When Plush comes to Shove
An: So the last synopsis wasn’t really all that good, it was just some mumbo jumbo with no actual point to it so I decided to make a new one that’s a bit more accurate.
Leo Lush, just your average everyday (slightly chubby) schmuck, or at least he would be if he didn’t carry around a stuffed toy everywhere he went.
I mean, he was a man who could read the atmosphere a bit so put it away in his bag whenever having a stuffed toy out would be rude but other than that he brought it with him all the time, it was a memento from his girlfriend who had died three years ago and keeping it close made him feel better.
That’s also why his classmates gave him the nickname “Plush”, though that's neither here nor there.
One day at the train station he’d lost his dearest stuffed toy, one of his classmates found it and lobbed it towards him, something that they’d already done many times before, but this time something went wrong and Leo found himself falling in front of the train due to the force of the throw.
Now follow Leo as the spirit that developed in his stuffed toy and killed him forces his ghost into another world to possess a different stuffed toy.
He doesn’t know much about the world or why he’s there but what he does know is that according to a magic book his girlfriend was also sent to this very world when she died in a plane accident three years ago.
An: For those who want to know a bit more about what kind of story this will be: I want it to be a chill feel-good story and stay as far away from those despair-fest stories as possible (No offense to people who enjoy them, I’m just not one of you)
Let me make something clear; I’m not writing this story with hope of it becoming really top tier among RRL (Though it did get above rank 500 once which I’m still very proud of even though it’s gone back down to ~850 at the time of writing this) I just want to write a story that I would enjoy reading, that’s why I’ll be mostly skipping over a lot of the parts that I skip when I read other stories, such as stats, the exact value of money and other such precise statistics that no one(as far as I’m aware) really cares about all that much. Just feels like a lot of effort for something superfluous.
There’s a single exception and that’s one of the battles, it’s not a despair-fest or anything but it’s got a different feel than the rest of the story due to me being in a funky mood while I was writing it.
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Let me clarify in this preamble, that this review is entirely my own opinion and even though I feel like one could and should take away something from this, I would encourage any and all constructive criticism.
I have read every chapter thusfar, dating this review to chapter 31.
Every author's style is a unique way of trademarking their written work, as it can provide exceptional power to language. Karl's signature style up until this point has mostly been a youthful excitement, often found with starting authors. Skipping over seemingly 'boring' parts that they clearly find unnecessary to address and focusing only on vital information, creates an informal storyteller that feels as though they are overexcited to show the reader the rest of the plot. Personally, I feel as though the author could do with some general slowing down and reiterating what they want to convey.
I feel as though this rushed excitement also finds its way into the actual story. Plot holes, however small they may be, are just glanced over before returning to the more 'interesting' parts. I would, however, commend the author on the rather unique racial setting of the main character. A story that most closely resembles such a scenario is Kuma Kuma Kuma Bear, and even that is not really similar. Sadly, many cliches have snuck their way into the world, in the form of a traditional adventurer guild with laid back employees and a stressed guildmaster.
I personally am unable to bear reading stories with too many spelling mistakes or grammatical errors in them. This surely has quite a few, but they are not as painfully obvious and apparant that made me want to throw up, like so many stories on this website do. Typos are also a regular patron in your little bar, so it could really do with some editing or generally checking before posting.
Now this is a hard one. On one hand, I want to encourage all writers out there to not go for the cliche perfect psychopath who somehow is liked by everyone, but on the other hand the author still put some elements of such characters in the story. The intrinsic motivation behind the main character's actions is to find some vaguely described loved one that died tragically in the past. I see what you tried to do, with him being faithful to her memory and carrying the plushy, but when he finds out she's in the same world, he doesn't seem that emotional. Even though you clearly stated you wanted to keep this fiction light-hearted and free of emotional rollercoasters, it's impossible to do when you create such backstories for your characters!
That's what I miss in this story, the actual emotion. The characters are slaves to their traits and features, instead of being real people.
Anyway, I did read all the chapters, so the story still has me hooked even with the aforementioned flaws. I sincerely hope the author takes away some good advice from this, and the same goes out to all prospective readers.
You wont find a new wave of literary genius here. You wont be blown away by the life-like characters. You will, however, find a rather enjoyable perfectly average story, fit for a light-hearted adventurer.
I'm not really sure what to say, the story is not bad, or anything, but it is not great either, your writing is nice and the characters are good too. But there is just nothing happening, the author wrote very early on, that they were concerned with giving the MC to many abilities to fast, but in my opinion that is not the problem, they could easily give him more abilities. The problem for me is more that he does not really use them, at least not in an interesting way, which comes back to the "nothing really happens" point.
