Headshot! - A Zombie litRPG novel

Headshot! - A Zombie litRPG novel

by MatthewSiege

Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity

Headshot! has just gone live, and the whole world's playing. Unfortnately, unless you can buy your way on to the Survivor's side, you can only participate as a Zombie. Every week the Apocalypse starts over, and every week the forces gather once more to tear each other down to the bone.

Ryan's played the Beta for months, but now that his favorite game has launched, he finds it consuming his time and his life, even as he struggles to decipher whether or not there's actually a way to succeed if you're not willing to Pay to Win...

(Author Note: I'll be putting up chapters as I write them, and once the whole thing's complete I'll leave it up for a little while prior to its publication on Amazon.)

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MatthewSiege

MatthewSiege

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drakan_glasses BE NICE! Fair critique is fair, but be respectful & follow the review rules. There will be no mercy.
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MrWiggles77
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No spoilers, all of this information can be found in the first 4~ chapters.

So, ultimately, the failure of this story is the completely unbelievable worldbuilding that the author has concocted. We're led to believe that the game the MC is playing is the greatest thing that has ever graced the gaming world, despite the fact that it costs $20,000 to play as survivors (wut?), there is no ability to communicate between the zombies, you're fully capable of dying even when not logged into the game, and the game resets every week. 

Ok, so WHY are these all bad things when you're trying to build up a believable world?

  1. Starting with the annual "fee", you supposedly have to pay 20,000 dollars every year just to play as a survivor. When I read that, all I could think was how small a size of the population would actually pay that amount for a brand new game whose developers evidently give 0 shits about the survival of their game if they're willing to make it so obviously pay to win. Thats the price of a car. To play as normal, communicating humans.
  2. And that leads into my second point: the zombies cannot communicate with one another. Online games have seen an explosion of interest and playerbase in the last 15~ years, and with those came MMORPGs, the most succesful of which is WoW. Do you want to know why a game like WoW is still played to this day by millions despite being 12 years old? Sure, part of it is of the gameplay, but a large chunk of it is the COMMUNITY. People like to play together, they like to group up and have fun with one another. Headshot!, which is apparently the most popular game in the world, completely does away with communication, interaction, and a general sense of camraderie between the 99% of the population who are playing as zombies. 
  3. Next up is that you can die while not even logged onto the game. Of all those zombies, how many do you think can actually afford to log in at the very start of the new in game week? How many are going to have to work during the day instead of playing? And when all these players log back in to find themselves dead, on the first or second day of the week, do you really think they will like the game and continue to play? Of course, the survivors don't have this issue, they're fully able to waste $20,000 just to be capable of playing around with guns, most would be rich enough to log on whenever they feel like. Thats not fun.
  4. Last up is that the game resets every single week. Uh, come again? So, there is no progression outside of the week? You just start over every week? That kind of game model would work for maybe 2 months, and then guess what? All those cash cows that forked over 20,000 dollars just to play a game? Yeah, they're going to get bored, and they're going to move on fast. Survivors aren't going to stick around to kill zombies every week just to have their progress reset. They're going to move onto a game that has real progression, not something as boring as Headshot! would be at that point.

All of these reasons, and plenty more, point to the fact that this game would be an incredibly niche product that would attract only the most hardcore of players for any large amount of time, and becuase the game locates you according to where you entered from the real world, a player would struggle to even FIND a survivor after a month or two. You've created a game where players would maybe be interested in playing a week or two, get bored, and then move on. There is zero chance it would ever become as big as you make it out to be. And thats where you failed, your story's entire premise is utterly unbelievable. 

TLDR: The author makes an unsustainable game model and seems to think it would be considered the best game in the world. It is completely unbelievable as an actual event that might happen, and it completely sucks any enjoyment out of this story that I may have found. If you care about having a believable world, or just one that doesn't completely take you for an idiot with how unreal it is, look for a different story. If you don't care about that, you might like the story, since its written moderately well.

PettyOfficer
Overall
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Character

First, I want to look at the good points. The narrator is good in telling his story and is a bit logical so plus. His grammar is mostly on point. Plus. A bit of excitement and eating people? Plus. So there is no reason for a 1/5 yet. But the real worldbuilding and gameworld? Big fail. 1/5 big time. Progression and actual story? Fail. Warning, the following content contains SPOILERS.

