- Sexual Content
- Traumatising content
Jay Wright was and Astronaut that is until he was captured by aliens on a routine mission. The alien that captured him were the Dragoons from the planet Drogonov. The Dragoon have a low birthrate for females in their race. Fearing extinction, they go around the universe kidnapping other species turning them into female dragoon hybrids. None of their test subject have survived. That is until they met Jay. Now that they found a patient zero. They want to find Earth and use it as a breeding farm. Jay mange’s to escape because a pirate ship happens to pass buy. The Pirate board the ship and capture everyone including Jay. The captain want to speak to her and It turns out The Captain is also a mysterious Dragoon named Drayden Leviathan. Captain of the Ship the Salamander one of the most natorious of pirates in the universe. With very few options left Jay Joins theses pirates and travels the universe. With the entire Dragoon army on their tails. She meets friends and enemies. Join Jay on her Adventure through the Universe
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I find the story enjoyable. Although it has many, many flaws.
Starting with the story itself. The writher takes a lot of inspiration of One Piece, still waiting for the captain to yell he wants to become the pirate king. Some aspects of the story are what shallow, but I believe this story could be very entertaining if the some other problems are solved.
As for the style it is simplistic nothing wrong with that, keep it that way as another style could easily worsen the story. Yet I do have some complains, the fight scenes for example sometimes look like a tea party where people tell each other their life story. It is a comedy so some elements I get, but come on, nine sentences of speech in a battle. it is overkill (given this was the worst case I could remember). A way to improve this is to make it flashbacks, this way the reader can still learn about their past, but the battles do not feel like some tea party.
Grammar, I honestly do not know where to start. Perhaps by the most common and in my eyes the most stupid mistake grammar mistake: your instead of you are or you’re. There are also some conjugation mistakes it is kind off irritating. In some sentences whole words miss. Spelling mistakes are bountiful for example: piolot instead of pilot. Please do your readers a favour and write your story in Word or something with spelling control. Afterwards read your own story before you post it. or get a proof-reader/editor. What the heck I enjoy the story enough, I volunteer.
As for the characters they are fun, the right amount of foolish, except the girls they are all crazy spot on. For a comedy perspective you could really use a strait-man (with a strait-man I mean someone who puts the jokes into perspective. You already started to somewhat do this in your later chapters so keep it up). With this strait man the craziness becomes more fun. (I really hope this made some sense).
Like I said the story is enjoyable but not great. I really hope you can do something with my critic and that the story may only become better and do not dare to stop. Also if you want to take me up on the offer of proof reader sent me a PM.
A sorta enjoyable read, there are just MANY flaws that really drag down the story.
Grammar and writing style are the main problems here, with the chapters showing that the author has no intent to improve or proofread his writing at all, so basically it is hopeless.
A quick read will show that this novels is like a typical Shonen fanfiction with space setting and sex added on. Also has a LOT of story elements from popular manga's.
So if you are looking to read for something and do not care about quality at all, this could be a potentional read.
I enjoyed it. There are a few things that are irritating, like how the author chooses to write like it's the script of a play by having the character's name written in front of their dialogue. I have always preferred a more descriptive method to identify character speech.
their are occasionally typos or spelling errors as well, in some cases a word may be consistently misspelled as if the author thinks that is how the word is spelt. On top of that, there can be confusing sentence structure and repeat phrases. Things aren't tragically horrible like some 5th grader with a seizure, but it isn't great either. All around proof reading for the entire story would do wonders on improving this problem.
some other problems is that a few occasions have shown that the author's writing can be a bit clumsy or forced in ways that seem to say that the author is uncomfortable with writing a particular scene. This is most noticible when you get to the first sex scene. Honestly that was the only time I felt it wasn't worth reading. Everything happened so quickly and what should have been a moment of passion and first time experiences instead feels robotic and unrealistic. I think even the author realized how bad the scene was as afterwords, he tends to breeze over the sex scenes from then on, merely saying that things are happening and jumping past the moment.
despite all these problems in the story, it still manages to push all the right buttons for me. I find myself laughing at the rediculous moments and cheering when something epic happens. Even when said epic scene is cheesy as fuck. Joining a pirate crew and having fun throughout the galaxy is a nice change of pace from the usual magical universes I find myself reading through.
If you are looking for a story specifically to experience light hearted story telling then this might catch your interest as well. The bad guys are obviously bad and get what's coming to them, the good guys get into plenty of trouble and come out okay at the end. I don't have to stress out about if my favorite character is gonna die or not, instead I am more worried on whether or not that perverted scumbag is gonna get kicked in the balls or kicked through a wall.
This is a genderswap story, another one that completely ignores the emotional side of things. It also is a fantasy scifi. The writing and characters are both fairly shallow. The sentances and grammar structure are very simplistic. I would recommend rewriting a lot of the first chapter, and rewriting the rest of the chapters to include both your gender swap confusion and race swap confusion. A story of this nature deals with some very involved emotional turbulence, and there is none. Hence the dissapointment.
this story when i first saw it's name and discription i thought it wasn't gonna like it. but when i started reading it i found out that this story was actually really fun and binged the story (up until chapter 60 that's the latest at the time i'm writing this). i don't really know what it is about this story that i like so much, but once i started i just couldn't stop reading and now that i'm done i can't help but want more.
P.S if you were expecting a good or serieus review than i'm sorry to dissapoint you.
P.P.S sorry for the bad grammar and spelling i'm dead tired and bad in english.
You need to revise the preview. It's kind of hard to tell if Jay is male or female. When you refer to Jay as, "he" "her" "she"