, we need more time with them to get to know these characters. There's a lot of telling, and not enough showing. It's nice that Zhon is commited to Col to be his eternal companion, but why is that? What has borne this great sense of duty he has? Because from what we have read, they just decided to be friends, and now are closer than family after a very short amount of time. Next would be their characters in general. The shift from slightly dimwitted and optimistic to sullen and brooding was very abrupt. While I think it was good to introduce it sooner rather than later, I would have prefered to see what caused this change in Col's character. Zhon is a man who values strength, and is a stubborn old man. And while we get a quick look at his life when he is first introduced, it is not enough to really understand WHY he is stubborn, or why he values strength so much. Don't be afraid to spend a few chapters developing each of them more. Show them in different scenarios, show how they react, show how this changes their demeanor, show how this affects the people around them. I think this new character in chapter 22 is the best you have done with this actually. We know that he lives a rough life, we know that he grew up without a father, we know he looks up to his father, we know about his dream, etc. All from a single chapter with him. This is what you should strive for, with every character. You stayed on his POV long enough to allow the reader to get a sense of who he is, his thought process, and how he acts in instances of dire circumstance. It was a pleasure to read about his cimb up the mountain, and I cannot wait to read about him and Zhon interacting while waiting for Col to awaken.

My last bit of advice will be for the plot. Col has a goal, to become bigger and improve himself. Zhon has a goal, to see the world. But what is the conflict, both internal or external, that is driving these goals? Why are they wanting to do this, and is it leading to anything bigger? Or are you going for something more episodic in nature? What is the end goal for our characters, and what obstacles are in their way that will obstruct them from reaching these goals? Again, I think chapter 22 demonstrates perfectly how to set up plot. The kid's goal is to get stronger so that he can protect his village. To do that, he has to leave on his journey in order to get to a legendary location, where he hopes to gain his strength. But in order to get there, he has to stretch his food suply thin, almost starving himself, he has to hike through the wilderness and climb this gigantic mountain. He even has to battle himself psychologically causing his character to grow in order to reach the top. This is a beautiful demonstration of a goal, obstacle, struggle, and triumph in a single contained instance. I can see you're leading to a place where Zhon can become his teacher even. Maybe Col and Zhon helping to drive off the darkness. And it's wonderful. All I ask is that you develop these characters and their relationships enough to make this journey great. Don't have Col wake up for several chapters, allow Zhon and this new kid to grow close through teaching and the like. Because if you can grow these characters, that will help your plot so much! We can understand what's happening in the world right now, and it can give new goals to achieve to each character.

Overall I think this story has greatly improved since chapters 1-10. The writting has only gotten better, and I can see how it continues to improve as demonstrated in chapter 22. I think as long as you keep your current pace of improvement up, this can easily become a book worthy of being published. Just remember, Show Don't Tell, Character interaction is important for growth, Objective goals are good, either overarching or episodic, and finally my most important piece of all. Finish this book. There's so much potential, and I don't want to see it all go to waste down the drain, simply because you got tired of writing. I can't wait to read more and see your continued improvement.

------- Old Review -------

I really like the concept of this story. The prologue really drew me in and made me want more. But after reading up to chapter 9 there are a few improvements I would suggest.

First, don't be afraid to stay on one POV. You switch so rapidly, sometimes only giving certain characters a paragraph before switching to someone else. Slow down, focus on 3 POV's at most. You can get across the same information from one constant POV.

Next would be pacing. I think that all this time going by very fast is actually a good aspect. It truly shows how ancient the colossus is. But when he IS awake, you speed by way too fast. I've spent more time reading about everything else rather than the colossus. Don't be afraid to spend more time on his inner monologue and the description of events and terrain around him. We're not going to get bored.

Lastly would be the characters. Most of them are just small insignificant specks in the grand scheme of things, and they get the appropriate amount of character development. But the colossus himself doesn't feel like a character, even though you're writing him as one. He feels more like a force of nature that can talk. Which is fine, except you clearly are meaning for him to have some sort of personality, and he doesn't have one right now. I encourage you to spend more time with im in general, and try to develop his relationships with the people around him, the system, anything to make him more relatable.

I really do like this story, and right now it just feels like you're rushing it. You said you have a story in mind and all planned out which is great. But you have to remember that the enjoyability of a story comes not from the huge important event's but the journey and buildup to those big events that make them feel even grander. Don't rush to the big story plot points, build up to them slowly and let your readers fester in excitement. I believe in you and can't wait for more!

Zethuron
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An Different adventure, through the ages

This is a fairly unique kind of story, with the MC being a earth elemental.

This story follows the MC on his long journey through the ages, and all the things that happen on his journey (including those caused by him).

Through the other characters do matter,  even as shortlived they are compared to the MC of this story.

 

The author has made a interesting world, even with the fact that the chapters are short and there are a ton of timeskips, it changes a lot during the story.

This is generally a good story, with flaws, but they do not matter much. An enjoyable read for anyone wanting a story to read for some hours.

Deuxz
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A Story That Knows What It Wants

Although the chapters are a bit short. It suits this story perfectly.

