Colossus' Dream

by Danetello

Original COMPLETED Adventure Comedy Fantasy LitRPG Magic Non-Human lead Strong Lead

An ancient elemental is awoken in a time that is not his own. He sets off to finally complete the dream he has always had. Armed with the chance granted to him by the strange new system, he will set off on a journey throughout the ages.

  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score
  • Total Views :
  • 721,574
  • Average Views :
  • 11,454
  • Followers :
  • 1,298
  • Favorites :
  • 409
  • Ratings :
  • 382
  • Pages :
  • 220
Advertisement
Remove
Go to Table of Contents
Rate it
Fiction breaking rules? Report
Advertisement
Remove
Author
Danetello

Danetello

Veteran of RRL

Achievements
4th Anniversary
Finding the Key
I Am Flying (VII)
Great Commenter (IV)
Fledgling Reviewer (I)
Great Review (V)
Word Smith (IV)
Toplist #500
Village Head (V)
Advertisement
Remove
Table of Contents
Chapter Name Release Date
(0) Prologue. ago
(1) Awakening. ago
(2) Fate bound. ago
(3) First step. ago
(4) Cross Country. ago
(5) Superhero Landing. ago
(6) Greetings. ago
(7) Light. ago
Interlude Arc 1. ago
(8) Inadvertent legend. ago
(9) Roommates. ago
(10) Thoughts. ago
(11) Abode. ago
(12) Bonds. ago
(13) Truths. ago
(14) North. ago
(15) Change. ago
(16) Strange. ago
(17) Differences. ago
(18) Traveling. ago
(19) Ascent. ago
(20) Peak. ago
(21) Resolve. ago
Interlude Arc 2. ago
(22) Determination. ago
(23) Unexpected. ago
(24) Introductions. ago
(25) Strength. ago
(26) Commitment. ago
(27) To Return. ago
(28) Departure. ago
(29) Throw. ago
(30) Impact. ago
(31) Calm. ago
(32) Hopeless. ago
(33) Intervention. ago
(34) Enemy. ago
(35) Reforged. ago
(36) Convoy. ago
(37) Agreement. ago
Interlude Arc 3. ago
(38) Higher power. ago
(39) Imprisonment. ago
(40) Eye. ago
(41) Sleep. ago
(42) Take Off. ago
(43) Night. ago
(44) Mist. ago
(45) Mystery. ago
(46) Aia. ago
(47) Contrast. ago
(48) Ancient. ago
(49) Time. ago
(50) Split. ago
(51) Noticed. ago
(52) Will. ago
(53) Intrigue. ago
(54) Home. ago
(55) Broken Vow. ago
(56) Pain. ago
(57) Reveal. ago
(58) Epilogue. ago
Update. ago
Reviews

Leave a review

duhbigotaku
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

The lovely author has kindly asked me to update my review. I have kept the old review at the bottom of this for posterity's sake for any who wish to read it. I have re-read the entire story in one sitting, and am happy to say that the author has improved by quite a large margin.

My favorite parts of this story are still the prologue, and now the new poem in the interlude between chapters 21 and 22. They bring a sense of majesty and granduer to the story that is befitting to it's topic, the Colossus! But, chapters 1-10 I still think are the weakest part of this story. That is understandable though, as they are the beginning, and thus the author was still learning. They flip-flop between POV's too often, and are lacking the detail needed to really understand the world and its inhabitants. Luckily, chapters 11-22 greatly improve on this, with chapter 22 being his best work so far.

I think the style of your writing, your voice, has greatly improved. It feels like you have a handle on how to write your story the way you like it and want it now. Zhon has a character now, Col has a character now. Your descriptions of the massive events that happen around the characters is wonderful, and even your descriptions of the environment really draw me in. But there are a few things that I think could be improved. I'm glad that you've really cut down on your POV shifting, but I still feel like some POV's are just too short. I think each one needs to be a minimum of 5 paragraphs. Not only will this help us learn about each character more, but since we get to see so many things from different perspectives it can give you a chance to make their relationships more complex. The other thing I think could use a little bit of work is pace. It is drastically slowed down in these most recent chapters, but I still think this was a bit too fast. The journey to the volcano in the center of the continent should have been more grand. It felt like less of the first journey between Col and his eternal companion Zhon to the center of the continent to climb and conquer a massive volcano, and more like a short jaunt before Col took a nap. The more time we can spend with them individually, the better. As excited as I am to see how Col evolves, I don't care as much about him and Zhon as I feel I should, simply because I haven't had the chance or time to see their characters come forward and their interactions grow their relationship.

