Original HIATUS Fantasy Sci-fi Cyberpunk LitRPG Magic Male Lead Martial Arts Strategy
Warning This fiction contains:
  • Gore
  • Profanity

World setting:

 Game world-Gods came back after millennia of war against the darkness in order to re-forge humanity to face the coming end. They brought back a few of the creatures of myth and legends from the frontier realms to earth in order to adapt them for the coming days.

And the best tool for the job is humanities imagination.

  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score
  • Total Views :
  • 14,627
  • Average Views :
  • 2,438
  • Followers :
  • 139
  • Favorites :
  • 13
  • Ratings :
  • 33
  • Pages :
  • 92
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Author
zecond

zecond

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Word Count (VIII)
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Brezer
  • Overall Score

Like the story I hope we see more soon. Was kind of thrown off with the whole vie thing but your making it work out. 

Justin84201
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  • Style Score
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  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

Some good stuff. Highly recommend.

 This story overall is probably my favorite (at the moment, might change).

The story is a well built story and might need some tweaks but the author does a great job of telling it, though im only on chapter six. there is currently some great foreshadowing that gets me hyped for what this story has to tell. the grammer is pretty amazing and i havent noticed any major mistakes, but the minor ones are easily ignored and i barely noticed half of the time the story just kept most of those distactions at bay. Anyway i recomend this story to any one who wants a good read. I hope the author sees this and it will increase his motivation to keep this great story going.

bugbite
  • Overall Score
I really appreciate the way the main character is written and
Karthas077
  • Overall Score
  • Style Score
  • Story Score
  • Grammar Score
  • Character Score

Really needs some work

Score Breakdown:

Style (2/5): The major problem with the writing style of this story is the serious problem with pacing. Every sentence feels rushed and blended together like one massive stream of consciousness with no thought to structure or tension. It feels like the author was scared to allow his readers a chance to take a breath. What little dialogue feels awkward and stilted, and the internal thoughts of the character don't seem to have a voice that's distinct enough from the narration to warrant their inclusion.

Story(4/5): Just going off raw plot points seemed pretty standard for a LitRPG. Interesting premise, with a fairly bog-standard "suddenly monsters" intro, and a gradual learning of how the system was set up. Not much to say here.


Grammar(3/5): Readable, but not comfortably so. Part of this ties into the pacing problem, and part of this is the fairly frequent spelling/grammar errors. By itself this would be annoying but not a deal breaker.

Character(2/5): The main character feels extremely under-developed. Everything we know about him, from his backstory to what type of person he is, is info-dropped in a very abrupt manner. Could be vastly approved by taking a "Show, don't tell" approach to character development.

Overall (2.5/5): Initially I was quite interested in reading a LitRPG with a Mass Effect flavor. Unfortunately, while this story technically meets those requirements I would not recommend it to anyone. This story very much so feels like someone who is extremely new to writing just jumping in head first without taking the time to revise or edit his or her work. In desperate need of revision and beta readers who aren't afraid to tell the author when things aren't working.