The Worldforge: Warlock Rising

*read up to chapter 14* Compelling characters and well written dialogue. Story is still in the first arc but has been an enjoyable read despite some flaws. Some shakiness is to be expected given that this is a rough draft.

This story, like many other stories, suffers from weakly justified and unrealistic villains who act as plot devices rather than as actual characters. Reading the POV of the primary antagonist thus far makes me feel like I'm watching a cartoon villain. Cruel to MC? check. Stole the girl? Check. Racist sack of shit who thinks women are just playthings? Double check. Willing to lie, cheat, steal, and murder to advance his own status, often in stupid ways? checkmate. I literally laughed out loud when I found out that on top of everything else, his family is using blood magic on unwilling slaves to fuel their business. Like seriously, hitting all the evil empire tropes here. We get it, he's EVIL with a capital E, tophat and handlebar mustache pending. All other characters either fall on the "good" side of the spectrum or are lesser clones of this completely irredeemable(yet strangely incompetent) villain. 

You had all the pieces laid out for an extremely competent and dangerous antagonist. A powerful foil for the protagonist given the relationship with his childhood friend. Instead, he becomes some third rate "off with his head" Dr Evil type stooge who does nasty things for the lulz. I look forward to the inevitable, "no! how can this be???" scene, where our suddenly magically enhanced protagonist gets to put him in his place. Utterly predictable? Perhaps, but still satisfying in a summer popcorn movie kind of way. Spend some time developing your villains, think of them as characters rather than as humps for the MC to speed over. A protagonist requires significant and worthy adversaries for his accomplishments to have meaning, otherwise they just ring hollow. One way to think of it is this, do you think readers enjoy seeing your villain on the stage? Or is he just there for your audience to boo and hiss until he inevitably meets his end.

Criticism aside, this is an enjoyable read and I will be following to see where it goes.

Characters: possibly the best part of the story, all of them seem so lifelike and compelling. wonderful job done on that, it feels like im reading a professional writer's work

Story: not unique but again, compelling. i really want to read more and find out what will happen in later chapters, more so than 99% of the stories on here. i really hope you'll continue

style: perhaps due to mar's personality and his experiences, i dont have much of an understanding of the people and the setting in the story. you say the city is amazing and wrote about some of the things in it, but i dont have any image in my head for it or even really a very clear image of the places the story would take place in. the setting is just as distinct as the characters and i feel youve given it too small of a role

Grammar: some small mistakes but you said its a rough draft anyways. much less than i expected for an unedited draft though, good job on that

Overall: id buy your book if you were selling it, so make sure to sell it so that i can give you my money once youve done the rewrite

This is quite easily one of the best-written stories on RRL that I've read. 

Figure id drop a review from the lack of them. Good story im enjoying it, not a lot of mistakes and where i do catch them they are so minor i tend to forget to comment for a fix. Mc feels fleshed out although theres really not enough story to get a feel for anyone beyond the first impression. ill update my review after more chapters are added.

I found this while looking for something to pass the time and I have to say that I was quickly entrhalled by your story.  I sat down and read the whole thing in one sitting.  Kudos!

Now, for some constructive critcism:

The first thing I noticed while reading through your chapters was a tendency for you to go off on tangents.  Sometimes while in the middle of one thought you will interupt it and spend a paragraph or two to explain some part of the back story.  While I do appreciate thorough world building, there is a right way and a wrong way to do it.  Interupting a thought or conversation or an action really isn't the right time to build lore.

The next thing oviously would be the grammar/spelling.  You've already mentioned that you are aware that errors exist, and you have stated a desire to rewrite, there were a few "Wha...Ohhh" moments.  I'm sure this is something that will get ironed out as you edit your chapters more thoroughly, I still felt compelled to include it in my review.

One of my favorite parts of your story so far is how well you've developed your characters.  Sure it's still early on, but even so you've done a splendid job on at least touching on each characters motivations, and in such a way to feel real.  Continue as you have been and I doubt I will have any complaints.

One thing that I've had trouble following is the magic system here.  I can understand some of the basics, but not much more then that.  I can't imagine myself as a character in this world, creating and using spells.  I feel a fundamental lack of understanding how the system works.  This might just be me, as I could have misread something or just missed it all together.

Anyway, all in all very well done!  I look forward to future chapters!

Read up to the The Grey Stone 5 or ch 7. The characters are all over the place, its like a shitty soap opera. All of the characters are insuffarble, and I just want everyone to die. The grammer is readable even if it hurts a little. 

Ways to improve

- just reread a chapter and grammer issues should go away

- every incounter and interaction feels very cartoonish and unbelieveable 

-characters personalities are inconsistent, and they seem to forget/ forgive previous encouters

For a dungeon inspired web serial, this is a good attempt.  There is limited exposition, dialogue and actions general to move the plot forward.  The author's world building is engaging.  One thing the author does well is incorporate the setting into the motivations of the main character.  

I hope the @Aru continues to thresh out the characterization of the supporting characters.

I get the 'rage at entitlement'.  But The Poor Orphan With Vs The Asshole Elites has been handled more creatively.  Much room for growth ahead, some room for editorial improvements.

On the flip side, The Struggle Against An Item Of Unknown Malevialant Powers is engaging --- no overpowered wish fulfillment.

I think Hemmingway said 98% of everything he wrote was crap.  The story so far is 78-88% crap.

Text styling, grammar, indentation/alignment, is dialogue maintains acceptable quality.

 4.5 / 5 would continue reading.  Would rate higher with some characterization building/edits in these first parts.

Tl;Dr: Read the book it's amazing.

Style 4.5/5

Really nice style, keeps the reader engrossed and is easy to read.

Story 5/5

Intriguing story with enough details to keep the reader in the loop but with enough suspense.

Grammar 4.5/5

Little to no errors. Nuff said.

Characters 5/5

Now this is where the book really shines. Very realistic characters with unique and developed personalities. 

Overall 4.5/5

Just amazing.

A well written story with only a few misplaced words or misspellings. The story flows for the most part, but will update review once further along.

Most of the characters have a lot of potential for further development, which he is showing now with the MC's child hood friend revealing a different side than we have seen before. Looking forward to reading more from this author.

Well written, though some characters are cliche tropes, and the main villain of the first arc is little more than a cardboard cutout sterotype, and there are what appears to be small and large inconsistencies in characterisation and motivation for the sake of a specific plot.

The worst part for me, and what caused me to stop reading around Keeper of the Realm 5 (chapter 14 over all) (I ran out of things to read and so returned) is that the main character has no agency of his own. every attempt by the MC to take action by his own reasoning is subverted, sabotaged, he takes a direct action in opposition to his own stated goals and reasoning, or someone comes along and uses force to take his ability to choose and act away.

It's not until Clear Skies that the main character gets to make a dicision of their own and follow through (chapter 20). Prior to this they are nothing more than an agent of forced stupidity, a slave and meat puppet in order to force the plot in a specific direction. This enforced stupidity and puppeteering seems set to continue with further acts of stupidity contrary to the MC's interests, intellect, and established character traits as of the latest chapter (21)

If you can make it past the first 14 chapters or don't mind an MC that is basically a superfluous vessel that could be replaced by an animate object for all the personal agency he has, then the writing is good, barring some errors. There is a clear and progressing plot, with foreshadowing. The world is well constructed and interesting and most of the characters and have a life and voice of their own, though they are inconsistent in characterisation.

Over all, it has some weaknesses and areas for improvement.