A note from Lord Joyde

It's a piece of sh*t. 5/5

Truly, you cannot find such garbage anywhere else. 

Review? If you aren't a crazy psycho you wont be able to read it anyway.

5/5 eternal pure madness.

Here are some random words for the 200 characters.

Lord Joyde The Madman: Heylo, everybody! How are you all doing?

Okay so I will admit that this is a test chapter, written on a computer at my new workplace.

So if there are errors or unusual mistakes, they can most likely be attributed to my lack of affinity with the new keyboard, computer...

... and honestly terrible internet connection.

EDIT: I take it back, the internet is weak but stable. The KEYBOARD though... its terrible.

Anyways, here comes the next chapter of Destiny: Infernal! I sincerely hope that you all enjoy, let us begin!

Don't mind me guys and girls! I'm just a line break...

A few hours later... - Forests Around Kilnchapel - Alice's Point Of View...

Despite my rather boisterous claims which I had made to my newly-introduced future husband, perhaps I should have taken Ulfo's warning about the current state of my soldiers. My army is exhausted, on its last legs.

And the few soldiers still capable of walking managed to get themselves either stoned on mushroom gas or completely and utterly drunk. All in order to celebrate the mayor and highly unlikely victory with minimal, if any real lossess. It seems that while there were people who lost limbs or had some rather unpleasant magical afflictions cast upon them during the battle...

Not one soldier actually died. Granted, the worst of the worst are as-of-yet unconscious and some may not wake up at all considering the rushed medical care that they were given but hey, I'd still call it a total victory.


Something tells me that I'm forgetting a very important detail.


Oh well, trouble for later, I suppose.

Anyways, this is what brings us to my current situation: stuck on the edge, a final barrier between a temperate forest and a boreal one.

The snow really does only reach so far and the climate difference can be visibly seen. It is a sudden and rather weird change, the scent of magic hanging thick in the air.

There was clearly something highly magical in nature affecting the climate of the lands sourrounding Kilnchapel but oh well, it seems to be currently working in my favor. Or it would have worked in my favor, if my decently-sized warband of tired men, mages and orcs wasnt standing on the opposite side of an undead army of zombies, skeleton warriors and skeleton archers.

And leading them was what looked to be a human man in a black robe and darkened cloth cowl, wearing black leather travelling boots, using a long staff that seems to have been purposefully charred in order to color it black yet didn't appear to have any real magical features. Well, one could tell that it was a weapon through which quite a bit of dark mana flowed through on a regular basis.

So, a somewhat experienced necromancer was leading a small army of around seventy-ish undead troops, with only twenty skeletons and the rest being zombies, all of which appeared to be rather recently.. acquired."Are we going to end this uncomfortable staring contest anytime soon?" The necromancer threw a question my way bearing a rather inquisitive tone which wasn't even slightly amused."I don't know. You tell me..."

Needless to say, we continued staring at each other. My exhausted troops were back on full alert, the red under their eyes becoming increasingly apparent as the moments went by."Okay so... you are a necromancer." My statement/question sounded stupid in my head. It was also stupid in reality. The man rolled his eyes and offered a rather expected response."And you are a child noble. Most likely the high lady which rules this county."

A nod was his answer."I am. Care to explain yourself, Mr Necromancer? As in, for instance, why exactly are you using a regular road to travel instead of, oh I don't know, stealthily traveling through the thick forest?"

His mouth opened and then closed, his expression appearing extremely dumbfounded."I-uh,.." He turned to look at his army of undead monsters."To be honest it didn't cross my mind but would a warband of this size really stay hidden within the confines of a forest?"

Shrugging, I answered his inquiry."Certainly more so than they are now, exposed in the open."

Several cursing sounds left the man as he readied his staff and took out a strange black book out of his robes, promptly revealing that he only had his underwear below it. How in the world did he manage to stay fine through all the cold with only so little clothing?... being a necromancer must offer some kind of frost resistance, which kinda makes sense now that I think about it."Anyways, we've both wasted enough of each others time so, lets do this and be on our merry way?"

I turned back to look at my soldiers and winced."... do we really have to fight? I'd rather just get both myself and my soldiers to Kilnchapel without a fight."

My soldiers all turned to look at me with flabbergasted expressions, with one of them raising their hand up in the air most likely to question my decision but I wasn't about to let him talk."We are exhausted. The Undead are, among other things, tireless."

"But miss, all we 'ave ta do is kill the guy in charge. The walking dead are animated through his will alone." The soldier in question responded anyway as I turned to blink."... his will alone? You mean as in the corpses dont have trapped souls inside of them? How exactly do you know this?"

The soldier shrugged, yet another of my men answered for him, an orc."It be de eyes, boss-lady. Wen dey not glow, de ded ar' soul'ess." Turning back towards the undead army, I finally took note of this very important detail. The eyes of the dead were empty, without any form of glow."Not skeletons, just animated bones and corpses."

The necromancer snorted and ignited some form of blackened flame on the tip of his staff."Don't matter. They're still tireless and you are not!"

I let out a massive sigh."I still don't want to fight." My decision was sent with a tone of finality, causing both my soldiers and the necromancers horde to lower their weapons instantly."Ah! Well, don't let me stop you then, ladies first and all that." The necromancer moved to the left side, with all of his troops mimicking his actions without the slightest misstep. He is... honestly, I can't tell if this guy is a master on the verge of lichdom or an apprentice.

