brian's note book

by cloaked poet

Original ONGOING Psychological Short Story Tragedy
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Traumatising content

where i write poems and the more you scroll down the older they get, so in turn the lower you look the worse they get, this started durring the summer of 2016, beware its edgy asf

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  • Total Views :
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  • Average Views :
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  • Followers :
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  • Ratings :
  • 6
  • Pages :
  • 169
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cloaked poet

cloaked poet

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Allemone
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It's actually pretty good.

I'll start off by being honest. I wasn't a huge fan of poetry up until now. Having said that, this is definitely something. The overall message is something I don't really understand. However, I can tell just how much effort you put into this. My only real problem is the length. If you plan on writing a sequel or something similar (and I hope you do) I'd recommend keeping it a bit shorter. People on here may get turned off by the length, and might not be willing to get to the meat of the poem. Regardless, great job. I look forward to more of your work.

Vocaloid
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So Edgy I Cut Myself on it

Style

It's so edgy that I cut myself on it. That's all I can say. It is legitimate poetry all the way throughout. There's a few odd one liners and poems that don't rhyme at all, but it flows very nicely.

Despite your insistence that the lower ones are worse, it feels okay all throughout. I actually prefer the lower ones.

Story

There is no story. This is a string of poems. However, each poem seems to follow somewhat of a theme and several themes are touched upon. That's enough for 5 stars in story for poetry from me.

Grammar

Grammar is a bit rough, especially in the poems in the lower sections. However, I can't really tell whether it's intentional or not at some points. Like bad grammar and spelling with poetry is sometimes a stylistic choice or to help things flow better. -1 star I guess.

Character

I honestly have no idea how to judge character on a poetry story. 5 stars for the author's character I guess. He did write 40k words worth of poetry and posted it online for all to see.

Overall

4.5 stars overall I say. A hearty amount of poetry to read and very hard to read in one sitting. I will be back later and I will bring more people to this.

Ajnaran
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So Edgy I Cut my Wrists with it

You don't see things like this on RRL.

I like new things. And I like shinny things.

I don't like things that are shinny and new at the same time, though.

Not bad. It would be good if you separate it in chapters, though, I just skimmed through many of it but I liked some of what I read. Good job.