Here are some of the reasons before I address any other counterarguments:

1. Real-time playing. Really? This affects the real-world too much and puts too much a strain on people's mental and physical health. It isolates an already secluded society to be even more isolated. How can people have REAL lives if they're stuck living fake ones?

2. The realism goes too far. How can this game have passed any safety regulations? The zombie role clearly makes a person BLOOD-THIRSTY! They learn to stop breathing, to stay still, to bite the flesh of other humans, and to stagger around like a drunkard. Fail. Just a big fail how this game could pass safety regulations and people would like it. I wonder how many people got hurt or died in development? Probably none because of LOGIC. Sarcasm here.

3. Inactive but present players in-game where any troll can screw you up.

4. The hunger system being too fast and so negative. Why do zombies lose health so fast when they are hungry yet only gain speed to boot? Why not additional strength? They will die in the Headshot! because there is not enough food, seeing how SO MANY PEOPLE ARE PLAYING. This barely makes up for no hunger damage when logged out. Any player, be it zombie or survivor, can kill you. And hunger kills you too. Ridiculous.

4. Rich pay-to-play game. This is WAY too much. GUNS!?! GUNS!?! They already get GUNS!?! They can all blaze through town and all the Free-to-Play players would all die. NO ONE REALISTICALLY plays GAMES to get killed by snobbish rich people. At least, this is how the author describes the privileged who play as survivors. Just a flat character that is evil and deserves to die for some reason. It seems like the author has something against rich people. And seriously? What company that thrives MOSTLY on Pay-to-Play succeed? They're hardly fun and most people would get pissed off and quit or file complaints all over the game's discussion boards for the developers to change it. Sell-outs! they would all say.

5. And even in Beta, rich people were horrible. What person in their right mind would continue to play such a horrible game where you would most likely die over and over again to rich snobs? The author clearly said at the beginning there was only a single zombie type that did not progress. What the hell? How could so many people like that game if there was no point than to die at gunpoint???

6. I thought zombies were supposed to be WEAK! Consider how the author already said how FRAGILE zombies are that they can be beaten to bits by a 2 by 4! A hunk of wood and some elbow grease takes them down apparently but one survivor can't? What's the failure in that logic? 

7. The weekly reset. What real gamer in their right mind would want to play a game that spawns them weekly when they die? The dedicated few. And going off from what I read, the entire game gets reset or zombies do. So what's the point of progress? Even if that doesn't happen, survivors get a HUGE head start. Makes no point in trying when they learn how to kill all the zombies with their big macho guns.

8. Chapters. I have no idea why the author spread them out so much. Clearly, some chapters are meant to be linked together and are just gaps probably meant to get more views. I think if the author truly puts the story together, there will be only about 8-12 chapters instead of 19.

9. Narrator's damn obsession with Headshot! and how the game was developed throws everthing to shit. He talks WAY too much about it and it breaks his character. It's like he's a mindlessly brainwashed person... Oh wait... Zombies... liking this game... IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW! Only the braindead fans suck this stuff up. I still hate it and it makes little sense when it gets so much in the way of the story. It's like "cool, devs did this, devs did that, I love devs and love the game!" It's like a horrible promotion of a product. Think like the game Day One: Garry's Incident. Lots of promotion, seemingly good concept, but shitty execution and gameplay. It doesn't even work properly at times.

10. Game Progress. It feels like you go nowhere and is extremely tedious. Tedious to the point why did anyone want to play this game. I get that there is tension because it's survivors vs survivors vs zombies vs zombies. Everyone's out there to get you. But seriously? How has he not gotten the concept of hiding in the rafters? Waiting to literally get the drop on survivors? Poping out from the ground by holes? Making pitfall? Zombies are inexhaustable I guess so they can still use tools right? 

11. Moral considerations. It got so bad the narrator had to eat his girlfriend? That's disgusting and as bad as how the author portrayed rich people. "Just a joke" he said. Last time I heard about a prank dealing with death, a kid suicided because his girlfriend faked her own. Not cool. Not cool at all. Relationships like these will fall apart and ruin lives even more.

 

But I guess I can make some excuses for the author.

Here are some counterarguments:

1. Because there is real-time playing, to not affect real-life too much, a weekly duration for coming back to life is set.

2. Pansie rich people are too sheltered and panic OR zombies are too realistic and truly scary. Is why the survivor died.

3. Everyone hates the rich and wants them to die for the privilege. A lot of people, I think, like to see pompous and haughty rich people lose everything because they acted so horribly. Maybe they want to see the dying light leave their eyes? They're all murderous? I dunno.