"Before that, I want to know where you are going, mister Necromancer. After all, I've already told you our destination, so its only fair." The man grumbled incoherently yet seemed to nod in acceptance."I have felt an aura of death in the direction of Marrowdorf so I'm traveling there in hopes of finding a master necromancer and ask him to make me his apprentice."

An aura of death?..."Erm.. may I please ask as to how these auras of death form?"

He quirked an eyebrow towards me."Well, there are multiple ways one such aura could form; the presence of a master necromancer being the first and foremost, a giant pile of unburned corpses would be a close compettitor-"

Giant pile of unburned corpses."SHIT! THE CORPSES!" My soldiers immidiatelly responded by becoming panicked as we all came to a horrible realization: we didn't burn the corpses."Okay, now its my turn to ask you a question: why is everybody suddenly panicking?"

"Erm, mister necromancer, lets say that the aura of death has formed because of a giant pile of corpses... what... aftereffects can one such pile have on the sourrounding enviroment if left unattended?" He blinked and then his expression turned utterly horrified."You mean apart from the obvious development of deathly diseases, viral pathogens and the like? Well, there is always the chance that it might attract a horde of ravenous natural and uncontrollable undead monsters like ghouls or varghouls and perhaps one or fifteen aspiring necromancers but oh, I'm sure that its nothing you need to worry about at all, young miss!"

I bit my lip in frustration as I turned towards my loyal soldiers and sighed."Damm, looks like I'll be missing out on some school classes this week. Oh well, this takes priority and the academy wasn't really all that high on my list anyways."

I pointed towards the first soldier who talked to me."You there, what is your name soldier?"

"Argon Lissarn, milady." He replied with a uncertain salute and confused expression."Right. You are hereby promoted to the rank of captain. It'll be your job to get these soldiers to Kilnchapel and secure a place for you all to rest. Here, you can have my amulet of Vytar as temporary proof of rank." I threw the amulet into the soldiers hands which he easily caught and saluted."Alright but... what will you be doing in the meantime, ma'am?"

"I'll be following our necromancer friend back to the battleground site." The necromancer, and my soldiers, blinked in utter confusion at this little reveal."... and what exactly do you hope to accomplish by doing so?" He questioned my intentions with a quirked eyebrow.

Instead of answering his question directly, I asked the necromancer a question of my own."Say necromancer, would you perhaps be looking for lawful employment?"

Suddenly, without any warning whatsoever, the entirety of the necromancers army broke down. Zombies withered to ash instantaneously and skeletons kinda just... flopped onto the forest ground. The necromancer tilted his head in confusion."I'm sorry, what?..."

Ah, the undead were bound and animated by his will alone.. so when that will gets shutdown, their binding goes with it."I said: Are you looking for a proper job?" I repeated the insane question as if it were the most natural thing to do. The necromancer blinked and shook his head."I'm too sane for this shit...  exactly what kind of job would you possibly have open to hire me for, anyways?"

"Well, since you managed to explain the potential dangers that a giant pile of corpses may or may not represent to its sourrounding area, I figure you might also know of ways to propely dispose of one such giant pile of corpses." He blinked and nodded."And you would be correct.. hm, maybe you arent as crazy as I thought."

"Don't second guess that, my friend. Things are going to go much more smoothy if you just settle for me being insane." Was my rather scarily-immediate reply as the man did a double take, turned around towards the giant mess that was formerly his little army and then shrugged towards me."Well, you already managed to unwillingly shatter my hard-built army so its not like I have much else to do at this point. I might as well accept the job... Might I inquire about my monthly wage?"

"How does two gold per month plus ten gold per solved crisis or problem sound?" His neck visibly tilted once more, eyes widening in utter stupefaction."Right... I guess that makes me a.. Court Necromancer?"

I placed a finger on my chin in thought."How about Court Death Priest?"

A blink, no make that several before the man eventually nodded in approval."Hn. I admit defeat. Death Priest sounds way better. Anyways, last question, may I know my would-be-employers name?"

"Alice Pendragon, ... mister?..." I urged the man to answer, to which he responded to with an immidiate straightening of his normally bent-backed posture and a rather curt bow."Jovan Morque, at your service milady!"

"Well then Jovan, please grab yourself one of our free horses and follow me!... we have an entire battlefield to incinerate." He blinked and then asked."Uh, how large of a battlefield are we talking about here exactly?"

"Eh, about four thousand or so dead..." His jaw literally hit the floor."F-.. f--... four thousand?..."

He swallowed down hard."... oh dear."

 Don't mind me guys and girls! I'm just a line break...

 And that is it for this chapter of Destiny: Infernal!

I hope you've enjoyed it.

Like I said, this is a testing chapter... sorry that its average size, a decent 2k words which is higher than my small chapters and less that my normal ones.

Oh well. At least this confirms that I can use this to waste time while on the job as I wait for all the antivirus programs and anti-spyware to run their course on all the computers.

As per usual, I shall stay online for a time to edit out mistakes and answer early comments!

 Anyways, read and review! And Good Morning/Day/Night to you all! ADIOS FOR NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A note from Lord Joyde

While its true that ALICORNFATER reviewed this story some time ago, I don't think that I've had the chance to actually post his work-of-art up above.

So there it is.

It is truly..

A wonderful piece of shit! XD

Support "Destiny: Infernal [DISCONTINUED]"

About the author

Lord Joyde

  • Požega
  • Mad One

Bio: Rage and Insanity incarnate.

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