This brings me to characters in general. I think this has been greatly improved. You dropped the bunch of tiny elemental side characters that would never have a chance of proper development just due to their insignifigance, and have stuck with a nice small cast that you can really work on developing, with a few mysterious individuals to spice it up. Col has a personality now, and isn't just a walking force of nature. It's great. But, again, a few things that should be worked on. Like I stated above, we need more time with them to get to know these characters. There's a lot of telling, and not enough showing. It's nice that Zhon is commited to Col to be his eternal companion, but why is that? What has borne this great sense of duty he has? Because from what we have read, they just decided to be friends, and now are closer than family after a very short amount of time. Next would be their characters in general. The shift from slightly dimwitted and optimistic to sullen and brooding was very abrupt. While I think it was good to introduce it sooner rather than later, I would have prefered to see what caused this change in Col's character. Zhon is a man who values strength, and is a stubborn old man. And while we get a quick look at his life when he is first introduced, it is not enough to really understand WHY he is stubborn, or why he values strength so much. Don't be afraid to spend a few chapters developing each of them more. Show them in different scenarios, show how they react, show how this changes their demeanor, show how this affects the people around them. I think this new character in chapter 22 is the best you have done with this actually. We know that he lives a rough life, we know that he grew up without a father, we know he looks up to his father, we know about his dream, etc. All from a single chapter with him. This is what you should strive for, with every character. You stayed on his POV long enough to allow the reader to get a sense of who he is, his thought process, and how he acts in instances of dire circumstance. It was a pleasure to read about his cimb up the mountain, and I cannot wait to read about him and Zhon interacting while waiting for Col to awaken.

My last bit of advice will be for the plot. Col has a goal, to become bigger and improve himself. Zhon has a goal, to see the world. But what is the conflict, both internal or external, that is driving these goals? Why are they wanting to do this, and is it leading to anything bigger? Or are you going for something more episodic in nature? What is the end goal for our characters, and what obstacles are in their way that will obstruct them from reaching these goals? Again, I think chapter 22 demonstrates perfectly how to set up plot. The kid's goal is to get stronger so that he can protect his village. To do that, he has to leave on his journey in order to get to a legendary location, where he hopes to gain his strength. But in order to get there, he has to stretch his food suply thin, almost starving himself, he has to hike through the wilderness and climb this gigantic mountain. He even has to battle himself psychologically causing his character to grow in order to reach the top. This is a beautiful demonstration of a goal, obstacle, struggle, and triumph in a single contained instance. I can see you're leading to a place where Zhon can become his teacher even. Maybe Col and Zhon helping to drive off the darkness. And it's wonderful. All I ask is that you develop these characters and their relationships enough to make this journey great. Don't have Col wake up for several chapters, allow Zhon and this new kid to grow close through teaching and the like. Because if you can grow these characters, that will help your plot so much! We can understand what's happening in the world right now, and it can give new goals to achieve to each character.

Overall I think this story has greatly improved since chapters 1-10. The writting has only gotten better, and I can see how it continues to improve as demonstrated in chapter 22. I think as long as you keep your current pace of improvement up, this can easily become a book worthy of being published. Just remember, Show Don't Tell, Character interaction is important for growth, Objective goals are good, either overarching or episodic, and finally my most important piece of all. Finish this book. There's so much potential, and I don't want to see it all go to waste down the drain, simply because you got tired of writing. I can't wait to read more and see your continued improvement.

------- Old Review -------

I really like the concept of this story. The prologue really drew me in and made me want more. But after reading up to chapter 9 there are a few improvements I would suggest.

First, don't be afraid to stay on one POV. You switch so rapidly, sometimes only giving certain characters a paragraph before switching to someone else. Slow down, focus on 3 POV's at most. You can get across the same information from one constant POV.

Next would be pacing. I think that all this time going by very fast is actually a good aspect. It truly shows how ancient the colossus is. But when he IS awake, you speed by way too fast. I've spent more time reading about everything else rather than the colossus. Don't be afraid to spend more time on his inner monologue and the description of events and terrain around him. We're not going to get bored.

Lastly would be the characters. Most of them are just small insignificant specks in the grand scheme of things, and they get the appropriate amount of character development. But the colossus himself doesn't feel like a character, even though you're writing him as one. He feels more like a force of nature that can talk. Which is fine, except you clearly are meaning for him to have some sort of personality, and he doesn't have one right now. I encourage you to spend more time with im in general, and try to develop his relationships with the people around him, the system, anything to make him more relatable.

I really do like this story, and right now it just feels like you're rushing it. You said you have a story in mind and all planned out which is great. But you have to remember that the enjoyability of a story comes not from the huge important event's but the journey and buildup to those big events that make them feel even grander. Don't rush to the big story plot points, build up to them slowly and let your readers fester in excitement. I believe in you and can't wait for more!

flins
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

Colossus('s) Dream

is a breath of fresh air on RR for me, no harem, reincarnation or transportation to a different world with some ludacris ability. 

The grammar is good, only a few mistakes here and there (i'm dyslexic so some of it might just be me ;) ) but so far its better than 80% of this site. So your eyes won't bleed when reading this. 

