Asunder Online [DROPPED]

by fidelc123

Original HIATUS Action GameLit LitRPG Male Lead Virtual Reality
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity
  • Sexual Content
  • Traumatising content

This fiction is on Indefinite Hiatus, because I feel like the quality is dropping and I need some time to try other ideas and get inspiration. Follow the story of Jacob as he plays the first ever Virtual Reality Massively Multiplayer Online RPG (VRMMORPG) Asunder Online. This will be a bit slow paced at first, but will pick up later on. Now with TABLES! Warning: This series is tagged as Mature because it contains crude language. When the battle scenes start later on, expect some gore too. Note: This is my first written work. English is not my native language. I have tried to correct myself before submitting, but please point out any mistakes, plot holes and inconsistencies. Your comments are welcome! Copyright Notice: Asunder Online (and all its chapters) by fidelc123 (on royalroadl.com) is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License. http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/4.0/

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  • Pages :
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fidelc123

fidelc123

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Ingro
  • Overall Score

Very interesting with good world building

The story takes its time to build the background for the MC as well as the virtual world that the MC is operating in.

The story is very interesting and well written and makes for a very good read.  The chapter lengths are very good.

There are hits that both VR and RL are going to be important to the story.  I am definitely looking forward to more.

The only reason I'm not giving 5 stars at this point is that while the chapters are very good there are some minor areas that are confusing (presumably due to the lack of a proof reader).

JF41C0N
  • Overall Score

Finally a REAL antihero!

Taking aside the training arc (which is pretty much the same as every other VR) and a certain lack of character development (I personally think that taking the character development slow is a great choice the author made, although some people might not like it very much), this fanfiction is just awesome! Primarily because of the plot, which I'm enjoying very much (you'll have to read a LOT of chapters before there's really a plot though), but also because of the MC, the first true antihero I've seen so far on RR (most are too good, or just plain evil). He does the 'right thing', but also doesn't hesitate to kill for his benefit (It's only a game, for god's sake! No need to be so bitchy about NPCs lifes!).

It's a great read, that I recommend to anyone that's into VR stuff.

Fandii
  • Overall Score

Interesting story and long chapters. I like it so far. 

rosidbeken2
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i like the story until i forgot to give rating to it and just read it until the last chapter IoI

i like the story until i forgot to give rating to it and just read it until the last chapter!!!

-it have a good background story

-it’s really have a great start and have many potential

-the Author give complete Status menu bar that some of other fanfic can’t provide it to the reader are a plus for me

-the MC so Smart and Cool ?

-the MC Groing and become strong each battle and even make a skill while Battled

-the MC do the impossible thing than normal player rarely can do

-Many action, battle that feels real, some intense, some fun, some bring laugh, some so serious, some between life and death.

-I Can Guaranted it not lose with the best rated Fanfic in this site.

 

My hope just for the Author

-Fast chapter release

-Don’t ever lose hope if find a dead end to find a good story idea.

-Ignore flames that Ridicule your story and continue Write like normal until you Finished this Fanfic.  ?

-and maybe add the MC status box every end of the Chapter will make more reader Gratefull with the easiest thing your fanfic provide.

-lastly i saw you make a new Story, i just hope this Fanfic will still continue, even if you make a new one ^^

 

thx for your hard work to create this fanfic ^^

ElDani
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A good and comfortable read

I guess that's the best summary you'll get from me.

 

This story has kept me entertained through all of its 36 chapters so far and I'm looking forward to more of the same adventures in this beautifully crafted fantasy world. There are two small issues I have and they're the reason why I decided to write this feedback instead of sending only my vote.

 

First, the MC/protagonist in this story appears to have no self-control over his feelings and emotions at all. The way he always just barely stops himself from going ballistic really concerned me in the beginning, but by now it is only hilarious anymore. I know this has been part of his character from the very start, because I remember an outburst towards his mother in the first chapter, but it is still a bit strange. Some people may call him an anti-hero for his actions, but to me it feels a lot more like a man who never grew out of his little boy phase, throwing tantrums all the way. Frankly, in all my thirty plus years of life, I have never met a single person with an emotional hair trigger like this and if I had, I would've run the other way for fear of getting in the firing line when he finally snapped.

 

Second, the author's way of writing dialogue feels a bit lazy. The simple format of name: *emotion* "dialogue" works, it is even easy to read, but it could be so much more. One detail the author does not accept substitutes for are the in-game dialogue windows. They're all well crafted, consistent and make me feel like I'm a little bit closer to the game.

 

Compared to the many other stories here on Royal Road, the quality of writing is way above average and both the author and his/her proofreader(s) are to be commended. There's always room for improvement, but it is a lot better than I have come to expect here on this site.

Moridin
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Exceedingly Interesting

The entire concept is somehow refreshing. The style of writing is comfortable to read and pulls you in. The story itself is well planned and the progress from chapter to chapter is not too much without seeming to be slow and stagnant. Grammar is great, very well written. The character development seems slow but is slowly picking up. As it goes further I am sure character rating will become a five star as well.

 

Well done.

Haliax
  • Overall Score

Like others have mentioned, the start of this fan-fiction was very slow and bland. But this was not a bad thing, as you developed the world in ways that drew me in further and further the longer I read it. Please keep writing as this is turning into one of the best stories found on this website.

fidelc123
  • Overall Score

Please do provide feedback, it will help me improve. If you have any suggestions about character growth, plot progression among other things… Please do post your comments.

Gibster
  • Overall Score

Slowly builds up, worth the read

 This story seemed like a run of the mill vanilla VRMMO when I first started reading it.  I found it annoying and put it down a couple time.  About halfway through there started to be some serious plot development and some character development for the MC.  This story has a very slow start, but it is worth the read.

 

The characters leave something to be desired, but the action and game mechanics make it worth it.  The development of the MC's abilities is exciting and I am looking forward to reading more.

tommygun2024
  • Overall Score

If you're looking for fun, here it is

This story is just all around fun. It is the equivalent of a very well made action movie. You won't be blown away by the uniqueness of the concepts presented  or find your self in tears with emotion but you will find a great story which is consistently fun to read.