Sure he does around on and event travels but really that is not interesting, there may be a semblance of adventure or even action (though the fights were incredibly boring).
But for me, it feels more like a boring slice of life. And having read up to chapter 46, I don't really feel expectant for what is to come. It is not interesting enough to follow, and I'm not sure if I will continue reading if I happen to end up on this fiction on a later date.
There are just no great or epic happenings, even now, while I could tell you what happened, there really is no "fond memory" of any cool or epic moments. Just a "he walked there, he talked to that and walked somewhere else", and while the abilities have quite the potential and in the beginning, I was really expectant of seeing what cool ways to use them there were, that never happened, no real challenges or opportunities for his abilities to shine.
It's a readable story. There is sone really dry puns, that might give a slight smirk once in a while. Not really my style. It's a creepy doll story, but with extra fluff.
The grammar is decent, the author works on it and for the most part paragraphs are medium to short. Chapter length medium to short.
The plot is pretty simple, no curveballs, no psycological planning, no turns, or neat gimmicks. The story score mostly reflects how well the style matches the plotline. Having said that, its readable but got kinda blah. Standard reincarnation story with no death trauma.
The style of writing is ok, its standard viewpoint switching. The author doesn't seem to be able to incorporate more than 1 viewpoint into the writing cohesively.
The MC gets overpowered very quick, there is also no lasting death trauma, or real emotional baggage which effects any characters. Standard shallow characters all across the board. No depth , no mysteriousness.
Its fun as a novelty story, but gets old quick.
Style: You have a nice flow to your writing style, which allows the reader to easily get sucked in. My main complaints with it is actually your author notes. They clutter and interupt the chapters. I reccomend maybe keeping them in spoilers and not putting any in the middle of paragraphs, only at the beginnning or end.
Story: There kinda isn't one right now? Like he has a goal, but that's about it. But I can see the story forming slowly so I think as long as you keep this pace, everything will be fine. Just remember that any mysteries you create, you must resolve somehow. It's fine to have a few loose ends, but there's a lot of questions right now that will need answering soon.
Grammar: Fine, and shockingly I actually aprove of the colored text. Normally I despise it when people color code, but since you're only using it for one character when he speaks a certain way, it really doesn't bother me that much. But I suggest maybe changing it to italicized letters or bold, as color can really turn people off.
Character: I like the main character, he's your typical happy go lucky kind. But he's going to need some serious character progression to make him truly unique, as right now he's just kind of bland. The only conflicts we know he has internally or externally don't seem to affect him much. My main problem is the side characters. You expanded to roster so fast, and so now I don't know anything about any of them, or what they look like, or even their names. I suggest cutting it down heavily, or spending a lot more time on them. You don't need POV shifts, just let their actions speak towards their personallities and let them have little side arcs that happen in the background. And finally, the dragonfly fairy thing. Is so. Damn. Annoying. I don't mind her being hyper or lazy or gluttonus or any of that, it's the way you write her speech and actions. She just sounds like a shrieking witch in my head, which doesn't make her a likeable character, and as she looks like she's going to be around for all the story, you're going to want to fix that. She doesn't even need to be likeable per say, just relatable. Right now she's just like some bitchy teenage girl with an obnoxious voice feeloading off the main character and complaining when he does something she doesn't like. You can keep her this way for a little bit, but you're going to want to develop her character arc heavily, or she will just become a nusance that takes away from the story.
Overall: I think you're a talented beginner writer who just needs some practice. You have great ideas, you just need to work on some of the execution. Make sure you've made an outline for how you want the story to progress, before it gets away from you. As dumb as this may sound, make sure you have a beginning middle and end to things. You have a good beginning, but middle and end is often where people falter. Don't fall into that trap. Keep up the good work, and good luck.
really good adventure comedy
Alright so here comes the review:
Style: It is good, not unique but enjoyable nonetheless.
Story: It is interesting but there is no real plot at the moment. There are things that the mc wants to do but it isn't like super important.
Grammar: It is really good, have not found a mistake myself.
So the characters are funny and enjoyable. The mc is a non-human but he is good portrayed and the way he sees the world is fun. Side characters are also fun and they have some backstory/depth
All in all this is a relaxing story to read with some funny moments in it. If you like these kind of stories here you go, if you do not like these kinds of stories you should still check it out