The only problem i have is the short chapter length, but i would rather have a short chapter that's good and readable than a long chapter filled with mistakes and boring dribble. 

so keep up the good work  Danetello   

 

elerar
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

I will be around (Chapter 11 at time of review)

This story has pleasantly suprised me; Its calm pace and MC are refreshing for this site and suit this story well. There have been countless of stories around here of new worlds and heroes and demons and unlimited and constant action. To me it has become somewhat tireing to read about another loser, nerd or assasin who somehow gets transported to an other world and either instantly becomes the strongest being around or suffers some unjustice and becomes strongest man/women ever because of bullshit bonuses. This MC is OP however it is the weakest of it's race (last surviving member) and it caries that atitude around. It does not supress weaker creatures (not at time of review, have no reason to believe it will happen) but almost acts silly in its peacefullness. 

This story does not rush its narative and thank god it doesn't. It uses the ancient MC well by letting it sleep for thousands of years and letting it awake in a new world. The MC is large, slow, unknowing, powerfull and kind. Besides that it truely doesn't care about power. Finaly a OP MC that can not be forced into becoming a senseless battle maniac who's only purpose is fighting, fucking and telling a "cry-me-a-river sob story". (not at time of review, pray to god this doesn't happen)

Then onto the reviewy bit:

I dig the style, it is calm and well paced according to the circumstances. It realy enforces a sence of largeness of the MC; everything apears slower and more monumental. It suits a walking, talking mountain well. the timeskips emphasize the ancient nature of the elemental. I think these timeskips are great and I think it would greatly benifit the story if they remain a constant theme.

The story is not yet very developed however I like what I see.

I noticed some typo's (like 2-3)

I adore the character, I think it is the strongest part of this story. I am wondering how it will deal with the realisation that he is the oldest thing left and the last of his race. 

I love this story already and will expect more!

drizz
  • Overall Score

This could be a gem. But it has a long way to go until then.

For the sake of readability I'll organise this into key points:

1.,          The chapters are very short and, partly as a result of that, the story feels rushed. You move from plot point to plot point but you have to realise that the journey is what really makes a story interesting!

2.,          While I understand that with the huge timespans you are working with here real character development may be out of place, it would do the story good if you went into detail a little more - possibly also by lengthening these little POV-snippets you've been throwing in.

3.,          The grammar and spelling are solid, albeit I did find a few err, especially wrong tenses. I enjoy your writing style so far, so I've really no critique in that department.

I'll give this an overall score of 3.5 for the time being, but please know that I am really looking forward to what you make of this story - and that I will, of course, revise my score as necessary.

Deuxz
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

A Story That Knows What It Wants

Although the chapters are a bit short. It suits this story perfectly.

 
Not wanting to ruin anything for you, i will say this. The MC is a bit of an air head, extremley caring and genuinley curious about everything. That combo plus the personalities of the other charecters make everything go together perfectly.

Everything the MC does has meaning. There is no empty actions that seem totally pointless and are there to only add to the word count. The things that need explaining, get explained, while the things that don't simply don't get explained.

All in all. This story has a perfect synergy that i hope to one day get in the stories that i write. So if your contemplating on whether or not you want to read this story. Read it. You definitly won't regret it!

Zethuron
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

An Different adventure, through the ages

This is a fairly unique kind of story, with the MC being a earth elemental.

This story follows the MC on his long journey through the ages, and all the things that happen on his journey (including those caused by him).

Through the other characters do matter,  even as shortlived they are compared to the MC of this story.

 

The author has made a interesting world, even with the fact that the chapters are short and there are a ton of timeskips, it changes a lot during the story.

This is generally a good story, with flaws, but they do not matter much. An enjoyable read for anyone wanting a story to read for some hours.

Nekoht
  • Overall Score

Really interesting

This is a great and super interesting story

I can't really say anything else, but that it's a fact that I love it.

The Colossus is a very interesting "person"/elemental.

Please keep up the good work Danetello

=^.^= I'll be waiting for the next chapter =^.^=

vulcan
  • Overall Score

This story is so great , i enjoy it so far 

~Traveling Chef~
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

have read to ch.21 and so far it's been alot of fun. It's definitely one of the mroe interesting stories I've read. honestly no real complaints other than I wish the chapters were longer and it took some time to get the ball rolling, but thats also what I like about it. the story moves much like a massive stone gaint would move, Slowly and deliberatly, nothing feels thrown in or dreamed up as the story moves forward like your typical web novel. certainly one of my faves so far and I can't wait for more releases

MarkPark
  • Overall Score

A good concept and more than good delivery thus far chapter28 - Recommended.

The story is quite nice and I enjoy it very much. There are no glaring errors with the story and I feel that the pacing of the story is good - thus far as of chapter 28. There's always something new each chapter and the story isn't stagnant and repetetive. The grammar is good as well, only some small mistakes here and there, which the author often fixes if you point it out to him/her in the comment section. If you are interested in the premise of the story I hope you start reading with a fresh state of mind, as the litrpg is a little different from most stories. I would definitely recommend the book to anyone whom may find themselves reading this short review.