4. Players can write, maybe. If zombies want to make a plan, draw and write it out. It's easier that way.

 

Either way, I'm done with this fiction and not continuing it. 19 "Chapters" of this is more than enough.

dragonace11
Overall

Ahhhh, reminds of when this novel WAS somehow put on the top 15 best rated.  That was when i found out how low a vast majority of this site's readers' standard is like seriously this got on the top 15 best rated a year or so back though then again by this point the author deleted all chapters of this awful garbage so i'm just going on by memory from when i read 10 chapters.

Cruxio
Overall

Horror alright! The story is ghastly

Shitty gameplay. Crapton of plot holes. Weak mc. And a lot of nerdy gushing about a shitty game. No progression. Unrealistic mentality(and they call it absolute reality lol). 

The HORROR!

DivineCat
Overall
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Story
Grammar
Character

I love it! ...

 

but most of the time I feel frustrated by the way it's screwing with his brain...

it also feels like you are dragging some things on longer than you should... 

plz fix the way it's screwing around with his brain... by maybe giving him a purpose with it like joining the eternals on an adventure far more mystical than he ever thought it would be....

 I feel awful after that cliff hanger...

im at chapter 31.... I think

edit: I'm at chapter 37 and I think whoever is reading this should read this story! ...it's worth reading!

lineheart
Overall
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Story
Grammar
Character

This story had a good concept that writen write could of been really good. Sadly tho, it was not. Right from the start there are problems. Like how did this game ever get this big? Why do we know nothing about the mc. Infact we learn just about nothing. Other than the devs hate there player base and just about no one would ever playthis game for more than a month. There are no human elements in the story. I can't relate to anything be it the mc or even liking this game. Everything is so far beyond suspension of disbelief that i can't put it into words. But i don't care if  a fantasy story is reslistic or deep in anyway. To me the most important thing in a story is if it is enjoyable to read. But when i read this story the only thing i can think of is, why does anyone play this game?

Traporte
Overall
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Character

I will begin this by saying that the author is a decent writer.  No complaints about grammar or characters here.  However, the setting is so innately flawed that any suspension of disbelief comes crashing down around you.  No one would ever make this game let alone play it, even for free.  Your concept of a zombie survival game is interesting but completely ridiculous.  You've taken a commentary on pay to win mechanics and dressed it up in such a fashion to make it a laughing stock.  In order to write a story about people playing a game, you should first come up with a game people would play.

Retrodude653
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  • Your story is great so far. I started reading it basically when the first chapter came out 2 hours ago and havent stopped, except to take a test in class, until i got to the end of chapter 14. Keep up the great work. I dont know if you had all of this prewriten or not but i would definitely like a steady stream of updates for this story.
Ilisle
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Firstly,  the story itself is interesting.  A zombie game where 99% of the players are zombies. Isn't it interesting? Who never wanted a zombie apocalypse to start on a boring day of there life?

While the information given in the beginning may have confused some, as you read on , the author gives you pieces of information that overides whatever you have thought in the beginning

So far, there are 2 characters introduced. The Main character and his ex-gf.

What we know of the MC is but a faction of his physic as it is not important in this story.

The story is centered around the game and as all zombies start looking the same(just imagine a zombie) what the MC looks like is just a small detail that we can overlook. 

Grammar, I have no complains.
Style, is smooth

Spoiler: Spoiler

 If you really want to read why i have a positif review of this story, look into the spoilers. At your risks.

 

Boartank
Overall
Style
Story
Grammar
Character

Think Resident Evil. Story Style is a First in RRL.

Fuck the guys who said the game mechanics are broken. It should be broken. Pay 2 Play are spending 20K USD per year to play this game as survivors while Free to Play gets to play as Zombies mobs who gets to level up to be stronger Zombies.

MC is F2P beta tester who had some experience with the game. His experience didn't matter much unlike those OP MCs in other novels. He probably tested the basics (walking, running, debugging, exploring in the beta) and that's it.

What we should focus at is his state of mind as he face situations like getting ambushed, ambushing, KS'd, unexpectedly given preferencial treatment by stronger zombies based on his contribution on a kill. He is slowly noticing some stuff irl like how the game affects people and especially how it affects him. The story is new and it's pretty obvious that there are A LOT MORE that's going to happen.

The events feel so real. Like a lucid dream. Words can barely describe it.

Give it a try.

(Review as of Chapter 22)