 
Not wanting to ruin anything for you, i will say this. The MC is a bit of an air head, extremley caring and genuinley curious about everything. That combo plus the personalities of the other charecters make everything go together perfectly.

Everything the MC does has meaning. There is no empty actions that seem totally pointless and are there to only add to the word count. The things that need explaining, get explained, while the things that don't simply don't get explained.

All in all. This story has a perfect synergy that i hope to one day get in the stories that i write. So if your contemplating on whether or not you want to read this story. Read it. You definitly won't regret it!

elerar
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I will be around (Chapter 11 at time of review)

This story has pleasantly suprised me; Its calm pace and MC are refreshing for this site and suit this story well. There have been countless of stories around here of new worlds and heroes and demons and unlimited and constant action. To me it has become somewhat tireing to read about another loser, nerd or assasin who somehow gets transported to an other world and either instantly becomes the strongest being around or suffers some unjustice and becomes strongest man/women ever because of bullshit bonuses. This MC is OP however it is the weakest of it's race (last surviving member) and it caries that atitude around. It does not supress weaker creatures (not at time of review, have no reason to believe it will happen) but almost acts silly in its peacefullness. 

This story does not rush its narative and thank god it doesn't. It uses the ancient MC well by letting it sleep for thousands of years and letting it awake in a new world. The MC is large, slow, unknowing, powerfull and kind. Besides that it truely doesn't care about power. Finaly a OP MC that can not be forced into becoming a senseless battle maniac who's only purpose is fighting, fucking and telling a "cry-me-a-river sob story". (not at time of review, pray to god this doesn't happen)

Then onto the reviewy bit:

I dig the style, it is calm and well paced according to the circumstances. It realy enforces a sence of largeness of the MC; everything apears slower and more monumental. It suits a walking, talking mountain well. the timeskips emphasize the ancient nature of the elemental. I think these timeskips are great and I think it would greatly benifit the story if they remain a constant theme.

The story is not yet very developed however I like what I see.

I noticed some typo's (like 2-3)

I adore the character, I think it is the strongest part of this story. I am wondering how it will deal with the realisation that he is the oldest thing left and the last of his race. 

I love this story already and will expect more!

Montinje
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This does not have the atmosphere of the kind of action packed adventure that is usually associated with fantacy. It is slow and simple. I love it for that. The chapters are short but so is the time Col spends between his sleeps. It would be nice to have longer chapters later on with the new ark. It would also be nice to linger on other, less essencial perspectives before they meet the giant. I am interested to see how the mountain top develops whilst Col is asleap and what society makes of it. However, I would not like this to deduct from the relaxing nature of the colossus' perspective and story.

Adrian Caesar
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I dont care what other people say about this novel really, and im not a pro reviewer neither am i a pro writer. But for me as reader standpoint, i cant help but to congratulate the author as you got my heart on this novel. I have to admin this is not you regular fantasy story where you expect action and mow down your enemies with overwelming might. You have to understand each of character point of view if you want to like it, try to understand that immortality is not as flowery as it sound, how hard is it to wait for something for so long, how something so old but have innocent and untainted child like soul with ambitution and upon closer to his dream the sole reason that keep him untainted have positive mentality gone. well thats what i really like about this story, its touching for me.

Dractyle
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Not the story you expect, but darn is it great.

I went into this story believing it to be similar to a lot of other evolution stories on RR. I was so very wrong and I am immensly glad that I was.

The story starts out slow, and in the first couple of chapters you can feel that this is a first time story, but then it really begins to grow on you. The characters take on a life of their own, and by the time you hit the current last chapter you will be smilling, cursing and feel sad all at the same time, waiting with baited breath for what comes next.

Blue boxes are utilized, but luckily not overused as some authors has a tendency towards. Instead they are used sportaticly and with great effect, even being incorperated into the overall story arc in an interesting manner.

I hope the author can keep up this great work and can't wait to read more, as this is clearly a case of both the story and author growing together towards a higher goal.

~Traveling Chef~
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have read to ch.21 and so far it's been alot of fun. It's definitely one of the mroe interesting stories I've read. honestly no real complaints other than I wish the chapters were longer and it took some time to get the ball rolling, but thats also what I like about it. the story moves much like a massive stone gaint would move, Slowly and deliberatly, nothing feels thrown in or dreamed up as the story moves forward like your typical web novel. certainly one of my faves so far and I can't wait for more releases

smalldeath22
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This story is very interesting.

It creates a real feeling of adventure that you don't see that often and unlike most other novels on this website it stays very open, this allows it to gradually introduce new characters and environments while simultaneously letting it peacefully lay them to rest.

The way the mechanics and lore of this novel are made line up with what is happening which, if you are like me, helps the universe  feel that much more real and vibrant.

All of this sets it up in such a way that whenever the plot peaks you want so much more.

My only real problem with this novel is how slowly the chapters come out, however that does show just how in love with this i am. 

All of this tells me that this is something truly special.

DustBuster
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This book has been one of the most interesting and enjoyable I've read in recent time. I would wholeheartedly recommend any person to read this.

TLDR: Just Read It