Searching for Salvation
- Traumatising content
Reincarnation is a tough thing to deal with, isn't it?
Especially when the new body is at the bottom of the food chain.
So, yes. This is Eff*ed up. So, very, thoroughly.
There is a notification window? Is this- is this really a Eff*ing game?
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Story: I like the general plot. Starting as an insect, being reincarnated, killed by his wife, living through the wild, it's solid. There doesn't need to be an overarching epic plot, because the plot is simply, "Live". I quite like that.
Grammar: Fine, no noticable errors that aren't style driven.
Character: This is where I start to have a problem. The main character has no brain. He is making stupid mistakes often. Way too often. It's understandable for the first few, like getting over confident, or forgetting something. But he is consistently making the same mistakes over and over and only surviving through sheer dumb luck. Then he gets way too hyperactive about everything. Why is he so shocked after EVERY SINGLE NOTIFICATION. When you have multiple in a row, he either ignores them, or gets overexcited, tells himself to calm down, then get's over excited 2 sentences later before telling himself to calm down again. It's ridiculous! He has no personality right now, he is an over excitable bug who acts more like a bratty teenage girl and has a "Stubborn" trait that should really be changed to "Stupid".
Style: This is mostly generic but fine. The biggest problem I have, is the harry potter refrences. Holy god do they detract from the story. This is kind of in combination with Character, but how in the hell is this main character supposed to be Harry Potter? He acts nothing like Harry, has never heard of video games despite being raised in the muggle world as a teenager, and was supposedly murdered by Ginny!? WTF!? Anytime you bring up Voldemort, or Hedwig, or Hogwarts, it just pulls the reader out of the story completely. I think this story would be perfectly fine if it had references to the Harry Potter universe, I think the spells are quite creative actually, but taking such an icon and shoving him into this story just does not work. It's like if you wrote the divergent books, but actually the main character was a reincarnated katniss everdeen who constantly referenced the hunger games, acted nothing like herself, but nothing else changed. It's shoving something unnecessary into a perfectly fine story on it's own, simply because it's "Cool".
Summary: You have a good book here, the story is solid, you have good writing, and a direction. The protagonist needs to be reworked to have more nuanced emotions, and to have more human sensibilites written into him, but he is still fixable. But the Harry Potter refrences greatly detract from the story, causing jolts that interupt reading flow, frustrate Harry Potter fans, and seem like a tacky add on just to get views.
P.S. Sorry if this review is a bit rambly, I'm normally a bit better about that. I'm just tired, having just gotten off work, but wanted to write this before I went to sleep to get my thoughts down as fast as possible while the story is still fresh in my mind.
Grammar is almost spot on, no glaring errors.
I enjoy the conflict in the beginning, a real man vs. wild feeling.
I feel that for me, the Harry Potter references detract from an otherwise enjoyable story.
When you finally make him connect to his magic and give him a smorgasboard of new and op skills... It just seems a bit of a waste, considering that your story was flowing fine before that.
I will continue to read it to see where you plan to take it.
If you like this type of setting then you'll enjoy this, I mean you got good grammar? CHECK!
Laser beams? CHECK! (oh wait, wrong fiction) *ehem*
Since I haven't seen much of Harry Potter I can't tell who our MC is suppose to be and I felt left out as the author didn't tell us for whatever reason, but I got over it and now that I think about it, knowing who the MC was would probably break my immersion, but I'm just guessing. I also don't know what his spells do except for the obvious sounding ones like "incendio" and that makes me look forward to seeing the rest of his spells, an anticipation Harry Potter fans will not experience.
This is a grinding type of story will interesting elements that doesn't make it boring but honestly my half hearted review does not do this fiction justice, so just read it if you like the aforementioned tags and evolution, no meddlesome Gods which is typal of reincarnation, an MC that feels real despite their multipe, multiple faults(I said it twice because it's a lot of faults) and character growth(well I'm at chapter 14 and so far the author is hinting a lot, like a spoon full of character growth)
His inner struggles as can be annoying as they're caused by an outside force that is not easy to deal with, though he tries So you got to have tolerance for silly mistakes and patience for that character growth.
I was enjoying your story up until Chapter 5 when he went from intelligent insect to Harry Potter. Completely took me out of the story and I feel like the addition of those abilities along with the HP character made the story go from interesting to boring over the course of a few lines.